1. Declare Victory.2. Big Parade.

3. Run Like Hell.

"Around one corner, two chimpanzees screech for attention"

Egyptians pay to see real sons of pigs and monkeys.

"Warning: Photos include depictions of butchered animals"

"Photographer Fights African Poaching With Grisly Pictures"

"Sinta, an Orangutan, holds and kisses her baby in Pandaan zoo"

A quick look at Southern-hemisphere zoos.

"there were suggestions of trapping the stray dogs and releasing them in the forest"

India's Shimla, pleased with results of relocating menacing monkeys to someone else's neighborhood, has big plans for stray dogs.

"In fact, it is impossible to determine"

Canadian man in gorilla suit may or may not have spoken English.

"there are some canines too"

India's Guru Gobind Singh Indraprastha University: student population – 1,700; monkey population – 1,500.

Just call him "Snakemaster"

Animal Planet hires geek:

In 1986, he spent 107 days in a glass cage with 36 deadly snakes to stimulate awareness on the plight of the African gorilla.

'Cause when you see snakes, you think gorillas.

"6,000 pounds of monkey chow"

The groceries, at Utah's Hogle Zoo.

A little gorilla you can call your own

Boston's Franklin Park Zoo can't find anyone to take Little Joe, erstwhile escapee.

"Apes have a really mischievous nature"

You'll be impressed with Johannesburg Zoo's new Ape House. If the apes haven't torn it down by the time you get there.

"already on display at the $25.7 million Regenstein Center"

Western lowland gorilla born at Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo.

"Pet dogs are better matched to the human mind"

UK's first professor of animal psychiatry announces that dogs better pets than chimps, blames poor parenting.

"But again, they're not going to show up in the polls"

Disgraced former Senator Gary Hart spreads 'Republicans won't vote for Bush' meme, finds a friend in Dr. Monkeystein.

"He is presently recovering and being monitored"

Babec, a gorilla at Alabama's Birmingham Zoo, gets a pacemaker.

"you must make Ross Park Zoo part of your dating repertoire"

Oh, geeze.

"As far as I know, it’s not only the preparation process"

Political infighting rears its head as Thailand prepares for upcoming CITES conference.

"an LSU doctor had tested the implants on dogs and monkeys in the 1980s"

Class action suit against Louisiana State University over bunk jawbone implants dismissed for waiting too long to sue.

"the endemic Purple Faced Leaf Monkey"

Coffee-table books of Sri Lanka wildlife to fund free school posters of Sri Lanka wildlife. In Sri Lanka.

"which would put their intelligence on a par with chimpanzees"

That most dangerous of animals - the clever pig!

Democratic candidate John Kerry bested in sissy slap fight

photo swiped from Drudge

"the zoo smells better now"

The National Zoo was in trouble 50 years ago, too.

"You changed Fort Wayne forever"

Earl Wells, a founder of Fort Wayne Children’s Zoo, memorialized after being stung to death by yellow jackets.

"I was known as the 'monkey lady'"

Former Columbia University veterinary doc now a pea in PETA's pod.

"the animal attacked and injured a 12-year-old boy"

Indian monkey menace objects to the curriculum.

"it will likely be returned to Kriz if there are no signs of any disease"

Arraignment in Iowa biting monkey case.

"says she had no knowledge"

Shocked, shocked!

"The orangutangs are accompanied by bikini-clad chimpanzees who wear bout number cards"

Animal rights killjoys urge Thailand to outlaw orangutan boxing.

"Join keepers as they hide treats for some really big cats"

Oregon Zoo adds Behind the Scenes Encounters, where you can experience the sights, the sounds, the smells of a hard-working zoo.

"suit, tie and gorilla mask"

Texas teacher embarrasses family with summer hijinks.

Discover chimpanzees

before they discover you.

"it's not a zoo around here, it's a three-ring circus"

Director of Alabama Gulf Coast Zoo takes her work home with her.

"leave it to the moral responsibility of the researcher"

India may decide that maybe medical research would be a good idea, after all. Also, first test-tube goat.

"eaten by one of the lions, cheetahs or pig-like peccaries"

New Zealand's Wellington Zoo says escaped monkey, elephant, a low risk to the New Zealand environment.

"Hooting with what she called chimpanzee cries of joy"

Queen of the chimps Jane Goodall makes a spectacle of herself in New Jersey.

"police officials say there is little they can do"

Hundreds reported bitten by rabid monkey in India.

"charged with interference with official acts"

Iowa monkey's owner, too!

"It's been quite a year"

Go say Happy Blogiversary to The Flying Space Monkey Chronicles.

"we watched with amusement as the apes imitated the builders"

New enclosure for apes at Johannesburg Zoo.

"seize any monkey or monkeys on the property"

Iowa monkey to do a little jail time.

"to support a better future for us all"

EnviroKidz gives money to environment and species conservation.

"Kaysnoor monkey fever might have already entered Cotigao sanctuary"

Invasive species, large and small, plant and animal, in India.

"The Adventures of the Monkey King: A Beijing Opera"

Let's strive not to make a spectacle by bolting the auditorium.

"Our heads get filled with monkey chatter"

Vast assortment of psychics converge on NYC, not one manages to predict that nobody really cares.

"we know that it is okay to wear black shoes and black socks"

State University of New York at Buffalo presser says humans, monkeys, think differently.

"I'd like to think he remembers me but who knows"

New York author visits chimpanzee she placed in UK's Chester Zoo in 1969.

"it looked like the work of professionals"

UK's Newquay Zoo to increase security after failed break-in attempt.

"held by police for causing death through recklessness"

Malaysian man mistakes wife for fruit-thieving monkey, shoots her dead.

"an incentive for illegal immigration"

Connecticut donks support college education for illegal immigrants at discounted in-state tuition rates.

"the very “special” monkey stew"

Missionary claims to have been served monkey-genital stew in the Philippines.

"It's a slow and painful process"

US conservation group WildAid to use celebtities to talk down to Thais.

Update: Oh good, they also have a few ideas on sovereignty.

"International Peace Day, also called United Nations Peace Day"

Queen of the chimps Jane Goodall's Young Minions to inflict giant pigeon puppets on Oregon taxpayers.

Update: and 49 other states.

"She had her own technique"

Bob Campbell, Dian Fossey's cameraman, tells his story of working with, on, the gorilla reseacher.

"I am naturally a baboon man"

Africans urged to emulate India's defeatist attitudes toward monkeys.

"a permanent resident of the zoo"

Hawaii's Rusti the Orangutan get $100,000 from Chelsey Foundation.

"known to catch small rodents and monkeys"

Colorado teen channels Seymour Krelborn, confirms stereotypes about homeschooled kids.

"a flagship species"

Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.) to court orangutan vote.

"If I were him, I wouldn't do it"

A interesting little interview with The Daily Show's Jon Stewart. Lefty, but not a moonbat.

"the creative flair is a sign of their intelligence"

Japan still bored, painting chimpanzee flavor of the week.

"Bad things can happen"

Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo big on preparedness.

"This case is actually very significant"

DNA testing on Safari World orangutans almost underway.

"Every day is an adventure"

Large-animal vets are profiled.

"11 Days of Global Unity"

Unusually vast flocks of moonbats scheduled to be in NYC tomorrow.

"They only add to the woes of farmers"

Compaints about monkey relocations in India.

"Do it as a favor for Og"

Local paper in Billings, MT, omits a significant detail from the story. A detail of which Neanderpundit is cognizant.

"1,000 orangutans in North Sumatra and Aceh provinces are disappearing each year"

Sumatran orangutan headcount declining.

"live out their lives in nongovernmental facilities"

Animal rights group demands research chimps be freed, funding for national network of homeless chimpanzee shelters.

"animal movements have to be planned very carefully"

UK's Newquay Zoo hopes to breed black and white western colobus monkeys.

"The public doesn't understand that monkeys don't invade territories"

South Africans in Durban protect themselves from marauding monkeys. Officials, activists, outraged.

"Imagine this happening in your pants pocket"

At Monkey Kingdom News and Rants, why lithium batteries have, and need, protection against overcharging.

"the end prize for this research is curing a disease"

UK's National Association of Pension Funds to survey businesses on effect of animal rights activists.

"Luckily no animals had escaped"

Florida's Horseshoe Creek Wildlife Sanctuary took a beating from Charley.

Scout's Honor!

My father certainly never wrote anyone a thank-you note.

I think I've already seen this movie

Scientists at University of Washington plan to infect monkeys with the flu virus from the 1918 pandemic that killed 40 million people.

"a monkey slipped in, bit her and gouged out her eye"

Monkey menace unabated in India's Uttar Pradesh.

$24,053, give or take. Mostly take.

Past president of the Caucus of Connecticut Democrats promises to pay back the thousands he "borrowed," now that he's been caught and all.

"We didn't want to get into that because of Busch Gardens"

Tampa, Florida's Lowry Park Zoo to butches up and goes African in a big way.

"used by tribesmen to hunt tree monkeys"

Somebody brown and furry plots revenge in Santa Barbara, CA.

"only 150 guards to protect this 5,000 sq-km park"

This $40M's all going where intended, I'm sure.

"It is hoped the money pledged on Friday by donors including Unesco, the UN Foundation, USA, Belgium and Italy will help Congolese conversation."

"we are supposed to represent the 650 mountain gorillas left in the wild"

Two UK City Council officers to run 7k in gorilla suits to benefit Diane Fossey Gorilla Fund.

"Animal use is an integral part of virological research"

India's National Institute of Virology to be permitted to do some work again.

"Unfortunately, identifying this gene offers no help for people"

Harvard scientists discover gene for clumsiness.

Found dog in Atlanta

If anyone in Atlanta's missing a border collie mix, see here.

Tonight on CBS news

Dan Rather tears the lid off the Republican's most closely guarded secret: extensive ties between Vice President Dick Cheney and Batboy.

"a breath of fresh air for the troubled Amazon rainforest"

Brazil's Mamiraua Project for Sustainable Development.

"we just can't go on"

Australia's Whyalla Wildlife and Reptile Sanctuary set to close.

"the first to survive more than a month"

Congo's gorilla twins doing well.

"but it's pretty sad, too"

Baltimore's American Dime Museum to display paintings by Betsy the Chimp.

"a baby chimp and baby orangutan showed signs of vitamin D deficiency"

Apes at St. Louis Zoo to see the sun.

"those lovely long legs are lethal"

Bored? Visit the zoo, advises Florida's Marco Island Sun Times.

Get it while you can!

Bushmeat trade declared unsustainable by Bushmeat Crisis Task Force.

"years of verbal and written complaints"

America's biggest cardboard box manufacturers racist smurfs, EEOC charges.

"This (ban) truly has only nondomesticated animals"

Kentucky's Logan County plans to ban dangerous exotic animals, electioneering within 300 feet of the polls.

"ever since he was a child he has been interested in exploring"

UK man off to Sumatra to find local Yeti.

"Whenever I go to Bali, I never miss going to a Kechak"

Japanese tourists ruining Bali, says Philippine tourist.

"The gravity of the violations is great"

USDA cites UC San Francisco for animal abuse.

"based on a mixture of rhesus monkey rotaviruses"

Monkeys assist in developing vaccine for rotavirus, "most common cause of severe, dehydrating diarrhoea and vomiting in children worldwide."

MonkeyWatch consumer alert!

World Wildlife Fund to raise funds by providing wildlife photos for new-fangled postage stamps. $16.99 for 20 37¢ stamps = 0.8495¢ per stamp.

"it doesn't seem worth the effort anymore"

Willie's Wildlife Zoo, a bit lackadaisical.

"carnapping of a motorcycle"

Johnny Ape, motorcycle carnapper.

"sacked for selling monkeys"

Fired UK zookeeper spent 23 days hiding out at home with two wallabies and 14 tortoises.

Update: "Stealing from them would be like stealing from myself"

"will focus on studying communication with the use of computers"

Great Ape Trust of Iowa buying orangutan-sized pajamas, reserving domain names.

"covering the hinterland of Cameroon's beach tourism resorts"

New paradigm for the Campo Ma'an National Park in southern coastal Cameroon.

"have him wake up in a gorilla cage"

US tourist calls for caging Buckingham Batman.

Antipodean dilemma

Relationship between Yowies and Bunyips remains unclear.

"born at Barcelona Zoo last month"

Spain's new baby gorilla twins make their first public appearance.

Spoons supports 2nd amendment, Sun Times doesn't

The Chicago Sun Times Smokes Monkey Cock, says Spoons.

"Now is the time to look around and think about the monkeys in the zoo"

Resentment about standing out in a crowd.

"He’s definitely a Wisconsin monkey"

Jasper, the monkey Green Bay didn't want, lands in Manitowoc, which doesn't seem to care much one way or the other.

"devastated at the theft"

Yet another monkey-napping at UK's Shaldon Wildlife Trust, which ought to consider locks on the doors.

"using monkeys instead of mice"

Alzheimer's vaccine tested on monkeys at Yerkes National Primate Research Center, in Georgia.

"The jail is dark. It smells rank, like concentrated monkey"

Punjab state addresses monkey menace with monkey jail. "Activists" "angered".

"people can record their own pant-hoot calls"

Maryland Science Center, big on edutainment.

Things that man was not meant to know

UK's Animal Procedures Committee demands stronger government rules agsinst distasteful science.

"I like the monkeys best"

How the Guardian sees the Baghdad Zoo.

"don't worry about that bat in the attic"

Pollinators promoted at United States Botanic Garden.

"bring used items for donation from the chimp wish list"

Chimp psychologist Psychologist who studies chimps to address Marion Women's Business Council, in Ohio.

"the Wizard of Oz Festival"

Monkeys to fly in Indiana.

purple alert

Des Moines, lock up your children.

"I know there’s a monkey involved"

Pepsi pits man against monkey as memories of 50's game show scandal fades.

"And some West African grivets - a kind of monkey - have green scrotums"

Why are there no mammals with green fur?

"a very popular ape"

UK gynaecologist performs c-section on orangutan, mom & baby doing well.

"And they're eaten, possibly"

Saving orangutans in Borneo.

"the enchanted nature of Madagascar"

NikonNet to add lemurs. Lots of them.

"this incredible oxygen-providing resource"

The UN, Joseph Kabila, Jacques Chirac. Think fund-raiser proceeds will be diverted?

"Wildlife groups and Indonesian officials are adamant"

DNA tests for ex-Safari World orangutans back on.

Afternoon of a Nude Red-capped Mangabey Descending a Staircase

Exhibit of wildlife photographs, drawings by noted UK wildlife photographer, drawer.

"basically I could tell there had been a monkey there"

Green Bay monkey owner cited.

DAMING PRUF!

Memos forged!

"The Ramayana is a 2,000 year-old epic story"

Wanna bet that this Minnesota ketjak chorus doesn't know it's a 20th Century tourist draw?

Gravity's next

Serbian education minister halts evolution.

Update: never mind.

"at least three species of lice depend on the threatened red colobus monkey"

Various parasites, etc., said to be "co-endangered" species.

"I would not have made the wrong choices"

Lobster-eating surrender monkey runs in circles, screams & shouts.

"if she could have any animal in the world it would be a monkey"

Connecticut girl eschews birthday presents for donations for local no-kill animal shelter.

"call for tougher rules"

WWF speaks out for wildlife.

"it's truly sensational"

New Zatoichi this Friday!

"has not discouraged visitors"

Ghana's Kumasi Zoological Gardens concentrating on core competencies.

"For the past decade the labs have been a target for animal rights groups and government officials"

Headline-seeking Alamogordo, AZ District Attorney Scot Key "reportedly" sues Boston company because two (of hundreds) of chimpanzees died.

Charles River Laboratories.

"As a woman, I am outraged"

Old splinter-britches sends pamphlet to "her extensive list of personal and professional contacts" asking support for PETA's campaign of protest against medical experiments at New York’s Columbia University.

meta, meta, meta

Yay, Blogger's able to publish again!

"Warren the Ape and Count Blah"

Greg the Bunny special, maybe series, slated for IFC.

"There's no vaccine against it. It's just one of those things"

Three monkeys dead of Yersiniosis at New Zealand's Auckland Zoo. Dr. Potter notwithstanding, specific vaccine, Yersiniavax ("presently available only in New Zealand") described here. (Maybe it's not certified for use on monkeys.)

"Carrots, it seems, aren't good for rabbits"

However, says Prather McNeal, of Ross University School of Veterinary Medicine, monkeys still like bananas.

"believed to be the first orangutans to live in Iowa"

Great Ape Trust of Iowa to welcome first great apes at the end of the month.

All-singing, all-dancing

Coming soon, Fahrenheit 9/11: the musical.

Where does a 6,000 pound hippo sleep?

Not in great-grandfather's parkland!

“Doctor Dolittle’s Delusion”

Animals can't talk, says Yale prof.

"the public doesn't believe them"

Sasquatch may be afoot, says North Dakota columnist.

"you can't build a tree to hurricane code"

Florida zoos lose few animals to Frances, but suffer significant damage.

"black-faced langurs versus red-faced monkeys"

Government of Andhra Pradesh hires more langurs to address monkey menace.

"It's a slow and painful process"

US conservation group advertises to dissuade Thais from consuming wildlife, set zoo agenda.

"Now imagine a hundred monkeys"

Via Ghost of a Flea, Inside the Monkeysphere.

"there are more commonalities between us and our closest living relatives"

Chimpanzees know when they're being imitated, say University of Queensland researchers.

"cultivation of the Polynesian noni fruit"

Australian woman moves to Borneo to save orangutans by providing alternatives to logging.

"I've had people ask if I can get them gorillas"

Foolish people want overly exotic pets.

"There will be no skunks here"

Alabama teen is qualified wild animal rehabber. So, stop thinking about this unrelated television character.

"giving birth to baby boy Kumi right in front of their eyes"

A glut of gorillas at London's Chessington World of Adventures.

"We're the only place that does this"

Boston's Helping Hands "monkey college," where capuchins are trained to help people with severe disabilities.

you got to start young if you're going to stick it out

Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall to indoctrinate elementary school kids with new book, "Rickie & Henri: A True Story.

Your kid will keep trying to return the dog to the wild.

"At least 11,600 tons of illegal bush meat"

Ill-considered items on the menu in the UK.

"Chimpanzees make an approximation of it"

Kissing good for your health, say Swiss researchers.

"What they say on television is a lie"

al-Reuters finds (or invents) Beslan locals to blame Putin for hundreds dead. The single reference to the terrorist murderers responsible for this merely calls them rebels.

"other species call out through the darkness"

Take a romantic moonlight stroll at San Diego Wild Animal Park.

"They're our little babies"

Retired couple in Florida keeps busy by running Primate Paradise, a sanctuary for monkeys and whatever else wanders into the yard.

International Foundation for Victims of Terror Acts

Via Instapundit, the Command Post points to this fund to help children who were injured, or lost parents, in the terrorist attack on a school in Beslan.

"Look out for 11 monkey species, caimans, and giant otters"

If you try to visit the Galapagos Islands, there are no direct flights.

"fashioning out policy framework"

Ghana to begin talking about planning to write 5-year plan to refurbish Kumasi zoological gardens.

Things to know about Ghana.

"Reminiscent of the monkey man hallucination"

Indian villagers troubled by evil spirit.

"and an Allen's swamp monkey"

Baby Wolf's guenon ready for public viewing at Cleveland Metroparks Zoo.

"the wretched bosses of commerce are drooling"

Clueless humor, or a plank in the Democrat platform: you decide.

"while hundreds of people paraded by"

Gorilla born at Chicago's Brookfield Zoo.

"Two bears, two llamas and a lemur have been named in the same fashion"

Baby leopard at the Zoo in Forest Park gets a name: Katunga

"You cannot easily trust what that group says"

Japan Today asks "What should be done with pesky wild animals like monkeys, boars, bears, etc?"

Quickly Jeeves, a pair of tweezers and the Anusol!

"I preferred chimpanzees"

The zookeeper's lot is a happy one, says the Straits Times.

"the skeleton of famed Australopithecine, Lucy, has a small braincase but modern ankles"

"Hominids started walking on two legs six million years ago," says French Museum of Natural History. Later they invented baguettes.

"eight-hundred-pound gorilla"

Author says drug companies are bad. Stop taking medicine, I guess.

"the whole locality is suffering from the terror of the monkeys"

Residents of Lucknow, India, meet monkey menace with fireworks.

"the animals were frightening children at nurseries"

Officials in Japan's Wakayama Prefecture get strict with left over monkeys.

False advertising!

Seattle Times shocker: there are no apes in Ape Cave!

"honey bears, cockatoos and orangutans"

Indonesian officials seize illegally-held endangered animals.

"carcasses were found dumped and with their throats slashed"

Indian villagers, tired of monkey menace, risk Hanuman's wrath.

"We have 120% more monkeys at Tautphaus Park Zoo"

They're gaining on us.

"she felt stupid"

What if they gave a protest and only one moonbat came?

She'd get herself arrested, as it happens.

"the monkeys are being disseminated secretly"

Indian government takes steps to address monkey menace, pissing and moaning from the usual sources commences.

"civic authorities pull at their hair in frustration"

Tajikistan tells India send more monkeys!

"monkeys are entering into my house at the slightest opportunity"

Continuing monkey menace in Orissa, India.