That makes all the difference, I guess

At least when the current Governor of New York pays for his girlfriends with public funds she's an amateur, not as with the previous Governor.

“including Australopithecus”

You gotta crawl before you can walk, 6 million years ago.

“as was George Bush”

An Obamamessiah-worshipper considers Hillary as a monkey trapped in a monkey-trap.

Daily New York scandal

I'm shocked! New York's new Governor spent campaign funds on Miss Sleepover? Where'd he learn a trick like that?

“executions”

Arrest made in Congo over 2007 gorilla killings at Virunga.

“concerned over his interaction with state officials”

Connecticut mocked by surrounding states for former Governor Rowland's asexual scandal.

“clothed in nappies”

Keeping tidy while fostering an abandoned gorilla.

“speciesist”

Animal rights arson. Fun & games for the anarchist set.

Lie down with democrats...

Who expected anything else?

Update: Oh yeah, didn't see that coming.

“frivolous subhumans”

A “group of leading scientists&rdquo seeks to ban chimpanzees from New Zealand TV advertising.

“David Paterson was sworn in today”

Out with the bad air, in with the good.

New York held hostage, day 8

Could a career in assertiveness training lie ahead?

New York held hostage, day 7

Just a week of Republican schadenfreude!

New York held hostage, day 6

This is only the beginning...

It's that time again

Eat a Tasty Animal for PETA (IEATAPETA) Day: the happiest day of the year!

New York held hostage, day 5

Hunt on for naked pics of Dupre.

New York held hostage, day 4

Limousine liberal Muttawah vows vengeance, impotently.

“Counselors have been sent”

Escaped chimpanzee shot dead in Texas.

“devoid of toads, salamanders, or newts”

“When the public thinks of Madagascar's fauna most likely they think of one of the fifty species of lemur.” If Dr. Franco Andreone has his way, soon they'll have frogs on their minds.

Not 'Til He's Good & Ready!

NY's long nightmare continues, Super-Delegate Spitzer to continue bareback ride until Monday.

“one foolproof way”

Washington's bitey monkey's rabies test: negative.

New York held hostage, day 3

Spitzer-palooza continues.

“modern pygmies”

'Hobbit' battle continues to rage.

New York held hostage, day 2

Arbiter of all morality still retains office.

Update: Looking to secure his legacy, plus owed one on the fleet plan.

“may have to be put down”

Bitey monkey in Washington may have Herpes B.

Update: Bad news for the monkey.

More: Not without a fight.

For the Love of God, Montressor!

Walls raised higher at San Francisco Zoo's Gorilla World.

“We are thrilled and relieved”

AZA OK's NC's Natural Science Center.

a Malagasy name for "prize"

Philadelphia Zoo's baby sifaka gets a name.

iPhone

Ballmer reprises monkey boy.

“She's kinda like a 75- [or] 80-year-old woman”

HIPAA doesn't apply to gorillas, so here's more than we want to know about Tino's ovarian cancer surgery.

Allegedly...

Monkeys in Florida Get High on Millipede Hallucinogen.

“popular with children”

Brain-damaged capuchin monkey wants special attention in New Zealand.

Update: Protests ensue!

Miniature Monkey News Roundup

Tiny fossil monkey found in Mississippi, tiny live monkey born in Britain.

“a wee monkeylike adult creature”

A New York Times reader of 55.8 million years ago.

“I’m not really sure how they handle a monkey bite”

Arizona boy savaged by pet lemur.

“Stoned Apes”

Those wacky hippies and the things they believe.

“recuperated miraculously”

South African William Tell wanna-be angers neighbors.

“grabbed my hand and bit down on it like a sandwich”

Victimized by Bubbles, Michael Jackson's pet chimpanzee.

MonkeyWatch says:

Burning food for fuel is like eating seed corn: an intellectual and moral failure.

“Curtis and his little brother, Charlie”

Denver Zoo increases their gorilla-count.

“choked to death on fairy cakes”

Why not cake and death?

“name on the ballot in Florida”

Michelle Obama bites head off Ralph Nader.

“smallest of the tiger subspecies”

No monkeys injured in Honolulu Zoo tiger escape.

Propithecus verreauxi coronatus

Kibongo, a recently-born crowned sifaka at Paris zoo is pictured.

“Button was another suggested name”

Central Florida Zoo flooded with names for baby Lesser-spot nosed guenon.

“the largest collection of penis bones in Northern California”

Whenever something dead washes ashore in San Mateo county, Ray Bandar is there and, voila, art happens!

“leveraging our products”

Google has a deep memory hole, it seems.

Via Moonbattery.

“each weekend the little monkey goes home with a different child”

It's only a hand-puppet, not a real monkey, and let's see it stays that way.

“I’d cancel my account today”

Boycott TMobile.

“thousands of miles of wall”

Non-existant wall across southern border said harmful to jaguars.

“extraordinary behaviour”

Scientists surprised by sex secrets of the gorillas.

“beta blockers or ACE inhibitors”

Two gorillas at Cleveland Metroparks Zoo, suffer from heart disease and benefit from the efforts of big pharma.

“its first public appearance today”

London Zoo celebrates their first birth of a red titi monkey.

Smirking costs extra

The Green Monkey, Britain's $16-million win-shy thoroughbred, to be marketed to gawkers, price per peek not stated.

“pimped out in some weird sort of way”

NBC tells hires Chris Crocker to tell David Shuster to leave Chelsea alone!

“Eight monkeys were shaken up”

Another senseless highway monkey accident, this time in Maryland.

Goodbye, Ah Meng

48-year-old orangutan Ah Meng dead at Singapore Zoo. “The world's most famous orangutan”, it says.

“because of snow havoc”

Your China trip to see bigfoot is cancelled.

“regrettable situation”

Errant monkey at Scotland's Edinburgh Zoo shot dead while attempting to escape rabies quarantine.

“BPA”

I don't know why there's so much sullen whimpering about nanny government.

“conservation of orangutans”

Malaysia's Sepilok Orang Utan Conservation Centre hopes to soon provide live streaming views of orangutan feeding time.

Science!

How the flying lemur flies, (It doesn't fly and it isn't a lemur. Go figure.)

“the Gorilla Prize”

Recyclable trash thefts loom as colleges compete nationwide in accumulation of reeking piles of recyclable trash. Market for most recyclables still lacking, sadly.

Goodbye, Tunuka

45-year-old Western lowland gorilla at KY's Louisville Zoo, dead of peritonitis. Not to minimize the gorilla's death, but "peritonitis" makes for the perfect Cary Grant impression.

“Botak, the Indonesian word for bald”

Melbourne Zoo's little orangutan gets a name.

“such as tuberculosis, malaria, hepatitis and AIDS”

Those monkeys you ordered from Malaysia won't be coming. They're defective, apparently.

From medical research to infectious menace overnight

Chilean ex-medical research monkeys get “first taste of freedom” in their new individual cages at Monkey World in the UK.

Update: Pictures of newly-freed monkeys in their new cages.

“Chim Chim grabbed her left breast”

Was Christina Ricci groped by a chimpanzee? "Monkeys are crazy and you never what they'll grab onto"

“don’t do so in a way which will maximize their outcomes”

Chimpanzees not destined for commodity trading greatness.

“speed-dating nights”

Canada's Edmonton Valley Zoo hopes to turn fascination with mating habits of animals to profit.

Of course, so was Jack Henry Abbott

Undocumented monkey researcher a big hit with the Smithsonian smart set.

“raise risk of exposure to viruses”

Chimpanzee reserves: threat or menace?

Draft Condoleezza Rice!

More than we can hope for, I'm afraid.

“escapes still happen”

Lemur contamination of restaurant area charged as one of problems at UK's Dalton Zoo.

“Chimpanzees can be clever”

British memory phenom pwned by chimpanzee.

“To Drop Out”

Kucinich comes up short.

Don't Buy Made in China!

Chinese-made wood blocks & train sets sold at Christmas Tree Shops recalled for excessive lead.

“the name that raises the most money, wins”

St. Paul Minnesota's Como Zoo to raise money, name their new orangutan.

“a description that directed police to the suspect”

Man allegedly intent on a little burglary makes himself "inconspicuous" in monkey pajamas.

a boy vervet monkey

Australia's Werribee Open Range Zoo gives animals their annual checkup, pleased to learn that little Jed the vervet monkey is a boy vervet monkey.

“a habit of disappearing”

Bigfoot hunter is single-minded in his search.

“Dr Jojo Magicspacemonkey”

Welsh man garners headlines by changing his name.

RIP Allan Melvin

Voice of Magilla Gorilla silenced.

“and hope it goes away”

At Falling Panda, Lollipop Guild delivers the vote.

“solitary confinement of Rigo the gorilla”

Animal abuse alleged at Australia's Melbourne Zoo.

“virtual robot monkey knife fights”

Two minds faced with the same worrisome news story.

“an animal that probably doesn't exist”

North Dakota man joins search for Sumatra's 3-foot tall ape man.

“a code phrase”

Long strange trip, George.

“ingestion of bush meat - monkey meat”

Uganda's ebola epidemic may be coming to an end.

“message did come from the Iranians”

Yeah, yeah. Nothing that nuclear annihilation wouldn't fix.

“born in mid-December”

The nameless baby orangutan debuts at Como Zoo in Minnesota.

“they again sneak back into the city”

Monkey menace again a hot topic in Indian politics.

“Realm of the Red Ape”

UK's Chester Zoo perform's its annual animal census and photo-op.

“When she came back a third time”

Child abuse, in the gorilla world.

“a general insult to all of humanity”

Against common sense, people do get all excited about cricket and call each other awful names when they're competing.

“caused quite a stir among children”

The un-named baby chimpanzee at Buenos Aires Zoo is a major crowd-pleaser.

Gorilla-Trekking in the Virunga Mountains

How to win friends and influence gorillas.

“caught the staff by surprise”

Birthday party held for Tracy, Louisiana chimpanzee fathered by vasectomied father. (Reminds me of "was your father also a eunuch?")

“the three leaders in this campaign”

Mecha-Hillary roars defiance at caucusers, law.

“less than 1 percent”

CT's Senator Chris "Who?" Dodd returns to Connecticut an ex-candidate.