“The politicians refuse to take their responsibilities”

Future of animals at Canada's soon-closing Quebec City zoo undecided. Likewise the future of the staff. "As long as I am here there won't be any euthanasia," said zoo veterinarian Robert Patenaude in unconscious grim irony.

“mysterious monkey deaths in Costa Rica”

Researchers seek an answer to riddle of thousands of dead monkeys in Costa Rica.

“the flames did not affect the facility”

Monkeys unharmed in Florida brush fire.

“spirits of the night”

Arizona's Phoenix Zoo adds six red-ruffed lemurs.

“some sort of facility with cages of monkeys”

Florida monkeys imperiled by brush fire.

Update: Up to 400 of them.

“eating the dazed human citizens”

I admit, Baboon-headed kangaroo lizards ravage Chicago is an eye-catching headline.

Goodbye, Junior

Orangutan euthanized at St. Louis Zoo.

Killikaike blakei

Fossil of long-extinct New World monkey identified.

“You can imagine the chaos”

Up to 100 reptiles, birds, and monkeys dead in fire at Pennsylvania's Tri-State Zoological Park.

“made it illegal for residents to possess wild animals, such as lions, monkeys and bears”

Minnesota county clamps down on exotic animal ownership.

“could scare Eva Braun out of her garters”

Like Sprechgesang,  but with dancing:

execute is the right word as Meier orders her dancers to strip, don monkey suits, hum along to German ’60s lieder  and assume a whole host of hilarious, sometimes mildly seditious acts

Later, you'll tell yourself you enjoyed it.

“the hairy arm of a gorilla labelled as Australia”

Indonesians tempt Australian street with offensive cartoons in Papua asylum row.

“this life is not about making money”

Jane Goodall's Roots and Shoots program revealed as a plan to make poverty permanent.

“the Cefn-yr-Erw Primate Sanctuary”

New home in Wales for baboon rescued from abuse in Lebanon

“four men remain in hospital”

Two men injured in TGN 1412 clinical trial well enough to go home.

Vote Manipulation?

Isaac Mizrahi demands further investigation as FHM readers name Scarlett Johansson to top list of the world`s 100 sexiest women.

“Kima, which is Swahili for monkey”

Colobus monkey at New York's Central Park Zoo named.

“will start later this year”

Tropical forest planned for Scotland's Edinburgh Zoo.

“11 gorillas led by an alpha male called Nyakagezi”

Uganda seeks understanding with Rwanda on viewing peripatetic gorillas.

“Tigers, Elephants, Orangutans - Everything Must Go!”

Neverland menagerie said to be on offer.

“I wish we could eat these monkeys”

Ugandan monkeys step up their war on humans. Humans are blamed.

“A starving pig-tailed macaque (berok) with a severed right leg”

Injured monkey rescued in Malaysia.

“This cult of piracy has a new gorilla in the room, which is technology”

Rich Hollywood stars insist that just being themselves is protected Intellectual Property.

"Johnny," "Domino," "Kibuka" and "Kima"

Monkey-naming opportunity at New York's Central Park Zoo.

“the moral obligation to immediately reclaim these chimps”

More travel in the future for ex-OSU chimps, if Peta gets their way.

“splashes the paint around,”

New Zealand's Wellington Zoo count on Kiwi gullibility in chimpanzee painting auction.

By the way, the USA is known for our "white lightning" corn liquor and Canada for their "black lightning" maple liquor, but is there a distinctive New Zealand moonshine?

“a coincidence that Kermit died after the tranquilizers were administered”

Necropsy shows that Kermit, chimpanzee transferred from OSU to Primarily Primates, a Texas animal refuge, died of a heart attack.

“I've always wanted to see the gorillas!”

Daryl Hannah gets wet for gorillas at World Water Day 2006.

“lightning-fast social perception”

High-ranking monkeys tend to snub their inferiors, Duke University scientists say.

“the word for love in Indonesia”

Winner in Phoenix Zoo orangutan-naming contest: “Kasih”

“signaling where they want to be scratched and groomed”

Researchers say chimpanzees communicate with each other through hand gestures.

That time you thought a chimp flipped you off, the chimp probably did flip you off.

Ba-boon, ba-boon, what you gonna do?

Baboon-evades-police story comes to predictable but sad end.

“In the wild, the mother will reject the weaker twin”

Peanut and Pumpkin, twin orangutans and their extraordinary caretaker at Miami's Parrot Jungle.

“narrated by the ever-faithful Hanuman”

Monkey-god comes to Chicago in what you might think of as Ramayana: the Musical.

“The police are currently investigating this offence”

UK's Exmoor Zoo struck by animal thieves.

“one five-hundredth of the dose used in monkeys”

Blacktriangle presents thorough updates on the trouble in the UK clinical trials of TGN1412, an experimental monoclonal antibody, which has been in the headlines this week outside of the US.

Update: Uh-oh. We'll see if it sticks.

“They're offering us nothing but slavery”

Via junkyardblog, Confederate Yankee finds Cheese-Eating Tenure Monkeys  at the heart of French labor-law riots.

“I'm sure when it is open it will be a big attraction”

Malaysia's Sabah Zoological and Botanical Park expected to become major tourist draw.

“no longer acceptable by any humane standard”

PETA loon natters on about F1 champ Fernando Alonso making bullfighter-like gestures. Mind you, no bulls are harmed (nor are they present) at his victory celebrations. He's no more a threat to bulls than Chi-Chi Rodriguez is.

“a gorilla baby boom”

Two gorilla births at San Diego Zoo.

“No food and no touching”

“Here's your chance to walk with baboons” Anyone that wants it is welcome to my turn.

“and three species of leaf monkeys found nowhere else in the world”

Conservationists excited by Sumatran Rhinocerous hoofprint finds.

“Around 150 monkeys have died now”

Viral infection suspected in Sri Lanka temple monkey deaths,

“Don’t disturb it or try to chase it away”

Residents of South Africa's Germiston warned of prowling baboon.

Update a day later: still still on the loose.

“home for lemurs, leopards and lizards”

San Joaquin County, CA's Micke Grove Zoo to spend $2 million pleasing AZA.

“fund-raiser on March 24 at the high school”

You'll huff and you'll puff if you win the 6-foot inflatable monkey at York ME's High School music boosters fund-raiser .

“included a slide showing Bush as the equivalent of a monkey”

University of Maryland's student newpaper detects liberal bias in the classroom.

“seeking $100,000 in damages”

MonkeyWatch word to the wise: don't rent your home as a place to keep zoo animals.

Let's not jump to hasty conclusions here

Mysterious New Zealand burglar leaves behind a banana skin.

“seeing apes in movies gives people an anti-conservation attitude”

Otherwise respectable scientists join “animal rights” mob in attacking American Humane Association for insufficiently zealous thinking.

“there are not enough female monkeys at the park to match the males”

Unavailability of nookie driving Guizhou Province monkeys nuts, say locals.

Update: The view from Texas.

Happy EATAPETA Day!

Don't forget: today is International Eat A Tasty Animal for PETA Day!

“The contest will run through Friday”

Orangutan-naming contest at Phoenix Zoo. Sort of.

“It's quite a safe structure”

Basemonkey's last jump.

“sometimes called green-monkey fever”

Already tapped as possible vectors for Ebola and Marburg, bats now implicated in transmission of “West Nile fever, Japanese B encephalitis, St. Louis encephalitis and, possibly, Lassa fever”.

Howling in Pittsburgh

Via Monkeys In The News, Pittsburgh Zoo welcomes the birth of yet another howler monkey.

“About 100 animals died in three years”

South Africa to rehab Cote d'Ivoire's  decrepit zoo.

“because he did not have enough signatures”

Man in gorilla suit charges Canada's Students' Society of McGill University with discrimination against gorillas after his exclusion from presidential election.

“the epidemiological study could be conducted on them”

Barbados parents demand their children be removed from sick-making school facility, replaced there with Green Monkeys.

“Sometimes they are very smart”

Louisiana's Chimp Haven home for retired chimpanzees to celebrate first anniversary with series of events.

“teachers dressed in a skunk suit and a gorilla outift that battled it out in a wrestling arena”

Minnesota elementary school “instills the love of reading” with teachers wrestling in animal costumes.

“visiting the likes of the Lemur, Galapagos Tortoise, Maned Wolf and others”

Australia's Western Plains Zoo offers tent sleepover “Roar and Snore” program.

“If someone tells you to train a bunch of monkeys, just say No”

Truer words never spoken.

“gila monsters and funnel web spiders”

Northern Ireland to enact wide-ranging licensing requirements for lemurs, colobus monkeys, and various other exotic animals.

“he had all but given up hope for his dream career”

Veterinary epidemiologist keeping an eye out for avian flu at Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo.

“if the saki monkey has a runny nose, we know about it”

Former Toledo policeman makes his rounds as animal keeper at Phoenix Zoo.

“A baboon costs $50 to be shot”

Plenty to eat and plenty to kill, highlights of your South African safari.

“Boulders were used to block the road”

Villagers and technology students at India's Ankushpur blockade road in demand for better traffic contol after monkey killed by speeding truck.

“sterilisation of monkeys by laser technic and priority to plantation of wild fruit trees in the forest”

India's Himachal Pradesh not just banning public monkey-feeding except in designated areas, whole-scale monkey population control plans include sterilizing monkeys (with frickin' lasers!) and luring them into the wild with tasty fruit.

“FABULOUS PRIZES!!”

Gorilla-naming contest at Colorado's Cheyenne Mountain Zoo.

“a 400 pound Silverback”

Checkups, both health and dental, for J.J. the gorilla, today at Florida's MetroZoo.

“owning a monkey does not violate the exotic animal laws in the county.”

Pet monkey in Bell County, TX, euthanized after report it attacked “someone”.

“Tondalayo's Kitty”

Tondalayo, grieving 45-year-old Sumatran orangutan at Florida's Zoo World, now has a pet cat.

“caused annoyance to the public, injury/danger to human life and hindered traffic”

Monkeys of India's Himachal Pradesh to be thrown back on their own resources and initiative as public monkey-feeding is banned.

“the swamp monkeys get toolboxes and tool-shaped piñatas”

Oregon Zoo schedules week-long “spring break”-themed festival of animal enrichment programs.

“Wednesday’s ad cost more than $10,000”

Dung flung in Scottsdale, AZ's City Council election anonymous “monkey business” ads.

He's a very clean old man

Sir Paul McCartney takes time from busy schedule to agitate against you enjoying the fruits of drugs undergoing FDA-mandated testing. When I think of Mick Jagger, strutting across the stage in that walker, denied new medications because they can't be tested, I feel rage.

“a male Coquerel's sifaka”

Delayed news, it seems: lemur birth surprises staff on Valentine's Day at Sacramento Zoo.

“And don't forget to give your concoction a catchy name”

Whatever logic suggests, Peace in Our Time Peach unlikely to displace perennial crowd-favorite Chunky Monkey™ in Ben & Jerry's "Do Us a Flavor Contest".

Lepilemur randrianasoli, L. aeeclis and L. sahamalazensis

Now there are 11: On the heels of last year's announcement of Lepilemur seali  and L. mitsinjonensis,  three more species of lemur have been identified.

“Enrichment takes time and money”

Australian has plans for microchipping and automating zoo animals.

“a property that once housed horses, iguanas, snakes, llamas, chickens and a monkey”

Squalid conditions at Cherokee Ridge Animal Rescue Facility, animal shelter gone bad, are recounted in New York court.

“the bouncing, rabid kangaroos and screaming baboons that are their children”

Nature's most fearsome creatures, shoppers and their spawn.

We have standards, unlike some people!

When choosing a mate, wild capuchin monkeys generally skip over their daughters, says study funded by Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology.

“The whole judicial system takes a long time”

One of the men wanted in the November shooting of primatologist Shelly Williams has surrendered to Smyrna, GA., police.

“the painting will start as soon as weather permits.”

With fund-raising nearing the brink of fruition, Weippe, ID., will again paint a gorilla on their water-tower. No artist's conception accompanies the story, which makes me sad.

“a hot-tempered animal”

Romeo, a 13-year-old chimpanzee at Pakistan's Karachi Zoological Garden, didn't want to go back his cage. All's well now.

“It is as I’ve dreamed of him to be”

California's Sequoia Park Zoo takes receipt of 1,000-pound bronze of 60-year-old Bill the chimpanzee.

“the good Samaritan who had been feeding them will stop putting food out”

Free-loading monkeys of Kuching, Malaysia will now be responsible for their own upkeep, like the rest of us.

“claimed he was possessed by the spirit of an ancient ape creature and was no longer legally a person”

New Zealand's wackiest publicity-seeking census dodger, “Laird McGillicuddy Graeme Cairns”, intends to miss this year's deadline while cryogenically frozen.

“Lemurs don’t have any of the nasty habits that monkeys have”

Volunteer researcher tells of her weeks with the lemurs as part of the Madagascar Biodiversity and Biogeography Project.

“Traffic was thick inside the chimpanzee forest”

Maryland Zoo in Baltimore celebrates 130^th anniversary.

“We sit and cry and feel like some one has died in our family”

Indian village of Charai depopulates as government fails to address worsening monkey menace.

“the virus jumped from a chimpanzee to a human, probably in the 1930s”

Origins of HIV virus may have been found by researchers who dug into decades-old piles of chimpanzee feces in Cameroon.

“Moe is totally innocent”

St. James Davis, victim of chimpanzee attack a year ago, faces further surgery.

Per the UPI Almanac

March 4, birthday of Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall.

“a special free-admission day March 12”

Baby golden lion tamarin twins to go on display at Delaware's Brandywine Zoo

“an allegation of murder against it”

Two monkeys caged in India without due process.

“be aware of possible threats from insurgent activity”

Visiting Rwanda to see the gorillas.

Goodbye, Kermit

35-year-old chimpanzee, one of nine transferred from Ohio State University, dies after being sedated during arrival at Primarily Primates in San Antonio.

“2162 cases were officially declared”

Mosquitoes prefer biting humans as Chikungunya* (Buggy Creek virus) epidemic in Mayotte* worsens.

“his studies of chimpanzee politics”

Recently-published primate-themed popular science books are reviewed. (Near as I can tell, we're to believe that chimpanzees are state-socialist noble savages with fur. Go go Gaugin!)

“to detect that tell-tale blush on someone else's rump”

Forget what you've been told about finding ripe fruit, your ancestors could hardly wait for fruit to ripen anyway. Color vision was beneficial in choosing a mate, says theoretical neurobiologist. Theoretically.

When you're in the market for a dogsbody, a human is your best choice

Children more helpful than chimpanzees, say studies.

“the monkey would fight dirty”

You're an animal guy, if a dog and a monkey got into a fight, who would win?
The monkey, easy

Mising link fixed.

“gunned down in the parking lot of a shopping center”

Warrants issued for two men in November killingshooting of primatologist Shelly Williams.

Update: Status of Shelly Williams corrected. I apologize for the mistake.

“He said monkeys had failed the government’s Universal Primary Education programme”

Over 180 monkeys killed in Ugandan bounty hunt.

Moral victory for tea-drinkers

Monkey-Picked Tea. One order of magnitude less disgusting than Kopi Luwak. Suggestions for a name for the unit of disgust solicited.

On the money!

Our ancestors were too apes.