"nobody cares about protecting the peasants who live here"

Slash-and-burn farmers in Madagascar suffer from new government restrictions. Eco-tourists still awaited.

"regular doses of vitamins and tonics to increase their stamina"

Pressure to procreate among chimpanzees at India's Delhi Zoo.

"a two-year ban"

Former mayor of Beaufort, S.C., guilty of illegally importing wild monkeys.

"her latest conservation role"

Celebrity Rula Lenska visits UK's Port Lympne Wild Animal Park to be seen "mucking out" the gorilla house.

Update: more.

"the true magic of the holiday season"

Father Christmas to visit chimpanzees and gorillas at Northern Ireland's Belfast Zoo.

"He's an extremely personable animal"

OJ, gorilla stud who's been a dud, moves to San Francisco Zoo, which makes plans to rename him. And show him gorilla porn, I expect.

Don't tell Frank J.!

266 ex-research chimpanzees to move to Florida.

"it was noisy and it smelled"

Remembering Ham & Enos, 1961 suborbital monkeys, both of them survival types.

"no signs of trauma ... no breaks, contusions or bites"

Jumoke, 8-week-old chimpanzee at Maryland Zoo in Baltimore, dead of undermined causes. (Link requires registration, I'll fix that if another source runs the story (not gonna happen, apparently), bugmenot has the userid/password.)

Update: An earlier version, without registration, prior to the necropsy results.

"part of a breeding program"

Fresh meat at the Great Ape House at D.C.'s National Zoo.

"I realized science was not how I was going to make a contribution to these animals"

Largesse was, as it happens.

"the persistent lobbying of animal rights groups"

Villagers no longer ritually slaughter monkey in manhood ceremony. Effect on manhood not specified in the article.

"They can look at nature in context"

Long lead times must drive editors nuts.

"He’s one of the oldest chimps in captivity"

Bill will be the last chimpanzee at California's Sequoia Park Zoo, says his keeper.

"leaving monkeys and other exotic animals alone"

Monkeys biting college students cruel to monkeys, say PETA loons.

"rock-wielding monkeys"

Scientists confirm, soon monkeys will learn to crack the human skull to feast on the sweet,sweet goo inside.

"and one cackling monkey"

No animal hoarding here, nope.

"an embodiment of strength"

Indian villagers to build temple to electrocuted monkey.

"we think they are better off where they are"

Owners of Thailand's Safari World to be charged with orangutan smuggling.

"the final straw for the forest department"

Lucknow, India to collect and relocate menacing monkeys. Lucknow's neighbors soon to plan reciprocation.

"he could move in by next summer"

Groundbreaking for new enclosure for Honolulu Zoo's Rusti the orangutan today.

"roughly imitating Groucho Marx's walk"

People love and hate Bigfoot, says University of Florida anthropologist. No great clamor expected for DVD release of this.

Up to no good

I shall have bad dreams tonight.

"We are worried they might infect people with a dangerous disease"

Local urchins cash in when live monkeys are abandoned at Dar es Salaam dump.

"Macaca arunachalensis"

Destructive new species apparently discovered in India.

"Eastern philosophy is very much in tune with nature"

The Queen of the Chimps is chatted with.

"the evolutionary origins of language"

One small step closer to siren song of obedient servant monkeys.

Update: And another.

"book that weighs almost as much as a coffee table itself"

Think of me whenever you see discarded film packaging in an otherwise pristine wilderness.

"They were not space monkeys"

Hawaii's Panaewa Rainforest Zoo gets confiscated squirrel monkey.

"and even an ape’s hand"

Swiss Customs finds the darndest things.

"I came to New York to express myself"

Mosaic of George W. Bush made from chimpanzee pictures poorly received.

"Monkeys broke the solar lights"

Poor conditions at India's Nandankanan Zoo dangerous, say disgruntled workers.

"they're having a great time"

Ohio State University Chimpanzee Research Center holds open house, Christmas party for the chimps.

"angry protests from animal rights groups"

December 13, 1958: the loss of Gordo, suborbital monkey.

"A few days later, the baby monkey died"

Good intentions inadequate for animal rescue, say Indian wildlife authorities.

"a gene responsible for semen viscosity"

Doing science isn't always glamorous.

"Rugg says "Bigfoot" is both singular and plural"

California man opens Bigfoot museum.

"we prefer consonant sounds to dissonant ones"

Monkeys don't care one way or the other about music, scientists say.

"monkeys rioted every time I approached them"

Maybe you'll return to Managua
You could go unnoticed in such a place

"Season's Treatings"

Kansas's Sedgwick County Zoo to to distribute non-denominational treats to animals today.

"some of the animals are large and some will eat you"

Dr. Farahh Murrani, Baghdad Zoo veterinarian, on internship at Colorado's Cheyenne Mountain Zoo.

"arrangements until now considered impossible at zoos"

Japan's Asahiyama Zoo has great success.

"not the first such instance"

Monkeys rampage in Chandigarh, India.

"you don't want to break into a house and find a gorilla there"

New York set to adopt nation's strictest exotic animal ban.

'“I’ll do the monkey,” she said'

Students from Indiana's Wayne State University meet some animal professionals.

"a resolution in support of the petition"

Adventures in ape breeding, &c.

"PETA fired off a letter to the show’s host"

PETA loons outraged to hear gibbon on the radio. MonkeyWatch suggested response: send this nut the bug letter.

"Brunei Proboscis Monkey Tour"

Travel agents from Bangkok on a little junket.

"We haven't had any loose monkeys"

Courts to decide fate of Maryland's Frisky's Wildlife and Primate Sanctuary.

"more skilled at understanding cause and effect than previously thought"

Tool use observed in wild capuchin monkeys.

"corvids may be even cleverer than we think"

Crows as smart as nonhuman primates, say Cambridge psychologists.

"all the while in complete control of the situation"

As a city boy, I wouldn't have guessed that rodeo needed a novelty act.

First as tragedy, then as farce?

Well, this came as a surprise!

"get Monkey Day recognized as a national holiday"

According to a local free weekly, today is Monkey Day.

Update: Well, I stand corrected. A commentor has correctly pointed out that it's not Monkey Day until Tuesday. Please stand by until then.

"No one can possibly care for that many animals by themselves"

Iowa woman in animal hoarding case.

"I'm just a data-entry monkey"

Not only the advance team that Dave Wissing at Hedgehog Report pointed to, apparently rather a lot of folks claim they're owed money by the Democrats, etc.

"chronic kidney disease"

Sibu, a 48-year-old Sumatran orangutan, euthanized at Georgia's Atlanta Zoo.

"bonobos are in crisis"

The randy bonobo, nature's stupid spoiled whore, faces a rough future, say Swiss conservationists.

"Reaching out to the broader public is always a good thing"

Indianapolis Zoo to establish $100k conservation prize. An "Oscar-like" gala is envisioned.

"a power vacuum in gorilla culture can lead to violence"

Brookfield Zoo keepers hope for peaceful transition of gorilla power following death of Babs, dominant female.

Update: They saved Babs's eggs.

Further update: Zoo denies reports that it's preparing a Lenin's Tomb-type display.

"No monkey will ever call me ‘mother’!"

I wonder what else she's going to be this sniffy about.

"herpes B, pox viruses, measles, hepatitis, tuberculosis, salmonella, ringworm, and other bacterial, viral, and fungal infections"

Every chimp a killer, to hear PETA loons tell it.

"I hope that young Singaporean biologists will find out more"

She's at it again. Or still.

"the prevalence of tsetse fly in the park"

Kenya's Ruma National Park under political attack.

Some government departments sought assistance from the International Atomic Energy Agency to eradicate tsetse flies from the area using Sterile Insect Technique (SIT).

Their request was approved and work started in 2001. But the project has since backfired.

Stupid IAEA.

"traditional toys given to children to spin during Chanukah"

Monkeys at Israel's Kfar Daniel open their unspun dreidels.

No monkey content

New England Republican looking for guest bloggers.

Goodbye, Babs

Brookfield Zoo, in Illinois, loses 30-year-old western lowland gorilla to kidney failure.

"it works out at a lower cost in the end"

Counting orangutan tree-top nests by helicopter.

"I have faith in African communities"

It reads like bringing ownership to African wildlife conservation. With so many UN ties, though, I'm not sure I believe it.

"Sam was fired into space in the US 'Little Joe' rocket"

Remembering 1959's Sam, the Space Monkey.

"played coos and screams recorded in the wild"

Scientist plays monkey tapes for monkeys, scans their brains, says he might know what they're thinking.

"better development to the blastocyst stage"

Scientists edge one step closer to successful monkey cloning.

...and the far-flung Isles of Langerhans

Mixed success with pig-to-rhesus monkey islet transplants, a diabetes treatment without insulin injection.

"Tonga is 26 games above .500"

Texas sports broadcaster finds success, publicity, by letting gibbon make picks.

"an adult male silverback"

Washington's Woodland Park Zoo adds third life-size gorilla statue.

"I could fail miserably and don't know what I would do then"

Green monkeys of Barbados out of work.

"Give me two months and $100 and I'll give you a chimp"

Chimps to order in Congo.

"Britain is keener on orangutans and chimps than other nations"

Tiger-fanciers stuff ballot box.

"handedness is associated with the KNOB"

Yerkes researchers can now interpret chimpanzee MRI scans and determine handedness. Or, you know, toss it a banana and see which hand it grabs it with.

"met or exceeded all standards"

$5K grant to Hawaii's Pacific Primate Sanctuary.

"to prevent them from extinction"

Philippine officials release two tarsiers into the wild. Story doesn't make it clear why they weren't fine where they originally were.

"This is part of the Species Survival Plan"

Santa Barbara Zoo borrows two extremely goofy-looking spectacled langurs from the Houston Zoo.

"We’ve been really excited all summer"

New Mexico's Rio Grande Zoo opens "Adventure Africa" exhibit with drum circle.

"I, for one, am never going back there if things don’t improve"

Malaysia's National Zoo is panned.

"local hunters recently spent a month hunting one monkey for a Chinese client"

Two legs, four legs, or six, if it moves they're hunting it, in Uganda.

"this is all very exciting news for the male"

UK college students contemplate sexual promiscuity in females.

"for the coming cool season"

Primates at Thai zoos get gunny-sack blankets. Not enough to go around for poor people, though.

"Jumoke"

Maryland Zoo plays mean trick on defenseless little baby chimp.

"panthers, elephants, gorillas, peacocks and gazelles"

"Road rage" originator eager for another 15 minutes of fame.

"to clean up a beach"

Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall to coerce manual labor from Taiwanese youth.

"concern for public safety"

Campbell county, KY, bans gorillas, rhinoceroses, shrews, and other proven-dangerous animals.

"Famed anthropologist Jane Goodall" (sic)

Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall due for honorary degree at Rutgers.

"English or American?"

A bartender's guide to the Monkey Gland Cocktail.

Is it just me

Or is everybody hating Wikipedia this year?

Watch out for that first step…it’s a doozy!

Great Falls Tribune reports on bowhunter's treestand tumble.

"he has exhibited his works every now and then since the 1970s"

Desmond Morris, author of The Naked Ape, has paintings exhibited in London.

"There are some girls whose eyes are like ‘monkeys'"

Yemenis aghast at cosmetic contact lenses.

No monkey content

They said: "Man accused of sex assault in court"

They meant: "Man accused in court of sex assault"

"I am protesting against the loss of independence in art"

Vandal misses statue of Michael Jackson and his monkey Bubbles in Berlin blood-spraying attack.

"may slow cell to cell transfer of HIV"

Colorado's Evolutionary Genomics say they know why chimpanzees don't get AIDS, and are at work to make that knowledge practical.