"Listening is not enough for them to learn a foreign language"

PA charter school Chinese language class celebrates the year of the monkey with cultural program. Revisionists denounced, democracy advocates slaughtered.

And, Rowland must go.

"They stop kids, snatch belongings and even sneer at you"

Like Fisk to thugs, anti-human activist Kartik Satyanarayan explains why Delhi monkey attacks are all our fault.

And, Rowland must go.

"biological changes over time"

Georgia bureaucrat attempts to fool creationists by renaming evolution, declaring Damnatio Memoriae on Darwin.

And, Rowland must go.

"shrunken monkey heads constructed from secondhand fur coats"

Flush with their victory preventing lifesaving research, anti-human activists take on the world of crap art.

And, Rowland must go.

"Mechanical hair removal is the most popular treatment option"

I am not an animal, I am an excessively hairy human being.

And, Rowland must go.

"torn, tattered towel in a tree"

Florida Hindu family, homeowners association, flag featuring Hanuman (the monkey god), the ACLU.

And, Rowland must go.

"Malaysia declined to comment"

Cameroon to begin extradition proceedings for 'Taiping Four'.

And, Rowland must go.

"The demagogue is a monkey with a shotgun"

¡Muerte a Fidel!

And, Rowland must go.

Common marmosets, no better than they should be

How monkeys hook up, in case you wanted to know.

And, Rowland must go.

"I've got these long arms and body hair"

Oh good, political opera, with people playing chimps.

And, Rowland must go.

"the uncanny ability to pick the winner of football games"

Orangutan-Super Bowl connection.

And, Rowland must go.

Muyambi, Malaika, Nyampazi, Kasya, Rwamutwe, Kafuruka, Noel Kaconco and Kwesiima

Eight baby gorillas named by the acting chief warden at Bwindi National Park.

And, Rowland must go.

"the Disney film team working in northern Canada paid local children to collect live lemmings"

Reality not like nature programs, says Sir David Attenborough.

And, Rowland must go.

"funded by the National Institute of Mental Health and the University of Iowa"

When monkeys listen to monkeys it's like people listening to people, says Iowa prof.

And, Rowland must go.

Khoratpithecus piriyai

Seven to nine million years year old fossil of orangutan relative found in Thailand.

And, Rowland must go.

"keepers decided to remove a birth-control implant from the baby's mother in August"

Like Looe Monkey Sanctuary, St. Paul's Como Zoo has an unexpected arrival.

And, Rowland must go.

'the monkey that represents “good fortune” will cease to exist if drastic measures are not put in place'

Chinese golden monkey said to be near extinction.

And, Rowland must go.

"This is the third major attack in the last 10 days"

Grim aftermath of Monday's Delhi monkey attack.

And, Rowland must go.

"I was a wrestler"

One-man goon squad Al Franken promises Atomic Monkeyflip to next heckler he catches.

And, Rowland must go.

"this decision is saying that violence and illegal protest works"

More on the Cambridge copout.

And, Rowland must go.

"how Uganda is perceived in the major tourist source markets"

Ireland tells Uganda, "if you build it, they will come."

And, Rowland must go.

"It’s bulky and hard to load"

Dublin, GA police on the lookout for stolen inflatable gorilla.

And, Rowland must go.

"They’re smelly"

New Hampshire animal wrangler maintains a varied menagerie.

And, Rowland must go.

Good Old-Fashioned Nightmare Fuel

A kiddy book about a baby gorilla that catches meningitis.

And, Rowland must go.

"Rusti was abandoned by his abusive parents"

Kualoa Ranch gives up on plans to house orangutan, he stays at "marginally acceptable" facilities at Honolulu Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

"sent threatening letters and had their cars torched"

Cambridge surrenders to terror.

More, more, and more.

And, Rowland must go.

"the contraceptive did not last the two years it was meant to"

Woolly Monkey at UK's Looe Monkey Sanctuary gives birth, despite contraceptive implant.

And, Rowland must go.

"right now it's full"

California National Primate Research Center at UC Davis to expand.

And, Rowland must go.

"Attacks on children by monkeys are not new in Delhi"

Monkey kills two-month-old girl in Delhi.

And, Rowland must go.

"striking similarity"

Via Seattle Post Intelligencer's Microsoft Blog, compare and contrast the Dean Squeal vs. Monkeyboy Ballmer Holler.

And, Rowland must go.

"75 per cent had wildlife or animal sources"

Feel sick? Blame an animal!

And, Rowland must go.

Wanna banana?

Chiquita looks to sell Columbia banana growing and shipping facilities.

And, Rowland must go.

"It's clear that we have made a big underestimate of the numbers in Borneo"

Census finds twice as many orangutans on Sumatra and Borneo as thought. Extinction within 20 years predicted, pay no attention to the count.

And, Rowland must go.

"that sense of hopefulness diminished when she returned"

California woman can't leave well enough alone, regardless of situation or species.

And, Rowland must go.

Organ-harvesters taking inventory

Chinese courts sentence monkey poachers.

And, Rowland must go.

"a lot of touching and smelling of hands"

UK university student spends six weeks studying wildlife, wild life, in Zimbabwe.

And, Rowland must go.

"You could tell from their faces they are losing hope"

Orangutan preservation will trickle down to other species, money-hungry NGOs suggest.

And, Rowland must go.

"The bravest, most famous monkey ever was probably Gordo"

Monkey news roundup from Charleston Daily Mail.

And, Rowland must go.

"He has already started collecting stamps with chickens and roosters for next year"

Singapore Philatelic Museum exhibits monkey-oriented stamp collection.

And, Rowland must go.

"Since they don't know the sex of the animal, it has not yet been named"

New Golden Lion Tamarin at Rosamond Gifford Zoo in Syracuse.

And, Rowland must go.

"We humans don't have tails either, do we?''

Tama Zoological Park chimps use their own vending machine.

And, Rowland must go.

"Two new baby mountain gorillas were born in Rwanda and Uganda on 25 December 2003"

Mountain gorilla population continues to climb.

And, Rowland must go.

"The monkeys are an unusual-looking bunch"

Oakland Zoo gets cotton-top tamarins, all the rage this year, it seems.

And, Rowland must go.

"1776, the year our nation was born, was also a year of the monkey"

Worst. Tarzan. Yell. Ever.

And, Rowland must go.

"A member of the public spotted her in a nearby park"

Spurred on by recent simian escapes, an elephant briefly escapes Auckland Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

"The second bandit was described as missing a front tooth"

Tennessee stickup man gets in the Year of the Monkey spirit.

And, Rowland must go.

"We had to anaesthetise them first"

On the other hand, if this is how a Chinese safari park treats their monkeys, maybe the damned tranzis should win this round.

And, Rowland must go.

"Wildlife Conservation Society said the project would reflect negatively on Uganda"

Uganda's Ministry of Tourism, Wildlife and Antiquities plans to send three chimps to China, internationalist chimp "experts" emit Dean-like squeal because they're not in charge.

And, Rowland must go.

"enforcing a crackdown at border posts with Vietnam to prevent suspicious fowl from entering"

It's the Year of the Monkey.

And, Rowland must go.

9 a.m. to 4 p.m., Pacific

San Diego Zoo to add Ape Cam on Friday.

And, Rowland must go.

"Caesar has been in quarantine and on a diet since coming to Atlanta on Aug. 28"

Loaner gorilla Caesar, at Zoo Atlanta since August, ready to meet new friends.

And, Rowland must go.

"...and playing catch with an orangutan"

Picture of a Spider Monkey in this item.

And, Rowland must go.

"Wow, I'm a monkey"

Tempting fate, Los Angeles Zoo had a Year of the Monkey program this weekend.

And, Rowland must go.

Meta, meta, meta

Google news isn't working for me, maybe it's just a DNS change that hasn't propagated as quickly as it might. My ISP has been known to be slow in receiving DNS changes.

And, link or no link, Rowland must go.

"full trichromatic vision evolved twice in primates"

Scientists say monkeys smell good well.

And, Rowland must go.

"the escaped chimpanzee apparently jumped into the gorilla enclosure"

Los Angeles Zoo evacuated due to chimpanzee escape.

Update: more

And, Rowland must go.

"I've provided something for them that they wouldn't otherwise experience"

Louisiana nursing home gets visit from Staples Safari Animal Reserve and Rescue and selected parts of their menagerie. Marsel, who played Marcel on 'Friends', was present.

And, Rowland must go.

"cat-sized, monkey-like animals"

Oregon's Wildlife Safari gets cotton-top tamarins.

And, Rowland must go.

"Thousands of loyal fans are expected to turn up to see their hero"

Meat Loaf to be outdrawn by monkey.

And, Rowland must go.

"I don't want to break out in pustules in midshow"

Dennis Miller's new talk show will feature a recurring chimpanzee.

And, Rowland must go.

"Rumsfeld is one of the monkey people" — People's Daily Online

Jacques Chirac, Gerhard Schroder, Donald Rumsfeld, Tom Hanks, Celine Dion: born in the year of the monkey.

And, Rowland must go.

"Be like the monkey"

Singapore Deputy Prime Minister Tony Tan reminds Singapore residents to be like monkeys, hopes for release of Jemaah Islamiyah terrorists.

And, Rowland must go.

"authorities are eagerly waiting for Ruby and Rustam, both 25 years of age, to procreate"

New Delhi Zoo upgrades chimpanzee enclosures, hopes for breeding success.

And, Rowland must go.

"do another one and another one and another one until we succeed"

Experts pooh-pooh claims of human clone embryo by Dr. Panayiotis "Panos" Zavos.

And, Rowland must go.

"shed their tails and fur and thus become the first Tibetans"

Apes in mythology. Well, that and fables.

And, Rowland must go.

"apes are not monkeys"

Primer on primates

And, Rowland must go.

"the agency will be able to checkmate illegal gracing of the forest"

Nigerian government restocks the depleted Kano state zoological garden with purchased and confiscated animals.

And, Rowland must go.

"they were in the mood and our presence wasn't about to get in the way"

How to travel through the Bwindi Impenetrable Forest and see gorillas.

And, Rowland must go.

"If monkeys are deprived of touch, they kill each other"

University of Miami's Touch Research Institute says we should touch more.

And, Rowland must go.

"nobody from the co-organiser and main sponsor, Langkawi development authority (Lada), was seen attending the presentations"

Malaysia worries about the wrong kind of ecotourism.

And, Rowland must go.

Just a coincidence, nothing to see here

Update Jan 19: I see Allahpundit beat me to it by some days. Drat.

And, Rowland must go.

"These gorillas were made famous by Dian Fossey"

Karisoke Research Center census of Virunga mountain gorillas shows 17% growth since 1989.

And, Rowland must go.

"Xenotransplantation is similar to putting a filthy band-aid on an infected wound"

American Anti-Vivisection Society would rather see you die with your own organs than have a chance at life with a cross-species transplant.

And, Rowland must go.

"Chimps won't sleep in a place where another chimp has defecated"

Discovery Channel says disgust is a defense mechanism.

And, Rowland must go.

"It's a pretty big deal"

Harvard prof says monkeys can't understand when you talk to them.

And, Rowland must go.

Hi, Gander!

Columbus Zoo and Aquarium gets a new baby bonobo, and two more pregnancies. Also, a new tiger is being Fed-Ex'd in.

And, Rowland must go.

“It’s a captive breeding program in Florida”

PETA and Ringling Brothers/Barnum & Bailey airing it out, again.

And, Rowland must go.

Ebola in the news

We still don't know what the reservoir is, but bushmeat is the common vector that infects humans and it's decimating the great apes, which can like canaries in a mine.

And, Rowland must go.

"Long haul travellers were found to be motivated by a desire to experience something unique"

Uganda Sustainable Tourism Development Programme wants you to know: Uganda has mountain gorillas.

And, Rowland must go.

"I could keep up on a horse or a bicycle, but trees got in the way"

National Geographic describes the Patas Monkey, the world's fastest monkey, clocked at 34 mph.

And, Rowland must go.

If you must have a pet monkey, don't let it play with wrenches

Endicott NY man and his dog dead of carbon monoxide poisoning. His monkey survived.

And, Rowland must go.

"He acts like a human and can use his thumbs to grab things"

Jim Fowler visits Illinois elementary school, plays show & tell.

And, Rowland must go.

"We have sought help from experts and hope to get rid of the problem soon"

India doesn't have enough trouble with monkeys within their borders, finds more in Katmandu.

Update: more.

And, Rowland must go.

"I was quite sure I'd be a better mate for Tarzan myself"

Queen of the Chimps in bid to become Queen of basic cable.

And, Rowland must go.

"a zoo consultant laid out his study"

Fresno still looking to save Chaffee Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

"You don't want to mess with an unhealthy monkey"

Maybe Dania Beach, FL needs langoors.

And, Rowland must go.

"langoors could be seen chasing monkeys at the back of the Oral Sciences Department"

Chandigarh langoors apparently successful at chasing away monkeys.

And, Rowland must go.

"All 10 of the chimps will go on display next fall"

Rio Grande Zoo shuffles chimps.

And, Rowland must go.

"It's a selfish way to stop the constant pestering"

Researcher says monkeys susceptible to moochers.

And, Rowland must go.

"particularly in London and Brussels"

EU bureaucrats express concern about immigrant food preferences, demand that somebody do something.

And, Rowland must go.

"The basic problem lies with the scores of patients and their attendants who visit the campus everyday"

Chandigarh India to try using langurs to scare away aggressive monkey infestation.

And, Rowland must go.

Abnormal Spindle-Like Microcephaly Associated gene

Researchers may have found gene that makes humans have such big heads.

And, Rowland must go.

"The first step is to let him know who's the boss"

Chinese chimpanzee trainer now a dog trainer.

And, Rowland must go.

"conservation of the black collar wild monkey"

Belize touts coercive ecotourism, etc.

And, Rowland must go.

"Would you like a banana?"

Art is dead.

And, Rowland must go.

"children at the center played games their parents or grandparents may have played in Vietnam"

Immigrants from Vietnam celebrate the Year of the Monkey in Florida.

And, Rowland must go.

"Ring-tailed lemurs are not members of the monkey family"

People's Daily shows monkey pictures.

And, Rowland must go.

"I saw death. I knew I was going to feel myself being hacked to pieces"

Isobel Hitz, founder of the South Africa's Vervet Monkey Foundation, unharmed after attack, robbery by employees.

And, Rowland must go.

"spend 90% of their lives in trees and sleep in nests they build in the tree tops"

Orangutans like humans, says pressassociation.co.uk.

And, Rowland must go.

"Killer chimps pose new threat to tourists"

Frank J. has been right all along.

And, Rowland must go.

"Retsina Greek wine, which is unusual in taste but nevertheless a fine wine"

Astrological wine selection in the Year of the Monkey.

And, Rowland must go.

"Orang-utans are renowned for being slow-moving animals"

WWF seeks to scare Indonesian officials about orangutan extinction.

And, Rowland must go.

"the monkey eventually achieved wisdom and the Buddhist state of enlightenment"

More on the Canadian Year of the Monkey stamps and a $100 silver and gold "coin."

And, Rowland must go.

"the monkey's butt as you notice is red"

Year of the Monkey underwear purported to be a big seller in Singapore.

And, Rowland must go.

"a judge ruled investigators used an illegally obtained warrant"

Canadian man suing fish and wildlife officials to regain posession of his poker-playing macaque, various other wildlife.

Update: more.

And, Rowland must go.

‘‘Some monkeys threw my flower pot in the bylane"

Newflash: India's still overrun with monkeys.

And, Rowland must go.

"Monkey brains are a rare speciality"

Samos, a black labrador who works for UK's Customs and Excise. Assignment: bushmeat sniffer.

And, Rowland must go.

Fun with referrers

Someone found me by googling india monkey brains delicacy. I think I'll just have a salad tonight, thanks.

"it yawns regularly"

Thailand's Lop Buri Zoo to display albino macaque.

And, Rowland must go.

"A protest planned for the following day was rained off at the last minute"

Expect a shortage of plate glass in and around Cambridge.

And, Rowland must go.

"The zoo hopes Sandra will have learnt some parenting skills from the past week"

Two infant golden lion tamarins dead at Australia's Mogo Zoo. Verdict: bad parenting.

And, Rowland must go.

"I feel deep shame"

Queen of the Chimps worries about young people, touts her TV and seminar product.

And, Rowland must go.

"I think, given time, they will do what's natural"

Baltimore Zoo borrows Joe, chimp stud.

And, Rowland must go.

"the zoo said it had a record-keeping problem"

National Zoo admits mistakes, denies charges. (fixed link)

And, Rowland must go.

"Since her birth at the Los Angeles Zoo in 1976, she's escaped several times"

Evelyn, yesterday's escaping gorilla, has a history of this.

And, Rowland must go.

"the celebration of the Lunar New Year is well-known across the country"

Canada, not to be outdone, issues two Year of the Monkey stamps.

And, Rowland must go.

"a Sci Fi channel reality series"

Queen of the Chimps communes with like minds.

And, Rowland must go.

"Humans and monkeys are buddies"

Japanese monkey researcher reviews career highlights in endless series of Year of the Monkey interviews. <queeq>strawberries</queeq>

And, Rowland must go.

"Fifty people in the zoo stayed in a locked building for safety"

Evelyn, a 27-year-old, 250-pound western lowland gorilla at Denver Zoo, made a break for it today. She was recaptured after 45 minutes, never getting off the grounds.

Update: more.

And, Rowland must go.

"Monkeys Don't let Morons Drive Drunk"

Salt Lake City columnist calls for service monkeys to help the disabled, patrol the parks, and provide entertainment.

And, Rowland must go.

"A pack of 10 hongbaos will be given free with the purchase of each mini sheet"

Singapore to issue monkey stamps.

And, Rowland must go.

"the government has already issued an allocation of rice and wheat for the species"

Bangladesh to consider refuges for monkeys, gibbon languors. Something called Poverty Elimination Association Centre for Everywhere is involved.

And, Rowland must go.

"Demonic Male Hypothesis"

Chimps prove it: Men are bad, mkay?

And, Rowland must go.

"It's the monkey effect"

Japan Monkey Center a big hit this year.

And, Rowland must go.

'"monkey on a stick," which is a country-style pork rib on a wood skewer'

False advertising isn't always a bad thing.

And, Rowland must go.

"when we arrived the chimpanzee habitat looked clean"

PETA sues Amarillo TX, Wildlife Refuge, owner charges faked evidence. Reporter needs new comma key.

And, Rowland must go.

“The tricky ones are the ants"

London Zoo begins annual count of the animals.

And, Rowland must go.

"selling meat unfit for human consumption"

UK hands down first prison sentence for bushmeat trading.

And, Rowland must go.

"The baboons — actually Anubis monkeys"

NY's Seneca Park Zoo plans to rent some Anubis monkeys, call them baboons, and charge admission.

And, Rowland must go.

"The Davises were accompanied by celebrity attorney Gloria Allred"

Moe, ex-West Covina chimp, gets visit (register or use laexaminer/laexaminer) from former owners.

And, Rowland must go.

"This is what we think is the world's first monkey college of its type"

Helping Hands monkeys have been on the job for 25 years.

And, Rowland must go.

"I used mainly a blue colour and I make the monkeys is flying in the sky"

Australia Post issues stamps based on the Monkey Magic television series."

Update: more.

And, Rowland must go.

"The wrong end of a smokestack can be as much of a security concern to humans as the barrel of a gun"

If the US doesn't solve world poverty, and right now, then the terrorists have already won.

And, Rowland must go.

"The zoo is open until 9.30pm during Zoo Twilights"

Melbourne Zoo tries evening hours now that summer's here.

And, Rowland must go.

"the Himalayan black bear was given brandy"

Cold snap in Punjab forces Chhatbir Zoo to innovate, if not very logically.

And, Rowland must go.

"Research on primates will help reveal the secret of the human brain"

South Korea to build primate research institute that "provides a comfortable life for them."

And, Rowland must go.

"a disgraceful phenomenon that does not conform to any value criterion of modern society"

Israel 's Mazor Farm research monkey breeding facility attacked by anti-human lawsuits.

And, Rowland must go.

Vietnamese monkey news

Twenty troops of Shi ki black gibbons found in Quang Tri province.


And, Rowland must go.

"Certification entitles you to borrow from other major zoos and qualifies you for other grants”

Niabi Zoo, in Illinois, primps and preps for certification.

And, Rowland must go.

Mark Your Calendars

February 15 is National Sea Monkey Day.

And, Rowland must go.

"awarded with one month's supply of bananas"

2-year-old boy wins National Monkey Face Championship in Tokyo. No photo.

And, Rowland must go.

"will look at the causes of diseases including Alzheimer's and Parkinson's"

UK anti-human groups sue Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott for permitting construction of monkey experimentation center at Cambridge.

Update: more. Anti-human press release.

And, Rowland must go.

That oughta bring in the marks

Cheektowaga NY's Garden Village Flea Market plans to feature a monkey show in January.

And, Rowland must go.

"the little platypus has the zoo's most expensive palate"

What the Melbourne Zoo spends to feed the various inmates.

"The primate department spends about $70,000 a year on food."

And, Rowland must go.

"the first discovery of the genus in Asia"

55 million year old partially preserved euprimate skull discovered in China. Leakeys grow more nervous.

And, Rowland must go.

gorillas, okapi, black and white colobus monkeys, cranes and flamingos

Sedgwick County Zoo plans Downing Gorilla Forest.

And, Rowland must go.

Won't Someone Please Think of the Monkeys!

Via Porphyrogenitus, Armavirumque reports EU banana outrage.

Elsewhere:

"And I would say to the Europeans, I pledge to you as the American president that we'll consult with you first. You get the right of first refusal on the security grocery concerns that we have. We'll bring you in." -- Wesley Clark

And, Rowland must go.

"Khan's lawyer refuted the charges"

Indian filmmaker Feroz Khan sued for filming monkeys, other animals without permission.

And, Rowland must go.

"Nobody's been able to provide proof that it happened"

Pet macaque bites owner's live-in. No lessons are learned.

And, Rowland must go.