Thursday, May 31, 2007

Brother Theodore would've been so proud!

Orangutan ancestors walked upright then went back to the trees.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

“Most people have never seen a lemur before”

Lemur opportunities at Duke.

“All children should be on leashes”

<shrug> I was an NYC kid, I had a harness & leash</shrug>. I've never felt kinship with a San Francisco zoo before.

“an orthodox Marxist”

Dear stupid leftist, we understand Hitchens is an atheist. Here's a clue: he's not the only one. It's a big tent over here. You keep Dawkins, we'll keep Hitchens, we'll call it a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Goodbye, Julia

Julia, 37-year-old female gorilla at Calgary Zoo, dead of liver disease.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

“ciprofloxacin and enrofloxacin”

Chinese mad poisoners press for wider loopholes. Free Tibet.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Fugu You!

Via Silfray Hraka, Chinese mad poisoners still hard at work. Free Tibet.

“Bush and Rove”

We lost because. Democrats fake documents to prepare for inevitable 2008 election loss.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

“chewed through her cage”

Stun-gun solves orangutan escape attempt in Taiwan.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


Rotterdam's edgiest gorilla now a trademark.

“diethylene glycol”

Via Doctor Anonymous, Chinese mad poisoners strike again.

“makes no apparent sense”

Now that the usurious tax chickens are home to roost, governors are revolting.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

And inside, it's delicous!

Aegyptopithecus, our pinhead ancestor, had a lime-size brain.

“becoming a voice for animals”

Opportunity for exotic pig-pickin'

“her monkey Armani would not be returned”

“Gimme back my monkey,&rdquo Maryland woman pleads, to no avail.

Monday, May 21, 2007

“humans' closest relatives”

Like humans, apes use gesture to communicate. It's unclear whether their repertoire includes “digitus impudens”.

A socialist, I bet

Human Ancestor Had a Pea Brain

“monkeys who specially target children and women”

Private enterprise bails out the government in rounding up menacing monkeys. (They've still got a lot to learn).

“they know they're going to have some fun”

Monkeys at German zoo love them some clown.

“Infected squirrels and a rabbit”

Plaguey, albeit dead, monkey at Denver Zoo.

“the gorilla demonstrated particularly aggressive behaviour”

Amsterdam's Diergaarde Blijdorp zoo to to tell their side of the story of the gorilla escape. The gorilla, presumably, has his own press conference scheduled.

“but this my job”

The monkey-catcher's complaint".

Friday, May 18, 2007

“He suspected the animal was bullied”

Four injured in Rotterdam as gorilla escapes Blijdorp Zoo. No word on how stoned he was.

'a "surrender monkey" named Hobo'

Right-thinking monkey taunts the traitor, Harry Reid.

Ever seen them eat?

Why Connecticut gets no respect.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

“trademark infringement”

Ben & Jerry sued over Chunky Monkey.

“no primates, no wild animals and no predators”

Star dog trainer enforces “no monkey training” rule. (If you'd have asked me, I would've guessed dogs would be predators. Shows what I know.)

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Aegyptopithecus zeuxis

Our most shameful ancestor: the pinhead Dawn Ape.

Monday, May 14, 2007

“the species lemur catta”

Spain's lemur census increases.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Now you can build one from scratch

Genetic recipe for rhesus monkey is ready. Be the first on your block!

Thursday, May 10, 2007

“Mr. Monkey is home again!”

Brooklyn band “The Violets” is reunited with their mascot.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

“not a source of amusement any more”

Monkeys beseige Indian town.

“type II neuropsin”

Genetically speaking, chimpanzees are stupid, just as you suspected.

“by God's grace we are a happy family now”

Couple in Andhra Pradesh, India, adopts monkey as their daughter. Tom Tancredo remains silent.

Florida monkey-napping!

Four “men” stole a companion monkey from a mentally disabled woman in San Mateo, FL. Police investigation continues.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

“unclear whether the baby gorilla would be called Steve”

Rwandan authorities to name baby gorilla in honor of Steve Irwin.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Friday, May 04, 2007

“20 million chickens”

Chinese poison scandal widens again. Recipients of Chinese largesse keep mum.

“We're not talking about the right to vote here”

Austrian trouble-makers demand that people with jobs pay for chimpanzee “human rights.”

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

“this was a protest”

Sandmonkey follow-up on Hyscience.

“no recall”

Chinese “petfood taint" reaches US human food supply. FDA insists there's nothing to see here.