“face painter now has to warn children”

Monkey's from Britain's Twycross Zoo hate blue-faced kids.

“People are fed up”

India's monkey menace no respecter of persons: Vaishali District Magistrate Lalan Singh suffers bites and broken arm in monkey attack.

“students were still surprised by the Chimp Haven experience”

The chimpanzees of Chimp Haven, in Texas, are visited.

“and the Children’s International Peace Choir”

Julia Butterfly Hill's been pried out of her tree long enough to join Jane Goodall and the Peace Dove parade/juggernaut at Griffith Park in Los Angeles

“in honor of United Nations Peace Day”

Jane Goodall's “Roots & Shoots” groups to crush youthful hopes of a world without socialist oppression beneath deadly papier mache  wings of cynically-named “peace dove” in Sandwich, MA followed by lunch and show trials.

“in the Shanghai Wild Animal Park”

An example of why the world doesn't trust China on animal welfare in this picture from third China Animal Sports Meeting. The way they treat people's not so swell, either.

“he'll need a parent until he's 3 or 4 years old”

Umande, the little gorilla nobody loved, finds home in Ohio's Columbus Zoo.

Goodbye, Moko

Moko, 44-year-old silverback gorilla at New Mexico's Rio Grande Zoo, dead of age-related heart failure.

“it is either a success or failure”

“America should withdraw from the U.N. and make it into a zoo”: Indeed!

“we listened to a lot of Rolling Stones while we were working”

Article that features an interview with the author of Sock Monkey Dreams.

“Much of the country's fertilizer supply would now have to be imported”

Zimbabwe Agriculture Minister Joseph Made blames damage at Sable Chemicals plant fertilizer plant in Kwekwe on suicidal monkey bent on electrocution.

“Chronic Binge Ethanol Consumption Accelerates Progression of Simian Immunodeficiency Virus Disease”

If your monkey is infected with Simian Immunodeficiency Virus Disease, control his intake of alcohol, scientist cautions.

“predators like rats, monkeys and cats”

Monkeys implicated in the eating of the Pink Pigeon of Mauritius, perhaps the world's rarest pigeon.

“I started organizing it last year”

Canadian woman seeks funds to send Ugandan children to chimpanzee camp.

“exposing the monkey menace”

Via Frank J. at IMAO, ex-sportscaster Olbermann, tragic sufferer of steroid abuse, reveals Washington's inside secret: Chris Wallace is a monkey posing as a newscaster!

Update: Via Allahpundit , Olbermann is accused of anti-semitism for his “macaca moment”.

“the shooting dead of a Barbary Ape”

Man charged in Gibraltar ape-killing.

It's already too late to save Ginger Baker, but with your help...

Saving Borneo's orangutans may require conservationists to form supergroup, increase of government funds.

“a bacterial infection similar to tuberculosis in one lung”

Elderly Bill the chimp at California's Eureka zoo responding well to antiobotic regimen.

“Feinstein and Schwarzenegger”

Primate Torture: Another purity test, and another big name Democrat is found wanting, by SF.Indymedia's contributors.

Watermelon in Easter Hay, May 17 1988, Barcelona, Spain

No monkey content, but I don't care.

(If the embedded player's behaving badly, view it on YouTube itself.

“paid hacks, con artists, and liars”

The party of slavery, segregation, and sedition libels the National Black Republican Association and OpEdNews.com is there to help.

“I've run past baboons, animals like that”

North Carolina State University professor of zoology says “watch out for owls”, I say don't run around in the dark: owl attacks don't happen during the day.

“under what rules do we arrest a simian?”

If this Deutsche Presse Agentur story is to be believed, a monkey in India's northern Uttar Pradesh state has strangled a 16-year-old girl and police have declined to pursue her killer.

“he slapped the fool out of me”

Animal control officer in Tennessee recaptures escaped pet monkey, feeds him marshmallow snackies, then takes a monkey-slapping when the treats run out.

“members of the banana family”

Kansas City Zoo is gifted with big honkin' bird of paradise plant for its yet-to-be-built tropical monkey house.

“It screamed and moved uncomfortably”

Caterwauling young chimpanzee rescued from illegal ape trade in Uganda.

“We thought there was a niche in the market”

Anti-American simian bias runs wild as UK's Monkey News Network for 2.5G mobile phones weds animated monkey presenters with a live audio news feed from Reuters.

Jejune

Emboldened by the coke-addled ranting of Castro's hebephrenic mini-me, this New Yorker demonstrates why you were warned against eating the brown acid.

“we’ve become pretty adept at spotting your average story-telling fool”

Appalachian Trail Sasquatches sought in Western North Carolina.

“Bakari”

Cincinnati Zoo's Baby Boy Gorilla gets a name.

the ape-man species represented by "Lucy"

Remarkably complete skeleton of three-year-old Australopithecus afarensis  female found in Ethiopia.

“colour DSTV screen and gym equipment”

Gorilla and chimpanzees at South Africa's Johannesburg Zoo get enrichment goods.

“she didn’t want the responsibility of raising him”

7-month-old Umande: the little gorilla nobody loved.

“Somebody should do something”

Ape attacks four year old girl on Gibraltar.

“their behaviour was unpredictable”

Monkeys in the ‘burbs causes concern in South Africa's KwaZulu-Natal province.

“could face 15 to 21 months”

Philadelphia women charged with selling colobus monkey parts, other prohibited impedimenta.

“it would be sad to lose this classic”

Busch Gardens takes out demolition permits in plan to replace Python coaster with orangutan!

“I have monkeys in my pants”

The tale of a demented animal-smuggler.

Won't someone think of the caribou?

Still holding a grudge over losing out on 49th state honors, Hawaiian democrat goes all indigenous against ANWR oil drilling.

“it either left the area or was found by someone”

A spider monkey may have been spotted in Bridgewater, PA, on Sep 8. But not again.

“Calorie Restriction Attenuates Alzheimer’s Disease Type Brain Amyloidosis in Squirrel Monkeys”

Feed a cold, starve Alzheimer's.

Trunk Monkey gets strict

“considerable pressure to be seen to be taking action”

Disciplinary action threatened after spate of escapes from UK's Dalton Zoo.

“the ultimate furry status symbol in the tough Paris suburbs”

Barbary ape found dead in Paris suburb did not have rabies, say officials, but what did kill it, <<<gallic shrug>>>

“Family members said Rose's anxiety is disabling”

Missouri woman wants “service-animal” status and restaurant privileges for her bonnet macaque monkey because of his calming influence.

“went missing a week ago”

Lost toy monkey sought in Palo Alto, CA.

Update: All's well, boy and toy monkey reunited.

“taking the cake that was to be for my grandchild's fourth birthday”

Letter-to-the-editor writer tormented by suburban monkeys.

“the animals are threatened with extinction”

Tanzania's Mahale Mountain National Park chimpanzees threatened by mysterious disease.

“aggressively treating it with antibiotics”

60-year-old Bill the chimpanzee at California's Sequoia Park Zoo treated for long-standing bacterial infection.

“Sayang is pregnant”

December orangutan birth expected at Indiana's Fort Wayne Children’s Zoo.

“evidence from a cave”

Gibraltar said to have been the final realm of the Neanderthals.

“establish a public council for animal welfare”

Pressure brought to bear on Israel's Mazor Primate Breeding Farm.

“NBC 10 wants your input”

TV station has a caption contest for a picture of a pile of Barbary macaques at the Prague Zoo.

“a world of rapidly dwindling natural resources”

Sourh Africa's advocate for baboons Jenni Trethowan is idolized, those not convinced of primacy of rights of their Papio ursinus  neighbors (and their long fangs), derided as irate primate-haters.

“running and jumping amidst the canopy”

Lemurs frolic at Miller Park Zoo in Bloomington, IL.

“they're cute and fluffy and as manic as I am”

She loves lemurs.

“the chimps are fine where they are”

PETA rebuffed, judge keeps ex-OSU chimpanzees at Primarily Primates sanctuary in Boerne, TX.

“Mr. Kjonaas was drunk on power”

AR thugs draw four-to-six for conspiracy and interstate stalking.

“could spend up to 93 days in jail”

Battle Creek, MI, couple charged for illegally keeping snakes, birds, monkeys, &c.

“while 70 children were studying”

Eager for knowledge, baboons crash into a South African school. “Sniffer dogs and teargas” (which strikes me as a poor combination) were used to clear them out.

I question the timing!

Earth's inflatable ape population imperiled by global helium shortage!

Again, with the trunk monkey

“still shocked over the incident.”

Lawsuit planned by woman hit by monkey-thrown rock at Rio de Janeiro Zoo

“a cheeky chappy with a great personality”

UK zoo monkey “Sponge Bob” moves to Battersea Zoo after being rejected by his troop following his return from being monkeynapped.

“violent spasms, balance problems while walking and a slurring of speech”

South African advocate for baboons Jenni Trethowan returns to hospital as symptoms of apparent dieldrin poisoning worsen.

“Nothing Is Missing from Lindsay's Handbag”

“Intact” would seem strangely inappropriate, though.

“two wild monkeys from Kurali and Morinda”

Monkeys biting children no barrier to rescue services of India's wildlife department.

Inquiring minds...

North America's great ape: Bigfoot or Ed Asner?

“Jeff Corwin posing with a chimpanzee”

Animal planet looks to fill Steve Irwin's shoes.

“under light sedation and is feeding well”

Young baboon shot and critically wounded in suburbs of South Africa's Cape.

“I've been bitten by a chimpanzee, several species of monkeys”

A cheerleader for the badmouth Steve Irwin crew chimes in.

“unanimously rejected”

Primarily Primates Inc rejects proposed chimpanzees-to-Louisiana settlement.

Diebold

I bet somebody'd notice while you were doing this.

Metonymy

“Where was it when you saw it last?” is a strategy better suited to non-human great apes. We're better at “What did it look like when you saw it last?”

“cross roads as a group”

Scientists think they're so smart, but not one sees the merit in just teaching chimpanzees to use the crosswalk pedestrian button!

“she could give birth as soon as November”

Sekani, western lowland gorilla at the Little Rock Zoo, is pregnant. Story omits identification of father.

Kecak

I do understand that Kecak (Indonesia's Ramayana Monkey Chant) is a 20th-Century invention that owes more than a little to tourism, but I think MonkeyWatch is missing something without it.

(Wikipedia's say on Kecak.)

“dieldrin poisoning is the most likely cause”

Baboon advocate Jenni Trethowan suffers.

“it was not clear when”

South Africa's National Zoo repeats that it'll return the "Taiping Four" gorillas to the Limbe Animal Orphanage in the Cameroon. There's a future career at the UN for these folks, I think.

“there's never a dull moment”

North Carolina pet store keeper has a mission to rescue monkeys.

“trained the youngest langurs to let her brush their teeth”

Teaching animals to accommodate the veterinarians at Philadelphia Zoo.

Limacodidae

The "monkey slug" larva*: North America's strangest caterpillar.

“Animals rights activist applauded”

Eleven bonnet macaques (Macaca radiata)  retired from University of Colorado alcoholism study and transferred to Animal Protection Institute's Primate Sanctuary near Dilley, TX.

“leftover cash from the 2004 Democratic National Convention”

Gorillas at Chicago's Boston's Franklin Park Zoo to get more elbow room.

Update: Changes will include display of “Little Joe”, who in 2003 leapt a 12-foot moat to escape his enclosure and injure two.

“due lack of a enough bullets”

Killing of over 50 monkeys by Ugandan vermin guards plays second fiddle to shooting of 35-year-old man-eating crocodile.

“the males have had vasectomies”

Save the Chimps refuge in Florida plans to grow to become the world's largest chimpanzee refuge by 2008.

“International Primate Day”

Nancy Pelosi allies with Twiggy, Alexei Sayle, Jenny Seagrove, Carol Royle, Uri Geller, and other advanced thinkers, in hopes of securing the non-human primate vote (which could have won the 2004 Presidential election for Howard Dean) for the Democratic party.

“The attitude of the zoo officials is shocking”

Zoo conditions at India's Jijamata Udyan shock activists.

“even small children have been bitten by monkeys”

Zoos houses of horror for your kids, says Canadian Letter-to-Editor writer.

“and actor William H. Macy narrates the series”

PBS "Curious George" series has a voice actor to make monkey noises, and not speak.

I question the timing.

“Many people in my area have been bitten by monkeys”

India's monkey nightmare continues.

“the only great ape for which there is no genome sequencing program to date”

Max Planck Institute (MPI) for Evolutionary Anthropology to elicit the genome sequence of the randy Bonobo.

“A tamarin monkey from South America”

Via Monkeys In The News, ugly monkey seized in Northern Ireland.