Goodbye, Fern

46-year-old gorilla at Oklahoma City Zoo euthanized.

“Mohamed was not paid for the animals”

Awwwww.

“three African species of bats that are eaten by humans”

Elusive ebola vector may be bats. Or not.

More.

“they were sensitive to the concerns”

“Crescent of Embrace” design retired in favor of less controversial Bowl of Chimpy McHalliburton BusHitler's Lasting Shame.

Trachypithecus hatinhensis

A dozen Hatinh langurs noticed in Vietnam's Quang Tri province.

“more than $7 million to other countries to aid in their conservation of imperiled wildlife”

A drop in the bucket, I suppose, but still, your tax dollars at work.

“also self-aware, like gorillas and humans”

Annual Japanese slaughter of dolphins in progress. "Mercury poisoning!", warn pro-dolphin contingent.

“some of the world's most exciting and endangered animals”

Glaswegians to benefit from £35m rebuild of zoo.

four hundred n' ninety-seven n' a half feet o' rope

Curious George soundtrack composer Jack Johnson is briefly profiled.

“Quality Science Education”

“University of California sued by monkey haters” turns out to be a bit misleading, they're not so much monkey haters as lawsuit-happy creationists.

“some monkeys attack and bite tourists when not fed”

Costa Rica tourists beware: local wildlife has butched up!

“pry open the bolls to get at the sweet water trapped inside”

Crop-destroying monkeys only one problem facing the African cotton-farmer.

“depending on where they live”

Kyoto University Primate Research Institute professor studies monkey "dialects."

“consumed with heartbreak”

Swoosie Kurtz lends box-office drawing power to PETA nattering.

“She can go anywhere, anytime”

Great Ape Trust of Iowa says Allie the orangutan, from Denver Zoo, recovering well from a viral neurological disorder in her legs.

“brought to tears after being subjected to racial abuse”

In soccer, it seems, there's crying.

“neither a top cultural institution in Minnesota nor a star among zoological gardens”

Minnesota Zoo wants to be a contender.

“it is not primarily a tourist attraction”

Great Ape Trust of Iowa to admit visitors, a little bit. By and by.

“cynical and ruthless criminals”

Yet another reason to hate clowns.

“four masked gunmen”

Palestinian police unable to protect Gaza's zoo.

“We deployed 10 more guards, what else can we do?”

Crowds out of control at zoo in Mumbai.

“monkeys aren't known for their good manners”

17th annual monkey banquet at Lopburi, Thailand much like previous 16: overstimulated loud monkeys, tourists likewise.

“it may seem strange for me to get stuck on a chimpanzee”

Life no bowl of cherries for chimpanzee in Ghanan zoo.

“capturing an animal would seem harsh and amounts to stealing”

Politically sensitive career revision for Man In The Yellow Hat in Curious George movie.

“You have to have fear when dealing with such animals”

Presence of mind a key job qualification for zoo-keeper at the Guyana Zoological Park.

“We are pleased that the UN finally moving closer to the worldwide consensus”

Group of self-important scientists calls for starvation in the Pacific for the sake of leatherback sea turtles.

As their appeal is only for a General Assembly resolution, there should be no effect beyond hearty handshakes and a handsomely framed document.

“You can speak to them in English and ask them to do certain things for you”

TV's Jack Hanna off in a world of his own.

“a city without soul and heart”

Audubon Zoo in New Orleans reopens.

“Acara fidgeted on Meekin's brown, fake fur sweater”

Temporary "mother" to orangutan at Salt Lake City's Hogle Zoo shuns attachments, Buddha-like.

“Abu Dhabi - the Missing Link”

Abu Dhabi Environment Agency fossilized.

“and in one case a monkey on board”

Australia contemplates getting strict with illegal fishermen.

“after reaching a settlement agreement earlier this week”

‘Show me your tits’ lawsuit against Koko the sign-language gorilla dropped.

“it's still kangaroo to me and I won't eat it”

Georgian lists things he will and won't eat. “Monkeys, apes and gorillas” off the menu, says he.

“stuffing upsets their stomachs and leads to diarrhea”

Monkeys at New Mexico's Hillcrest Park Zoo enjoyed a traditional Thanksgiving turkey dinner minus stuffing.

“the gorilla has grown up a little”

Children just plain evil, says Pravda.

“the illegal detention of more than one hundred orangutan”

Free the Thailand 115, say animal protection organizations, singing Born Free without let for forty years.

“all part of the quirky charm of having a home in India”

Monkey menace welcome as there are no half-measures when the British go native, says The Times.

“Some say chimpanzees mourn, but that's arguable”

Life goes on for chimpanzees at Michigan's John Ball Zoo.

“I am very sorry that I have to tell the public words that are too shameful and horrible”

Mad scientist apologizes. Unconvincingly.

“see the gorillas given a special feed”

Australia's Melbourne Zoo celebrates Yakini the gorilla's sixth birthday.

“played with monkeys and a pet sloth”

Jungle dentistry in Peru.

“suspicious mouth lesions found in lowland gorillas”

Disturbing new veterinary miniseries from Steve Irwin.

“we had an orangutan give birth and we called the baby some word that meant 'sweet potato'”

Idiosyncratic Thanksgiving traditions

“lost control of their cars and crashed”

Careless drivers in South Carolina blame dangling gorilla suit for their collisions.

“Bangkatan”

Brunei boasts 23 protected animal species. Insistently.

“Her goal is to expand her facilities”

Some people have too many cats in the house. Not Oregon's Monkey Lady.

“I don't want to think about monkeys, even subliminally, when I'm eating”

Arizona's monkey-themed restaurant fails to impress.

A psychologist, a philologist, and a physicist walk into a bar...

Binghamton University scientists study origins of laughter.

“anger and happiness are not that discernible”

Uncannily realistic automated monkey head

Goodbye, Kutosha

Chimpanzee dies while being transferred from Miami Metrozoo to Busch Gardens. Animal Rights Foundation of Florida blames Metrozoo.

“this does not prove that there are now more orangutans than one or two decades back”

IUCN warns of extinction of orangutans in Borneo.

“prosecuting the culprits might pose a challenge”

Malaysian zoos and theme parks under fire from wildlife observers.

“causing him to hit his head on a curb”

Arrest in Indiana Halloween assault.

“the population will cease to kill wildlife as a means of survival”

Endangered animals reportedly on the rise, poaching on the decline, in Uganda.

Truce declared over shape of conference table

Nairobi, Kenya to host eighth Conference of the Parties to the Convention on the Conservation of Migratory Species of Wild Animals this week. Refreshments will be served.

“I'm thankful for the zoo and garage sales. There are monkeys, and cheap stuff”

Children's letters to the newspaper. Not a “Yes, Virginia” in the bunch.

“Lemurs don't cross water”

Changes planned for Edmonton's Valley Zoo. Also, I think it's vampires that don't cross water.

“it is not likely they will have primates at the zoo after Bill dies”

Sequoia Park Zoo looks to concentrate on non-primates.

“Now the students are happy”

Monkey-chasing services of baboon retained by India's Sindhu Educational Institutions. Plans for baboon-chasing not mentioned in the story.

This, I think, is a test of your BS detector:

Alagarkoil India monkeys claimed to be broken of littering habit, humans to be shamed by their example.

“He has yet to be given a name”

Male gorilla born by caesarean at Florida's Busch Gardens. (registration required)

“tuck in to a menu featuring tiger, lion, elephant and giraffe”

Bushmeat on the menu at Thailand's Chiang Mai night safari zoo

“in collaboration with Madrid University”

Chimp rescue on Grand Canary island.

“females who mate only during the full moon”

Saving the tiny Philippine tarsier.

“perhaps the cutest and most vacant of all primates”

Americans content to look at lemurs while in Madagascar, while ignoring “the facial features of the average Malagasy&rdquo, says Thailand's Farang Untamed Travel, experts on spotting foreigners, I take it.

“habituating gorillas in the Tayna reserve to the presence of humans”

Award for Pierre Kakula Vwirasihikya, protector of Congo gorillas.

“I like monkeys”

American Red Cross: putting your kids to work.

“Dear Abby”

Zookeeper perturbed by parents who give their kids bad information.

“truly responsible ecotourism”

Ecotourism with a guilty conscience.

“turned into a huge disaster”

Tennessee monkey-blessing plans misunderstood, it seems, as monkey-christening plans. Whole thing called off.

“A population control fanatic”

Your fiends friends at Voluntary Human Extinction.

Parents: remember this the next time you attempt to use reason

Reseachers liken teenagers to a “monkey 2 to 4 years old”.

“This is the first case we've had like this”

Yesterday's biting kinkajou (which isn't a primate) put to sleep. As it's endangered, expect trouble over this.

“they’re just utterly wrong”

Sequoia Park Zoo picket garners a claimed dozen protestors.

And they just got around to telling us now!

Female aye-aye born at Duke Primate Center Sept. 5.

“the only full service diagnostic center in the state”

Michigan State University Diagnostic Center for Population and Animal Health ready to necropsy 26-year-old chimpanzee late of John Ball Zoo, dead after routine dental surgery.

“Your insults show your lack of intelligence”

Hey, hatemail in the comments. I feel like I've arrived.

“Many animals were harmed in the filming of this movie”

Cooper & Schoedsack's pre-King Kong Chang: A Drama of the Wilderness  DVD re-release due in stores this week.

Reposted, this time with a link. Clumsy me.

“Old lady who lives in the forest without a man”

Health care is a right (for wild gorillas!)

“apparently came in through an open gate”

Stray dogs get into Mississippi's Jackson Zoo Friday night, 18 exotic birds dead.

Because I have some standards...

I have no plans link to stories of Paris Hilton being attacked by her pet monkey.

“A monkey-like pet ”

Mississippi woman attacked by kinkajou.

Although it does resemble a monkey and is often referred to as the "night monkey," the kinkajou is actually kin to the raccoon.

“they do not have thumbs”

The colobus monkey is profiled in Uganda's Sunday Monitor.

“the crumbs offered to our quaint and cute Valley Zoo”

Alberta, Canada suffers from zoo envy.

“stuck on the African ship once it left the dock”

USATODAY.com presents: ratites for beginners.

“two incendiary devices under an expensive four-wheel drive”

UK AR thugs make common cause with “French” arsonists.

“It just seems like one of those things that was meant to be”

Yerkes National Primate Research Center necropsy ends in uncertainty, unable to state cause of death of 5-day-old Zoo Atlanta gorilla. Tissue samples will be examined by pathologists at the University of Georgia in Athens, who may choose to apply science rather than "some things man was not meant to know" platitudes.

All aboard the gravy train!

Discovery Channel's Animal Planet to add Jane Goodall Institute's unnatural warping of young minds with "Roots & Shoots Minutes"

“violating the zookeepers' collective bargaining agreement”

Burmese immigrant credits his family's prosperity in US to his willful disregard of zoo rules, discounts hard work.

“no long-term solution in sight”

New Delhi, India: 270 captured monkeys in shed meant for 200.
Rest of India: We have as many monkeys as we need, thanks, try next door.

“expert skills in killing monkeys”

Body count climbs in Ugandan monkey reduction effort.

“a cage to catch the monkeys was put up, but without any success”

Goverment measures ineffective as Indian monkeys rampage.

“we really never expected him to live this long”

Family of pathetic no-lifes desperately demand attention outside Sequoia Park Zoo.

“Ethical Concerns”

Dog-cloning Korean mad scientist loses University of Pittsburgh collaborator over human egg procurement ethics problems. Both remain mum on mini-Kim project.

“most likely shot by accident Monday”

Primatologist searching Congo for as-of-yet undiscovered species of primate with gorilla and chimpanzee characteristics shot in Atlanta random violence.

“first grandchild of the beloved Willie B”

Baby gorilla at center of Zoo Atlanta ape-napping headlines dies.

“zoo authorities feel jubilated”

New chimpanzees, other acquisitions, at India's Vandalur Arignar Anna Zoological Park.

“new polar bear and gorilla exhibits at the Como Zoo, among other projects”

Newly-elected St. Paul mayor Chris Coleman to spend with both hands. A polar bear vs. gorilla cage-match thing oughta play big, tho.

Goodbye, Jo Mendi

26-year-old alpha chimpanzee at Michigan's John Ball Zoo dies after dental surgery. Necropsy to follow.
limited-info registration link

“good days are less and less good”

As it must for all primates, death approaches for Toledo Zoo's Akbar the gorilla.

“they have been assaulting tourists for food”

India's monkey menace hurts tourism.

“Two is not enough”

Refuting Wednesday's allegations of attempted ape-napping, Zoo Atlanta officials shame-facedly return abandoned baby to heroic Kuchi the gorilla.

Adventures in misreading

“Giant ape remains unearthed”

Took me a minute to understand that it didn't mean that they hadn't re-interred it.

“the cultural diversity of China as a multi-ethnic country”

Mascots for 2008 Beijing Olympics announced, Monkey King nixed.

“half Sumatran, half Bornean hybrid”

Changes in store for Honolulu Zoo'a Rusti the orangutan.

“People of Tokyo, run for your lives”

From the pages of Scientific American: King Kong vs. Godzilla.

“vocal in its claims that oil palm plantations are the culprits”

Lid blown off “Oil For Ape Scandal”!

“I'm very disappointed”

Ed Asner keeps shirt on whild decrying results of Kansas intelligent design decision.

“Two's enough”

Via Monkey Day News, Atlanta Zoo officials foil ape-nap attempt by mother of recently-born twin gorillas.

“as has Jane Goodall, the chimpanzee authority”

Aged Canadian scofflaw with a woodlot plays guru to foresters, college stoners, eco-celebrities.

“stop giving them food”

Monkey menace in Malaysia.

“They don't eat meals at home with family members”

Japanese primate specialist Nobuo Masataka fears mobile phones making Japanese chimp-like.

Avahi cleesei

Newly-discovered long-legged lemur named for John Cleese.

Gigantopithecus blackii update.

Artist's conception. Artist's conception!

“protests from animal conservationists”

Kenya to sell wild animals to Thailand, conservationist busy-bodies be damned!

“Pay Peanuts, Get Monkeys”

Australian hospital picketers prepared with signs, banners. monkey costumes.

“our friends the Congolese”

Uganda's Koome Islands seek novel solution to monkey menace.

“native to Australia, Tasmania and New Guinea”

Sugar glider mysteriously turns up on Las Vegas-to-Honolulu flight.

Africa Screams

“Jungle” Jack Hanna takes it on the road.

“it looks healthy and is being well cared for by its mother”

Squirrel monkey born at Arizona's Phoenix Zoo.

Sandoz is safe, I see

PETA loons hope to cow Lilly, Merck, and Pfizer.

“the pretentious, the coy, and the cute”

The 1929 film The Taming of the Shrew is infamous for, among other things, the credit "By William Shakespeare, with additional dialogue by Sam Taylor". In other news, they've pissed on Strunk & White. Again.

“A major problem with attacks like these is that they hurt tourism across Africa”

Ugandan officials worry that gorilla tourism may be harmed by far-off Somali pirates.

“catastrophe in the next 100 years”

Global warming fears cast chill over Gullible-American community.

Gigantopithecus blackii

McMaster University geochronologist who fears no Leakey claims prehistoric bigfoot extinct only 100,000 years ago.

“six abstract paintings”

San Diego Zoo to auction paintings by orangutans.

“with Bill there are no easy answers”

Do-gooder without a clue seeks to complicate life for Sequoia Park Zoo's Bill the Chimpanzee, all for his own good.

“doesn't mean it isn't going to rip your face off”

Humane Society of the United States plays to self-interest of Maryland legislators, arguing for wide-ranging exotic animal ban.

“may have taken drugs before the incident”

Cambodians, monkeys, terrified by naked German.

“Should your head be ripped off by a huge mountain gorilla...”

Things to expect at Indonesia's Ragunan Zoo.

“monkey come, monkey come!”

Exotic Thailand gives adventure vacation a whole new meaning!

“too nerdy”

Halloween fun: Wear long hair loosely tied back, no makeup, a photographer's khaki vest, carry a stuffed monkey in your arms and you're Jane Goodall.

“You have to be willfully willing to do something wrong to be negligent”

Emory University fined $1,375 for 2004 death of chimpanzee at their Yerkes Primate Center.

“Monkey Murderer”

Wisconsin State Journal boldly comes out against extremism in unsigned editorial.

and statistics

NBC's highly-rated ER shows clear signs of BDS. Nobody they know voted for him, betcha.

“swallowed pills that he was not supposed to”

Inquest into the death of Isaac Mofokeng who in 1997, shot, injured, and was captured by Max the gorilla at South Africa's Johannesburg Zoo.

It's MADNESS!

Via Instapundit, mad scientists vie to build Supermouse!

“it was Babu's second attempted escape in a week”

Babu the red panda fails in zoo-break attempt at UK's Bristol Zoo.

“hold conservationist organisations accountable”

Rwanda would like an accounting of how gorilla research funds are being spent.

“However, as parents, we're helpless, aren't we?”

Powai, India woman resigned to animal house-invasions.

“doing many fun things with sock monkeys”

Rockford , Illinois claims the sock monkey as its own!

“There are heightened tensions during breeding season”

AR thugs attempt to stymie life-saving medical research at California National Primate Research Center

“Monkey See, Monkey Do”

Journalism taken to task for insufficient revolutionary zeal.

The Newtown Bee reviews Taunton Lake history

August 1, 1930: Frightened by thunder and lightning while sitting in the trees, Chico the monkey disappeared and was the object of a fruitless search.

“will next test the rice on monkeys”

Rice: what can't it do?

“Her monkey pooped on me and it all went downhill from there”

Reminiscing with the near-great.

“Viewers will be asked to vote for their favourite gorilla”

Czech public television to tout gorilla videoclips as “a meaningful alternative to "people" reality shows”

“without anyone noticing him”

Red Sox erstwhile GM reportedly fled Fenway in gorilla costume.

“small size and low-maintenance lifestyle”

Adventures on South Carolina's Morgan Island, where research monkeys are bred.

“We're not a zoo”

South Africa's National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals plans to euthanize thousands of baboons and vervet monkeys.

“The Zoo Atlanta family is elated”

Twin gorillas born at Georgia's Zoo Atlanta

“omnivores that ate just about everything”

Foodologists at University of Massachusetts-Amherst seek prehistoric recipes for Giant Lemur.

Shoes for industry,

Shoes for the dead!

“causing unnecessary suffering”

Three-week adjournment in trial of Welsh monkey-teaser.

After genetically modified monkeys get all the good jobs...

there will be nothing for you but orangutan urine collector and the like.

“cures that cost cents to the richest nation in the world”

Rich Hollywood star to demand higher taxes on middle-class to fund free health-care for world's poor.

Goodbye, Kuba

16-year-old lowland gorilla dies at Topeka Zoo while being doped for trip to Erie Zoo. (registration required) updated with non-registration link to story