Wednesday, December 29, 2010

“mother and baby are in good health”

They're breeding like bonobos at Ohio's Columbus Zoo and Aquarium.

Monday, December 27, 2010

“You don't want to transfuse the wrong type of blood”

Veterinarians at Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo build a library on great ape hematology and an international registry to record the blood types of captive apes on four continents.

Sunday, December 26, 2010


Illicitly-kept Marmoset in Michigan reported in a very shouty article.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

“It's pretty amazing”

Baby orangutans get around the clock attention from keepers at Fresno's Chaffee Zoo.

Friday, December 24, 2010

“Refuting the animal-loving NGOs allegations”

India's Himachal Kheti Bachhao Sangarsh Samiti political party makes fighting monkey menace a priority.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

“he throws presents to the chimps”

Santa visits the chimps of Loxahatchee, FL.

“ancient hominins”

Prehistoric Siberians interbred with "Denisovan" ape-men, Max Planck Institute Professor Svante Paabo says.

“a decline in topeng monyet”

Fashions change; Indonesia's performing monkeys hardest hit.

“eventually captured”

A pet capuchin monkey in Miami-Dade bit a local during an escape attempt.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

“leaves the visitors with bad memories”

India's Himachal Pradesh state the site of battles between farmers, monkeys, and PETA loons.

“severed her spinal cord”

Guilty plea after weird "medical experiments" performed on vervet monkey in South African amateur lab.

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Saturday, November 06, 2010

“for use in British labs”

Britain needs monkeys!

And you thought claddists were bad...

A new statistical model using DNA evidence claims that our evolutionary line diverged from that of chimpanzees 8 million years ago.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

“booked all the rooms in ITC Maurya”

Commandos, snipers, and monkey catchers to be deployed to protect Barack Obama from New Delhi monkeys during his November jaunt.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

“there is no cause for alarm at this time”

Scientist at California National Primate Research Center in Davis appears to have contracted a never-before identified strain of adenovirus from a colony of Titi monkeys. Authorities downplay need for immediate panic.

“a whole lot of monkey business”

Australia's Perth Zoo keeping busy with five primate births over the last six weeks.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

“after it terrorized a neighborhood”

All ends well in Kansas City 300-pound chimpanzee escape.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

“I call it ‘bug-eye gorilla’”

Bigfoot believers are seen, dimly, in Oregon.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Goodbye, Jilloch

A 34-year-old chimpanzee at Britain's Twycross Zoo died last weekend, after suffering heart failure.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

“tetanus and rabies injections”

BBC cameraman at India's Commonwealth Games treated at hospital after attack by langur monkey, there to protect against attack by local stray bonnet monkeys.

“a special diet including protein shakes”

Charlie the chimp, at South Africa's Mangaung zoo, famous smoking chimpanzee, dies of old age at age 52.


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

“severely ridiculed preparation”

Trained langur monkeys to be deployed at the 2010 Commonwealth Games in Delhi to protect visitors from marauding Common Indian Bonnet monkeys.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

“chimpanzee rock-throwing draws large crowds”

Jerusalem's Tisch Family Zoological Gardens builds a reinforced glass barrier to protect visitors from chimpanzee-thrown stones.

Monday, September 20, 2010

“and a few months to live”

Retirement to Florida's Jungle Friends habitat for Benjamin, a bitey monkey of Catskill, N.Y.

Monday, September 06, 2010

“It was later released”

Out-of-control monkey in India brought under control "using tranquilizing rubber bullets."

Friday, September 03, 2010

Only Nixon could go to China. Look what he brought back!

Toshiba Recalls T Series Notebook Computers Due to Burn Hazard

Next week: calendar reform!

Proposed constitutional amendment - Conservation of legislation: every new law passed must repeal an old one.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Dateline: Tropical Switzerland

A group of barbary apes who escaped from a Switzerland zoo establish breeding colony. And "experts say global warming and higher winter temperatures mean the primates will survive the winter."

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Monday, August 30, 2010

“the monkey is winning”

Mishima Japan begins publishing a daily "biting monkey" alert as nearly 60 people bitten by rampaging macaque since mid-August.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Thursday, August 19, 2010

“greatest wildlife encounter on offer to travellers”

Lonely Planet Awards gives first prize (prizes are notional only) to a tour of mountain gorillas in Uganda.

Don't forget your shots!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

“saw what appeared to be teeth marks”

Three endangered ringtail lemurs to be euthanized as rabies precaution in Fort Edward, NY.

Update: Good news - no rabies. Bad news- the whole euthanasia thing.

“It's asking a lot of the animal”

Special techniques are used to help treat cardiopathy in Harvey, a 5-foot-tall, 150-pound chimpanzee at the Toledo Zoo.

“planning to return the animal to the wild”

Wild monkey caught in downtown Tokyo

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Goodbye, Josh

20-year-old chimpanzee at Kansas City Zoo dies after some male chimps scuffled a day before.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

"evidence of scientific misconduct"

Quality of science by Harvard Professor of Psychology, Organismic & Evolutionary Biology and Biological Anthropology Marc Hauser attacked by other scientists.

Monday, August 09, 2010

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

“the mother is not caring for it properly”

Trouble at the monkey-house at North Carolina Zoo as chimpanzee Maki proves to be an inattentive parent.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

“so as not to trigger a hunt for them”

Lemurs who fled from their Austrian home in Salzburg's Hellbrunn zoo turn up in an area bar five days later.

“games involve rules”

Either is right and zoo gorillas play tag or these self-esteem majors can't recognize a round of grab-ass when they see it.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

“she accidentally pressed the gas pedal”

Disabled driver drives into Nebraska City gift shop by hitting the wrong pedal while watching her helper monkey instead of the road.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010


Horror of horrors: bloggers discover it's not the anarcho-syndicalist worker's collective they've assumed it was.

Update: Asylum chooses to henceforth be run by the inmates. Science!

Sunday, July 04, 2010

“the smallest monkeys in the world”

Curraghs Wildlife Park in Ballaugh, on the Isle of Man, welcomes two pairs of pygmy marmosets. So, there's your vacation plans all made for you!

Thursday, July 01, 2010

“had her throat slit after she was bound and gagged”

Ymke Warren, a British gorilla expert, reportedly has been murdered at her home in Cameroon.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Goodbye, Kimya

Kimya, the youngest gorilla at South Carolina's Riverbanks Zoo and Garden, was found dead Monday morning.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Friday, June 18, 2010

Monday, June 14, 2010

He didn't know his own strength!

20-year-old silver back gorilla shuts down exhibit at Zoo Atlanta when he damages protective window charging at hated veterinarians.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

“believed to be world first”

Chimpanzee in New Zealand's Wellington Zoo gets life-saving surgery for a bacterial ear infection

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Thursday, June 10, 2010

“It is premature to comment on this issue”

Officials of India's Pune Public Works Department eye monkeys as possible cause of untimely death of 35-year-old contractor killed when a boulder rolled down a section of the Katraj ghat.

Only Nixon could go to Beijing. Look what he brought back!

GE Recalls Front Load Washers Due to Fire and Shock Hazards

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

“there hadn't been a lemur escape in at least a decade”

Duke University's Lemur Center gets back their pair of ringtail lemurs who escaped across town to Cresset Christian Academy.

Monday, June 07, 2010

“an enriching effect on animal behaviour”

Orangutans at the zoo find humans amusing, fascinating.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

“You poor brute of a killer without a conscience, I'm wet with compassion”

Arizona's Pinal County Historical Society Museum features the craft works, including a sock monkey, of trunk murderer Winnie Ruth Judd.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

“If she dropped a jar of oregano”

Service-monkeys A-OK with Vermint Fish and Wildlife Commissioner.

“he fancies a nibble”

Those wacky orangutans!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

“talking to the Indonesian authorities”

Darwin Australia vexed by roaming mystery monkey.

“She marched to the beat of her own drum”

Sandy Herold, former owner of Connecticut chimpanzee that mauled Charla Nash, reportedly dead of a ruptured aortic aneurysm.

Monday, May 24, 2010

La-de-da ook-ook

Chimpanzees are social climbers, anthropologists say.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Bow first or apologize first?

In Bali, officials prepare for a visit this summer by Barack Obama. One concern is the monkeys that populate the sacred temple at Uluwatu. An official has suggested that the monkeys be bribed with large amounts of food in the days prior to Obama's visit.

Buy Chinese in haste, repent at leisure

HP Expands Recall of Notebook Computer Batteries Due to Fire Hazard

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Thursday, May 06, 2010

“a brief but public foray”

Texas zoo-goers, media, blush when proud mother Bonobo and random nearby male engage in vigorous bout of what bonobos are best known for, at Fort Worth Zoo.

Saturday, May 01, 2010

“turning destructive when they reach sexual maturity”

Vermont woman suffering from multiple sclerosis gets permission from state Legislature for service monkey. If it works out badly, I'm sure taxpayers will be happy to, uh, pay.

Monday, April 26, 2010

“vacant windows have been loaned as art space”

Connecticut's Norwalk Arts Commission to hide failed local economy with Potemkin Public Art Installation.

Goodbye, Gordy

23-year-old male western lowland gorilla at Minnesota's Como Zoo dies suddenly and unexpectedly. Necropsy results are awaited.

"The zoo asks that in lieu of flowers, donations can be made to Como Friends."

Buy Chinese in haste, repent at leisure (this means you)

Low Return Rate and Additional Reports of Fires Prompt Re-announcement of Coby Electronics Portable DVD/CD/MP3 Player Recalls

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

“it was Vilson's second escape in two weeks”

A brief escape by Vilson the gibbon, at New Zealand's Wellington Zoo, ends satisfactorily. "The fact he's out again is frustrating, because it means he's far more intelligent than all of us ... Our job is to contain him and obviously at this stage we're not doing this."

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

“since wrestling a banana from Genta”

Japan's Mount Takasaki nature park notes the reign of Zoro, alpha male, now for a record 11 years and three months

Monday, April 19, 2010

“It was so much fun”

Florida's mystery monkey draws copycat imitators.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

“they're going to kill me”

Death threats for trapper working to catch Florida's mystery monkey.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Monday, April 12, 2010

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Saturday, April 10, 2010

“tried to re-claim his tiffin”

Softly softly catchee monkey, or else!

“this is such a rare event”

Ring-tailed lemur triplets born at UK's Beale Park.

Friday, April 09, 2010

Goodbye, Jessy

22-year-old female chimpanzee dies after fall at India's Alipore zoo.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Buy Chinese in haste, repent at leisure

Gund Recalls to Replace Baby Books Due to Choking Hazard

Goodbye, Yeboah

Gorilla Yeboah dies at London Zoo after a heart attack. Results of a post-mortem examination are expected to be revealed in a few weeks. *

Monday, April 05, 2010

‘described her condition as “very delicate"&rsquo

Young female gorilla at Louisville Zoo continues to improve after the loss of part of her left leg in "a skirmish within the family group.”

Monday, March 29, 2010

“wait until someone snaps a photo of the monkey eating a baby bald eagle”

Florida's mystery monkey no joke to Keystone Kops outsmarted wildlife officials who can't catch him.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Casey Jones was an Engineer

Kentucky Department of Agriculture fines Louisville Zoo $37,000 for deficiencies in train ride that derailed at the Gorilla Forest exhibit in 2009, injuring 22 people. (No gorillas were harmed).

Monday, March 22, 2010

“there's been thousands of dollars already spent on this”

Florida's mystery monkey continues to be seen, not caught.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

“sold the monkey to a collector”

Pet shop owner steals squirrel monkey, attempts to steal Humboldt penguin from Japan's Nagasaki Bio Park.

Monday, March 08, 2010

“I felt sorry for him”

Unsuccessful woman with a banana chases Florida's mystery monkey.

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Friday, March 05, 2010

Goodbye, Jackie

Jackie, 35-year-old chimpanzee at TN's Knoxville Zoo, dies after the death of her unborn baby.

“turning him into a drug addict”

Florida's monkey-on-the-run may have been shot with tranquilizer darts so often that he's getting to where he likes it.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Thursday, February 25, 2010

“the oldest male chimp in an accredited zoo in the United States and Europe”

Thumbs-up for San Francisco Zoo's Cobby, 52-year-old chimpanzee on his physical exam at University of California-San Francisco.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

“on it’s way to leading a normal life”

Successful surgery on Peanut, a baby ring-tailed lemur with a damaged femur, at Michigan's Summer Wind Farms Sanctuary.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

“sold illegally”

Bail for UK lemur-merchant.

“He's doing very well”

Successful cataract surgery for Boscoe the black-and-white ruffed lemur at Pittsburgh Zoo & PPG Aquarium.

“it can be fatal if transmitted to humans”

Inhabitants of the drive-through monkey jungle at UK's Longleat safari park will be quarantined from human visitors in herpes scare.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

“she didn't go for my face”

Fortunate chimpanzee-attackee tells her tale.

Monday, February 15, 2010

“live on grass and wide open spaces”

Florida readies for immigration of chimpanzees from New Mexico.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

“by giving them poisoned banana”

Villagers in West Java avenge their crops, destroyed by monkey menace.

“an ape-for-hire”

Clint Eastwood's former orangutan co-star comes to the rescue when a caretaker at Great Ape Trust in Des Moines is attacked by another orangutan.

“a keeper noticed her sitting on top of her cage”

180-pound gorilla recaptured at Dallas Zoo after pre-Valentine's Day escape attempt.

Update: Blame assigned.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

“injuries that did not appear to be life-threatening”

Volunteer at Florida's Suncoast Primate Sanctuary attacked by a chimpanzee.

Monday, February 08, 2010

“Monkeys can be aggressive and bite”

Darwin in Australia's Northern Territory worries about a wandering unregistered monkey.

“the gender can’t yet be determined”

Saturday saw a gorilla baby (or a baby gorilla) born at Louisville Zoo!

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Stay alive, don't buy Chinese!

Dollar General Recalls Toy Guns Due to Choking Hazard

“Julie did not get along with Jimbo”

Blaming the victim, Knoxville Zoo ships suspected troublemaker Julie the chimpanzee to Albuquerque, (but it's a dry heat!)

Monday, February 01, 2010

“Howler Monkey Gives Birth”

It's a little bit louder now at New Mexico's Rio Grande Zoo.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

“the first time it has been scientifically proven”

Scientists at Japan's University of Tokyo and University of Shiga Prefecture's School of Human Cultures attach electrodes to chimpanzee's head and play a recording of her own name, a similar name, an unknown name and a noise that sounded close to her name in random order to see what'll happen.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

“No injuries were reported”

Inflatable gorilla runs amok in Houston, TX, sets a shopping center ablaze.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

“may have become overly excited”

Japanese macaque captured with a net in a stairwell of restaurant in Tokyo's Taito Ward.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

“the iniquitous Biomedical Research Center”

30 rhesus monkeys kicked to the curb in Shivapuri India.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

“if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys”

Chimpanzees at Scotland's Edinburgh Zoo to film their own exploits.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Meta meta meta

Very busy at work, starting to see that improving, will be able to resume posting in the next few days, I expect.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

“the worst conditions we’ve experienced since the mid-1990s”

Baboons at UK's Knowsley Safari Park ward off the decline with a nice baked potato.

Monday, January 04, 2010