Tuesday, December 30, 2003

“They are just trying to get by"

Conservation biologist Michael Gavin documents (and makes excuses for) chimpanzees in Uganda and Tanzania eating human children. (Times link, requires registration, or use laexaminer/laexaminer)

Update: Here it is, without the registration hassle.

And, Rowland must go.

"You've got to see the monkey. I love the monkey"

Dallas-area man puts up Christmas decorations, local paper covers it on 12/26.

And, Rowland must go.

"they catch on quickly to most anything so don’t plot to steal their banana cake"

An astrological discourse on the nature of those born in the Year of the Monkey, from the Philippines.

And, Rowland must go.

"All of this is very feng shui, very logical things"

Guam gets hosed down to ring in the Year of the Monkey.

And, Rowland must go.

"Siswi, a dominant female, stole their soap"

UK couple find love among the orangutans.

And, Rowland must go.

"They can disembowel you if you're not careful"

Frisky's Wildlife and Primate Sanctuary helps capture run-away emu in Maryland.

And, Rowland must go.

Monday, December 29, 2003

"She is doing fine now"

Gorilla Glue neither food nor dog food.

And, Rowland must go.

"The farmers attacked police with rocks and hit police buses with metal"

South Korean communists treated to enforced bathing. Lop buri monkey hospital mentioned in an unrelated story later on the page.

And, Rowland must go.

"smell the kangaroo that smells like maple syrup"

The wonders of Florida's "Monkey Jungle" and various other roadside animal parks and wildlife sanctuaries.

And, Rowland must go.

"This does not sound like the Ebola virus"

Zimbabwe has requested South African help with suspected ebola case, meanwhile insisting that it's not ebola, probably.

And, Rowland must go.

Sunday, December 28, 2003

meta, meta, meta

I've noted many Hartford Courant articles while looking for Rowland links, but haven't used any of them. Someone else explains why.

And, Rowland must go.

"A polished silver fork dangled from Adams’ right ear"

Hateful dwarf Kucinich gets endorsement from socialist clown Patch Adams who touts his friendship with the UN-appointed Queen of the Chimps.

And, Rowland must go.

"life goes on inside"

North Dakota's Roosevelt Park Zoo closed for the winter.

And, Rowland must go.

"not only in case of dog bites, but also to patients bitten by jackals, monkeys, foxes, cats and even for rat and bat bites"

Hindu Rao Hospital's rabies clinic posts "anti-rabies vaccine is not available here" sign.

And, Rowland must go.

"the only zoo in the world set in redwoods"

California's Sequoia Park Zoo, home of 58-year-old Bill the chimpanzee (a serial feces-flinger), losing zookeeper to retirement.

And, Rowland must go.

"Beck isn't sure how she caught the bug from her chimp pal"

Meanwhile, also at Victoria Falls, cross-species susceptability is played as a human interest filler.

And, Rowland must go.

"the case was still only suspected, not confirmed"

Possible ebola case at Victoria Falls.

And, Rowland must go.

"the review of the zoo's animal care now being carried out by the National Academy of Sciences"

Senator and physician Bill Frist defends the National Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

...and Bruce here teaches logical positivism. And is also in charge of the sheep dip.

Paarl, Australia's Tygerberg Zoo celebrates the first anniversary of the arrival of Emma, the chimpanzee and today's arrival of Emma, the baby kookaburra.

And, Rowland must go.

"South Africa has no native gorillas"

National Council of Societies for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals denies asylum for refugee 'Taiping Four', demands they be deported back to Cameroon.

And, Rowland must go.

Sunday, December 21, 2003

Check your Amish Tech Support Dead Pool picks

Harold von Braunhut, marketer of Amazing Sea Monkeys, dead at 77.

And, Rowland must go.

"It was blond"

Himalayan hike story enhanced with tale of Yeti.

And, Rowland must go.

Friday, December 19, 2003

Thursday, December 18, 2003

"which give off a slight odour"

Elephant dung Christmas cards. Don't tell Rudy!

And, Rowland must go.

"rich, multi-cultural heritage"

USPS to complete Lunar New Year series with release of Year of the Monkey stamp.

And, Rowland must go.

Surrender Monkeys: "Nix to Nazo"

France bans stuffed monkey: offensive to schizophrenics.

Via LGF, Saudi Arabia bans all stuffed toys.

And, Rowland must go.

PETA's not going to like this

Ghana takes an interest in "Sustainable Bushmeat Trade".

And, Rowland must go.

"Ugandans are famous for being very friendly and hospitable"

Uganda should emphasise gorilla tracking, other features to attract more tourists.

And, Rowland must go.


The Economist says: a chimpanzee wouldn't yank out the hair from its genital regions, and neither should you.

And, Rowland must go.

"shots of him wearing a diaper and sleeping in a crib"

PETA mad at Hugh Hefner over macaque.

And, Rowland must go.

"Houses would become more affordable as fewer people bid on them"

Providence Journal columnist Froma Harrop calls for human extinction.

And, Rowland must go.

"Temperatures are expected to hover in the 50s and low 60s for the next few days"

Florida temperatures plummet, heaters deployed for monkeys, other zoo inmates.

And, Rowland must go.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Like coals to Newcastle

Delhi Zoo to get new female lion-tailed macaque. "Found primarily in the evergreen forests of the Western Ghats they feed on banana, gram, green leaves and seasonal fruits." Just a homonym, I guess.

"the two paintings have not been recovered"

Dutch prosecutors announce the detention of "The Monkey"'s (or "ape"'s) accomplice, who apparently hasn't earned a colorful moniker yet.

"There are now no active cases of Ebola in the Congo Republic"

WHO says nobody's died in two weeks, ebola outbreak's done, nothing to see here, move along. But warned the deadly virus could return, perhaps striking a major city.

it's a boy

Louisville Zoo sexes their new gorilla.

"Activities include special feedings of the Komodo dragon"

From December 20, 2003 through January 2, 2004, free admission for anyone 13 and younger to Pittsburgh Zoo & PPG Aquarium, thanks to Citizens Bank of Pennsylvania & Giant Eagle. Kids can help Zoo employees wrap the gorilla gift boxes.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

"dangerous international delinquent"

International art thief "The Monkey" nabbed in Spain.

Update: or else he's called the ape, and also Octave D. They're not making international thieves the way they used to.

"Who's going to pay for it?''

Fast-growing, more accurate, flu vaccine techniques, including growing the vaccine on African green monkey kidney cells said to be hampered by regulatory, financial hurdles.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

Zoning commission must be real pushovers

Florida's Center for Captive Chimpanzee Care, a pie well-fingered by the Queen of the Chimps, to open doors to another 266 former research chimps, begin building invincible chimp army.

"Some scientists have questioned their work"

Sympathetic Telegraph article on the eccentric Siddles and their Chimfunshi Wildlife Orphanage, home to 100 chimps. "there is a 98 per cent match between the genes of humans and chimps"

Friday, December 12, 2003

Year of the Monkey tchotchkes

Hong Kong offers philatelists "a propitious souvenir for the Lunar New Year".

"We all want to see safe drugs and cures to human diseases, but"

Now the anti-vivisectionists point the finger at Germany. Queen of the Chimps muscles in to have her say.

"Criticism of the theory of evolution does not translate into another theory"

Intellegent Design advocates use statistics. charts, and graphs to try to lull Montanans into believing their big lie with mixed success.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Us, but not necessarily the French

"Hearing and smell may separate us from chimps".

Queen of the Chimps enslaves little school kids

Wilsonville OR elementary students make compost. "Kennedy will probably discuss the remaining issues after the holidays with a group of six fourth-graders from three classes who attended the Roots and Shoots Conference in October with chimpanzee researcher Jane Goodall."

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

"They kind of laughed and said that's just the way it is"

More trouble at National Zoo: colobus dead, cheetah infected, vermin run rampant. Leptospirosis.

Operation Give news

Scripps Howard moves Chief Wiggles story along with others. Starting to show up in your local newspaper.

He'll feel right at home, I'm sure

Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund to award Ted Turner at the UN.

Now we can build our own from scratch!

NIH releases initial draft of chimpanzee genome.

"leaving a fecal deposit on her head"

Monkeys make bad pets.

"a dubious and illogical offer from South Africa was apparently accepted"

International intrigue in the disposition of four western lowland gorillas.

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

Saturday, December 06, 2003

"You know, I may have said her liver looks funny to me."

Washington Post alleges pattern of mistakes, altered veterinary records in deaths of 23 animals at the National Zoo in the past six years.

"Do you think that humans are more brutal than chimps?"

Fawning Japan Times interview for latest idoru, Queen of the Chimps.

Disturbing referrers

Not disturbing, unless it's a motto.

Disturbing referrers

You don't want one.

"At the premiere of King Kong I wasn't too impressed"

Behind-the-screen details on 1933 King Kong.

Ask them when they're not hungry, and be ready to duck

Food handouts at Hanuman festival attract locals regardless of religion. Says temple priest Avadhbihari, "ask any poor Muslim or a poor Hindu and he would say that god is the same despite his many names."

“The Human Rights Declaration of 1948 says the same thing which we had centuries before”

Similarities and differences between modern and mythological justice systems in Bhutan. Difference one: nowadays the weights of good and bad deeds aren't balanced by a monkey.

Friday, December 05, 2003

"Coming soon: Refrigeration!"

Via /., the Bar Monkey.

Update: GPL'd alternative.

Boh Ada Ummph!

Malaysia's Boh Plantations tea company sponsors www.orangutan.com.

“The whole thing was geared toward developing knowledge of Japanese culture”

Air Force dependants at Yokota West Elementary School watch performing monkey troupe.

OK, we got the barn door locked good now

Franklin Park Zoo to reopen gorilla exhibit, minus Little Joe and cohort Okie.

Congratulations JoJo and Makari!

Louisville gets a new gorilla.

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

"As serious as Baeckler's claims are, there is no video, audiotape or witnesses to support them"

Malibu's Amazing Animal Actors alleged to engage in monkey abuse.

"heredity has a surprisingly important impact"

“Similarities in Affiliation and Aggression Between Cross-Fostered Rhesus Macaque Females and Their Biological Mothers” published.

Your tax dollars at work

Looking to get in the news, Putnam Co., NY went on record supporting a section of the Americans with Disabilities Act, even if it means monkeys in supermarkets. "Putnam Legislator Sam Oliverio doesn't know of any disabled person in Putnam having a service monkey. But he wants the county's laws to be ready in case someone goes into a store with a monkey."

Isn't this, umm, already the law?

"traditional holiday scenes"

Palm Springs conservation park "holiday" display includes a gorilla family as part of 250,000 twinkling lights.


"they're harder to catch than your regular domesticated pets"

Lop Buri Zoo opens Thailand's first monkey hospital.

Update: more.

"But not everyone is happy"

Pretoria Zoo to get four western lowland gorillas who've done some travelling.

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

"There will be no roof, no walls, no ceiling"

Australia's Mogo Zoo to give two new chimps "a 9,000 square metre home, surrounded by a moat rather than a cage."

Life after monkeys

From "High Fashion Week in Moscow", the ass bra.

Year of the Monkey starts Jan 22

Don't forget to stock up on festive Communist ingots. "They didn't rule out the possibility that some people would maliciously rush to buy the gold bars for investment purposes. To prevent from this situation, the officials said their company has required the gold bar producer to increase the supply."

Of Interest to Online Monkeys

Chiquita Brands International (one of the largest banana producers in the world) will hold its second annual analyst and investor day on Tuesday, Dec. 16, 2003. The presentation will be accessible remotely by telephone or over the Internet.

I admit it, it's been a couple of slow monkey news days

Surrender monkeys in the news.

Sunday, November 30, 2003

"the EU Banana Regime"

Politically correct bananas.

Saturday, November 29, 2003

"I just can't wait to see them running through the trees"

Parks at Chehaw in Georgia readying lemur exhibit.

Fingers crossed

"Human trials for spinal cord regeneration, which could begin next year"

Friday, November 28, 2003

"Zoos are required by law to provide enrichment activities for the animals each day"

At Sequoia Park, serial feces-flinger Bill, at 58 the world's oldest chimp, gets Thanksgiving dinner.

"I can't wait to see me a chimp"

Construction activities begin for Chimp Haven, home for retired experimental chimps. AARC demands veterinary drug benefit.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

'rhesus monkeys and a bottlenose dolphin chose "I'm not sure" with virtually the same frequency as humans'

Behaviorists torment monkeys, dolphins with logic problems.

"In 1998, police raided Get Stuffed, a taxidermy store"

UK takes steps against sellers of prohibited animal products.

Cynocephalus variegatus

Singapore researcher finds endangered flying lemurs are, in fact, thriving. Story doesn't mention that they're not lemurs.

"the corporation monkey catcher went to catch the monkey"

Now Indian monkeys are recruiting allies among other orders.

"Frozen watermelon will top the menu"

Melbourne Zoo's birthday gorilla.

"When Sasha roars, she scares the neighbors"

Tyro, N.C. neighbors of durned old lioness lady upset at what she has in the backyard. Security system is detailed, along with the rest of the critters. She has a monkey.

"it falls to us, in the Western world, to change the course of history"

"Charlotte Uhlenbroek is set to be the new face of wildlife programmes on the BBC."


Wednesday, November 26, 2003

"McDonald's and M&M also participated"

China recycles phone books for special friend, the Queen of the Chimps.

"none of this is demonstrable in any highly convincing way"

Primatologists declare in behavior, phylogeny recapitulates ontogeny. Others scoff.

"it is definitely better to be a trichromat"


"Monkeys live surprisingly long lives"

University of South Alabama Primate Research Lab.

"It's not a big deal for me"

In a reciprocal fosterage deal, English entrepreneur and conservationist Damian Aspinall will hand over his least favorite offspring to be raised by gorillas.

"an unseen attacker has injured six thoroughbred horses and a goat"

Dangerous Monkey Man causes panic near Prime Ministers home, says Hindustan Times.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Bad news for crab-eating macaques

Meanwhile, Taiwan says work on SARS vaccine continues apace.

And those scary libertarians, them as well

Antivivisectionists decry approval of Cambridge center for monkey research, demand center for Tory research, instead.

We're from the U.N. and we're here to help

U.N.'s Great Apes Survival Project says Ebola is finishing off the great apes, plans to spend $90 million of US money to build well-managed forestry concessions, sustainable agriculture, and integrated ecotourism programs, as well as to bolster conservation enforcement in six central African nations.

Meanwhile UNESCO wants at least $25 million for similar work.

"a group of hunters ate a dead boar they found in the forest"

Death toll in Congo Ebola outbreak rises to 18.

"largest wildlife trafficking ever uncovered in China"

China busts macaque trafficers.

Monday, November 24, 2003

“Jonas Salk didn't know why his vaccine worked, either”

Vical begins Phase I human trials of Ebola vaccine.

We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo

Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo hires ad agency to tout redesigned Ape Center.

"they said monkeys weren't their delicacy"

Ugandan farmers hope to make a cash crop of local monkey pests.

Goodbye, Snowflake

Snowflake dies.

Update: Euthanized.

Sunday, November 23, 2003

Big Monkey

Links and such for Peter Jackson's King Kong, due to start filming in 2005.

Nycticebus coucang

Slow loris, thought to be near-extinct in Bangladesh, found there.

"People often wake in the morning to the noise of monkeys making havoc on the roof"

Indian authorities plan to sterilise monkeys infesting Shimla tourist resort.

"hundreds of thousands of young people around the world, can break through these walls"

Young minions of Queen of the Chimps do her bidding. Heute Schimpansen, morgen die Welt?

"There are more than 4,000 animals at the Bronx Zoo"

The Bronx Zoo as a travel destination. Gorillas, monkeys are seen.

Friday, November 21, 2003

"a display of arrogant disregard for public opinion"

Cambridge gets approval for monkey brain research lab. Activists protest that human, monkey brains different, call for human brain research lab.

"He feels his boycott of the conference may have had some effect"

Gibraltar monkey researcher incensed that Gibraltar kills over 40% of his subjects.

Sew what?

Collecting the sock monkey.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

"no good evidence showing that animals possess a theory of mind"

University of Pennsylvania fraternity uses monkey lecturer to polish image. "We are trying to bring intellectualization to the Greek system."

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

"to make the monkey dance, you must first give him a banana"

Chi Chi Rodriguez

In short hops, apparently

UK pair plan pole-to-pole-to-pole helicopter flight. "The pilots will make 160 stopovers on their journey to spotlight the conservation work of the World Wildlife Fund. During their stopover in Rio, they planned to visit a program to save the endangered golden lion tamarin monkey"

Monkeys in the blogs

At A Small Victory, The birds, the bees and monkeys.

Ook ook, preciousss

Gollum rumored to become King Kong.

A gorilla who'll be with ya

Experts testing to determine if Rwandan gorilla-napping victim is of boring lowland or exciting mountain type.

"Our priority is the quality of what little life remains"

Snowflake expected to die within days.

"Bill is also known by visitors to get angry and throw feces"

California's Sequoia Park Zoo, home of 57-year-old Bill the chimpanzee, to get facelift.

Quick, Henry! The Flit!

Venezuelan capuchins reported to use millipedes as mosquito repellant.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

Bushmeat eaters said to be fed up

East African conservation groups "up in arms" over US Fish and Wildlife Service interpretation of Endangered Species Act which, they complain, "provides poor countries with no incentive to protect dying species." It's our job to stop them before they eat the last gorilla, apparently.

These aren't the chimps you're looking for

Kenya Wildlife Service denies that six new chimpanzees at Sweetwaters Sanctuary could have been exposed to ebola. "In any case, haemorrhagic fevers are not commonly found in chimpanzees."

"rough sun-baked paths strewn with carabao dung"

Childhood among the guerrillas during the Japanese occupation of the Philippines is fondly recalled. "The monkey salivated at the prospect of the rich feast of lice in the girl's hair".

My money's on the rabbit

"Group: Rare snail and rabbit now racing toward extinction". Monkeys are mentioned.

Monday, November 17, 2003

But not necessarily sociable

Leakey Foundation says baboons are social.

"Modern zoos are filled with animal advocates"

Franklin Park zookeeper John Linehan has his say.
Speculation that reported Florida escapee may be descendant of 1930's Tarzan extras.

Saturday, November 15, 2003

"In about 500 or 600 years, no one will have third molars," he said.

Forensic anthropologist teaches North Carolina elementary students about crime scene investigation and skeletal health. Human, chimpanzee, and gorilla skulls were displayed.

Butchers of the Congo turn attention to the medical arts

Give a Belgian scientist a supply of AIDS drugs, he gives them to banana plants.

"up to 65 years unless they die through unnatural causes"

Ghanaian monkey sanctuary home to aging monkeys. Founder calls for "health facilities, places of convenience, social amenities" and road improvements to bring in the tourists.

Friday, November 14, 2003

"accused India of buying votes"

New Delhi awarded 2010 Commonwealth Games. Canadians outraged. Monkeys are not expected to compete. Expected by humans. What monkeys expect, no man can say.

"who stuck her hand into the animal's pen"

Brookfield Zoo in Illinois, site of heartwarming 1996 gorilla/injured child incident, today site of idiot bitten by wolf, wolf was killed, incident.

Jan in a Pan!

Buzzworthy report on So you're dead. now what? includes details on monkey head transplants.

News from Congo, time to change vacation plans

It is ebola.

"one person had a leopard and a chimpanzee for sale"

Las Vegas a hotspot for exotic wildlife trade.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Softly, softly

Indian zookeeper lures male monkeys with female monkeys. Luring female monkeys is not discussed.

Educational, ook

PBS to produce their own, educational, animated Curious George.

"second trained monkey to be called Jiro"

Jiro, the comic monkey, dies.

"Imagine if France were to invade Germany now"

Biological roots of war are inconclusively discussed and dismissed. Monkey references are prominent. I'm still imagining.

Monday, November 10, 2003

"several carloads of students came out here and saw something"

Oklahoma Bigfoot advocate gets air time.

Chimps to purchase Nukes from Norks!

Queen of the Chimps visits Korea to tout book, promote anti-human agenda.

"All those animal-world people keep telling us that the gorillas won't cope"

British Upper Class Loony evicts seven gorillas from family zoo, deports them to Gabon.

He'll see that you pays!

Canadian philostopher-with-a-job mocks Brights. A monkey is mentioned, peripherally.

Sunday, November 09, 2003

Indonesian suggests India solve their monkey problem by putting them in camps. Let's keep an eye on Indonesia.

Saturday, November 08, 2003

Cogito, ergo ook ook

Tribune of India reviews state of speaking monkeys. MonkeyWatch view: on the one hand, the evidence is weak. On the other hand, Noam Chomsky's skeptical, and agreeing with him's always a poor bet. The smart monkey's lying low for now.

Soon we'll all be knee deep in test tube monkeys!

We know why monkeys are difficult to clone, we know how to get around it, now we just have to make it pay.

Bad news for the sedentary

Reuters reports "exercise good for brain, too." Monkeys were tested.

Friday, November 07, 2003


TV's latest Tarzan to explore new career options.

Unhand that beast!

Gorilla-napping scheme thwarted in Rwanda.

You don't need this book, you're already annoying.

Malingerer turns author, touts "How to Monkey with Telemarketers (and all other phone pests.)"


North Carolina Zoo inmates will be smashing pumpkins and devouring them for amusement of visitors. Well, and for a snack. That too.

"Goodall’s next project could be observing banana behavior"

Queen of the chimps ineffectively dissed in Oregon letter to the editor.

Thursday, November 06, 2003

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

Goodbye, Max

San Diego Zoo gorilla Max dies during medical exam. Shades of Rocky.

"victims displayed symptoms of a haemorrhagic fever"

Ebola outbreak suspected in Congo.

Tuesday, November 04, 2003

Creationist Crapfest

Piltdown fraud anniversary, ICR apologist Duane Gish (a man with a bit of a history,) touts ICR products.

Meta, meta, meta

A slow day in monkeywatching. But look, a Google hit on "monkey feces" in the referer log.

Monday, November 03, 2003

"Karl Rove, the organ grinder to Bush’s monkey"

Say it often enough, loudly enough and shrilly enough, and it's almost as if it were true.

"Human and primate alike got wet"

Monkeys at Omaha's Henry Doorly Zoo resist being brought in for the Winter.

Mood organ

Researchers flee Yale for Vanderbilt, fool monkeys, humans.

Sunday, November 02, 2003

Queen of the Chimps deemed Museum-worthy

Georgia museum spills the beans. Chimp queen dowdified, "This incredible exhibit...can answer...the questions that will be raised (by visitors)...and...it's brilliant!" Ellipses not mine.

I don't want to know his idea of a date

Burning garbage to generate power is "comparable to alluring a monkey to take a short walk for getting a banana, eventually only to trap it to death."

Authorities recommend panic

This is how it begins: portions of New Delhi overrun with monkeys... powerlines down...government buildings ransacked...best efforts of scientists, armed with screechy machines, to no avail...Rumsfeld remains mum...simian overlords welcomed...appeasement movement gains international support...treehuggers blame civilization, recommend return to caves, trees.

Bad news for monkeys!

California "vintner" touting banana wines to China. "A feature of the wines is the labels"

I'm ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille

Queen of the Chimps on the big screen.

Saturday, November 01, 2003

"protection against infectious diseases to newborns in developing countries"

And this is why animal research, on balance, is an acceptable thing. And it's what won't happen if PETA and their co-religionists have their way.

Good news for Caribbean monkeys

EUnuchs to tax their citizens to encourage inefficient, expensive Jamaican banana farming. Efficient Jamaican banana farmers out of luck.

Cure for cancer, bah!

Costs soar for Cambridge University's medical research laboratory. Monkeys, anti-human activists celebrate.

I think I'm a baboon, therefore I am

Team of psychologists declare baboons capable of abstract thought.

Thursday, October 30, 2003

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Monday, October 27, 2003

"This man is a menace to the world"

Unemployed Saddam hireling mocks his betters.

Repeat offender

Kansas trucker cited (hire a copy editor) for animal neglect, again, for keeping chimp caged in parked semi cab.

Trail of evidence

University of Tennessee researcher to test Mystery Dung.

Game Preserves being used as hunting grounds

Bushmeat crisis stories from Congo and Kenya.

It's two, two, two columns in one

Is it news, or is it unpaid advertising for Orangutan Appeal UK?

Who'd he call?

Monkey steals cell-phone from visitor to Chinese zoo.

"She greeted the crowd with an authentic chimpanzee call"

Queen of the Chimps amuses Florida college crowd with party tricks, calls for fuzzy-minded one-worldism.

Saturday, October 25, 2003

Kids, be careful. UK police confirm:

You are not Tarzan. (Also, don't play with grand-dad's forklift.)

Mark, Mark, they're conducting horrible medical experiments!

Canadian researchers to conduct monkey trials of prospective SARS vaccine this fall. That's, like, in a year? This is news?

"We are definitely one of the leading groups. I don't want to say we'll be the first, but we're definitely the leading edge." Somebody look at me!!!

“If the lemur jumps on Dave’s head, that’s good entertainment”

Iowa's Niabi Zoo to provide talent for Jack Hanna's Nov. 12 Letterman appearance.


Australian travel agents on busman's holiday to Brunei. A monkey is expected to be seen.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

A conversation piece, I guess

"What the hell is that thing?"

"Why, that's my orangutan skull. Like it?"


David Attenborough gets a fleet rate

Uganda considers raising ticket price to track chimps.

$4 million during the next few years

Duke University to better accommodate monkeys.

The red mouth ought to be a dead giveaway!

Madhya Pradesh, India betel-nut dealers plagued troubled by violent, thieving addicted monkey.

Paging Mr. Santayana, Mr. George Santayana

Franklin Park Zoo plans further escapades of Little Joe.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Scrum this!

English rugby player writes "what I did on my summer vacation" travel column about trip to Grenada, finds room to badmouth US, President Reagan.

With a photo that isn't it!

Whether or not it's a now recaptured pet, publicity-seeking nutjob who hasn't seen it declares the Tennessee critter to be a skunk ape.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

State of Washington puts more chimps on welfare

Cle Elum to host Chimpanzee Retirement Sanctuary Northwest

"Deputies plan to interview the man to make sure that his monkey was the one on the loose"

Tennessee mystery creature may be this escapee, now recaptured.

Tranzi reign of terror to visit Boca Raton

Queen of the Chimps uses foundation-funded celebrity to blame all world's problems on humans, Western culture. "If everybody acquired the standard of living the average American has, we'd need four more planets."

monkey population on course to outnumber humans

Indian state of Himachal Pradesh plans to sterilize teeming "delinquent" wild urban monkeys.

"It's probably a big dog"

Rural Pennsylvanians have been reporting a mysterious escapee, mothman, or chimera for years. And still are.

little Mogly

German escapee captured in Bremen old people's home.

"Neither department had a tranquilizer gun"

More local coverage of Stamford, CT chimp.

Update: more. Note to UT Veterinary School primate expert Dr. Edward Ramsey, quoted in previous post: "Travis runs his own bath water and prefers ice cream, wine from a tall-stemmed glass and filet mignon over bananas." Herbivorous, my ass.

Monday, October 20, 2003

"Virtually every primate is herbivorous"

Expert who hasn't seen it declares Tennessee escapee probably not a chimp, probably not killing cats.
"Odds are, if it killed anything, I don't think it would kill many and it wouldn't kill repeatedly."

Update: A more excitable take on things.

Another thought: Dr Instapundit and Mr. Hyde?

"It also fails the laugh test"

Money-hungry treehuggers report they're confused, frightened by proposed changes to endangered species importation policy, insist only the only thing that can work is more of what hasn't worked.

"I've been to the zoo, but I never thought I'd be chased down the street in Stamford"

Connecticut escapee gives Stamford cops a hard time, is recaptured.

Update: Brief local story with small blurry photo of the entertainment as it occurred.

Saturday, October 18, 2003


More Monkey-related items added to the permalinks at right.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Barn door, horse, etc.

Franklin Park Zoo investigating. Jack-booted Agriculture Dept thugs on the case, too. State cops want their own tranquilizer guns, Teddy nervous.

Update: Red Sox to offer manager spot to Little Joe

"planned march through the ancient, monkey-infested town"

Reuters thinks Indian muslims are endangered by Hindus. Cause Islam's the Religion of Peace and such, ya know.

"We don't want any trouble but if there is any violence against us, we may not be able to control retaliation by misguided Muslims,'' Maulana Musannah Miyan, a leading Muslim cleric told a news conference in the city.

I see nothing, nothing!

The wait pays off for gorilla photographer Schulz. (He took a picture of one, not he is one.) (If he is, it doesn't say so.)

Update: another story, this one with the photo.

Oh yeah, the monkey

Remains of long-missing squirrel monkey found in former Kresges in British Columbia.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Coltan, a rare metal used in manufacturing cellphones

Diane Fossey Gorilla Fund says Emmerson Mngangagwa, possible successor to Robert Mugabe, involved in Congo mineral trade, gorilla killing.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Monday, October 13, 2003

Maybe you could volunteer to take their place, Sunbeam

Alaskan PETA-wannabe can't find anything local to whine about, complains about a chimp in Nevada.

What's your major?

University of Louisiana-Monroe biology major researching whether monkeys learn by watching each other.

A common mistake

"The last time the town of Hartlepool had that many people at a public event was when they unceremoniously hung a monkey because they thought it was a French spy."

I cannot see, look out for me!

Australian scientists hard at work replacing contents of monkey's lens with silicon-based gel. "It will totally change ophthalmic surgery, if we can get it right."

Sunday, October 12, 2003

"It's a nice step towards applying this in humans"

Texas scientists transplant ovary into sterile monkey, harvest egg to produce test-tube monkey.

"she controlled the robot arm using only her brain and visual feedback"

Researcher implants monkey so it can play video game without moving.

Canadian Ape

Calgary Zoo touts gorilla exhibit

Ook, ook

Researchers discover that genetic defectives have trouble speaking, invite reporters in.

George Bush bad, scary. Ook.

Queen of the Chimps unmasks, leaves steaming pile of lefty elitism.

Update: "We must not sit still and do nothing." Watch the trees, keep watching the trees.

Saturday, October 11, 2003

Monkey Mikey

On the Fritz notes something about the big fibber.

"hot chilli soup with gorilla flesh"

"Monkey meat is real tasty especially if fried well with tomatoes, onions and some garlic.”

"We found a flag pole and a monkey head"

Kids cleaning the river bank in Johnson City, NY find something nasty.

Friday, October 10, 2003

Toonces got nothing on this, baby!

"St. Louis Zoo taught a monkey to master a driving course"

That ought to make for a pleasant lunch

SHARE Home School Group will have a park day at Community Park near the gorilla cage area. Evolving not permitted.

Your Tax Dollars at Work

NSF Funds Study to Simulate Primate Chewing.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

No running, kids!

American military base in Japan to remove “Monkey Mountain” from their elementary school playground since it's too dangerous under wussy new rules.

"Kofi Annan appointed Goodall as Messenger of Peace"

Queen of the Chimps takes time from her busy schedule to help indocrinate future Tranzis.

What, no elephant dung?

German "artist" to add gorilla corpse to exhibit of preserved bodies of humans, animals. "Now in Hamburg, it has had long runs in Germany and London, has toured in several countries and more than nine million people have visited it."

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

There's a Grey-shanked Douc?

Obscure primates face extinction

What are you looking at?

A Western lowland gorilla from Bristol Zoo that has had cataracts since birth has regained full sight following two groundbreaking operations.

What about the Burrowing parrots?

Gorillas are conservation's poster child, but you should feel guilty for not contributing to uglier animals, too.

Bwindi Tourist Visits Up Since May 2000

"Tourist visits to the park dropped sharply after Interahamwe militia attacked Bwindi in March 1999 and killed eight foreign tourists and a park warden." Well, yeah.

Ero primo

Italian mountaineer says he declared that the yeti is really a brown bear before Japanese alpinist did.

You suspected it, didn't you?

Monkeys are laughing at us!

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Monday, October 06, 2003

Oh, Drama!

Alaskan high-schooler visits Rwanda, sneaks up on gorillas.

A nice scientist-to-gorilla ratio

"A team of 100 African scientists is counting rare mountain gorillas living in the range straddling Congo, Rwanda and Uganda." "There are believed to be about 670 mountain gorillas living in the wild..."

Update: They'll be counting nests because it's "very difficult to count wild gorillas."

"Animal rights protestors will make their presence felt tomorrow"

Glaziers near Cambridge University expect a windfall.

Then we can just sit back and clip coupons!

Louisiana researcher has monkeys teaching monkeys.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

Don't Tell Eisner!

Queen of the Chimps is against chimps in show-biz.

"The Great Conservancy"

Kenya ponders a controversial land grab.

German film researcher interviews retired Hollywood chimp

Cheeta gets visitors.

"No one wants to have a gorilla escape"

Boston Globe reports that Little Joe's flight from Franklin Park Zoo isn't helping Zoo New England's quest for a plusher seat at the tax trough, and that they may be forced to buck up their notably poor attempts to find private money or even do something about controlling costs.

Saturday, October 04, 2003

Just Cross to the Other Side of the Street

Another Malaysian youngster suffers a monkey attack.

"looking for donor agencies"

"Project Primate," launched by India's Tripura State, purports to help conserve some fairly obscure primate species.

A little less "self-esteem", a little more "learn to read"

Queen of the chimps teaches Delaware tykes to speak chimp.

Friday, October 03, 2003

Goodbye, Rocky

Arkansas Little Rock Zoo gorilla dead after anesthesitized routine exam.

Well I'll be an Armadillo's Uncle!

Humans share near-identical uninitialized code patch areas with all sorts of critters.

Oh to be in Fresno, now that the Big Fresno Fair's come!

Next year, Poultry & Fowl, this year a diapered capuchin and various other rainforest denizens, diaper status not mentioned.

"It was so not computing."

Vermont wonders "guy in gorilla suit" or "sasquatch"?

Well, who could have predicted that?

New TV Tarzan panned.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Someone's tempting fate

Everest climbers visit Boudanath Stupa, belittle Monkey Temple.

Survivors of Lemuria

The Cheese Stands Alone on lemurs.

Painting chimp honored with sculpture

"Sammy, a 25-year-old resident of South Bend's Potawatomi Zoo, has been painting, off and on for the past seven years." As part of their Celebrate the Chimps project, the Zoo commissioned dozens of sculptures of chimps. This one is supposed to be Sammy.

This story includes one of the chimp's works.

Decatur, beware!

Apparent escapee spotted in Arkansas.

"She's our hero"

Queen of the chimps lies about D.U.. asks that attention be diverted from fighting terrorism.

I'd rather die

PETA-symp UK columnist against monkeys in medical research

Gorillas for me but not for thee

PETA-symp Boston columnist wants Little Joe set free.

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

That's gonna leave a mark

Miami Metrozoo vet bitten by Orangutan.

"The monkeys live in harmony with the people of Boabeng- Fiema"

Boabeng/Fiema is the only village in Ghana and Africa with over two hundred Geoffroy's Pied Colobus and five hundred Campbell's Mona Monkeys. Whether this is a good thing or a bad thing is left to the reader's tastes.

What tranquilizer gun?

History of problems at Franklin Park, allied zoos.

'cause we can't find reverse

Gorilla trekking in Uganda

What crime wave?

UK monkey breeder burgled out of business. Police hoping malefactors turn themselves in.

"Zoo officials said some problems had been fixed"

Inspection finds Washington D.C. National Zoo slumlike.

Neener, neener, neener

Columbus Zoo reminds us that none of their gorillas ever escaped into public areas. I blame Teddy.

Update: They admit they're concerned about the Orangutans, though.

Them or Us!

Harvard Anthropologist predicts extinction of wild Orangutans in 10-20 years, World Wide Fund for Nature calls shenanigans.

Monday, September 29, 2003

Locking the Zoo Door After the Gorilla's Gone

Franklin Park Zoo announces new security measures.

Be Glad it Wasn't Hoss

New York Post plays Boston escape story for laughs.

Update: with small blurry photo of gorilla at bus shelter.

Update: Same photo, I think, cropped wider to show police.

Update: Rantburg's view

Sunday, September 28, 2003

What's going on in Boston?

A New Zealand news site reports one person injured by a gorilla, escaped from Franklin Park Zoo, roaming Roxbury. I don't see any more local confirmation, though.

Update: not to be confused with this Franklin Park Zoo escape.

Update: UK Reuters has it

Update: Newsday AP confirms, two injured, and apparently it was Little Joe, the August escapee referenced above.

Update: A few more details.

Yeah, that oughta do it

A Hindu priest performs marriage ceremonies for snakes, fish, lizards, crabs, crows, ducks, parrots, dogs, donkeys, monkeys, cows and horses. Also people. "The marriage ceremony was held for the sake of peace."

"any monkey crossing the road otherwise than by the bridge will be fined"

Thailand builds brachiating bridge.

"If I die it is not going to be from a sudden cardiac arrest"

Wyoming CPR instructors don the traditional gorilla costumes.

Splish Splash

Sock Monkey Goes to Hollywood.

Friday, September 26, 2003

You're harshing our tourism mellow!

Nepalese yeti-mongers outraged by claim that yeti is a bear.

If At First You Don't Succeed

Obsessive North Carolina gardener hopes to get in a banana crop.

Hollywood still out of ideas

Animated feature of Curious George looms.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

Paging Tom Ridge

Researchers under attack by terrorists.

Every word, including "the" and "and"

China claims to establish nature reserve to protect golden monkeys.

Another mouth to feed

Louisville Zoo gorilla pregnant.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

It's just common sense

Don't drink river water without boiling it, don't eat monkey unless it's well-done.

If there are no eyes, avoid all contact

"The Action Heroine's Handbook" on sasquatch encounters: avoid eye contact.

Great for monkeys, what about people?

Wake Forest researchers develop line of monkey stem cells from gamete, not zygote.

Monday, September 22, 2003

Glenville NY escapee reported

Capuchin on the loose! "Mary Malewicz said, 'Grab his tail. He's prehensile...'"

Update: still missing

I blame Gray Davis

I don't like the look of this!

In your case, I'll make an exception!

Texas I.D. advocates preach to the choir.

Sunday, September 21, 2003

Back in the box, Debbie!

Zoo vets inflict Skinnerian behavior mods on their charges.

Saturday, September 20, 2003

Friday, September 19, 2003

Bad News for Monkeys!

Hawaiian banana output declines 30%. Banana bunchy top virus remains a concern for growers.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

"Rumans said the zoo poses no health risk to humans"

Diagnosis in Topeka Zoo orangutan death: rabbit fever.

$12 million / 12 gorillas

Louisville Zoo wins national award for Gorilla Forest exhibit.

"Then along came eBay"

Cleveland man collects "see no evil" monkeys. Local paper finds it newsworthy.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

Your Tax Dollars at Work

Emory University says capuchins want what they see other capuchins get.

"more intelligent than other monkeys of the same size"

Scranton, PA to build "Wildlife Center" full of non-native species. I say it's a zoo, and I say to hell with it!

Update: Curator is durned old bird lady.

Monday, September 15, 2003

"the monkey poses a safety and health risk"

One and a half months later, Green Bay says no, and means it this time. Bellevue, watch out.

Your Tax Dollars at Work

Duke researchers say monkeys tend to look in the same direction that they see other monkeys look.

"probably only has weeks left to live"

Crowds flock to Barcelona Zoo to watch Snowflake, world's only albino gorilla, die.

Friday, September 12, 2003

it still moves

Texas Board of Education is lobbied by friends, foes of science.

Your Tax Dollars at Work

Three year study says male baboons aren't bad parents.

I Don't Even Believe in Jeebus!

Arizona assistant pastor thinks African Eve disproves evolution.

"I have never done any physical exercise before this "

Normally sedentary man to raise money for monkeys by running through London in gorilla suit.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

No blogging today

Go here instead

Wednesday, September 10, 2003


New Zealand vets repair broken golden lion tamarin. That's one ugly little monkey.

Update: Pictures of the surgery

Monday, September 08, 2003

Westerns looking better all the time

Lucy Lawless to join cast of new Tarzan series.

All is not well in New Zealand

Auckland Zoo deaths continue.


Erma Bombeck wannabe reports "Cheetah still not dead. Tarzan, Jane not so lucky."

Greatest Hits

Faced with deadline, columnist reports on 1923 Ape-Man On The Loose column

Let them eat cane rats!

Zoological Society of London to encourage consumption of less photogenic Bushmeat species.

Sunday, September 07, 2003

Tie a string to a banana, that'll do it

Idaho high-schoolers tempt fate, attempt to attract noted monkey lady.

You could go unnoticed in such a place

"'Donde esta el mono?" Travel writer visits monkeys in Nicaragua.

Now what'll the tourists watch?

Wayan Limbak, originator of Ketjak, dead at 106.

Saturday, September 06, 2003

Thursday, September 04, 2003

Sunday, August 31, 2003

"they tend to live in small groups"

Congo pygmies sing. Remember, more bushmeat for you means less subsistence for them.

Saturday, August 30, 2003

Even commoners can be eccentric now

UK couple opt for gorilla-themed wedding.

"I am absolutely ruling it out"

Senator Clinton denies she will seek Presidential candidacy, is likened to 800-pound gorilla.

Friday, August 29, 2003

Thursday, August 28, 2003

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Hah! Just wait till you see what a couple of silverbacks can do to your nice B&B!

"Gorilla-Based Eco-tourism Planned for Trans Boundary Park"


But more important than the rest of this foolishness.

"the most charismatic of all wildlife species"

Malaysia comes out against orang-utan (hyphen's back) extinction.

"Forty-five minutes later the dish arrived"

Not only does Belgium, self-proclaimed conscience of the world, have a hankerin' for bushmeat, but the service is really terrible.

You realize, of course, that this means woah!

Elite Force Aviator: George W Bush doll introduced in UK, BBC hunts up Mark "the usual moonbat" Morford to compare the President to a monkey.

Chimp Dead at Nancy Zoo

Yew clippings, who knew?

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

"African parks should not exclude people's needs"

No gorilla advocate ever stands so tall as when he stoops to help a pygmy.

You say Cameroon, I say Cameroun

Nigeria and Cameroon to cooperate.

Idaho beware!

"The only chimpanzee show in the United States" and you're getting it.