Monday, May 31, 2004

Sunday, May 30, 2004

"This book should not exist"

Tarzan Presley.

And, Rowland must go.

"Our main concern was that Iwani’s mother might bite him again"

New Zealand's Auckland Zoo celebrates return of one-year-old siamang gibbon to abusive parents.

And, Rowland must go.



"They don't follow the story, of course"

Dallas zookeepers depend on idiot box to amuse gorillas in lockdown.

And, Rowland must go.



Flag to flag as expected. The rest of 'em blowed up or ran into each other or ran into each other and then blowed up.

And, Rowland must go.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

"unusual and reversible way to control overpopulation and incest"

The Monkey Park in Israel's Ben-Shemen Forest touts contraceptive implants for monkeys.

And, Rowland must go.

"post mortem on the dead animals but that hasn't revealed quite substantial results"

Intentional poisoning ruled out, apparently, in Shimla monkey deaths.

And, Rowland must go.

"another bad day for David Coulthard"

Order restored to F1

And, Rowland must go.

Mad, you call me mad?

For just short of four years now, Al's spent every evening in his living room, unshaved, in boxers and wifebeaters, making State of the Union speeches, addresses to the General Assembly, and Nobel Prize acceptance speeches. You'd be nuts, too.

Not that nuts, of course, but still...

Fun facts to know and tell

Fishing by electrifying the water is called "monkey-fishing." And don't get caught.

And, Rowland must go.

"I tried to eat the monkey meat, but it doesn't taste good no matter how you cook it"

Monkeys not on the menu for Michigan turkey-hunter.

And, Rowland must go.

"among the 14 Eco-Tourism Projects supported by the US government"

Mary Carlin Yates, US Ambassador to Ghana, formally opens Visitor Reception Centre at Tafi-Atome Monkey Sanctuary. Presumably this'll give them a place to put the gift shop.

And, Rowland must go.

Friday, May 28, 2004

"The police also warned that piranha had been released into rivers"

Bangkok your best bet for all your illegal wildlife needs, say Forestry Police and World Wide Fund for Nature.

And, Rowland must go.

"a lesser ape species native to Indonesia"

Siamang born at San Diego Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

There's a monkey in my pants!

"Not only are we going to fire Rumsfeld ... we're going to fire Rice
and Ashcroft and Powell and Mineta and Thompson," Gore enthused in his
speech to supporters. "We're going to fire Ridge and Jackson and
Veneman. And we're going to fire Norton and Evans and Abraham and
Paige and then we're going to Washington, D.C., to trash the White
House! Yeeeeeeah!"

Not without a SAG card, you don't!

Japanese TV show "Tensai! Shimura Dobutsuen" removes orangutan Chika-chan from cast.

And, Rowland must go.

"the infamous island of the spider monkeys"

Kids say the darndest things at the zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

"We’d almost been hoping that Sooty and Meeko would have a girl for a bit of variation"

Sooty and Meeko, Goeldi’s monkeys at UK's Living Rainforest, apparently break a record with eighth male baby in a row. At least it cuts down on incest.

And, Rowland must go.

"the lungs are affected, with foam like blood emanating from the mouth along with diarrhoea"

Dozens of monkeys mysteriously dying in Shimla, India.

And, Rowland must go.

Thursday, May 27, 2004

"the sound of the howler monkey"

Philadelphia Zoo opens "Peco Jungle Trek": "[s]eparated only by a pane of glass, you can stand next to a lowland gorilla or a Sumatran orangutan".

And, Rowland must go.

"Hey look! That monkey's drinking a can of Fanta!"

Via Ghost of a Flea, the history of Fanta, with pics of a soda-swilling monkey.

And, Rowland must go.

"the new hand-sized fluffy baby is doing well"

Lac Alaotra gentle lemur born at UK's Bristol Zoo Gardens.

And, Rowland must go.

"nearly 14 million people have visited his Body Worlds show"

German federal office for nature protection nix "anatomist/artist's" exhibition of gorilla corpse.

And, Rowland must go.

"Topeka Zoo will be getting a new male orangutan"

Topeka Zoo sends Elijah, 14-year-old Bornean Orangutan, to Salt Lake City.

And, Rowland must go.

"We're very pleased that the Waldrapp ibis have bred again"

Curraghs Wildlife Park, on the Isle of Man has many newborn animals, including crab-eating macaque.

And, Rowland must go.

"nine months after Lowell the orangutan ventured out of his cage at the zoo"

Unnamed baboon makes unsuccessful bid for freedom at Seneca Park Zoo in Rochester, NY.

And, Rowland must go.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

Photos of seven terrorists the FBI would like you to watch for

"83% of the 231 genes compared had differences that affected the amino acid sequence of the protein they encoded"

Human, chimpanzee DNA differences more complex than had been thought, says Riken Genomic Sciences Center in Yokohama, Japan.'

And, Rowland must go.

"Should you eat the coffee beans in your Sambuca?"

The contemporary Martini, considered as an analogy of simian evolution.

And, Rowland must go.

"if you have monkeys, you will have dung beetles"

Dung beetles prefer monkey's.

And, Rowland must go.

"and a variety of lizards"

Minnesota Zoo to feature two kinds of lemurs.

Update: ring-tailed and red-ruffed, as it turns out.

And, Rowland must go.

"Chimpanzees just don't belong in Hollywood"

Pamela Anderson complains of unfair competition. Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall is quoted.

And, Rowland must go.

"tarsiers are believed to have existed for about 45 million years"

Don't cuddle your tarsier, says Philippines Environment Secretary.

And, Rowland must go.

Monday, May 24, 2004

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Don't spritz the Prince!

Didn't see that coming.

Update: This was pretty obvious, in retrospect.

And, Rowland must go.

"a guinea pig that stands two to three feet tall"

Indiana's Potawatomi Zoo to build $250,000 walk-through exhibit of South American animals.

And, Rowland must go.

"It's not unmanageable. It just presents challenges"

Dallas Zoo gorillas still in lockdown, keepers work to prevent them becoming stir-crazy.

And, Rowland must go.

"Gorilla Haven is not open to the public"

Joe the Gorilla bucks up with a change of scene.

And, Rowland must go.

While they're anesthetized, as it turns out

Gorilla sperm bank.

And, Rowland must go.

"mastered the skills of climbing and jumping"

Picture of a monkey in China.

And, Rowland must go.

"We can't have 200 people coming down our driveway every day"

Kentucky's Primate Rescue Center holds annual open house. Yesterday. You could go next year.

And, Rowland must go.

Saturday, May 22, 2004

"If a gorilla can protect a child, why can't we?"

Chicago's Brookfield Zoo distances itself from Texas child abuse prevention campaign.

And, Rowland must go.

Not that it'll make a big difference come October, I don't suppose

And he'd be in the third row if his brother hadn't had to change an engine.

(Update): AP: "Michael Schumacher Doesn't Win Monaco Pole"

And, Rowland must go.

Friday, May 21, 2004

Your Tax Dollars at Work

US Fish and Wildlife Service gives $77,000 to Sierra Leone's Tacugama Chimpanzee Sanctuary.

And, Rowland must go.

"There is no admission charged to get into the zoo"

"Animals are the stars at National Zoo". Also, books are the big attraction at the local library

And, Rowland must go.


Denver Zoo to send new gorilla to Albuquerque Biological Park, await another birth.

And, Rowland must go.

"promoting best practice in animal testing"

Edinburgh: "new national centre dedicated to reducing the number of animals used in medical experiments", reducing annoying street-urchin glut.

And, Rowland must go.

"90 pieces of original artwork with "Curious George"-inspired items"

Louisville Free Public Library to host someone in a Curious George suit this weekend.

And, Rowland must go.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

"State Road 15 in Bristol, IN"

MonkeyWatch alert: Keep an eye out for new neighbors.

And, Rowland must go.

"Bajik is being introduced to his mother only for short periods of time"

Toledo Zoo shows off baby orangutan to reporters. You'll have to wait for three or four weeks.

And, Rowland must go.

"very little of this $275 goes back to the people who live around the park"

For $275, you too can try to trek through the Bwindi Impenetrable forest and see gorillas.

And, Rowland must go.

"It was like winning the Lotto"

Australian cancer patient visits Singapore Zoo to meet some orangutans.

And, Rowland must go.

Goodbye, M’Kubwa

North America's only Eastern Lowland gorilla euthanized at Houston Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

"and a pony painted with black stripes to make it look like a zebra"

Animals escape Rafah zoo, Reuters blames Israel. The monkey's whereabouts are uncertain at this time.

And, Rowland must go.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Good Old-fashioned Nightmare Fuel

"Padawan Municipal Council"

Malaysian Jedis, already having orangutans, to build place to stand and watch them. “We also have the Borneo Highland Resort for golfing tourists”

(There is no head-hunting on the golf course, absolutely none.)

And, Rowland must go.

"the zoo to raise the price of admission 50-cents for adults and children"

Indiana's Mesker Park Zoo to raise admission prices.

And, Rowland must go.

"Rusti has lived in a cage at the Honolulu Zoo for the past seven years"

Honolulu City Council Parks Committee agrees to accept gift of new permanent habitat for Rusti, the orangutan. Presumably the American Zoo and Aquarium Association has been mollified in some way.

And, Rowland must go.

"Nyamulagira is located north of Lake Kivu in Virunga National Park"

The sky is falling, on African wildlife.

And, Rowland must go.

"they probably wouldn't be able to tell one from the next"

Michigan's John Ball Zoo sees birth of brown-headed spider monkey and bongo.

And, Rowland must go.

"You can buy anything on the Internet except common sense"

Kentucky do-gooders seek to outlaw exotic pets.

And, Rowland must go.

"Zoo authorities have decided to perform similiar surgery on more animals suffering from cataract"

Lion-tailed macaque gets cataract surgery, lens replacement, at Thiruvananthapuram Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

First step towards Planet of the Apes

First monkey college in the US opens in Boston.

And, Rowland must go.

Goodbye, Kubi

Kubi dies ten days after lung surgery.

And, Rowland must go.

Monday, May 17, 2004

"an indigenous monkey-like cat with a unique skill"

San Mateo, CA to serve $10 cup of Kopi Luwak. Not if they paid me $10.

And, Rowland must go.

"down to 5,000"

Perhaps the faltering eastern lowland gorilla population ought to consider living at a higher altitude.

And, Rowland must go.

"delicacy made from carcasses which are primitively blow-torched"

Bushmeat (including gorilla and monkey meat) in Wales.

And, Rowland must go.

"The controversial production concerned scientists battling over the life of a gorilla"

Star of Prymate, which closed after five performances, receives honorary doctorate.

And, Rowland must go.

"It's like telling a child there's no Santa Claus"

Charlotte, NC costume retailer says his shop supplied gorilla suit for Patterson-Gimlin sasquatch film.

And, Rowland must go.

"It is an honour to have such an acclaimed collection of artists wanting to exhibit in our zoo"

Scotland's Edinburgh Zoo hosts art exhibit. Zoo inmates seem uninterested.

And, Rowland must go.

Operating on a gorilla, Campbell said, "makes you a better doctor."

Kubi continues to improve, provide fodder for medical journals and newspapers.

And, Rowland must go.

"beating up people and monkeys alike"

Monkey kung fu.

And, Rowland must go.

Saturday, May 15, 2004

"given the maximum sentence of 90 days in jail"

North Carolina woman pleads guilty to starving monkey, assorted other offenses, gets a slap on the wrist.

And, Rowland must go.

"monkeys do not forget when they are slapped on the hand"

Chips takes revenge.

And, Rowland must go.

"temperatures as low as -20C"

Wacky New Zealand, where it's winter now, and time to hold a Brass Monkey rally.

And, Rowland must go.

"a bleak picture"

Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall visits Philadelphia, trying to sell "Roots and Shoots" franchises.

And, Rowland must go.

"When they grow up to be scientists there won't be a lot left to study"

At Murietta, CA's Tovashal Elementary, it's reading, writing, arithmetic, and rain forests. Mostly rain forests.

And, Rowland must go.

Friday, May 14, 2004

A Response To Murder

Strengthen The Good

Update: more, and more.

"Sunday is their last day of public display"

Louisville Zoo's loaner gorillas and dividend to head for sweet home Chicago. Replacements coming soon.

And, Rowland must go.

"Kelly didn't want any photos taken when it happened"

St. Paul mayor assaulted by monkey in Cambodia. (Requires a password, but you've already got one for reading Lileks's regular column there.)

And, Rowland must go.

"According to animal services, no one has reported a lost monkey"

Arlington TX has either a squirrel or squirrel monkey on the loose.

And, Rowland must go.

"Gina is a very maternal animal"

Emergency caesarean for orangutan at UK's Jersey Zoo, mom and son doing fine.

And, Rowland must go.

"Gorillas on the Piste"

Make a fool of yourself for charity.

And, Rowland must go.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

"The judging was based entirely on which New World monkey sounded most like a slang term for female breasts"

Protein wisdom selects the Titi monkey as "New World Monkey of the Year."

And, Rowland must go.

St. Paul to look for gorilla porn

Hand-raised gorilla in Minnesota needs lessons in monkey love.

And, Rowland must go.

Timing is everything

Never mind the truth, documentaries are supposed to be sensational. right?

And, Rowland must go.

"lemurs are living models for the ancient primate mind"

Lemurs smart enough not to show intelligence until offered treats, says Duke researcher.

And, Rowland must go.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

"an area the size of Belgium is destroyed every year"

Greenpeace to initiate distasteful got illegal wood? billboard campaign.

And, Rowland must go.

"Part Chimp"

I'd say "everybody needs a gimmick", but I'm rather easily dismissed with that comment myself, no?

And, Rowland must go.

"Experts say this may not necessarily be the best option for the animals"

New Delhi to dump 241 rhesus monkeys in another province, where they won't be New Delhi's problem anymore.

And, Rowland must go.

"Gomber took up this hobby only in the later stages of his life"

Indian man Hanuman memorabilia collector.

And, Rowland must go.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

"They also eat our chicken"

No longer satisfied with children, Uganda chimp attacks 17-year-old.

And, Rowland must go.

"It's a conundrum"

Sick gorilla gets free health care, apparently journalists don't. Go figure.

And, Rowland must go.

"bamboo lemurs of Madagasgar who depend entirely on bamboo for food"

UK's Linton Zoo has unspecified plans to save endangered lemurs.

And, Rowland must go.

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Thursday, May 06, 2004

"We just love monkeys"

Clairemont CA family has six monkeys.

And, Rowland must go.

"Whether we like it or not, we shall see ekimansulo"

Uganda having trouble attracting paying gorilla-watchers, hopes you'll pay to watch nude dancers.

And, Rowland must go.

"was not responding to treatment"

Sulawesi macaque euthanized at Washington D.C.'s National Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

"many first-time gorilla mothers do not show natural maternal instincts"

Denver Zoo has delinquent gorilla mom.

And, Rowland must go.

"he is evidently tough-minded"

Richard Leakey works Jane Goodall's side of the street. Queen of the Chimps ominously silent.

And, Rowland must go.

Goodbye, Max

Max, South Africa's anti-crime gorilla, dies in his sleep at age 33, at Johannesburg Zoo.

Update: old age.

And, Rowland must go.

"A lot of research they do is all hush-hush"

Florida neighborhood promises that to refrain from anything newer than aspirin and penicillin.

And, Rowland must go.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Goodbye, Caesar

Caesar, a 26-year old western lowland gorilla, dead of a heart attack at Zoo Atlanta.

Update: "a rare and severe case of bowel inflammation".

And, Rowland must go.

"It's one of those things"

Truck carrying waste water fouled with monkey droppings spills all over Milwaukee highways. Zoo officials claim "It doesn't pose any health problems," and it smells like roses.

Update: $184 ticket issued, no mention of a civil suit to recover cleanup costs.

And, Rowland must go.


Via Possumblog, The half that didn't die before they got old.

"a small bright spot in the war-tattered economy"

Monkey meat a bargain at Congo refugee camp.

And, Rowland must go.

"never smoked a day in his life"

Kubi, a gorilla at San Francisco Zoo, to undergo surgery for chronic bronchitis. Prognosis not so good.

And, Rowland must go.

"Singapore authorities confiscated Blue last year"

Singapore repatriates vervet monkey.

And, Rowland must go.

"The ban on pet elephants makes more sense"

Saskatoonians can't own monkeys. Ha-ha.

And, Rowland must go.

"She left her field work in 1977 to found the institute"

Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall parts fools from money in Nebraska.

And, Rowland must go.

"a positive test for tuberculosis in one of the St. Louis gorillas"

Riverbanks Zoo to be gorilla-free a bit longer than intended.

And, Rowland must go.

"they might be on exhibit in a week or two"

Western lowland gorilla born at Denver Zoo. Another such birth expected there within the month.

And, Rowland must go.

Monday, May 03, 2004

"The lemur monkeys died, the kangaroos died"

Florida's Octagon Wildlife Sanctuary at the Shell Factory closes after spate of animal escapes, deaths. It'll reopen at the end of the month, with a new name and new management.

And, Rowland must go.

"breeding like bunnies"

Los Angeles Zoo mandates contraceptive use.

And, Rowland must go.

"other viruses have been commonly found in this form of lymphoma"

No, no, we didn't mean HIV, we meant non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

And, Rowland must go.

the world's largest living lizard

Michigan's John Ball Zoo puts new komodo dragon near Monkey Island. Monkeys trying not to attract attention to themselves.

And, Rowland must go.

"police are looking for a man who disappeared along with the exotic pets last week"

Stolen monkeys found safe in Las Vegas.

And, Rowland must go.

"It's kind of like computerized dating"

Zookeepers spend a lot of time thinking about fertility.

And, Rowland must go.