"they were absolutely petrified"

Macaques at Australia's Rockhampton city park unharmed as storm drops 100-foot tree on their enclosure.

"supplements his diet each day with Geritol and Herbalife"

Rudy, world's oldest captive lowland gorilla, turns 49, at Pennsylvania's Erie Zoo.

"swinging from 20-foot lengths of old fire hose"

Spider monkeys at Hawaii's Panaewa Rainforest Zoo settling into new privately-funded geodesic dome enclosure.

"The butchers say it is a cow"

Kenyans tricked into buying bushmeat, says Born Free Foundation.

"deeply emotional beings with high-pitched voices"

Archeologist takes a new look at the physiology of Neanderthals.

"the monkeys had not caused much damage"

Government offices in Chandigarh, India overrun by monkeys.

"Miss Baker, who shot into space in 1959"

Alabama Animal Hall of Fame to induct a monkey and an eagle.

"ring-tail lemurs are very curious animals"

Come the April thaw, baby ring-tail lemur will be on view at Idaho Falls Tautphaus Park Zoo.

"a research center that studies the intelligence of apes"

Great Ape Trust of Iowa hot on the trail of a replacement orangutan.

"monkey turning into a voter"

Spain seeks to remedy voter apathy with a monkey poster.

"a monkey bit off two of her fingers"

Arkansas chimpanzee feeder, missing two fingers, sues Wild Wilderness Drive-Through Safari.

"to view female hindquarters"

Duke University Medical Center researchers sell monkey-porn to monkeys.

“history is calling us”

13 monkeys to remember:

Daniel Akaka (D-HI)
Evan Bayh (D-IN)
Barbara Boxer (D-CA)
Robert C. Byrd (D-WV)
Mark Dayton (D-MN)
Dick Durbin (D-IL)
Tom Harkin (D-IA)
James Jeffords (I-VT)
Edward M. Kennedy (D-MA)
John Kerry (D-MA)
Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ)
Carl Levin (D-MI)
Jack Reed (D-RI)

He played Cousin Itt on "The Addams Family"

Actor, stunt double Felix Silla retires.

"Jane Goodall in a monkey suit"

A theatre review, perhaps of interest to those in Phoenix, AZ. But it does dismiss the play's author as "Jane Goodall in a monkey suit," and that image improves my morning.

"Sometimes, it squeaks"

Virginia elderly said amused by Florence Wilson and her monkey puppet, Leroy.

"received proper treatment shortly afterward"

Baby chimpanzee treated for pneumonia at children's hospital in China.

"the pure joy of owning a gigantic snake"

Washington considers banning exotic wild animals.

"may even be increasing in numbers"

Grauer's gorillas in Congo apparently thriving despite poachers, guerilla warfare.

Almost as good as a real present

"Adopt" a gorilla for Valentine's Day from the North Carolina Zoo society.

"Our members are not comfortable"

Pan Africa Sanctuaries Alliance upset that they aren't in charge of Kenyan wildlife.

"They would have made the Great Depression worse"

New Zealand's Dear Leader makes the most of "King Kong" photo op.

"We all know Nina is doing the talking rather than the monkey"

Nina Conti hopes to revive ventriloquism with fresh new gimmick: she works blue.

"whilst being responsible, respectful and considerate of local communities"

Now you needn't get lost while eco-touring Vietnam.

"more than 10,000 foreign and local visitors visited the sanctuary last year"

Ghanaians in Boabeng and Fiema protect Monkey Sanctuary from bushfire.

"The 25-year-old bachelor may also be getting a lady friend"

New home for Rusti the orangutan fully funded after anonymous $100k donation.

"an isolated, unsophisticated type of prehistoric ape-like man"

Prehistoric Britons may have engaged in species warfare, says British Archaeology.

"both are doing well"

Twin cotton-top tamarins on display at UK's Linton Zoo.

"Nobody was injured in the incident"

Monkey-clad criminal unsuccessful in robbery attempt in Japan.

"I am so back"

Super Intelligent Mystery Monkeys has returned to blogging.

"unqualified statistics of animal deaths"

Australia's Western Plains Zoo claims animal deaths taken out of context in recent newspaper exposé.

"Modern people prefer not to think about cannibalism"

Pravda declares "Prehistoric cannibalism triggered human evolution".

"a look into some weird things"

Passing reference is made to the great monkey hoax of 1953.

"It is not known where the monkeys came from"

Monkey home-invasion in South Africa.

"known to make gifts anonymously"

$55,000 for the Chimpanzee house at Zoo Nebraska among Johnny Carson's charitable contributions.

"chimpanzees and humans share various social behaviors"

Chimpanzee named fourth most popular animal at Oregon Zoo.

"others face down in cesspools of stagnant water"

Columnist in Indonesian tsunami zone appalled by charnel house of rotting bodies, jet-lag..

"eaten by wild monkeys"

Newsweek blames logging for Japan's human/animal conflicts.

Back, back to the trees!

Pop-philostopher Mark Rowlands no advocate for modernity, says Belfast Telegraph. Butt monkeys are invoked.

"to end four years of controversy"

Former nightclub monkeys sent to Hawaii's Panaewa Rainforest Zoo.

"He stuck it in his mouth and made his way off into the bushes"

Monkey interferes with South African Airways Open golf tournament at the Durban Country Club.

"one of whom wore a gorilla costume"

Police capture robbers by following tracks in the snow.

"depressed female monkeys become socially withdrawn"

Scientists depress monkeys, study them, hope for new insights.

"She spends a lot of time standing by the bars preening herself"

Johannesburg Zoo to be formally introduced to prospective mate Makoko on Valentine's Day.

"Bride price" angle gets play in South African press.

"the popular automaker has decided to stop airing an ad"

Honda cowed, awarded by PETA.

"Then she tried some IVF work on Monkeys!"

Stand-in veterinarian at Australia's Western Plains Zoo.

"a unique habitat for wildlife like migratory birds, monkeys, lizards and turtles"

UN silences doubters, initiates tsunami relief by urging beaches be planted over in mangroves, except where one or more environmental activists raise objections.

Ardipithicus ramidus

Fossil remains of at least nine human ancestors found in Ethiopia. ID advocates are, doubtless, unimpressed.

No monkeys involved

Dog food sauce.

"We walked around downtown Philadelphia, pretending we saw monkeys"

GPS-tracking monkeys, in Equatorial Guinea.

"since they must fly in cargo planes"

United Airlines "Pet Class" bonus miles discriminates against gorillas!

"No monkey lives wild in this area"

Urban monkey capture.

"gets into one scrape after another"

PBS to air Curious George animated series in 2006.

"they had no gorilla blood for a transfusion"

Hysterectomy for Philadelphia Zoo gorilla.

"until they crack their skulls"

Outlook for tarsiers said grim.

"carved titles of the Monkey King and his brother"

China Daily reports discovery of apparent tomb of the Monkey King and his brother.

"Orangutans: None harmed"

Tsunami Animal Rescue Situation Report 17 Jan.

"it could be that a starling tried to nest in a heater"

Waterbucks, cranes dead in fire at Omaha's Henry Doorly Zoo.

"a decrepit factory populated by bats and monkeys"

Canadian disaster response team makes base in squalid conditions, gains sympathy of devastated locals.

"a terrestrial monkey native to Japan"

Japan's Aomori Prefecture to euthanize 24 hooligan macaques.

"will use bird flu vaccines on monkeys"

Bird flu in much of Vietnam.

"how Michael Moore would keep an eye on a bucket of twinkies and pork rinds"

Something to see at Blue-Eyed Infidel.

"trying to extend human rights to animals"

Ben Bova considers PETA loons.

"poachers who hail from the same ethnic group as the Janjaweed"

Wild white rhinos to be airlifted out of Democratic Republic of Congo to Kenya.

"attempted to attack a pack of monkeys"

Philippine Eagle Foundation having mixed success raising Philippine ("Monkey-Eating") Eagles.

"he had purchased it off the person who had stolen it"

Stolen statue of Cheeta returned.

"Reading about the tsunami reminds me of Bali and the good time that I had there"

I have no words.

the other other plan

Massachusetts high-schoolers to sell donuts to raise funds for Helping Hands, trainers of monkey helpers.

"The school lost 4,700 animals, including 78 monkeys and 35 dogs"

Underground structures vulnerable in floods, earthquakes, say United Nations University disaster experts.

"inherently a religious argument"

Court rules Georgia's "a theory, not a fact" disclaimer stickers in violation of establishment clause.

"the Loser Gets Voted Off the Planet"

Animal planet to air ""Search for the Ultimate Survivor," a rather speculative view of current thoughts on human evolution.

Ruh-roh

Coming soon to the small screen, the Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall's When Animals Talk.

"gangrene of the animal's limb"

Two acquitted in 2003 chimpanzee death at Mysore Zoo.

Goodbye, Omega

Omega, patriarch of gorilla family at New York's Buffalo Zoo, euthanized on Monday.

"to raise community awareness"

Baby western lowland gorilla makes first public appearance at Australia's Taronga Zoo. (registration required or use bugmenot.

Update: found a non-registered version of the story.

"It is not easy to find suitable mates for gorillas"

Makoko, new gorilla at Johannesburg Zoo about ready for exhibition and, it's hoped, stud duty.

"Most of us are average"

The long evolution of human beauty.

"There must be a line drawn"

Indian news site calls for increased animal rights.

"had a shabby look"

Pakistan approves over $1.5 million for Lahore Zoo improvements.

"Is that what I think it is?"

California tow-truck driver called to haul dead tiger off Highway 99. (The tiger had been euthanized earlier that day.)

"an experimental playground for cool technology that matters to people"

Monkey Methods Research Group

"Similar work has been performed with cats and monkeys"

They Saved Einstein's Brain. Sorta.

"The next step in this research is to test the SDF-1 antibody in monkeys"

University of Florida study offers hope that blindness from retinopathy can be prevented.

"thought Johannesburg Zoo would be a good place to hide"

How not to be seen.

Bona fides

Just to keep things clear, I have not been offered, nor accepted, any fee, stipend, or emolument to show favor to any one or more species of primate.

"Dirty Monkey Images"

NSFW, if you work in a zoo. Probably inadvisable anywhere else. Must be bonobos.

"In the winter we are counting our pennies every month"

Massachusetts's Lupa Zoo to hold fund-raising dinner.

Lepilemur seali, Lepilemur mitsinjonensis

Researcher at Omaha's Henry Doorly Zoo discovers two new species of lemurs.

"frighteningly real looking"

Robotic. Monkey. Head.

"he threw a monkey wrench into the electoral machine"

John Kerry's concession is seared, seared in them.

"a mandrill monkey getting a health checkup "

Michigan's Potter Park Zoo supplements veterinary staff with volunteers.

"Soldiers snapped photos of monkeys"

Canada's Disaster Assistance Response Team requires some rescuing by locals in Sri Lanka.

"What's your favorite meal?"

President and CEO of the Jane Goodall Institute is thrown nine innings of softballs by Grist.

"These messages have not been on SoBe bottles for at least two years"

Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal protects residents from past health claims on juice, tea. Coming soon, an investigation as to whether it did, or did not Cott to be good.

"A gene called Trim 5 alpha"

Monkey-gene therapy may block HIV replication.

"Everybody has to try it"

Orangutan habitat imperiled in tsumami aftermath, says activist.

"a small primate weighing no more than 20 pounds"

Woman avoids tsunami by being elsewhere, studying Phayre's leaf monkey.

"first time an animal other than a human or monkey has been shown to have this skill"

Rats can be taught to distinguish between spoken Dutch and Japanese, but not what's being said.

"I've always detested monkeys"

Philippine columnist thinks depressing thoughts about zoos.

"We could see monkeys from our bungalow"

Montana tsunami survivors tell tales of Thailand's Tonsai Beach.

"Pierolapithecus catalaunicus"

New, but extinct, ape discovered in Spain.

"They then employed a computerized technique"

Monkeys, apes diverged less recently than previously thought, says Hunter College anthropologist.

"didn't want to look like the monkey next to them"

Tattoo enthusiasts convene in Wisconsin to seek new thrills.

"this decision will help breeding of different animals"

India's New Delhi Zoo and Pakistan's Lahore Zoo to repatriate animals.

"the time Derby Lane had monkeys ride greyhounds"

Nostalgia for the dog track.

"We don't need more of these animals"

If you like killing exotic animals, consider a Natural Resources career in Queensland, Australia.

"None of them has ever gone missing"

Not the owner of the Wisconsin mystery kangaroo.

"rodent control will always be an ongoing issue"

Inspectors cite National Zoo "deficiencies" in monkey crushing death.

"more than 80 animals seized from her home"

$12,000 fine for Iowa animal hoarder.

"The monkey in the cage was drowned"

Historic cricket venue in Sri Lanka damaged by tsunami.

"a considerable step backward"

Sky falling in Democratic Republic of Congo's Virunga Conservation Area.

"This is not an ice cream cone"

Lower East Side schoolkids introduced to orangutans.

"The Max Factor"

Johannesburg restaurant named for dead gorilla. Somebody's going to hear from Procter & Gamble's lawyers.

It stinks!

The Ochopee Skunk Ape set for April release.

"high quality primates of known pedigree"

India's National Centre for Primate Breeding and Research may begin breeding primates.

Again, no monkey content

Via Likelihood of Confusion, imminent demise of the blogosphere predicted.

"We do check on a daily basis"

UK's London Zoo begins annual headcount, hopes to introduce squirrel monkeys thereafter.

No monkey content

Mystery kangaroo captured in Iowa Wisconsin.

"allowed her pet monkey to injure a baby"

Monkey involved in Michigan day care scandal.

"we have suspended gorilla viewing in the park"

Ugandan gorillas invade Rwanda.

"Mom, dad, sister and baby are all healthy"

White-faced saki monkey born at Minnesota's Como Zoo.

"We have already missed many opportunities"

Clint, a chimpanzee whose genome sequence will soon be published, euthanized at Yerkes National Primate Research Center, says New Scientist.

"Road kills are a useful, if grisly, research tool"

Florida columnist expresses doubts about "Swamp Ape" sightings.

"almost all known orangutans are safe"

Banda Aceh update.

Like owls from Athens

India's National Institute for Research in Reproductive Health to breed monkeys.

And apparently they have a ready market.

"about 120 years old in human terms"

Spider monkey at New Zealand's Wellington Zoo diagnosed with congestive heart failure, responding well to treatment.

"aimed at validating the use of stem cells"

Monkeys with induced Parkinson symptoms helped by neurons generated from monkey embryonic stem cells, say Kyoto University researchers.

Update: Mouse stem cell reseachers clamor for attention, too.

"Gold plans to focus more on his art in the future"

Primatologist with a camera gets an exhibit in Chicago.

"She is progressing very well"

Rabies survivor released from hospital.

"this TB virus can infect the monkeys too"

Newly-discovered Arunachal macaque suspected source of newly-discovered TB strain, says Bhopal, India's Central Chronicle.

If Yul Brynner was still alive...

Wetworld.

Priorities

"Bowen will check on orangutans, lend aid to Indonesian people in wake of tragedy."

"water buffalo riding, piranha fishing and alligator hunting"

Luxury and adventure, cruising the Amazon.

"Usually at school we tell them how to do things"

Your children more playful than gorillas are.

"he was upset about it,"

Bronze statue of Cheeta stolen in Palm Springs,CA.

"via accidental or deliberate vaccine contamination"

Just by the by: if you wanted something to be believed, would you choose to publish it at someplace called Conspiracy Planet? 'Cause I'm thinking that'd be a bit, well, self-defeating, selecting for the double-layer tinfoil hat crowd and all.

In either case, Happy New Year.