"We're not too proud of it, but it did happen long ago"

Cigarette-smoking chimps remembered.

And, Rowland must go.

"Shmendrik, whose heavy voice carried a Yiddish accent"

Puppet show at White Plains Public Library perpetuates stereotypes while teaching racial tolerance and understanding. Cast includes Chippy the monkey.

And, Rowland must go.

"zoo officials did not reveal an animal's death until receiving media inquiries"

Why yes, says National Zoo, a red kangaroo did die. Thanks for asking.

And, Rowland must go.

"before I knew it, the monkey tried to grab my hand and screeched fiercely back at me"

Field trip to Malaysia's Zoo Megara. "The smell was so bad that it made me dizzy."

And, Rowland must go.

"To take such high-sounding abstract concepts about democracy to one-time desert Arabs is somewhat akin to getting an ape to appreciate a diamond"

Racist lies from the left, courtesty of UPI.

And, Rowland must go.

"Life-saving medical advances, from the polio vaccine to kidney dialysis"

Anti-human activists deride Royal Society's statement of the obvious: animal research is - and always will be - essential for human welfare.


And, Rowland must go.

"Thirty-seven porcupines, four golden lion tamarin monkeys and two capuchin monkeys were found dead at the zoo"

Animal deaths continue at Sao Paolo Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

"could hurl your young child into a vortex of pre-pubescent doom"

A trip to Puerto Rico's Luis A. Ferre Science Park.

And, Rowland must go.

"They can just be put into Dutch zoos, right?"

Dutch Health Minister Hans Hoogervoorst says no welfare for chimps. Texas Death Match between Queen of the Chimps and Queen of the Netherlands in the offing.

And, Rowland must go.

"Human babies at this age don’t do anything"

In Brownsville, TX, Gladys Porter Zoo has a gorilla birth.

And, Rowland must go.

"Intel is one of several sponsors helping Toyota"

BSOD jokes will not be welcome -- Bernie & Max

And, Rowland must go.

"it records vital information, such as their hairstyle, height, or age"

Next time you taunt a monkey, remember: it will.

And, Rowland must go.

"I have concluded that it's time for me to move"

Director of National Zoo to step down.

And, Rowland must go.

"The gorillas that live there are called naive gorillas"

Christiane Amanpour to do for gorillas what she did for Saddam.

And Rowland must go.

"We call it laughter"

Atlanta's Fernbank Museum to tout Queen of the Chimps, encourage chimp-like behavior in patrons.

And, Rowland must go.

"I was shocked when I heard"

Canada's Crystal Garden Conservation Centre to be defunded. Like-minded tax consumers predictably outraged.

And, Rowland must go.

"the President has no official role in this process"

A quick lesson from Feces Flinging Monkey on how the Constitution is amended.

And, Rowland must go.

"it will help build a basis for hammering the virus before it gets started"

Researchers find protein in monkey cells that prevents HIV replication.

And, Rowland must go.

"clearing older facilities to make way for a new plan"

Alabama's Birmingham Zoo demolishes Bear Moat. Former Monkey Island, which later served as Alligator Island, to live on as Duck Island.

And, Rowland must go.

"The giraffe, George, died from tetanus"

USDA’s Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service to investigate Toledo Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

"This book belongs in all libraries"

Iowa scientists garner Queen of the Chimps jacket blurb on new monkey book.

And, Rowland must go.

"The four suspects are currently under police intensive investigation"

Indonesia police nab monkey-meat smugglers.

And, Rowland must go.

"monkeys themselves have little reason to celebrate"

Should have thought of that before they were born monkeys! In China!

And, Rowland must go.

First runner-up: Veggie Bomb

Louisville Zoo / Papa John's Pizza name-the-baby-gorilla contest winner "Azizi."

And, Rowland must go.

"including the famous ‘Bug Man’ Ruud Kleinpaste"

Auckland Zoo’s Rainforest to be Auckland Zoo’s Newstalk ZB Rainforest

And, Rowland must go.

"I feel your pain"

British researchers teach Britons to play Simpsons shock game. Results consistent with earlier work with monkeys.

And, Rowland must go.

"Play, fear, tantrums, whining, testing boundaries"

Minions of Queen of the chimps do her bidding.

And, Rowland must go.

"You never feel like you're being cheated or robbed"

Malaysia: more bang for the buck than Thailand, and free-range orangutans.

And, Rowland must go.

pegylated interferon alpha

Dutch scientist apparently has treatment for SARS in monkeys.

And, Rowland must go.

"This is what the gorillas like to eat"

I remember when only the Addams family sang the praises of swamps.

And, Rowland must go.

"Questions have been raised about the deaths of numerous animals in recent years"

National Academy of Sciences panel ready to release report on National Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

"it's even creepy for me here at night"

Adelaide Zoo to upgrade physical security after theft, recovery of monkey.

And, Rowland must go.

"We get electronic jamming all the time"

Via Monkey Attack, a tale of monkey business, coincidence, or what?

And, Rowland must go.

"the Delhi government has washed away their hands"

New Delhi neighborhood menaced by biting monkey, bureaucrats.

And, Rowland must go.

Hey, Huggy Koalabear, what's the word on the street?

Adelaide Zoo's missing squirrel monkey has been recovered via good old-fashioned police work — a phone call from a snitch.

Update: An arrest has been made.

And, Rowland must go.

Monkeys Ripped My Flesh

Australian cricketer tormented by thieving monkeys. RZZZZZ!

And, Rowland must go.

Down and Out in Sukabumi

Reformers succeed in evicting three orangutans from Cikananga Animal Saving Centre.

And, Rowland must go.

"What human health benefits can be gained from separating infant monkeys from their mothers?"

MonkeyWatch challenge: No primate-tested medication for Rita Anderson, Committee for Research Accountability.

And, Rowland must go.

"30 centimetres high with a light coloured body and black head"

Squirrel monkey stolen from Adelaide zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

"officials would like the name to be very special"

Rochester, NY's Seneca Park Zoo holding Name the Baby Orangutan contest. First prize includes a one year supply of Timbits.

And, Rowland must go.

"Domesticated dogs are strikingly similar to young children"

New Guinea Singing Dog Conservation Society says domesticated dogs smarter than dirty old monkeys any time. Unfortunately, New Guinea Singing Dogs mostly feral and dumb as rocks irredeemably stupid. Singing!

And, Rowland must go.

"the much maligned chicken we enjoy for dinner is no dummy"

Tim Blair's favorite paper says monkeys not so smart as you think.

And, Rowland must go.

"New Russians prefer the tigers because of their killer instinct"

Ukraine's Yalta Zoo takes the animals no one else wants.

And, Rowland must go.

Goodbye, Millie

Cerebral palsy-afflicted orangutan at Miami's Parrot Jungle Island dead of apparently natural causes.

And, Rowland must go.

"Dr Jane Goodall, who is regarded as the world's foremost authority on chimpanzees, was also being made a Dame"

Honours for Joan Plowright and Queen of the Chimps, who did not get top billing.

And, Rowland must go.

"It’s estimated there are 5,000 tigers in private ownership in the United States"

Attempt to ban exotic pets in Minnesota. 'Coon Rapids ECM Publishers, MN' needs a copy editor.

And, Rowland must go.

"Monks preach that humans must use their consciences, otherwise they can believe that tomorrow a human can give birth to a monkey''

Thai officials note death of cat from bird-flu virus, say move along, nothing to see here.

And, Rowland must go.

"I don’t think you can ever have too many animals at the zoo"

A day in the life of a Minnesota Zoo volunteer.

sidebar, I guess.

And, Rowland must go.

"we shouldn’t demonise the local people who eat great ape meat because to them, it is perfectly normal"

Birkenstocked elite instruct third-worlders on how to conserve Nature. First appearance, to my memory, of "orang utan." Pronounced with faux accent, presumably.

And, Rowland must go.

"We just like to be proactive"

Thiensville, WI to ban all exotic animals. Kids next.

And, Rowland must go.

"lucky for us we have a compatible pair"

Rochester NY's Seneca Park Zoo is the only place in New York that you can see an orangutan. A little family of them, in fact.

And, Rowland must go.

"home to 3,000 monkeys who breed about 750 baby monkeys a year"

South Carolina may not be able to afford to evict feral rhesus monkeys from Morgan Island.

And, Rowland must go.

"if she does not receive a life-saving operation within the next month, she will die"

UK letter-writing campaign to save sickly baby orangutan.

And, Rowland must go.

"I think Darwin expressed it very well"

Pittsburgh Zoo and PPG Aquarium may reverse policy and again name the animals.

And, Rowland must go.

"the unique experience and talents that the United States can provide"

President throws monkeys a bone. Or something. How much is this going to cost me?

And, Rowland must go.

"Citizens Against Tall Towers"

North Carolina man dons gorilla suit to protest telecommunications and non-arboreal lifestyles.

And, Rowland must go.

"The gorilla house will allow a variety of primates to interact"

Omaha's Henry Doorly Zoo to open new gorilla house in April, seeks 62,000 new members. That'd be 16% of the population of Omaha at the last census.

And, Rowland must go.

"In the Year of the Monkey, the rooster was hailed as a sign of glad tidings for those born in the Year of the Ox"

Six dead of bird flu in Thailand, Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra hardest hit.

And, Rowland must go.

"Any time you identify a zoonotic transfer of a retrovirus it raises a lot of concern"

One more thing to worry about, simian foamy virus gaining popularity among those in contact with simians.

And, Rowland must go.

"we suggest that police throw an immediate defensive cordon around every ferret"

Register plays Sao Paolo Zoo animal killings for laughs.

And, Rowland must go.

"Eye to eye with lemurs in the trees"

Albany, GA's Parks at Chehaw to display lemurs in open-air setting in March.

And, Rowland must go.

"embracing, kissing, patting one another on the back, swaggering, and shaking their fists"

Queen of the Chimps signs her name to alarmist report of declining chimp population, no sign of a census in this press release, though. "... financial help must come from western countries, the plan says"

And, Rowland must go.

"It was very interesting"

Nebraska office-workers get gorilla-grams for Valentine's day, AP goes national with the story.

And, Rowland must go.

"In Japan, monkeys are being sold at a high price in first class restaurants where monkey brains are cooked"

Monkey-napping in the Phillipines.

And, Rowland must go.

"I'm trying to bring about a more naturalistic environment"

New digs for chimps, others, at Delhi Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

"the real nature of the relationship with that Man in the Yellow Hat"

Universal tries to gin up interest in upcoming animated Curious George by touting conventional, rather than CG, animation.

And, Rowland must go.

"An orangutan, a European bison and a camel were the latest to die"

More animals poisoned at Sao Paolo Zoo. See Bigwig's earlier post.

And, Rowland must go.

"Everything in Laos is considered food, except maybe cockroaches"

Insufficient revolutionary fervor threatens Laotian monkeys, other wildlife, conservationists say.

And, Rowland must go.

"Wildlife officials say deforestation and human settlements are driving monkeys into the cities"

Monkey attacks policeman in India.

And, Rowland must go.

"Rusti will be able to spend the rest of his life in a banyan tree"

After spending $150,000 to find a home for Rusti the orangutan, and failing, Orangutan Foundation to build $200,000 fence around a tree at Honolulu Zoo.

And, Rowland must go. (AP's copy editor's on shaky ground, too.)

"We believe many of the trainers working in the film industry today use humane training methods"

Queen of the Chimps demands firing of all show business great apes.

And, Rowland must go.

"officials weren't confident that the exhibit could contain him, despite major security upgrades"

Boston's Franklin Park Zoo reopens gorilla exhibit, minus escape-prone Little Joe.

And, Rowland must go.

"rarer than giant panda"

There aren't very many Brelich's snub-nosed monkeys.

And, Rowland must go.

"would dramatically reduce the ability of the capital's school children to study wildlife"

Ghana's Accra Zoo to move, children hardest hit.

And, Rowland must go.

"She came to see the chimpanzees as they really were"

Queen of the Chimps in IMAX.

And, Rowland must go.

"It's a metaphoric kind of take"

Chimpanzee opera. Canadian.

And, Rowland must go.

"hoping somebody will donate a few large bunches tomorrow"

Auckland Zoo to treat orangutans to flowers for Valentine's Day.

And, Rowland must go.

"She'll almost certainly kill again"

Bigwig, on the Sao Paolo Zoo serial killer.

And, Rowland must go.

"That could set the stage for something pretty dramatic to happen"

Sky falling, says University of Buffalo expert.

And, Rowland must go.

"Animals may think more like us than we ever imagined"

University of Delaware students, public, to be treated to "Great Minds Think Alike: Cognitive Capacities in the Chimpanzee" in March.

And, Rowland must go.

"at least some of Sumatra and Borneo's unmatched biodiversity will be preserved"

WWF takes credit for two new National Parks in Indonesia.

And, Rowland must go.

"She had no children, and she just loved animals"

Washington woman bequeaths $2.7 million to the Racine Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

"These are very specialised creatures"

Marmosets make poor pets.

And, Rowland must go.

"Animal Social Complexity is a professional volume, complete with a hundred pages of references"

A Slashdot book report on Animal Social Complexity: Intelligence and Culture.

And, Rowland must go.

"many small primates aren't getting annual physicals"

Trouble continues at the National Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

"the animals were killed with sodium fluoroacetate"

Tony the chimpanzee, other animals, poisoned by person or persons unknown at Sao Paolo Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

"gorillas destroy banana plants, whose pith they like to eat"

Ugandan gorillas on banana-stealing spree.

And, Rowland must go.

"One notorious chimp nicknamed Saddam is blamed for killing at least three babies"

Drunken Ugandan chimps on bloody rampage.

And, Rowland must go.

"sometimes you can’t believe anything that you see"

University of Pittsburgh researchers distinguish between brain areas for processing reality and illusion by tricking monkeys and stupid people. Republicans and Democrats each issue press releases decrying overdeveloped illusion areas in the brains of the other.

And, Rowland must go.

Sometimes the headline is the only part worth reading

"Monkeys on underwear buying spree"

And, Rowland must go.

"He chose the monkey"

'The monkey or me,' says German pop star's wife.

And, Rowland must go.

"the children, they just have a fit over them"

96-year old volunteer at North Carolina's Lenoir Memorial Hospital continues making sock monkeys.

And, Rowland must go.

"Animals don't have hang-ups"

Miami-Dade's Metrozoo to feature return of "Sex and the Animals," a 75-minute adults-only slide show.

And, Rowland must go.

"I let out a scream, fit to curdle blood"

Missing problem monkeys in the new India.

And, Rowland must go.

"to draw out and displace foreign semen away from the cervix"

Scientists consider differences between human genital morphology and that of other primates vis-a-vis sloppy seconds.

And, Rowland must go.

"As part of an effort to present Rwanda as an attractive vacation destination after the 1994 genocide..."

Rwanda travelogue, with baboons.

And, Rowland must go.

"I noticed that I, too, was being watched, closely"

Rwanda travelogue, with gorillas.

And, Rowland must go.

Rumsfeld kicks ass, takes names

"Any monkey looking down from Mars on Earth knows that ... we're the bulk of the democracies in the world, and we have common interests. That is what the interest of the United States has been and is today."

"I know in my heart and my brain that America ain't what's wrong in the world.

"And look at the way it was treated in the press. There were prominent people who represent countries in this room who opined that they didn't think it made a hell of a lot of difference who won."

I used to think I was too old to have a hero.

And, Rowland must go.

"Zoologists said rhesus monkeys are famous for eating kiwi fruit"

Rhesus monkeys appear unexpectedly in Chinese tourist area, say officials.

And, Rowland must go.

"One of our most famous projects is our gorilla garden"

Further adventures of the Queen of the Chimp's youth indoctrination program.

And, Rowland must go.

"the macaques began to invent new behaviors"

National Geographic Channel will air "Hot Tub Monkeys", about Japanese macaques, this Sunday.

And, Rowland must go.

"making strides in the fight against HIV infection"

Tulane National Primate Research Center reports a topical microbicide that they are investigating prevented SIV infection, the monkey form of HIV, in most of the monkeys in their study. Work on a vaccine is also progressing, but with less success. Cambridge "activists" don't give a damn.

And, Rowland must go.

"wallets, mobile phones and other valuables"

Colombian police catch pickpocket monkey.

And, Rowland must go.

"The adult male has a bright red nose and blue cheeks and a blue rump"

Mandrills.

And, Rowland must go.

"Gorillas lose baby teeth and have wisdom teeth"

The dentist visits Louisville Zoo's gorillas.

And, Rowland must go.

Chimp change

Live, no link: Dennis Miller just announced that Ellie the Chimp, now entering puberty, will no longer appear on the show, and will be replaced by Mowgly (or Mowglie?) a younger chimp.

Update: Mowgli.

And, Rowland must go.

"His dad, by the way, is Lowell the orangutan"

Rochester NY's Seneca Park Zoo, home of rented baboons, ready to show off their new baby orangutan.

And, Rowland must go.

"114th annual Chneah Hoay"

God of Prosperity predicts sound Malaysian economy in the year of the monkey.

And, Rowland must go.

"a Soviet agent was allowed to steal gas pipeline software that had been secretly designed to fail on a catastrophic scale"

It only hit my filters because it contains "monkey wrench", but this is very interesting!

And, Rowland must go.

"large predators that prey on humans are vanishing"

Anti-human Conference of the Parties to the Convention on Biological Diversity to call for more man-killers.

And, Rowland must go.

"Unlike most zoos, local keepers allowed the other animals to mourn her death by placing her with the other orangutans"

43-year-old female orangutan dies at Pittsburgh Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

"Pig-tails spend around 10% of their time on the ground"

Pictures of Macaques from Sumatra.

And, Rowland must go.

Procolobus badius waldroni

Miss Waldron’s red colobus monkey may not be extinct, after all. Unless this was the last one.

And, Rowland must go.

"ethical and safety issues will need to be resolved"

Science Blog reports success in grafting monkey testicular tissue to mice, producing fertile monkey sperm. Sadly, when bred out, monkeys fathered with this sperm have only one ass.

And, Rowland must go.

"a deformed limb exactly like the one that killed the baby"

Delhi baby-killing monkey caught, apparently.

And, Rowland must go.

"he'll eat 'chicken rice'"

Jackie Chan to tempt fate in year of the monkey publicity stunt.

And, Rowland must go.

"We work in an environment that is a little more stable"

Director of land protection for the Maine chapter of The Nature Conservancy goes to Indonesia to show benighted locals how it's done.

And, Rowland must go.

"the government will deliver 150 monkeys to the US"

Anti-human activists in Nepal demand that government stop exporting rhesus macaques, start importing Doritos.

And, Rowland must go.

"Baboons spend much time grooming each other"

Pictures of baboons.

And, Rowland must go.

"The man-monkey conflict has gone on for years, without a solution"

Indian state of Himachal Pradesh takes monkey census. Headcount: 373,860. Human population: 6.08 million. They're outnumbered!

And, Rowland must go.