Stay alive, don't buy Chinese!

Utility Knife Recalled by Dollar Tree Due to Laceration Hazard

“a contest to name the baby monkey”

L.A. Zoo reports a surprise when a Kikuyu colobus monkey, who had been on contraceptives, gives birth to a one-pound, eight inches long, bundle of monkey joy.

“Ollie”

Erie Zoo names their baby orangutan.

“the oldest gorilla in captivity”

Colo, at 53, probably the oldest living gorilla, wants you off the lawn at Columbus Zoo and Aquarium.

(It occurs to me that I, too, am 53. And that I, too, want you off the lawn.)

Stay alive, don't buy Chinese!

Fall Hazard Prompts NHTSA, CPSC and Dorel Juvenile Group to Announce Recall of Infant Car Seat/Carriers

5.11 Tactical® Knives Recalled Due to Laceration Hazard

“attributed to a documentary”

When the Dutch plan a vacation, "chimpanzee sanctuary" comes to mind, apparently.

“a companion for Cheli and Ginger”

Makan, a 6-year-old male Sumantran Sumatran orangutan, moves to Sacramento Zoo.

Never trust a man with a monkey

British serial killer Peter Tobin carried a monkey on his shoulder when he went hunting girls.

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Christmas Tree Toppers Recalled by Precious Moments Due to Fire Hazard

Child’s Asphyxiation Death Prompts Recall of Toy Dart Gun Play Set by OKK Trading

Home Depot Recalls Dehumidifiers Due to Fire and Burn Hazards

Goodbye, Katie

36-year-old western lowland gorilla dead of abdominal cancer at North Carolina's N.C. Zoo

“a small ceremony has been planned”

A new alpha monkey takes charge at Japan's Mount Takasaki Natural Zoological Park.

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JCPenney Recalls Cooks® Outdoor BBQ Grills Due to Fire Hazard

“no restrictions to coming up with names”

Monkey-naming contest for baby Colobus that was born Feb. 5 at South Carolina's Greenville Zoo. Mail link

Goodbye, Hobbit

30-year-old gorilla at South Africa's National Zoological Gardens dies after diabetes diagnosis, suffering complications including kidney and eyesight damage.

“two dead monkeys and monkey body parts”

An unpleasant surprise in the mail today in Ireland.

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OSRAM SYLVANIA Recalls Portable Nightlights Due to Electric Shock Hazard

Toy Trucks Recalled by Variety Wholesalers Due to Violation of Lead Paint Standard

“the defeat of the Third Reich and the Axis powers”

No parsnips were buttered.

Update: Vladimir Putin chimes in on Obama Peace Prize.

“something may really be out there”

Reports of a monkey sighting in Novato CA.

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Children’s Plush Books Recalled by Simon & Schuster Due to Choking Hazard

“He had a pet monkey”

No signs of buyer's remorse in Indonesia, as they erect a statue of Barack Obama as a 10-year-old.

Stay alive, don't buy Chinese!

Evenflo Recalls Cake Toys on Children’s Activity Centers Due to Choking Hazard

Infant Suffocation Deaths Prompt Recall of Amby Baby Motion Beds/Hammocks

“seeking permission to sue the state”

Stamford State's Attorney David Cohen calls for enough newscamera crews so he can release a statement on the Charla Nash chimpanzee attack for the evening news.

Update: does not plan to charge the owner!

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Team Work Trading Expands Recall of Children’s Metal Pendants Due to Risk of Lead Exposure

Children’s Hooded Sweatshirts with Drawstrings Recalled by Allura Imports Due to Strangulation Hazard

Lucky it wasn't 'Ron Paul'

Philadelphia Zoo to name baby orangutan 'Batu' after online contest.

"unusual"

Medical Examiner rules that elderly couple found dead in their FL home died of natural causes. A pet monkey was reportedly standing guard over one of the bodies.

Update : “the monkey's leash was wrapped around Whitson's neck”. Nothing to see here.

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Children’s Hooded Sweatshirts with Drawstrings Recalled by NTD Apparel Due to Strangulation Hazard

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Blenders Recalled by Haier America Due to Laceration Hazard

“overprotective tendencies”

A Callimico Goeldi monkey is killing other monkeys at Canada's Cherry Brook Zoo with misguided kindness.

“somehow escaped their SUV”

Shelbyville TN learns: if you invite foreigners you invite their pet monkeys.

“a lot of trouble if he didn't say how he got that monkey”

Florida monkey-napper comes clean, marmoset safe.

“a troupe of 29 baboons raided four cars”

Increasingly aggressive troupes of monkeys in Cape Town, South Africa.

“monkeys are unpredictable”

Indiana girl suffers due to heartland monkey mania.

“monkeys attack people if they carry anything”

India's monkey menace continues unabated.

“swinging from treetops to rooftops”

Florida's runaway monkey still on the run, last seen in Oldsmar.

“likely the same macaque that was seen in East Tampa last week”

Day care lock-down in Hillsborough, FL, as monkey is seen roaming.

"cloned human meat at prices you like"

Cloning Animal 57 for fun and profit. (h/t)

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Grand World Recalls “Bobby Chupete” Pacifiers Due to Choking Hazard

Children’s Hooded Sweatshirts and Jackets Recalled by Century 21 Promotions, Inc. Due to Strangulation Hazard

Update This just in: Fire and Burn Hazards Prompt Recall of Gas Grills Sold at Lowe’s Stores

Meta meta meta

Got my novel H1N1 vaccination today. Didn't think to demand extra thimerosal, but they might not have gotten the joke, so it's just as well that I didn't.

“Nassir, Neo, Niko, Nigel and Nsambu”

Toronto Zoo to name baby gorilla in camera-friendly publicity stunt.

Update: Nassir.

Down the rat-hole it goes!

$5.1 million in federal tax-payer's money awarded to Boston's New England Primate Research Center.

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Treestands Recalled by Gander Mountain Company Due to Fall Hazard

Backpack Blowers Recalled by Homelite Due to Fire Hazard

Bicycles Recalled by Easton Sports; Stem Failure Poses Fall Hazard

“it may not even be a monkey”

Tampa, FL police responded this morning to an unconfirmed report of a monkey in a tree.

Update: Monkey, confirmed.

“Gorilla Tough Cuff”

Zoo Atlanta and a group of Georgia Tech undergraduates succeed in getting voluntary blood pressure readings from Ozzie, a 48-year-old male western lowland gorilla,

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Maclaren USA Recalls to Repair Strollers Following Fingertip Amputations

Ouch!

“We have always only had males”

Two female gorillas moved from Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo to FL's Jacksonville Zoo and Gardens.

Goodbye, M’Bili

17-year-old male Lowland gorilla found dead Saturday morning at Topeka Zoological Park. A necropsy will be performed.

Update: Uh-oh, the death "comes amid controversy at the zoo."

Update: Necropsy results: ruptured aortic aneurysm.

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The Life is Good Company Travel Mugs Recalled Due to Burn Hazard

Children’s Art Easels Recalled by MacPherson’s Due to Violation of Lead Paint Standard

Vulgar boatmen of the Ganges

Dying their monkeys hair black to attract the tourist trade

“A monkey has died”

New openness at Topeka Zoo.

“a Guinness World Record”

1,061 people dressed as gorillas in Denver, CO.

“armed with handguns”

Tell the Northern Ireland police, I suspect monkeys in monkey masks!

She's still alive??!?

Heiress Grace Slick tells the government to phase out the use of chimpanzees in invasive experiments. I predict this will come to tears when she finds she would have benefited from an as-yet-nonexistent medical treatment.

Enrichment

An orangutan eating a pumpkin is seen in these photos taken at Washington DC's National Zoo.

Happy Birthday, Vila!

52-year-old western lowland gorilla, 3rd oldest in the US, celebrates birthday at San Diego Zoo's Wild Animal Park. Peanut butter-frosted banana ice cake was served.

“fatal mauling”

Everyone loses when a zookeeper goes bush.

hint:

bacon always makes you feel better.

More dignified than Wellstone funeral

National Geographic Magazine photographs chimpanzees at Cameroon's Sanaga-Yong Chimpanzee Rescue Center watching as the body of one of their own is buried.

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Halloween Flashlights Sold Exclusively at Target Recalled Due to Burn Hazard

Sony Recalls Computer AC Adapters Due to Shock Hazard

Stay alive, don't buy Chinese!

Belkin International Inc. Recalls SurgeMaster™ Surge Protectors Due to Shock Hazard

Near Strangulation of Child Prompts Recall of Roman Shades by Whole Space; Sold Exclusively by Hanover Direct/Domestications

Near Strangulation of Children Prompts Recall of Roman Shades by Louis Hornick & Co.; Sold Exclusively at Bed Bath & Beyond

“This is so different from the woman in Stamford”

Fleet-of-foot residents of toney Greenwich, CT may be protected in case of cheetah escape from Lionshare Farm.

“utterly morally reprehensible”

UK food critic AA Gill shoots a baboon just to watch it die!

“grant money, time, and monkey eggs”

Stem cell faker Woo Suk Hwang convicted in Korean court.

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Flatware Recalled by Cambridge Silversmiths Due to Choking Hazard

Coby Electronics Recalls Rechargeable Batteries Sold with Portable DVD/CD/MP3 Players Due to Fire Hazard

“agoraphobia and anxiety disorder”

Springfield, MO. woman's monkey ruled not a service animal.

Who's your daddy?

Trouble among the evolutionary biologists!

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Idea Village Recalls Wireless Light Switches Due to Fire Hazard

Haunted House Screen Candle Holders Recalled by Coyne’s & Co. Due to Fire Hazard; Sold Exclusively at Yankee Candle

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Raynor Marketing Recalls Quantum Office Chairs Due to Fall Hazard; Sold Exclusively at Office Depot Stores

“The poor animal had mastoiditis”

Scienceblogs blogger Corpus Callosum on a Gorilla in a CAT Scanner.

(The surgery was successful).

Goodbye, Fifi

49-year-old chimpanzee Fifi, one of the oldest female chimps in North America, dead at the Toledo Zoo. Necropsy will follow.

“should be treated like a workers' compensation claim”

Owner says I'm sorry my chimpanzee ruined your body and your life, but it shouldn't cost me a fortune, too!

Ape name news

An infant gorilla at Omaha's Henry Doorly Zoo is newly-named Hadari. A baby chimpanzee in Arkansas waits for a naming contest next month.

“central government has assured cooperation”

More promises that action, to date, in combating monkey menace in Himachal Pradesh, India.

“it only takes one monkey to replace a newspaper’s sports department”

Big News to begin replacing robot-like reporters with robotic reporters.

“kids talk back to you”

Recently-rescued baboon tries to adjust to new environment.

“I am suffering from a high fever today”

Brachiation is espoused.

Prediction for 2010:

Roman Polanski has something special to look forward to!

“fatally injured by the 50,000 Volt raw current”

Kenyan groups seeks help in protecting local monkeys.

“wild animals should not be kept as pets”

Captive baboon rescued from Kentucky garage. (Hint: there's a job opening down at Cooter's now, for the right man.)

An undocumented primate?

A monkey escaped its owner in Basehor, KS. It returned without further incident, but police want to see proof of a monkey permit.

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Wooden Toys Recalled by Daiso Due to Choking Hazard

I guess the rules are different for celebrities

Doesn't the boss pooching the hired help usually lead to recriminations and lawsuits?

Update: Now the recrimations aplenty! Still waiting for the other shoe, though. (h/t)

“zoo's first baby orangutan in 17 years”

Orangutan born at Philadelphia Zoo.

“fewer than a dozen times on gorillas”

Cataract surgery for Josephine, a 42-year-old gorilla at FL's Miami Metrozoo.

h/t: Gateway Pundit

Garrison Keillor: Soylent Green is Republicans!

“my friends at PETA”

Movie phenomenon without-a-reason Benicio Del Toro would rather watch your family die untreated than see one precious monkey harmed. All show-folk are the enemies of decent people.

“1.2 million years older than the skeleton of Lucy”

Partial reconstruction of Ardi, a 4.4 million-year-old Ardipithecus ramidus, the oldest known hominid skeleton.

Update: UPI claims Kent State University Professor C. Owen Lovejoy insists they evolved from us, not we from they!

Update: Maybe a more accurate interpretation is Kent State University Professor C. Owen Lovejoy insists we didn't evolve from Ardipithecus ramidus, both we and they evolved from a common ancestor.

Where UPI evolved from, nobody's saying.

Aint no big deal!

First Connecticut was a laughing-stock because we were an unwitting host to a bird-fighting ring. Now, because the sentence was probation.

Stay alive, don't buy Chinese, no fooling!

Lamplight Farms Recalls Replacement Torch Fuel Containers Due to Fire Hazard

“fulfilled her purpose”

Gorilla born at Toronto Zoo,

“which had escaped from a zoo”

Calls are made to police in UK as gorilla-costumed charity runner is mistaken for gorilla.

“the orangutan loves his dog”

Suryia the orangutan and Roscoe, his hound dog

“part of Mrs Wombwell's Travelling Menagerie”

150 years after the fact, Jenny, the UK's first gorilla, becomes a media star.

What a maroon!

He's not beneath contempt, repugs, he's entirely deserving of contempt!

They do protest too much

Why do Democrats assume that any references anyone else makes to monkeys can only refer to the President?

“to beat their ideological drum”

A struggling scholar gets all wee-weed up at people who fail to ignore facts instead of reciting the politically correct view of bonobos.

A gorilla may put the touch on you, though

Those with a Facebook account can Friend a Gorilla.

h/t

A poor man's Rich Little

Kathleen Sebelius does Bela Lugosi impressions.

Goodbye Charlie

Charlie, chimpanzee at the Oregon Zoo, dies of suspected heart attack or stroke.

Stay alive, don't vacation in China, either!

Monkey pushes vacationing woman off cliff in Chengdu China.

Stay alive, don't buy Chinese!

Garlic Press/Slicers Recalled by Trudeau Corporation Due to Laceration Hazard