“three youths attempted to break a lock on the enclosure housing the Amur tigers”

Tiger-napping attempt foiled at Scotland's Edinburgh Zoo, site of previous monkey-burning attempt.

“Europe's path to a greener future is being paved by the rapid destruction of rain forests around the world”

European enthusiasm for bio-diesel blamed for accelerating destruction of rain forest and wildlife in Malaysia and Indonesia.

Revenge is your right! Revenge is your duty!

Early humans nothing more than helpless cave-wimps in the jaws of toothy predators, says Man the Hunted: Primates, Predators and Human Evolution.  March 15th is IEATAPETA Day.

“hippos, grysbok, baboons, kudu, waterbucks, warthog, elephants and crocodiles”

Zambezi Valley Hunts Auction offers trophy-hunting trash something out of the ordinary.

“capable of breaking a camel's neck with one snap of their strong jaws”

Baboons openly war on humans, other animals, as Somali drought continues to worsen.

Can't make this stuff up

Ohio State University professor chains self to gate, delaying chimpanzee transfer

“If anything, I should have jumped on the truck and gone with them”

Indeed.

“costs running to £3m”

New orangutan enlosure being built at UK's Chester Zoo

“What secrets do the fynbos hide?”

Jenni Trethowan: apologist for Cape Town's bloodthirsty baboons.

“a grueling gorilla schedule”

Warner Brothers's Robinov threatens: re-elect Arnold or a third Conan movie, it'll be on your heads!

“Malaysian authorities have decided it is they who should locate him”

In today's Quirks in the News: it's Malaysian jail for unauthorized foreign bigfoot hunters.

“animal rights activists who appeared at a Board of Regents meeting last fall in a monkey suit and masks”

Fight over University of Colorado Health Sciences Center research monkeys to move to North Carolina's Wake Forest University, much like the monkeys themselves.

“good views of tigers were not obtained”

See the wildlife at India's Corbett National Park from elephant-back.

“The session at Spearfish Canyon Lodge is not open to the public”

Spearfish, South Dakota anticipates visit from Roots and Shoots chief Jane Goodall.

“the skeleton of Able, the first monkey to fly in space”

National Museum of Health and Medicine (ex-Army Medical Museum) sent packing by Base Closure and Realignment Commission.

“It is inevitable that animals are going to die”

Questions asked about animal deaths at Australia's Melbourne Zoo.

or Daz™

U.S. Army Medical Research Institute of Infectious Diseases team gets patent for ricin vaccine production technique. Suspected ricin Biz™ found in University of Texas laundry room.

“Some eventually rejected the cell transplants”

University of Minnesota researchers reverse diabetes in monkeys with pig Islets of Langerhans cells.

David Gregory hissy in 5,4,3,...

Friday's death of Don Knotts not publicized until Saturday!

“I am shocked and disappointed”

Edinburgh Zoo expansion plan “enrages” UK animal welfare groups already in a permanent snit due to dental pain.

“last seen driving a red Ford F-150 pickup”

Gorilla wannabe robs Macon, GA convenience store

“the zoo is the only place where I can eat, hangout and have fun”

Nepal's only zoo attracts thousands.

“Inadequate shelter”

PETA loons outraged that retired OSU research chimpanzees not being placed in hotels vacated by Katrina refugees.

“seems to set back the clock on human evolution by more than a million years”

<Name of political party you oppose> explained, at Monkeys in the News.

“We are still uncertain as to who the father is”

Baby orangutan newly on view at Canada's Toronto Zoo

“no obvious morphological differences”

Ambitious splitters claim three “new” species of lemurs. (Sneer quotes mine.)

“while mom licked the treat off the wall”

Taking off the monkey costume, at Arizona's Hogle Zoo.

“an 800-pound gorilla in the room called Israel”

Leftists to confer on best methods to conceal their deep-seated anti-semitism.

“apart from Jane Goodall’s endless whining”

Reviewer finds that Jane Goodall’s Chimps: So Like Us  demonstrates just the opposite.

“the largest collection of monkey and ape species in the world”

Britain's Twycross Zoo now styles itself “The World Primate Centre”.

“the primate threw the baby into the well and disappeared”

Baby thrown down well, fatally, by monkey in India's Orissa.

“a world-class visitor attraction”

State-of-the-art £5.5m chimpanzee enclosure to be build at Scotland's Edinburgh Zoo. xe.com's Universal Currency Converter here.

“A mock gorilla wrapped up in a net”

Via, Monkeys in the News, a Tokyo gorilla stand-in at escaped-animal drill pays the price for a little show-boating.

“because of overcrowding and also safety concerns”

Ohio State University research chimpanzee bites student worker, now they're all due to retire to a cushy San Antonio, Texas animal refuge.

“he would likely be remembered as a villain”

Il Gorilla  dead in Sun City, Arizona.

“This chimpanzee is using a tool kit”

Tool kit-using chimpanzees. Tool belt-use now the only thing known to seperate them from us.

“became very obvious”

Gorillas got culture, says researcher.

“a large hairy man-like animal”

Bigfoot sightings reported in Illinois.

“stools made from elephant legs, carved monkey skulls and snakes”

Department of Conservation's Hall of Shame a big draw at New Zealand's Pet Expo.

“the largest permanent chimpanzee sanctuary in the world”

I wonder if they have problems with agoraphobic chimps

“travellers said the baboon had become a nuisance”

Limpopo bridge! Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch, and swiped the groceries.

“a baboon will never unlearn a food source”

Harsh times forecast for Cape Town's increasingly aggresive baboons.

“Button faces a make-or-break season”

Nigel Mansell ready to lend his full-body shoe-horn to Jenson Button if needed.

“It is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette”

At least once a reporter has done it, everything else must be an improvement: the wacky laws column.

“how Coby the ape satisfied himself sexually”

Visitors to San Francisco Zoo love the Valentine's Day animal sex performance.

“canaries, cockateils, snakes, ferrets, even the little beta fish”

West Virginia mulls wide-ranging exotic-pet ban.

“people taking the law into their own hands.”

Baboon shot near Cape Town in apparent revenge killing.

“There's always something new”

Cody the chimp opens California Poppy Festival.

“I'm not advocating that we become chimpanzees”

Arizona psychologist touts monkey-based parenting.

“born in the zoo's chimpanzee forest”

Jambo, a new baby chimp, joins growing troop at Maryland Zoo.

Anybody want a menagerie?

North Carolina's Triangle Metro Zoo to close immediately.

“the first full-scale evacuation of a U.S. zoo that was ever recorded”

Animal Planet to debut 13-part Alabama Gulf Coast Zoo series “The Little Zoo That Could”.

“nine protestors stood in a line behind her”

Stanford AR group restricts itself to rhyming slogans and complicated explanations of why animal research leads to bad medicine.

“It's like you're a parent”

Oregon Zoo's senior primate keeper loves the chimps.

Goodbye, Lowell

21-year-old male Bornean orangutan dies unexpectedly at Rochester, NY's Seneca Park Zoo. Necropsy results pending.

Update: Preliminary results point to heart attack.

“attacks on humans were usually not the fault of the baboon”

Baboon's attack on a man and another's partial evisceration of a boy raise concerns in Cape Town.

“monkeys, foxes, pigs, sheep, goats, turkeys, chickens, peacocks, parrots, lizards, emus, rheas, alligators, llamas and an armadillo”

Fire at backyard petting zoo barn in Temperance, MI kills about 100 animals.

“the effect of drinking monkey milk”

Man orphaned by Ugandan war, raised by monkeys. I'm skeptical.

“all the animals escaped unscathed”

Bushfire ravages Ghana's Buabeng-Fiema Monkey sanctuary. I blame Karl Rove!

“he now acts like a normal capuchin monkey”

Life improves for monkeys remanded to Gainesville FL's Jungle Friends Primate Sanctuary.

Your Tax Dollars at Work

Jane Goodall Institute received US$ 1.2 million from the American government to boost conservation projects in western Tanzania

“Changuita Perla”

University of Texas Department of Theatre and Dance intends to dance about a monkey.

second in depravity only to the common clam

Manitoba's Assiniboine Park Zoo to observe Valentine’s Day with adults-only evening lecture (and Powerpoint presentation!) on animal (and plant) sex behavior. Dessert will be served.

Show folk!

California zoologist and animal trainer gets permission to house seven show business orangutans at his home.

“when human and chimpanzee species diverged”

Like most of humanity's ailments, genital warts blamed on coming down out of the trees.

“shares about 92 percent to 95 percent of its sequence with humans”

Rhesus macaque genome sequenced.

“They came in ... and confessed to robbing and murdering this guy”

Confessions in death of Alan Shalleck, Curious George collaborator.

“egregious abuses of medical research”

Thumb's-up to human/animal hybrids, says Massachusetts.

“knees that wobbled inward when walking”

Our early hominid ancestors walked funny, say anthropologists.

“I could see blood all over the place”

Alan Shalleck, "Curious George" collaborator, found dead under mysterious circumstances.

“even monkeys lived slightly better than the 23 cats”

Florida animal-hoarder retains dogs, birds, and monkeys as cats seized.

“a car carrying 61 long-tail monkeys”

Vietnamese monkey-smugglers nabbed.

“different types of bears, monkeys, snakes, lizards, frogs and squirrels”

Norwegians chided for smuggling animals into the country. (That and the cartoon thing).

“I do not have an answer as to how the animals were treated”

Excitable AR group the Chimpanzee Collaboratory depicts Careeerbuilder.com chimps sharing ice-floes with Eliza.

The monkey knows how you'll react

A quick look at Aimee Mann.

“They cannot be trusted around children”

Captive Primate Safety Act (HR 1329 and S. 1509) seeks to put federal roadblocks in the way of private owners. The bill thanks to Eddie Bernice Johnson and former Singing Senator Jim Jeffords.

“highly infectious in chimpanzees”

Mark my words: building a better hepatitis C virus is no way to have a path beaten to your door.

“Madagascar's ambassadors to the world”

Updated edition of lemur-spotter's guide “Lemurs of Madagascar” published.

“The next step up from the Goose was the Mallard”

Grumman Goose, as seen on TV's Sea Hunt  and Tales of the Gold Monkey,  to go into service with St. John Air Taxi.

“to grip globalisation like greasy palms on a slippery fish”

Orangutans join the list of things not saved by Kyoto Protocol.

“monkeys were being caught for meat”

Illegal monkey-hunting in Bangalore, India!

“a walk-through monkey forest at the London Zoo in Regent’s Park”

Things to do in London.

“experience what it means to be a chimp”

Omaha Children's Museum to feature the work of Jane Goodall.

“his intestines were spilling out”

Boy mauled by baboon at Cape Town camp site.

“while we have fun ruining your lives”

When sweet reason won't serve.

“A couple of monkeys get shot”

Indian MP Maneka Gandhi tries to get film censorship board to enforce animal cruelty rules.

“He was infested with jiggers”

The background of some of the animals at Uganda's Wildlife Education Centre (formerly Entebbe Zoo.)

“apes, tigers and camels”

Things to see when in Socastee, SC.

“the menace had been increasing by the day”

Battle in court over Delhi's monkey menace continues, as do the menacing monkeys.

“she spat right back”

Honolulu Zoo's Rusti the orangutan now on display in his large new privately funded display with his new companion, Violet.

“a joint operation of the police and youths”

Fierce-looking baboon killed in Sierra Leone.

“would bring exotic species like tapirs, lemurs and gibbons to Norfolk”

Weather Channel founder donates $7 million to Virginia Zoo.

The announcement comes a little more than a month after a tunnel collapse at the zoo's prairie dog exhibit threatened several animals.

“My guests have been hooted at”

One correspondant finds Delhi's monkey menace a matter more of indelicacy than of imminent peril.

“zookeepers suspect the animal is female”

Bornean orangutan born at Arizona's Phoenix Zoo.

“her overall record is six and one”

Inji, orangutan at Oregon Zoo, said to favor Seahawks in Super Bowl XL.

“A limited number of Jane Goodall Special Edition DVDs are available”

Jane Goodall fans can purchase a DVD featuring her “inspiring keynote address from the 2005 ESRI International User Conference” They may have to, if my guess is right.

“trying to feed one of the animals”

Zookeeper Ohio's Columbus Zoo loses fingertip to bonobo.

“I help to de-traumatise the baboon and then send it to boarding school”

Baboon fetus in Zaire born after mother shot and killed said to be thriving at Care Baboon Sanctuary.

“Chimpanzees are suffering horribly for our entertainment”

Careerbuilder to run new series of chimpanzee-starring ads.

There's just no pleasing some people!

Timothy Garton Ash in The Guardian:

So who are the cheese-eating surrender monkeys now? President Jacques Chirac of France says rogue states fit the French doctrine for a response using its nuclear arsenal. Meanwhile, the Bush administration goes softly-softly on an Iranian revolutionary regime that is setting out to go nuclear. So now it seems that it's the French who are from Mars and the Americans who are from Venus. What a difference four years make. Four years and a bloody nose in Iraq.

Gloat now, see who's from Mars later.

“correlations between how baboons and humans live”

In a trendy new simulation of education, Stanford University offers lectures, speeches, debates, &c via iTunes. Gratis.

“the risks to human health were also rising”

New strain of anthrax found in gorillas and chimpanzees in Cameroon where it does absolutely no good at all.

“chimpanzees can't perform at a boat show”

Rosaire-Zoppe Chimps threatened with time or fine in monkey pox foofaraw

“a bizarre long-whiskered rodent”

Things to see in Malaysia while hunting for Bigfoot.

“George Bush not give any bananas”

Monkey Critic refutes Bush-bashing cant: President not monkey-like.

“illegal to kill, capture or keep chimpanzees as pets”

In Sierra Leone, there are no pet chimpanzees, legally.

“made from the fur of a colobus monkey”

No charges will be brought in UK monkey fur coat investigation.