“two marmosets, two capuchin monkeys and a cotton-top tamarin”

Five endangered monkeys stolen from France's La Fleche zoo.

“She was wild as a crow to begin with”

Sick monkey goes missing in Northern Ireland.

“12 grapes at midnight”

Güet, gorilla at Spain's Madrid Zoo Aquarium, celebrates his first birthday.

“reportedly made medical history”

Emma, chimpanzee at Edinburgh Zoo, recovers after groundbreaking treatment.

Goodbye, Gregoire

Africa's oldest known chimpanzee dead in his sleep at 66 years.

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Children’s Jewelry Sold Exclusively in Hawaii Recalled by Aloha 808 Trading Due to Risk of Lead Exposure

Hallmark Recalls Jumbo Snow Globes Due to Fire Hazard

Gardener’s Supply Company Recalls Candle-Powered Carousels Due to Fire Hazard

“she had wept softly for what she was leaving behind”

Keepers play matchmaker among the gorillas at Canada's Toronto Zoo.

“reports of nausea and small children crying”

Feeding a gorilla brussell sprouts has unfortunate results, Australian officials say.

“Drunken stupidity would be a good guess”

Minnesota mechanical gorilla reunited with head, two accused.

“drew public attention”

The last of 15 patas monkeys which escaped from FL's Safari Wild earlier this year has been recaptured,and Lex Salisbury, embattled president of Tampa's Lowry Park Zoo, has resigned under a cloud.

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Evenflo Recalls Majestic™ High Chairs Due to Fall and Choking Hazards

“they are just like a little kid”

Nebraska woman choosy about who adopts her monkey.

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Xtreme Toy Zone Recalls Toy Dinosaurs Due to Violation of Lead Paint Standard

and

Regal Lager Recall to Replace Phil & Teds Strollers Due to Fall Hazard

“fighting for her life in hospital”

Northern Irish visitor to African animal sanctuary bitten by monkey, in critical condition with rabies.

“Almasty can bewitch a man”

Pravda reports a yeti outbreak in Northern Caucasus with a sex angle.

“beating him senseless”

British newspaper celebrates Chinese monkey-on-man violence.

“staff were not sure she was pregnant”

Surprise birth at New Zealand's Brooklands Zoo.

“first aid was not there today”

Visitor injured at India's Alipore Zoo when put-upon chimpanzee hurls a rock into the crowd.

“monkey cages built on his property”

Even in the staid world of zoo administration, scandal makes headlines!

“she makes the sound voluntarily”

Orangutan at Great Ape Trust of Iowa teaches herself to whistle.

“natural causes”

Seven wild gorillas dead in the Congo in the last few weeks.

Goodbye, Jenny

41-year-old lemur, one of the oldest in captivity, euthanized after an illness at Florida's Brevard County Zoo.

“South Lakes Wild Animal Park”

30 lemurs dead in Britain park fire.

“a prohibited meat product”

Faced with an airline passenger's packed lunch of three well-done monkeys, a Customs and Border Protection official says

While we in the United States may find the prospect of dining on charred monkey corpses as peculiar, we respect that certain cultures consider this a traditional delicacy...

But they did seize the crunchy snack and turn it over to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

“a repulsive smell, unless you're a gorilla”

New gorilla mom, Monifa, at San Francisco Zoo, is not mothering the infant.

Update: Surrogate mom Bawang seems to be working out fine.

“under her blouse”

"What ya in for, kid?"

"Monkey smuggling." (And disturbing the peace.)

“palm oil is now all the rage”

NYC mayor Nanny Bloomberg bans transfats, orangutans hardest hit!

“breeding and increasing in number”

Up to 20 Tonkin snub-nosed monkeys located in a forest in north-western Vietnam, where they were not known to exit.

“the most friendly apes on the planet”

Baby orangutan at FL's Institute of Greatly Endangered and Rare Species makes a new friend.

“loved to have his armpits scratched”

Titus, 25-year-old golden-crowned sifaka, the last of his kind in captivity(*), dead at Duke Lemur Center after tumor surgery.

(*) That's what the story says, but I begin to believe otherwise!

The story's correct, Duke's been in touch.

Working overtime!

Demo the orangutan impregnates every female orangutan at UK's Paignton Zoo.

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OKK Trading Recalls Toy Army Figures Due to Violation of Lead Paint Standard

“alongside bemused commuters”

Ape-costumed actors make a spectacle of themselves in London as part of Planet of the Apes 40th anniversary.

“equivalent to a 60-year-old human”

Coconuts filled with banana bread on his 30th birthday for silverback gorilla Kakinga at Canada's Calgary Zoo.

“and the World Association of Zoos and Aquariums”

2009: Year of the gorilla, UN declares.

“the higher up a monkey goes in a tree the more its bottom is exposed”

Electric failures again in St. Kitts and Nevis.

“every day more and more congo and white faced monkeys”

Costa Rica monkey population benefits from National Park protection, scientist says.

“the jelly tsotsi’s rather lame apology”

There's something incomprehensible and fascinating about other people's politics.

“They interrupt the electricity supply”

Sri Lanka's Trincomalee plagued with acrobatic monkeys.

“commuted a 14-year term”

Monkey-researcher Marc van Roosmalen freed from Brazilian prison.

“and really tug hard”

Reward offered information leading to the conviction of the thief of a mechanical gorilla head in Appleton WI.

Appleton news.

“held in unsanitary conditions”

4 monkeys were among the 478 wild animals seized by Institute of Natural Resources police in Lima Peru.

“based around a tragic historic tale”

Baboon Night in UK's Oasby, which commemorates the 1733 death of six-month old Viscount Conningsby, hurled to his death from an upstairs window by the family's baboon.

“technically it isn't wrong”

British Union for the Abolition of Vivisection would gleefully watch you suffer and die, untreated, before letting a medical research monkey suffer.

“just like a human can”

Diabetic de Brazza monkey at UK's Port Lympne Wild Animal Park doesn't resist his daily insulin injection.

He turns 64

Punch out a scientist today, it's Ben Stein's birthday! (You get to punch Ben on Charles Darwin's birthday*, so it all works out.)

Update: *February 12, by the way.

“little stinker keeps getting out”

Magic disappearing monkey Little Bit perplexes keepers at Clay Center Zoo in Kansas.

“gorilla observation lab is taught by Lorna Joachim”

I've missed my calling! University of New Mexico offers college credit for gorilla watching!!

“I’m going to meet with the chief monkey”

Peals of laughter at Malaysia's Johor state assembly as the problems of monkey menace are considered.

“like a flash of hairy light.”

You're not welcome at Georgia's Gorilla Haven, unless you're a gorilla (and they'll know if you're faking).

“Drive out the monkey and get votes”

It's election time in monkey-ridden rural India.

“a large adult monkey”

Australian woman hurt in 20 metre fall into a Hong Kong reservoir while running away from a monkey trying to steal a bag of nuts she was carrying.

Fairly disgusting

Had to go to my primary care doc today, turns out my problem hearing this week was just waxy yellow buildup. I didn't much appreciate his gleefully showing me what he took out of my ears, but OK, everybody needs a hobby.

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Near Strangulation of Child Prompts Recall to Repair Window Blinds by Green Mountain Vista

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Target Recalls Dive Sticks Due to Impalement Hazard

“Tarsiers are unusual primates”

Pygmy tarsier only mostly extinct, as it turns out.

“primates without tails”

Florida's Center for Great Apes, home to more than 40 apes, each great.

“G-O-D”

Kathleen Parker says: let's throw Christians under the bus. Dingbat.

Awww!

A boy and his stuffed toy monkey are reunited.

“the public prosecutor on this case is from the Green Scorpions”

Legal trouble for South Africa's Mengele of the monkeys.

“can be isolated from anyone at any age during a visit to the dentist”

The specific therapeutic potential of dental pulp stem cells and the broader potential for adult stem cells.

“working with gibbons is notoriously hard”

"Floppy" feet of gibbons may teach us how our ape-like ancestors walked, Liverpudlian scientist claims.

“I was on the brink of a breakthrough”

South Africa's Dr. Moreau-wannabe speaks out.

“following them up vigorously”

Stolen Cotswold Wildlife Park monkeys returned safely, investigation ongoing.

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Cobra Electronics Recalls Children’s Two-Way Radios with Rechargeable Batteries Due to Chemical Burn Hazard; Sold Exclusively in Toys “R” Us Stores

and

JA-RU Recalls Toy Trains Due To Choking Hazard

“about three-hundred pounds per animal”

Denver Zoo powers the zoo, in part, with composted waste.

“several cases of monkey menace”

New Delhi court system menaced by monkeys.

Be glad you're here

"We know we cannot catch all monkeys, so it is better we tell people to accept them and co-exist" -- Indian ranger responsible for catching and safely removing monkeys.

“see something abnormal before it becomes an epidemic”

"the majority of emerging pathogens in the world are coming from wildlife"

“a highly unusual crime”

Monkeynappers strike UK's Cotswold Wildlife Park, make off with two female monkeys.

“Hallelujah - at last”

Obama will feed the hungry with yummy human embryos that would otherwise go to waste.

“I was the one who leaked those things”

and proud of it, via a commentor at Ann Althouse.

Update: False alarm.

“highly sensitive and explosive”

Hundreds of monkeys seize a petrochemical plant at Vadodara, India.

“a backyard stem cell research experiment”

Not really a mad scientist, just nuts.

“on a war footing”

Three-year-old boy falls to his death attempting to flee attacking monkeys in Lucknow, India.

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Claire's Recalls Children's Metal Necklaces Due to Risk of Lead Exposure

Stay alive, don't buy Chinese!

Toy Xylophones Recalled by King Import Warehouse Due to Violation of Lead Paint Standard

and

OKK Trading Recalls Toy TVs Due to Violation of Lead Paint Standard

“explaining it was a Halloween prank”

Pervert with mannequin made from a gorilla costume arrested in Norwalk CT.

“smallest monkey in the world”

The dry part of the UK's Lakes Aquarium welcomes twin pygmy marmoset babies.

Goodbye, JJ

Silver-back western lowland gorilla at AR's Little Rock Zoo dies of apparent heart disease. Necropsy to follow.

On a personal note, I don't much enjoy reading "was living with congestive heart failure".

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Homelite Consumer Products Announce Recall to Repair Chain Saws Due to Chain Brake Failure

“so she can be treated by veterinarians”

Gigi, 36-year-old gorilla at Boston's Franklin Park Zoo, taken off exhibit to undergo treatment for poor digestion.

“NOT REPAIRABLE”

Dateline Dallas: Out-of-control unidentified Christianist, probably maddened with churchification, attacks inflatable gorilla.

“It is their declaration of power”

Big cats nabbed in Mexican drug bust. Was the monkey the mastermind?

“had lost about 800 pounds”

I'm sure it speaks poorly of me, but my first thought on seeing news of the death at Zoo Atlanta of the pregnant elephant was 'how do you clean up after a thing like that?' Practical, not thoughtful, that's me.

“a primitive primate”

Pygmy slow loris debuts at Kansas's Lee Richardson Zoo. Small and easily caught, I assume.

Update: but thin on the ground (sorry, couldn't resist).

“The Institute of Greatly Endangered and Rare Species”

South Carolina chimpanzee fosters a pair of tiger cubs separated from their mother.

“ensuring optimum sunlight”

The monkey-shaped energy-saving lightbulb is pretty cool, but the flower pot that seeks out sunlight as it moves, presumably disturbing the cat, is unsettling.

“when triplets are born, one is usually abandoned”

Tiny newborn marmoset at UK's Knowsley safari park being reared by staff after mother, unable to feed three babies, abandons it.

Goodbye, Djambe

30-year-old female orangutan dead at UK's Colchester Zoo. Cause will be determined by a post mortem examination.

does not represent the views or opinions

Will KMXB join WFTV on the nekulturny list?

WBEZ joins the lèse majesté.

“corn has vanished at an alarming rate from deer feeders”

Escaped monkeys from Florida's Safari Wild are found, but still on the loose.

“in a hero-worship phase”

Sacramento Zoo welcomes their new chimpanzee, Doug.

“treating the monkey like his own child”

The special bond between a monkey and his dog, seen at Jiaozuo China's zoo.

“a search for an orangutan companion was unsuccessful”

Oldest U.S. registered orangutan in captivity, Tonda, and her cat T.K., see the sights at Panama City Beach's ZooWorld.

“bilingual and good-natured”

Mysore's zoo seeks a mate for its gorilla, Polo, fruitlessly.

Goodbye, Mumba

48-year-old silverback at Canada's Granby Zoo dead of natural causes.

“brown fur, hairless black face and long muzzle”

Detroit Zoo welcomes a pair of drills, absent from there for nearly 70 years. Damn dirty scientists let monkeys into the Great Apes of Harambee exhibit!

“proof enough”

A team of Japanese adventurers in Nepal have discovered, they say, yeti footprints.

“250,000 dollars”

Roadkill guts in Halloween costume bigfoot hoax sold on eBay.

“calls for an inquiry”

Is there a pattern to the 486 animal deaths at Australia's Melbourne Zoo in the last two years?

“charged with receiving stolen property”

Smoking is prejudicial to your health and your freedom!

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Home Science Tools Recalls Alnico Bar Magnets.

Global Handwashing Day

Make like a doctor: wash your hands!

“an important cognitive skill”

At least some gorillas smarter than previously thought, researcher says.

“un­ex­pected pred­a­to­ry lusts found among bo­no­bos”

Bonobos have a dark side, say experts.

More.

“there were no people willing”

When Malaysia needs it's coconuts picked, they may look to monkeys to do the job.

Meta, meta, meta

Had my flu shot today. All's well.

“four seriously injured”

14 injured in Rajahmundry monkey-menace panic.

“Samson is genetically important to the gorilla population”

More about the Nebraska gorilla-killing and what comes next.

“nothing like this has ever happened at the zoo before.”

Nebraska's Henry Doorly Zoo site of gorilla-on-gorilla killing

Update: Daddy Dearest

http://www.mona-uk.org/

A plea to save two UK chimpanzees from euthanasia.

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U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission issues recall of Chinese-made MP3 players and necklaces for excessive lead.

“female dominance in lemurs has never been fully explained”

An interview with ringtailed lemur expert Alison Jolly. The lemurs have ring tails, not the expert, as I read it.

“amazingly clever and utterly foolish two-legged ape”

There's no future in politics science for you unless you loathe the human race.

“A tavern just north of Tokyo”

A Japanese restaurant where the waiters are monkeys.

Update: More with video.

“you’ll get to see the House with the Monkey”

Veliko Turnovo, a site to see when in Bulgaria.

(Background. "Between the two windows above the shop Kolyo Fitcheto has engraved a plate with the name of the owner and a talisman of the house - a frowned hunchbacked little man, his hands on his knees. A local wit compared him with a monkey and thus the house was given its nickname - the House with the Monkey.")

“There were no safety precautions”

Monkey at University of Pittsburgh bites laboratory worker, whose injuries include severe injury to her hand.

Single-minded Animal Hoarding

“800 Animals, Including Monkeys, Swans, Found During Kennel Raid”

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Who'd poison kiddy candy?

“from the neck up as very like a chimpanzee”

Display of Lucy, the world's most famous fossil, moves to Seattle this week.

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Even if it looks American at first glance.

“I will scare away all the monkeys”

Indian railway bosses combat monkey-menace with Gudde: a guy dressed up as a monkey.

“wearing a disguise with intent”

Suspect arrested in Canada's "gorilla-mask bandit" case.

“a clear partisan division”

Political furor over culling of Gibraltar's "barbary apes".

“not actually checking tops and tails”

Political correctness comes to Australia's Adelaide Zoo.

“it was quite bad”

Andrew Rosindell, the man who would be UK's minister for animal welfare, bitten by "barbary ape".

“What happened next?”

Q & A with the professor of obstetrics and gynecology who performed a hysterectomy on a gorilla last month.

“now diverted to the Bitukura group”

Tourists inconvenienced as Rushegura gorillas move from Uganda's Bwindi Impenetrable Forest national Park to the DRC Congo for the post-Labor Day season.

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Deadly Enterobacter sakazakii in San Lu milk powder.

“a man swinging a hammer demanded money”

Ape Man Bandit identified, police say.

“being hand fed on a special formula”

UK's Noah's Ark Zoo saving a baby Siamang Gibbon after her mother failed to produce any milk, with a toy camel and a pipette.

“among the nation’s highest”

Georgia's Chehaw Wild Animal Park gets AZA accreditation renewed.

Goodbye, Joe

45-year-old Silverback dies after a short illness at UK's Twycross Zoo.

“unable to prosecute a defendant who has died”

North Carolina can't prosecute a dead man, even for disquieting crimes. Andy Griffith was never like this!

Weed of crime bears stupid fruit

Pennsylvania monkey-thief caught after posting his whereabouts on his MySpace page.

“you never know what somebody's intentions are”

Gorilla chased by banana prank brings trespassing charges.

Update: Charges dropped.

“whole body knowledge”

Both chimpanzees and the primatologists who love them never forget a facebehind.

“coaxed into a nearby barn and caged”

Canada's most famous missing monkey recovered safe and sound.

Goodbye, Jodie

Little Rock AR's Zoo's oldest chimpanzee dies during medical procedure.

Release the hounds!

Japan to employ dogs against monkey menace.

“Why would you want to steal a monkey?”

Two pigtailed macaques recovered in Agency, Mo. One still missing.

“information on a confidential basis”

Hush-hush on Gibraltar "ape" culling.

“bit off a big chunk of flesh”

Group of those cute little Rhesus monkeys terribly bite zoo worker in India.

Update: More.

“isn't alone in the man-boob trend”

Physique of Monkees' Davy Jones is criticized.

“Her head had been severed from her body”

Stolen robot gorilla returned to owner, damaged.

Soon enough, great herds of artificial monkey, sweeping majestically across the high veldt

Artificially breeding monkeys in China.

No HIPAA for apes!

Surgeons perform hysterectomy on 40-year-old western lowland gorilla in North Carolina.

Update: The Jamaican perspective.

“a possible carrier of the herpes-B virus”

Ontario shivers as habitually-escaping monkey escapes again.

“the monkey opened a gas can near a spark”

Arsonist monkey burns home in North Carolina.

The adults are black & white, infants are orange

Baby Francois' langur born at OH's Toledo Zoo.

“We are pressing charges”

Stolen gorilla robot recovered. The owner's maker's youtube video. The thief's youtube video.

“Break, Enter, Auto theft and Robbery squad”

Canadian police hunt a hammer-wielding gorilla-masked robber in Hamilton, Ontario.

“British Association Science Festival”

Otherwise-unoccupied scientists prove stressed chimpanzees benefit from a nice hug.

Goodbye, Jenny

55-year-old female, the oldest gorilla in captivity, of the Dallas Zoo, euthanized due to an inoperable stomach tumor.

More complete.

Today's crisis:the monkey glut

China's Guizhou province doubles its population of endangered snub-nosed monkeys.

“This monkey is driving us crazy”

Times of India reports on a monkey loose in Tokyo.

So Near, and Yet So, So Far

Scientists study the genetics going on behind opposable thumbs and big toes, which we have and our relatives, the chimpanzees, lack.

“no questions will be asked if the gorilla is promptly returned intact”

8-foot-tall mechanical gorilla burgled in Maine.

Update: Gorilla recovered undamaged, charges pressed.

Goodbye, Nippy

Gibbon, nearly 60 years old, at New Zealand's Wellington Zoo, euthanized after his health rapidly deteriorated.

Sahelanthropus tchadensis

Controversy gathers around prehistoric fossil and its age.

“conversation between a language-competent bonobo and a human”

Language skills among the bonobos.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

As close together as lockstepping Dems are, if one stumbles, they'll all land in a pile.

            old and busted                          new hotness

“a prosocial option”

Capuchin monkeys not objectivists, say Yerkes eggheads.

“which stands for Center of the Universe”

Monday, Sept. 1, in Kansas City: first birthday party for COTU the chimpanzee. Ice cream will be served.

Extraordinary Headlines!

Cheeta the chimp battling assassination of Zia for Guardian book award

“they can put a hole in your leg pretty easily”

Minty, New Zealand's capuchin erstwhile runaway, gets new digs with a moat.

“heavily sedated by his keepers”

Zoo dentist makes a call at Paignton Zoo in Devon, UK.

“surprisingly large populations of two globally threatened primates”

Monkey researchers discover an embarrassment of riches.

“NAME REDACTED”

South African zoo director Pablo Caligiuri-Urban still missing on South American buying trip. Allegations are made.

“the presence of Mahale's father at the zoo would be a good influence“

Lowland gorilla Mahale, 10 days old, debuts at Australia's Taronga Zoo.

Goodbye, Jimmie

41-year-old chimpanzee at Kansas City Zoo, the zoo's oldest (and busiest!) chimp, died this morning.

“one test tube of the virus was equal to one monkey's worth”

Dr. Thomas H. Weller, Nobel Prize winner for work on culturing poliomyelitis, dead of natural causes at 93.

“our evolutionary comrades”

Lefties declare it's time for rights for non-human apes. (Except, presumbly, non-human ape fetuses. They're above everybody's pay grade).

“protecting the remaining gorillas”

Diddy and Innocent, bloggers(*) and gorilla rangers, in the BBC.

“Ichabod's captive-born parents had to learn how to mate”

Another aye-aye born at North Carolina's Duke Lemur Center.

“resonated throughout the night”

Neighbors of Bristol Zoo Gardens kept awake by night-time mating cries of the gibbons.

More.

“Murungi's delivery”

Chimpanzee born at Kyambura gorge in Uganda's Queen Elizabeth national park,

“wants his money back”

Attempting to return a defective bigfoot corpse.

Blame the people he plagiarized!

Loyal Democrats required to dismiss many, many Joe Biden quotes on the Presidential candidates.

“a mad monkey has struck terror in the area”

Monkey menace in rural India.

Fixed link

“just so mobile”

Monkey on the loose in wintery New Zealand!

“carrying a gun and a crowbar”

An Oklahoma City Dunkin Donuts was robbed by a man in a gorilla suit (or a gorilla in a gorilla suit!)

“I won't start World War III for you, sir”

Apropos of nothing, just a random post.

Update: False alarm. This'll be fun.

“protestors swung from the remaining branches like rabid monkeys”

Getting up with fleas in Berkeley.

“bit a visitor in the parking lot”

A white-handed gibbon gets red-toothed at Ohio's Cincinnati Zoo.

“caused a two mile tailback”

A followup on the monkey who snarled traffic in Ireland last week.

“Is that ... a monkey?”

Monkey menace comes to Florida.

“a sign of ignorance”

AP cites Pliny the Elder and mourns the vanishing yeti.

Goodbye, Jumoke

18-year-old gorilla dies at Ohio's Columbus Zoo and Aquarium from complications of an early pregnancy.

“it's not like it did anything bad”

Monkey menace on Tokyo subways!

More (illustrated).

Trick or Treat!

Tom Biscardi's bigfoot is, Fox says, a Halloween costume.

More.

“oldest-known chimpanzee living in captivity”

Zakayo the chimpanzee celebrates his 44th birthday. Cake was served.

“Frida Kahlo loved monkeys”

Monkey stolen from commie-honoring restaurateur in San Antonio, TX.

Goodbye, Claudio

Three-month-old gorilla dies in Muenster, Germany.

“Harmful Wildlife Hunting Corps”

Rural Japan arms against monkey menace!

“primitive primates”

Why the color red catches your eye.

“It just figured out how to open those windows”

Monkey fails in bid for freedom in Indiana.

Goodbye, Frank

44-year-old lowland gorilla at KY's Louisville Zoo euthanized on Thursday.

Edgier!

Banana Splits re-imagined.

Vocabulary!

Swell, I learned a new word today: nephrologist.

Goodbye, Hercules

43-year-old gorilla at the Dallas Zoo dies of cardiac arrest Wednesday afternoon after treatment for arthritis.

More: Behind the scenes: Hercules, the bitey gorilla.

“For the most part people are well-behaved”

Zoo visitors a threat to the animals.

“there should be more signs”

Birthday outing at UK's Dalton zoo spoiled by bitey lemur.

“They are trying so hard and that is so cute”

Monkeys at the zoo eating ice: What reporters cover on hot, slow, days.

Plan B

Exotic dancers animal-trackers to help in search for Moe the chimpanzee.

“catch and release 250 monkeys at a time”

Greater Hyderabad Municipal Corporation has insufficient cages, excess monkeys.

“non-life threatening”

911 call for chimp bite in Tumalo, OR.

“surgically inserted in their scrotums”

Leftists love Neuticles.

Must have flossed regularly!

Teeth of 55-million-year-old ancestor found.

“a narcotics charge”

Uh-oh. Somebody's getting a fatwah!

May 28

32 macaques died of overheating in Reno, NV.

“which played classical and rock”

Coco the monkey entertains at MA's Lunenburg Public Library.

In the US, we say cupcakes

February 22: Man chokes to death on "fairy cakes". August 7: Same story, same victim, same paper with original date noted.

“gardaí in Bray confirmed there was a monkey on the road”

Monkey escape snarls traffic in Ireland.

I couldn't beleive

Scientists suprised by 125,000 western lowland gorillas that they hadn't known about.

“first-ever success story of rehabilitation”

TV-loving gibbon released into the wild in India.

Goodbye, Cocoa

37-year-old alpha male chimpanzee at Rolling Hills Wildlife Adventure in Kansas dies of infection.

“extremely impressive”

Pepperidge Farm may remember, but chimpanzee remembers better.

“animal-enrichment exercise”

It's the time of year for the annual giving blocks of ice to the animals at the zoo stories.

Amelia Earhart, Judge Crater, D.B. Cooper, and Moe the chimpanzee

Search for Moe the chimpanzee called off.

Goodbye, Leila

10-year-old orangutan drowns while trying to catch food that visitor shouldn't have thrown, in Hamburg Germany.

Won't someone think of the monkey victims?

Harry Reid's omnibus bill, which the Republicans put paid to, would have provided funds for "victims of monkey attacks."

“like something out of this world”

The Georgia Bureau of Investigation and the monkey from Mars.

Hadropithecus stenognathus

The internets are full of talk about this over-sized extinct lemur.

“the moving force behind the Great Ape Project”

That ominous footstep behind you? It's Peter Singer.

Commelina spp.

Wild orangutans seen to self-medicate.

“just another day in the rain forest”

M.J., orangutan at Wisconsin's Milwaukee County Zoo, turns 28.

“the eye had to be removed”

Hsing Hsing, orangutan at Australia's Perth Zoo, benefits from glaucoma surgery.

“It's hideous”

A pig that looks like a monkey, according to its owner.

More.

Merkel, meet Urkel

Er, ooh, ich bin ein hamburger. ummm

“I will be a a little bit disappointed if the hair turns out to be from a yak or a cat”

Scientist to test hair sample said to from mande barung, India's local bigfoot.

More.

“it's gotta be a lemur or something”

Something with big eyes haunts Denver.

1,330,000,000 Chinese can't be wrong!

Abortion advocates insist one-child families be law.

“not good enough”

No charges to be laid in case of three deaths in snow monkey gang violence at Scotland's Highland Wildlife Park.

“Social Forestry Department”

India hopes to protect residents from monkey menace by planting thousands of fruit trees in the forest, away human habitations.

“We're hopeful that everything will be okay”

Ireland's Dublin Zoo prepares for a gorilla birth next month.

A lemur is, of course, a primate

Agence France-Presse article via Australia's Daily Telegraph “Rodent named after John Cleese”.

“five remain on the loose”

10 of the monkeys that escaped from near Safari Wild preserve in central Florida in April are now caught, safe and sound.

Today in History

1925: The verdict in the Scopes monkey trial.

“He has been named George”

Chimpanzee born at TN's Knoxville Zoo.

“A pickled pet monkey”

A dead preserved monkey in a jar is found by a cleaning service in the UK.

You try to keep them out, I dare ya!

Monkeys have the run of the world's biggest legal opium factory, in Ghazipur in the northern Indian state of Uttar Pradesh

“the new Terror exhibit”

Carnivorous plants go on display at UK's Twycross Zoo, including Nepenthes truncata, “even known to have devoured a whole rat and a baby monkey”.

“Find Moe the Chimp”

If it's money Moe the chimpanzee wants, he can have money.

“hereditary disorder”

Accusations investigated against Indian doctor and nurse suspected of stealing blood from a girl with "ape-like features."

“Let him be”

Leave Moe alone, in other, less tearful words.

“a rodent-like face”

Denver Zoo adds a pair of aye-ayes.

“undercuts public perceptions”

Great Ape Trust of Iowa knows what's best.

Update: Times six!

Get off my public property!

Greenwich, CT to wiffleball kids: drop dead!

No Ketchup!

Fine New Haven lunching comes to Instapundit. Can Pepe's be far behind?

“she didn't get a very good look”

Rescued hiker didn't see Moe, just some random primate, sanctuary owner thinks.

Update: The other shoe drops, if it wasn't Moe that Grace Hilario saw, where did that animal come from?

Update: Let's find out!

Microcebus macarthurii

Discovery of MacArthur's mouse lemur is announced.

I think "rasta-roko" is a sit-in

Some stories translate poorly.

I smell trouble brewing

Department of Health & Human Services Advisory Committee for Immunization Practices recommends adding Pentacel (a combination vaccine of Diptheria, Petrussis (sic), Tetanus (DTap), HiB and Polio, grown on the MRC-5 cell line - derived from human fetuses) to immunization schedule for children.

“We don't do anything particularly magical here”

300 ex-NASA chimpanzees get a home in Florida

“eventually gibbons will breed successfully in Greensboro”

North Carolina's Natural Science Center, where two gibbons died during routine veterinary work this week, plans to find the cause and to participate in breeding programs for endangered apes.

Back to the old drawing board!

Plan B to be unveiled in continuing search for Moe the chimpanzee.

“There are three kinds”

Where the Bigfoots are.

Goodbye, Beau and Jambi!

Two gibbons at North Carolina's Natural Science Center die during during standard annual veterinary exams and vaccinations.

“three of them have been killed”

Snow monkeys battle for dominance at Scotland's Highland Wildlife Park.

Meta, Meta, Meta

Having such a lot of blog lists, each ordered by date, doesn't make sense. Fixing.

Happy Birthday!

Tiffany, Topeka Zoological Park's lowland gorilla turns 40

“I'm old enough”

Veterinarian at Minnesota's Como Zoo retires, gorillas breathe sigh of relief.

“It is most concerning”

Escaped Japanese snow monkey returned to UK's Highland Wildlife Park near Aviemore.

“or, a man dressed in a monkey suit”

Possible copy-cat in the case of Moe the escaped chinmpanzee.

Update: More.

“A raccoon bit a Parkland man”

In Florida, a purported monkey attack turns out to be no such thing.

Hippie propaganda:

Square's soap is killing the orangutans.

“research involving biological weapons”

Iranians up to something nasty.

“domesticating a wild animal”

“If you've got a monkey, sooner or later either you, a friend or family member, will be going to the hospital”.

“keep calm, back away and call the authorities”

Hunt for Moe the Chimpanzee (or for Moe-spoor) continues, so far without success.

“20 percent gorilla biscuits”

What the critters eat in a year at the Kansas City Zoo.

“and he knocked me down”

Gorillas, like humans, are quickly pissed off by Sigourney Weaver.

“gorillas destroy their plantations”

Eight gorilla skulls uncovered in Cameroon.

Magoo-like

Hmmm. I thought my vision was getting worse. The high typo-count of late tends to confirm that.

Don't drink the water!

President Bush to attend Olympics opening ceremony.

“Peanut was born in April”

Recent births at Tampa FL's Lowry Park Zoo include a “teeny, tiny titi monkey”.

“macaques have sharp teeth and are prone to bite”

Mystery monkey sought by wildlife officials in Clay County Florida.

“may have caught a ride on one of the numerous freight trains”

Has Moe the Chimpanzee chosen the hobo's life?

Update: Nudists attract attention.

“we want to say thanks”

HugaMonkey gives away free baby slings to ten military families each month.

“the feeling something wasn't right”

The Zoo Northwest Florida taken for a ride in fraudulent fundraiser scam.

“It was just a dare”

North Alabama fireworks store gets back its 700-pound rooftop gorilla statue.

“zoo salutes the troops”

Florida's Naples Zoo offers free admission to all past and present military personnel, active duty and veterans July 4 to July 7.

“hang about the local distillery”

Getting high with the monkeys and such.

San Francisco Zoo gets the finger

Aye-aye born at San Francisco Zoo.

“the chimpanzee tends to be awake early”

Moe the Chimpanzee still missing.

“dictatorship of idiots”

Time Newsweek magazine deigns to notice bloggers, podcasters, and youtubers, and does their impression of Victoria, smelling shit.

“what's going to happen”

“missing chickens and garden hoses turned on”: Moe the Chimpanzee still missing.

“two to five years in prison”

Pennsylvania monkey-napper sentenced.

“monkids”

Monkeys and the people who adopt them.

“Tarsiers are prosimian primates”

Trouble brewing between splitters and lumpers in the Philippines.

“disagreeably human”

Darwin's theory, 150 years and going strong.

Not without opposition, though. (h/t The Emotional Pumpkin.

“Choppers circled the area”

Search for fleeing Moe the Chimpanzee widens.

Update: I bet he's in Juarez, wearing false glasses & moustache!

“If you happen upon a chimp”

Moe the Chimpanzee, who didn't savage his owner, St. James Davis, has escaped from his wildlife sanctuary.

More.

Update: Dragnet continues.

Meta, Meta, Meta

Template changes, may take a few days to fix things up therafter!

Update: Got haloscan comments turned back on, without stupid ratings and jury-rigged the McCain bumpersticker on top of the right column. I'm happy.

Works for hippies too, I hear

Stinky lemurs are happy lemurs.

“the point of the spear”

Spanish jails to fill with people who asked but would you want your sister to marry one?

“Porker of the Month”

Connecticut Senator Chris Dodd wins a prize. (h/t Novatownhall Blog.

“Tending a herd of goats”

Monkey put to work in India.

Goodbye Rooster

34-year-old DeBrazza's monkey at Mississippi's Hattiesburg Zoo euthanized after tumor found and health deteriorates.

Lemurs!

Bronx Zoo's new Madagascar exhibit: example and example.

“a warning sign”

World applauds as Austria gets strict with "animal rights" hooligans.

OMGFTW!!1!

Overreaching feds outlaw monkeys.

“advertising the Table Mountains range”

Radkow Poland to employ chimpanzee Bobby as Tourism Promotions Inspector.

“so that oil and food prices come down”

Indian group plans to present Barack Obama with a statue of monkey god Hanuman.

Chamber of Commerce speciesist?

Cheeta still not awarded star on Hollywood Walk of Fame.

“mugged in India… by a monkey”

International Herald Tribune offers travelers advice on “What to do with aggressive beggars and hawkers”

“trappers know where they are living”

10 of the 15 monkeys that escaped in Lakeland FL in March remain on the loose. I wonder if they have a breeding season.

“a cycle of reproduction and disease”

Play dates not in best interest for wild chimpanzees.

“future planning”

Apes demonstrate ability to plot ahead, say Swedish scientists.

“sexual politics influencing the mating calls”

British psychologists listen in on Chimpanzees during mating

“Can an aging lemur suffer from dementia?”

Aging inmates raise questions at US zoos.

“Cotu, short for Center of the Universe”

Auction winner names Kansas City Zoo’s baby chimpanzee.

“at no time were the apes in danger”

Iowa flooding as seen from the grounds of the Great Ape Trust of Iowa.

Update: big water

“Mootnick fears the worst ”

Apes at California's Gibbon Conservation Center stressed by encroaching hoi polloi with their McMansions and motor cars and offspring running and hopscotching and hey you kids, get off the gibbon's lawn!

“he received favorable mortgage rates”

You mean Connecticut Senator Chris Dodd has dubious ethics? I wonder where learned a thing like that? Will he have to go under the bus now?

“dumping toxic waste”

South Carolina's Spartanburg Animal Shelter disrupted by bitey Rhesus Monkey.

Goodbye, Rustie

23-year-old female chimpanzee dies while undergoing treatment at Maryland Zoo.

Update: officials say they're still puzzled

Don't know, I've never Durbed!

Dick Durbin threatens to condemn to hell those who object to Michelle Obama's inflammatory rhetoric.

(h/t: Rachel Lucas)

“the monkey is sociable”

A spider monkey effects a daring rooftop escape from Michigan City Washington Park Zoo. He was later captured while trying to commandeer a boat.

Update Corrected the name of the zoo.

Shocker!

Bury Free Press not a Canadian site! (Nor an imperative.)

“enormous internal and external areas”

Big enclosure for chimpanzees at Scotland's Edinburgh Zoo.

Life is Cheap in the Orient

Daily Times of Pakistan treats accidental electrocution of juggler as “Monkey handler gets shock of his life”. Boffo laughs, eh?

“he’d be in his 90s in human years”

Keo, 50-year-old chimpanzee at Chicago's Lincoln Park Regenstein Center for African Apes, celebrates his birthday.

“fibrosing cardiomyopathy”

Gorilla heart-monitoring program in Canada.

“silver-haired monkeys in Indonesia that fish”

Give a scientist a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a scientist to fish, he eats until the research grant expires..

“monkeys are perennial troublemakers”

Capture effected in recent case of rogue monkey injuring 37 villagers in India

“I don't like that monkey”

Surgery to save child's finger bitten by a New York City monkey. Monkey will suffer a rabies test.

“all visitors must enter the office barefoot.”

Monkey god Hanuman named chairman of Sardar Bhagat Singh College of Technology and Management in Lucknow, India.

“at a remote monastery in the Himalayas”

Polyanna Pickering sees a drawing of a yeti scalp. Seussian.

“phenomenal strength”

Chimpanzee protests liquor laws in Los Rechazos, Tenerife.

“difficult for him to act as president ”

Flushed with victory, Max rearms the Rhineland.

“the specific route of transmission remains unclear”

Spotty scientists and tourists pass on their ailments to Chimpanzees, researcher says.

“say No to short-term political or economic gains”

Jet-setting United Nations Messenger of Peace Dame Jane Goodall ("our lifestyles, commerce and policies are bankrupting the planet") has instructions for Lumpenproletariat on how to make do with lowered expectations.

“will live next to thee other gorillas”

Two gorillas get settled in at Dallas Zoo.

Goodbye, Oyin

International Fund for Animal Welfare announces the death of Oyin, one of the four "Taiping Gorillas".

“after he won a vote of confidence”

Max threatens: No more Mr. Nice-Guy!

“for easy, quiet movement”

Democrats say: Don't campaign without one.

“inflicted more than 100 bite wounds on her”

No-D gorilla-viewing glasses distributed at Rotterdam Zoo.

“why male chimpanzees possess the largest testes of all the great apes”

Sperm reconsidered.

Max, we hardly knew ye!

Bernie delivers a spanking.

“get its own plastic action figure”

There's not a reporter alive who doesn't need to hear about Christina Ricci being groped by a chimpanzee while making Speed Racer.

“save endangered orangutans”

Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd knows: subsidize it, get more of it.

“This baby is very important to us”

Calgary Zoo's baby gorilla in fine fettle.

“in Jammu, India”

Monkey teaches her adopted dog to brachiate in India.

No word on curing the cold, though

"Scientists at Leiden University Medical Center claim sequencing of female genome." Now they can try building one of their own!

“whether employee productivity enhanced by siestas”

Slackers head for the border as Canadian scientists hope to prove nap benefits

“'Gangster' monkey shot dead at Cambodian temple”

How that thug life look now, Bonzo?

Quick! Call Maury Povich!!

Big surprise in Switzerland as father of gorilla Chelewa is determined.

“weighed just 89 grams”

Welsh lemur is fostered.

“using brain signals”

The long-feared cross-breeding of monkey and SkyNet, paid for by your tax dollars.

“including children and women”

37 hurt due to monkey menace in India.

(They're not monkeys, they're apes)

First birthday celebrated for siamang Zain at Louisville Zoo.

“its nearly fatal flirt with freedom”

Escaped monkey in Germany darted, falls into river, is saved from drowning

“after going out to observe bonobo primates”

German biology student sought in central Congo.

Hylobates lar yunnanensis

Yunnan white-handed gibbon thought extinct, say Gibbon Conservation Alliance scientists and colleagues.

“baboons, lemurs and other monkeys”

New primate house to open at Indiana's Washington Park Zoo

“She can always outsmart me”

Veterinary technician reminisces about her career and about Koko the signing gorilla.

“an illusive ape like creature”

The search for 'mande burung' in India continues.

“black-and-white ruffed lemurs”

Good things come in threes at Sacramento Zoo.

“births of a host of young monkeys”

Bumper baby year declared at the monkey house of UK's Banham Zoo.

And so say all of us!

President Bush taken to task for failing to kick Mahmoud Abbas, China, Sudan, Hugo Chavez, Ahmadinejad, or Hezbollah down an ornate marble staircase.

“They did a lot of playing”

Gorilla Kingdom at London Zoo Zookeepers think that recently-arrived Jookie the gorilla may be pregnant.

“monkey's don't make good pets”

Former open-wheeler Tony Stewart has given his monkey to the Louisville Zoo. (Blame the apostrophe on the Courier Journal. Update: Apostrophe fixed, MonkeyWatch makes the world a slightly better place.)

“Give the money back, right now!”

Monkey-Boy Steve Balmer displays surprising agility.

“set out to destabilise the FIA”

F1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone warns commercial rights holder Max Mosely of serious consequences for annexing Sudetenland.

“the most dominant female in the group”

New-born western lowland gorilla at Calgary Zoo bonding well with mother.

“friendship, bullying and power struggles”

Now it can be told: orangutan mastermind a human!

“climbing its exhibit's windows”

I fear a coordinated attack: like California, Florida suffers an Orangutan escape.

Update: design flaw blamed.

“the ape was soon captured”

Los Angeles excited as Bruno the orangutan makes like King Kong.

Goodbye, Mugsy

17-year-old chimpanzee euthanized at Tennessee's Knoxville Zoo.

“important in the survival of the species”

Western Lowland gorilla born at the Calgary Zoo.

Update: good news.

“we’re not talking about monkey-poop coffee”

MSM looks into monkey news.

“Kwita Izina”

Twelve baby gorillas will be named in Rwanda.

“all over them like ‘ugly on ape’”

Mayor of Stillwater, OK., accused of sexual harassment.

“bit the keeper on the arm and foot”

Zookeeper at Britain's Blackpool Zoo suffers an attack by an orangutan escaping from its cage.

“unprecedented ”

Alzheimer's-like neurofibrillary brain tangles in an aged nonhuman primate, say Yerkes experts.

Speechless

A Rhesus monkey emulates David Hasselhoff.

“Monkey tastes like dog”

Or so they say.

St. Anthony's fire for breakfast

Small dead animals reports on panicky speculations of Claviceps purpurea and strawberries with your Wheaties!

“Police believe they have arrested the man”

Man in gorilla mask takes cash and trousers in Tennessee.

National Geographic loves a star

"Lessons learned from a chimpanzee".

“why subordinate females overeat”

It's stress that makes your monkey fat, researchers say.

“the need is critical”

The National Zoo, in Washington D.C., has inadequate sprinkler systems, officials say.

“things are bound to get a little more testy”

Blank Park Zoo imports Japanese snow monkeys to breed with locals.

Goodbye, Jocko

Spider monkey at Greater Vancouver Zoo, killed by monkey-nappers, is remembered.

“at their wits end”

Pakistani thieves use monkeys in commission of their crimes, police say.

“Cincinnati is synonymous with gorilla births”

Zoo Babies is presented at Ohio's Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden.

“Kebara and Penny won't breed with Mwelu”

Tennessee's Memphis Zoo arranges for feminine companions for 21-year-old male gorilla Mwelu.

Since they're otherwise just idle

Scientist advocates using college undergraduates for mind tests.

“bars inspected include Three Legged Monkey”

States not to go for a drink: Texas.

“hernias, male nipples, impacted wisdom teeth, flatulence and hiccups”

You'll never convince any one with this stuff, I don't think. It plays well with a subset of the already-convinced, though.

“with a frozen fruit cake”

World's oldest (probably) gorilla in captivity celebrates her 55th birthday today at the Dallas Zoo.

“I'm not a monkey fan”

Christina Ricci looks back on monkey gropage, unfondly.

“heartless vandal”

At least one monkey killed at Greater Vancouver Zoo.

Update: They always get their man, it used to be said.

Update again Necropsy done.

Goodbye, Mzee Nkuringo

Elderly mountain gorilla silverback dead at Uganda's Bwindi Impenetrable National Park. Meanwhile new-born doing well.

I Smell Parody

I know all the smart bloggers are on this story on Switzerland's latest folly on "plant rights", but I don't believe it: I think it's a sarcastic comment on this bit on "animal rights".

“chronological variants”

Neanderthal not like us, scientists say.

“tangled in the umbilical cord”

Canadian pet shop with a taste for the bizarre rescues newborn lemur with mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Breaking monkey news!

2 of the runaway monkeys caught in Florida.

Trachypithecus obscurus

Australia's Adelaide Zoo welcomes a new Dusky Langur monkey.

“originate from Japan”

As winter tries to end, a rare snow monkey is born at Minnesota Zoo.

“perhaps you are a dull person”

Nim Chimpsky: The Chimp Who Would Be Human gets a positive review.

Just a thought...

There's nothing in the constitution that says that both Obama and Clinton can't run for President. C'mon Dems, twice as many chances to win!

Update: I think someone's listening.

Cercocebus atys lunulatus

Rare monkey born at London Zoo.

Update: All Britain's abuzz, it seems.

“the most deadly diseases known”

Scientists warn: sick apes contagious to you!

“have not been able to capture them”

Pro from Dover called in to catch Florida's renegade monkeys.

Paranthropus boisei

Did this ancient hominid fancy nuts and seeds or did he prefer softer fare?

“It could be days or weeks before they are caught”

Florida monkeys no closer to capture, but big talk underway.

What matters most...

in Switzerland.

“monkey thieves”

I bet no such thing happened. I don't think a monkey'd touch Ashlee Simpson's wardrobe!

“monkeys have injured visitors”

When in Pakistan don't tease the monkeys.

“the fastest primates on earth”

Florida monkeys boast: catch us if you can.

Update: built like greyhounds.

“a negative can't be proved”

Ohio woods crowded with Bigfoot believers. I blame Ben Stein.

“swam every day”

Florida monkeys remain elusive.

Update: Monkey's strategy: Divide and conquer.

“It's heartbreaking”

Monkey-theft traumatizes Canada's Cherry Brook Zoo.

Update: Safe and sound.

“inbred clans of traumatised monkeys”

Years after the collapse of the Soviet empire, the monkey gulags are still up and running.

“The Budongo Trail”

Edinburgh Zoo will soon open the largest chimpanzee enclosure in the world.

Florida held hostage as monkeys run wild

Zoo surprised: they can swim?

Update: This is highly unusual behavior for monkeys

“swam across the moat”

Untold numbers of Patas monkeys loose in Florida.

Update: Apparently it's an even dozen.

“new problems for malaria control.”

In today's the sky is falling news: monkey malaria

“appear to be in good health”

Both missing marmosets found in Florida. An area man is being sought by police.

“damaging rainforests”

Greenpeacers in orangutan costumes pester UK Unilever sites about palm oil.

“miserable life as a merchant navy mascot”

Party-boy chimpanzee rehabilitated at Edinburgh Zoo.

Gorilla gorilla diehli

Splitters make room for spectacularly unpopular gorilla>.

“like a hunchback of Notre Dame monkey”

Maltreated UK monkey recovers slowly.

“the animals have recovered”

Charges laid in New Mexico monkey chili-feeding incident.

“complete lunacy”

There's dentistry afoot in “hobbit” fossil says Australian professor.

Update: refuted.

“a last resort”

International outrage from the perpetually outraged / fuzzy-bunny division as Gibraltar plans monkey cull.

“realized he had bought one of the stolen monkeys”

One of two stolen monkeys in Florida is returned, search continues for the other.

“from the residence of the Rev. Josemarie Kizito, a Catholic priest”

Chimpanzee rescued in Uganda.

“take back the malicious remarks”

Murderous Chinese bullyboys hope to silence American critics. They're stupid leftists, but they're our stupid leftists. Fuck off, China! (h/t Instapundit)

Update: CNN are cowards. (h/t Pajamas Media)

“We have high hopes”

Abused monkey in South Africa slowly makes recovery.

“the second time in the last year-and-a-half”

Delhi blackouts blamed on monkey menace!

“So it is better to experiment on the macaques”

Russia to send monkeys to Mars.

Update: More.

“several felony counts stemming from the incident”

Two arrested for March purse-snatch from wife of St. James Davis, chimpanzee-attack survivor.

Goodbye, Babec

Babec, 28-year-old Western Lowland Gorilla at Birmingham Alabama Zoo, euthanized for heart disease.

“She believed the monkey was dangerous to humans”

Bitey monkey strikes in Ohio.

Suck It, Ratepaying Plebes!

Governors of NY and CT celebrate guaranteed price-rises of liquefied natural gas for years to come.

“he's almost sure it wasn't a gorilla”

Speculation that Mississippi gorilla sighting may be of a man in a gorilla-suit.

“a chimp in a movie is still a sad sight”

PETA behind claims of abuse of and by chimp Chim-Chim in Wachowski Bros. Speed Racer.

“absolutely no speculation whatsoever”

Show of hands: who didn't know the Chinese government were horrible thugs, and how long till the left forgives and forgets? (h/t Instapundit)

Update: A particularly clear-headed look.

“the genus of guenons”

Hand-rearing planned for new Diana monkey at UK's Port Lympne Wild Animal Park after mother confused by caesarean section.

Dibs on "Bruce"

Monkey-naming contest at Australia's Halls Gap Wildlife Park and Zoo.

“fried bee-larva, raw grasshopper, lizards and of course cat, dog, monkey”

Crossing India, with time out for din-dins.

“you damn dirty ape”

RIP Charlton Heston.

“and those in their 20s and 30s”

Epidemic of heart disease among zoo gorillas.

I've never had Absolut

So, big deal, I never will.

“After Traffic Chaos”

Florida monkey captured, ending daring spree.

“healthy and active”

Orangutan escape foiled in Ireland.

“the boundaries between humans and chimps are really quite fuzzy”

Via Jungle Trader, NPR reports Chimps with Spears “Captivate” Photographer. (Photographer survives captivation)

“a £1800 ($3600) grant”

Cornish monkeys to get grant for solar water heater. Unstated is the cost beyond the grant.

“11 others living in U.S. zoos”

California's Santa Ana Zoo announces the first US birth in captivity of a crested capuchin.

“still had redness around their eyes”

Clovis New Mexico police investigate case of zoo visitors feeding hot chiles to lemurs and spider monkeys.

“chainsaw artists”

Replacement made for stolen bigfoot statue.

Build the fence!

Undocumented marmosets spotted in Denver.

“the monkeys were rare species of primates”

Possible attempt to hijack banana boat foiled in Russia.

“a shiver up my spine”

Unpronounceable mystery ape said to be photographed in Wales. Evidence lacking in online version.

“offering an unspecified reward”

Wife of St. James Davis, chimpanzee-attack survivor, suffers purse-snatching.

Cercopithecus ascanius

Houston Zoo hosts a new baby Schmidt's red tailed guenon. A picture is included.

“both a tiger and a lemur contained in the same body”

Canada's Edmonton Journal says China doesn't deserve the Olympics. MonkeyWatch agrees.

“funded by the National Eye Institute”

University of Washington may be dunned for unapproved surgical procedures done on monkeys.

“a patas monkey and a ring-tailed lemur”

Two primate births at Phoenix Arizona's Wildlife World Zoo.

“writing his autobiography”

The oldest known living chimpanzee, Tarzan's Cheeta, turns 76 years old.

Update: More from UPI on the autobiography.

“an empty moat around their home”

Disaster narrowly averted at San Francisco's Chaffee Zoo.

“the staff of five that tends to the senior primates”

Much like the rest of us, the gorillas at Louisville Zoo’s Gorilla Forest grow older.

Update: Philadelphia Zoo says "Me too".

“How many Texas towns have monkey massacres?”

Murals of the Johnson Creek Monkey Massacre and other moments of Arlington, TX, history called for.

“untarnished”

Former Chimp Haven employee drops lawsuit.

So boycott 'em

If they're not murdering Tibetans, they're tainting your children's toys with lead.

“the wild world of animal control”

The Kitsap, WA.,dog-catcher remembers the day he got “a report of a monkey loose on Bainbridge Island.”

Daily New York scandal

New York's breath-of-bresh-air Governor a dope fiend! (h/t Scared Monkeys)

“highly trained monkeys”

Google-owned YouTube found to have new motto: Be evil, but blame monkeys.

“authentic experiences”

Swimming with sharks, gorilla trekking among guerillas, shopping the souk in terrorist country: adventure holidays for the unconcerned.

“kicked out of and beaten up by a colony elsewhere”

Zoo of Acadiana in Louisiana includes lemurs among its new births.

That makes all the difference, I guess

At least when the current Governor of New York pays for his girlfriends with public funds she's an amateur, not as with the previous Governor.

“including Australopithecus”

You gotta crawl before you can walk, 6 million years ago.

“as was George Bush”

An Obamamessiah-worshipper considers Hillary as a monkey trapped in a monkey-trap.

Daily New York scandal

I'm shocked! New York's new Governor spent campaign funds on Miss Sleepover? Where'd he learn a trick like that?

“executions”

Arrest made in Congo over 2007 gorilla killings at Virunga.

“concerned over his interaction with state officials”

Connecticut mocked by surrounding states for former Governor Rowland's asexual scandal.

“clothed in nappies”

Keeping tidy while fostering an abandoned gorilla.

“speciesist”

Animal rights arson. Fun & games for the anarchist set.

Lie down with democrats...

Who expected anything else?

Update: Oh yeah, didn't see that coming.

“frivolous subhumans”

A “group of leading scientists&rdquo seeks to ban chimpanzees from New Zealand TV advertising.

“David Paterson was sworn in today”

Out with the bad air, in with the good.

New York held hostage, day 8

Could a career in assertiveness training lie ahead?

New York held hostage, day 7

Just a week of Republican schadenfreude!

New York held hostage, day 6

This is only the beginning...

It's that time again

Eat a Tasty Animal for PETA (IEATAPETA) Day: the happiest day of the year!

New York held hostage, day 5

Hunt on for naked pics of Dupre.

New York held hostage, day 4

Limousine liberal Muttawah vows vengeance, impotently.

“Counselors have been sent”

Escaped chimpanzee shot dead in Texas.

“devoid of toads, salamanders, or newts”

“When the public thinks of Madagascar's fauna most likely they think of one of the fifty species of lemur.” If Dr. Franco Andreone has his way, soon they'll have frogs on their minds.

Not 'Til He's Good & Ready!

NY's long nightmare continues, Super-Delegate Spitzer to continue bareback ride until Monday.

“one foolproof way”

Washington's bitey monkey's rabies test: negative.

New York held hostage, day 3

Spitzer-palooza continues.

“modern pygmies”

'Hobbit' battle continues to rage.

New York held hostage, day 2

Arbiter of all morality still retains office.

Update: Looking to secure his legacy, plus owed one on the fleet plan.

“may have to be put down”

Bitey monkey in Washington may have Herpes B.

Update: Bad news for the monkey.

More: Not without a fight.