Or so the Grauniad says:

Bonobos share stuff and enjoy the odd orgy while Pan troglodytes is too busy fighting over every little thing.

“estimated at about 8-months-old”

Baby Mountain Gorilla confiscated from poachers by Rwandan police on the border of the Democratic Republic of Congo.

“monkeys are capable of functioning as armies”

New Delhi's monkeys learn to fight back against langurs.

“named Monkey”

Illicit baboon seized in Madison, WI.

“and will blow-dart them with tranquilizer”

Chaos erupts as police and monkeys openly battle at Shelbyville, TN

“extraordinary monkeys”

Milly the mandrill at UK's Colchester Zoo plays peekaboo.

Goodbye, Timmy!

Timmy, a 52-year-old Silverback gorilla, was euthanized Tuesday at Louisville Zoo due to declining heart health and other quality of life issues.

“the cotton top shares its hairstyle”

Huh, who knew, otherwise socially conscious Canada a hot-bed of speciesism!

"huge"

20 million year old ape skull found in Uganda.

Bad idea, this is how trouble starts

Thai zoo uses captive chimpanzee labor to raise valuable tiger cub.

Ooh-la-la!

Badongo the gorilla, newly arrived from La Vallee des Singes casts a speculative eye at the local talent at Jersey's Durrell wildlife park, where gorilla Jambo stood guard in 1968, protecting a boy who'd fallen into his enclosure.

“but it is still a challenge”

Six orphaned gorillas come home to the DRC.

“increased by 54 percent”

What's that noise behind us? Was it an increasingly numerous Chimpanzee?

Happy Birthday, Stumpy!

Europe's oldest ring tailed lemur celebrates 25th birthday at Five Sisters Zoo in Polbeth Scotland.

“only a monkey without hair”

Mangy monkey serially mistaken for a bunny and a alien visitor.

“titi monkey adenovirus”

In case there aren't enough diseases to kill you yet, monkeys invent more.

“Never touch a gorilla!”

Going out of your way to see the gorillas.

Chinese monkey menace, it seems

China needs more monkeys, if this isn't satire. Me, I got my doubts.

“and dresses them up in tiny outfits”

Foreigners are mocking us because of you, dern old monkey lady!

Happy Birthday, Maggie!

Orangutan at Chicago's Brookfield Zoo marks a milestone with carrot-and-sweet-potato cake.

“we can’t do anything but wait for the monkeys to leave”

As if monkey menace weren't enough before, now add rabies.

One paragraph for the story, one for the mission statement

One-week-old silver leaf monkey Thai removed from care of first-time mother who was doing it wrong, say San Diego Zoo animal care staff.

“Red Ruffed Lemurs will have a large toy”

Animal Enrichment Day at Bloomington, IL's Miller Park Zoo.

“she was attacked from behind”

In Bangalore, monkey menace yields to monkey terror.

Even on radio, kids and animals

Bubba the Monkey: 0, Gorilla Glass: 1.

I got your Ebsen sauce hangin, boy!

Bangor ME parolee banged up for getting high on monkey dust, as the kids call it.

Dick the Red to Primates:

Drop dead. Or 'take your stinking paws off of me, you damned dirty ape'. I can't decide between the Ed Koch reference or the Planet of the Apes one.

The bloggers lot is not a happy one. (You see what I did there? A gratuitous Gilbert and Sullivan hat tip!)

S/W slash FTW

I keep two copies of Elements of Style, third edition, on my desk at work in case one gets borrowed.

“lovely gentle animals”

New home for two rescued lemurs in Northern Ireland.

“staked to the ground”

Kalispell Police Department reports a large, inflatable gorilla was stolen Friday.

“import permits, health certificates and laboratory reports”

Insufficiently amused by the glittering, if delayed, world of Formula One motor racing, Richard Branson to populate his private island with dozens of ring-tailed lemurs.

“the first zoo to help an orangutan use a breast pump”

Two orangutan babies meet their public for the first time at Fresno's Chaffee Zoo.

Goodbye, Haloko

44-year-old female Western Lowland gorilla Haloko, the only wild-born gorilla at the National Zoo, euthanized yesterday, suffering effects of congestive heart failure.

“which means 'precious one' in Swahili”

Australians charmed by mother-daughter gorilla bonding by Kriba and Kipenzi at Taronga Zoo.

“Monkeys do need food to survive”

Plan to cull vervet monkeys around South Africa's Hartbeespoort Dam meets opposition.

Goodbye, Misha

One-year-old gorilla dies at Columbus Zoo and Aquarium.

“get the monkeys down”

Manitowoc County's Two Rivers Opera House, remembered as a place where performing monkeys would get loose and need caught.

“I have the right not to have a goat in the seat next to me”

Americans with Disabilities Act rules change, service monkeys hardest hit.

“a Canadian goose versus a monkey”

Spider monkeys fail in escape attempt from Utah's Hogle Zoo.

“They’ve both been pretty chill”

Dallas Zoo welcomes two new adolescent male lowland gorillas: B’wenzi and Juba.

“Sumatran Orangutan Conservation Programme”

Expert from Jersey's Durrell Wildlife Trust plans visit to Indonesia's Batu Mbelin orangutan quarantine centre to see twins born to two blind orangutans.

Insert your own disparaging comment

UK student to be caged, live like a gorilla, for 24 hours at Paignton Zoo.

“Carefully and with a sedative”

Gorillas given thorough physicals by jumpy vets at Brookfield Zoo.

“they're not monkeys”

Ever-hungry alligators at St. Augustine Alligator Farm and Zoological Park watch new lemur neighbors with interest.

“It was sore but it was worth it”

Outgoing 18-year-old UK girl bounces more than six miles on a "space hopper" balloon while thinking of gorillas.

Compare & contrast

Titi monkey vs. Amherst County Courthouse monkey

“worth an estimated $100”

Abilene TX theft of "fuzzy, brown gorilla suit" unrelated to Jane Goodall's imminent arrival, authorities say.

“primates can suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome and Stockholm syndrome”

Story Book Farm Primate Sanctuary, Canada's only primate sanctuary.

“police have identified three juvenile suspects”

A small monkey was found dead at Frank Buck Zoo in Texas, following a break-in by vandals this weekend.

“scientists seek to treat all species humanely”

Without research chimpanzees, new cures don't get discovered.

“other monkeys in the troop have started to serve as baby sitters”

Illinois's Niabi Zoo celebrates February birth of a black and white Colobus monkey, Hank.

“adventure is in her blood”

National Geographic pauses from non-stop AGW for the swimsuit issue.

Costly kebabs

Chimpanzee meat, at over 20 pounds a kilogram, seized from market stalls in Britain.

"cardiac tamponade"

Necropsy findings released in January death of Hank the chimpanzee at Tennessee's Chattanooga Zoo.

Goodbye, Maki

16-year-old chimpanzee at North Carolina Zoo, mother of the first chimp born there, dies after anesthesia as part of treatment for an abscessed tooth.

“Kambiri”

Four-month-old gorilla at the Boston's Franklin Park Zoo is named. Kambiri means “allow me to join the family.”

“inflammation of the brain, fluid in the lungs and fibrosis in the heart”

Necropsy fails to find definitive reason for death, but gorilla Kimba of South Carolina's Riverbanks Zoo and Garden stubbornly remains dead.

“he had died on the spot”

Man in India's Galta Gate dies after third floor rooftop fall while fighting marauding monkeys.

“Actually, he's Brisbane's stolen monkey”

The wrong stolen tamarin monkey turned in to Australia's Simbio Wildlife Park.

“more than two to three days to catch a monkey”

Municipal Corporation of Delhi wises up: if you want more monkey catchers, pay more for monkey catchers!

“proportionately largest brain of all primates”

Squirrel monkeys born at Virginia Zoo.

“seven in the past month”

Complaint filed, federal inspection planned, in death of Hank, 42-year-old chimpanzee at Chattanooga Zoo.

Goodbye, Lulu

46-year-old gorilla, first gorilla to give birth at New York's Central Park Zoo, dies Monday at Columbus Zoo and Aquarium after suffering seizures.

“the reincarnation of their ancestors”

Wild chimpanzees solve Gordian Knot.

“It was named Kipenzi”

Australia gains a gorilla!

Goodbye, Hank

42-year-old chimpanzee at Chattanooga Zoo dies in his sleep. Zoo plans to have life celebration, probably with religion-neutral dances.

“known to damage crops and steal food”

Japan's champion bitey monkey breaks jail.

“illegal ape parts”

Getting ahead in the bushmeat trade.

Yikes!

The always thought-provoking TJIC blog is down after Travis made a nekulturny joke. (h/t)

More

Still more.


OK, I hate joining things, but really!

“the first time the zoo’s chimps had attacked”

Friday, chimpanzees at Riverside Discovery Center in Scottsbluff, Nebraska bite two fingers off of keeper's hand. It's unclear if they were successfully reattached.

“We take a ‘hands-off’ approach with all primates”

Patas money born at Rosamond Gifford Zoo, in Syracuse NY.

“so she will have a tubal ligation”

Little Rock Zoo announced Wednesday that Judy the chimpanzee has lost two offspring: one stillborn, the other a few days after birth.

“langurs were brought in to keep the monkeys at bay”

At the Sanjay Gandhi Post-Graduate Institute of Medical Sciences in Lucknow, India, they'll set a monkey to catch a monkey.

“injuries mainly on the face”

Student injured in monkey attack at India's Jakhu temple (dedicated to Lord Hanuman, the monkey god.)

“fruit and other treats inside piñatas”

A party will be held this weekend at El Paso Zoo to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the birth of Henry the Sumatran orangutan.

“Penguins are exempt from the count this year”

Annual nearly-comprehensive animal count underway at London Zoo.

“hurting people”

Tennessee minister/photographer recounts his many adventures and his catholic diet while globe-trotting.

Not much meat on one, I bet

Madagascar police capture a poacher with 32 grilled lemurs.

More.

“tamarin monkeys are not allowed out to play in the snow”

Only animals with warm fur frolic in the cold of the UK's Linton Zoo.

“birthday party”

Maria, a native of Sacramento, lives with her parents Pablo and Amelia at the chimpanzee enclosure at the Land Park zoo.

“mother and baby are in good health”

They're breeding like bonobos at Ohio's Columbus Zoo and Aquarium.

“You don't want to transfuse the wrong type of blood”

Veterinarians at Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo build a library on great ape hematology and an international registry to record the blood types of captive apes on four continents.

“EXOTIC ANIMALS DON'T MAKE GOOD PETS”

Illicitly-kept Marmoset in Michigan reported in a very shouty article.

“It's pretty amazing”

Baby orangutans get around the clock attention from keepers at Fresno's Chaffee Zoo.

“Refuting the animal-loving NGOs allegations”

India's Himachal Kheti Bachhao Sangarsh Samiti political party makes fighting monkey menace a priority.

“he throws presents to the chimps”

Santa visits the chimps of Loxahatchee, FL.

“ancient hominins”

Prehistoric Siberians interbred with "Denisovan" ape-men, Max Planck Institute Professor Svante Paabo says.

“a decline in topeng monyet”

Fashions change; Indonesia's performing monkeys hardest hit.

“eventually captured”

A pet capuchin monkey in Miami-Dade bit a local during an escape attempt.

“leaves the visitors with bad memories”

India's Himachal Pradesh state the site of battles between farmers, monkeys, and PETA loons.

“severed her spinal cord”

Guilty plea after weird "medical experiments" performed on vervet monkey in South African amateur lab.

“even though he has undergone treatment”

Chimpanzee at India's Mysore Zoo is disturbingly bald due to alopecia.

“for use in British labs”

Britain needs monkeys!

And you thought claddists were bad...

A new statistical model using DNA evidence claims that our evolutionary line diverged from that of chimpanzees 8 million years ago.

“booked all the rooms in ITC Maurya”

Commandos, snipers, and monkey catchers to be deployed to protect Barack Obama from New Delhi monkeys during his November jaunt.

“there is no cause for alarm at this time”

Scientist at California National Primate Research Center in Davis appears to have contracted a never-before identified strain of adenovirus from a colony of Titi monkeys. Authorities downplay need for immediate panic.

“a whole lot of monkey business”

Australia's Perth Zoo keeping busy with five primate births over the last six weeks.

“after it terrorized a neighborhood”

All ends well in Kansas City 300-pound chimpanzee escape.

“I call it ‘bug-eye gorilla’”

Bigfoot believers are seen, dimly, in Oregon.

Goodbye, Jilloch

A 34-year-old chimpanzee at Britain's Twycross Zoo died last weekend, after suffering heart failure.