“I love walking in Lemur Wood”

UK girl and family raise money for lemurs and other animals.

“about 200km west of Kolkata”

Monkeys in India borrow a page from the dolphins, rescue a drowning human.

“the mechanism that causes those delayed expressions of change”

If slow & steady random mutation isn't emotionally satisfying, perhaps Jeffrey H. Schwartz's Sudden Origins  is more your cup of tea.

“a lack of transparency and accountability”

States talk big on stem-cell research but, so far, few put money where mouth is.

“they seek support from their friends”

Baboons experience stress when a close associate dies, but they don't dwell on it, say University of Pennsylvania scientists.

“the "ku-ku-ru" of a bird or the shriek of a monkey”

On safari in Kenya with the Christian Science Monitor.

“It was like taking my son away from me”

Pennsylvania state wildlife officers seize pet monkeys in jurisdictional dispute.

“mysterious bite marks and footprints”

Mysterious search for mysterious Malaysian bigfoot mysteriously postponed

“A 45-year-old gorilla named Beta has had two hip replacements”

Our aging zoo population.

“He awoke to a fecund animal smell”

Big Thicket National Preserve in Texas infested with hopeful seekers of Bigfoot.

(And I think the word they wanted there was “fetid”, not “fecund”.)

Take that, Henry Lee!

Lee Berger, who determined that a child's death 2 million years ago was due to eagle attack.

Who's been sleeping in my bed?

Baboon helps himself in South Africa.

“usually depicts the president as a chimpanzee”

Editorial cartoonists, both America-hating foreigners and self-loathing domestics, contest for the most predictable Bush-bashing doodle.

“two Purple Heart medals and a Bronze Star”

John Kerry's high-flying medals found?

And put them where?

Municipal Corporation of Delhi responds to court order that Tis Hazari courts complex be cleared of menacing monkeys.

“the mummified baboon it had been displaying since the 1920s was a fake”

Mummies, ancient, modern, and fake. Mummies, human and animal. Mummies, egyptian and sideshow. All this and fresh-baked bread!

“a Roman word meaning spirits of the dead”

Lemurs and other animals with the tapetum lucidum.

Yike!

Geneticists reportedly want taxonomists to move the chimpanzee out of genus Pan and into Homo!

“Ardrey was hateful afterwards; she even smacked me in the head”

Duke Primate Center researchers credited with prompting an aye aye  to breed.

They're Canadian

Silver Beaver, trophy in Emily’s Monkey Collective’s First Line competition (for very short nonfiction) goes missing.

“A third monkey is being studied now”

At Monkey Day News, one monkey euthanized at University of Connecticut Health Center as part of experimental protocol, another just ups and dies, all as protestor chains himself to things and leads a dozen like-minded attention-seekers.

“entered into his house to eat a stored corn”

Nepalese man attacked, severely injured by house-invading monkey.

“the most popular elective at the dentistry school”

University of Louisville dentistry students come to Kentucky's Louisville Zoo.

“powerful, impartial police do more than end violence”

In this case, I think ‘indeed’ would be most appropriate.

“without local tax support”

Gorilla birth imminent (or nearly so) at Colorado's Cheyenne Mountain Zoo.

“Games That Make You Feel Like Janeane Garofalo”

Make up your own punchline.

Call him Igor

Pittsburgh's Dr. Gerald Schatten, former collaborator of South Korean mad scientist Dr. Hwang Woo-suk, still a stem cell booster.

“It's self-indulgent at times”

Memoir of Doug Peacock, model for The Monkey Wrench Gang's George Washington Hayduke, lauded as ‘the tale of a survivor’.

“circles roughly 0.75 miles in diameter”

Great Ape Trust of Iowa inmates to be protected by sex offender residency restriction. Your house, not so much.

“Monkey like TV”

New to the list on the right, Monkey Critic, reviewing TV, movies, and Taco Bell.

“took out a handgun and shot the baboon again”

Full force of the law to be brought to bear against South African baboon killer.

“a cunning lock for wheelie bins”

Litterbug baboons stymied by new lock design for garbage cans.

“tinawag pa nga nila akong luko-luko”

Bongulan: Tokyo's favorite banana, says here.

“enough to drive an ape to darts”

Never mind “I remember when all websites were ‘currently under construction’”, I remember when the Onion was funny.

“analysing DNA in orang-utan faeces”

Scientists drawn to orangutan feces proclaim orangutans in terrible decline. Coprophiliac scientists not at their apex either. There's  some grim google-bait, I suppose.

“they love to manipulate objects ”

MSM puff piece on Helping Hands™ helper monkeys. I question the timing!

“a safer vaccine against smallpox”

Better living thru apes.

Update: If apes they be!

“how monkeys open bananas”

Thanks to a note from Sissy Willis, boingboing introduces an improved way to get at a banana. (And here.)

“an expert at sleeping in zoos”

New executive director at Ohio's Toledo Zoo to begin full time April 1.

“a waste of perfectly good peanut butter”

Fruitlessly ignoring the Do Not Feed the Monkeys  signs in Argentina.

“It's Pink Face”

Scientist seeks silky sifaka, then follows them around and gives them overcute names.

“in the border area of Chikmagalur taluk”

Monkey fever spreads, and not in a good way.

“all the signs point to success”

Scientists relocate 30 Mexican howler monkeys.

Our Wacky World

While Russian zoos feed their monkeys wine in the cold, they're icing them down in Australia's sweltering heat wave.

“Frozentozen season at the Toledo Zoo”

Orangutan enrichment every Saturday at 3:30 at Ohio's Toledo Zoo. Don't miss it: the orangutans can't.

“We want to make sure the legislation doesn't include loopholes for abuse”

Bill introduced in Georgia to permit the severely disabled to keep helper monkeys.

“He has met all the conditions necessary for the permits”

Indiana Department of Natural Resources to permit hoarder to keep a third tiger. (And here, looking back to October).

“can spread life-threatening disease and inflict serious injury”

Representative Eddie Bernice Johnson (D - TX), sponsor of H.R. 1329, friend to dangerous apes and monkeys.

“the shiny new coins will be pocketed by everyone”

Bigfoot purged from Washington 2007 state quarter final designs. (If they don't like the winner, the Mint'll modify it for technical reasons, anyway.)

“the calls of macaws and the screeches of lemurs”

On safari, in exotic Santa Rosa, CA. Don't forget your shots!

“I got spots”

August news-source The Times seals its awful fate by dismissing that prince of foods...the muffin.

"magical sea monkeys"

Utah the place to go for brine shrimp. If you're in need of brine shimp.

“healthy, spirited debates”

Gorilla imposter, General Manager, Theo Epstein to sneak back into Fenway Park.

“a function of local civic bodies”

India's Supreme Court stays federal funding for monkey sterilisation center.

“the fur orginates from black and white colobus monkeys”

Seized Big Brother “gorilla coat” in fact a monkey coat!

“It’s not a lemur,” I countered. “It’s a tapir.”

City kids.

“the baboons were a nuisance at first”

Ill-advised attempt to chase off baboons leads to, well, read for yourself:

I tried shooting a couple of them after that, but they kept coming back.

There you have it: zombie baboons, hungering for brains.

“has also become friendly with a troop of baboons in the area”

I wonder where this dog learned his healthy distrust of humans.

“grabbed the T-shirt of a young boy”

South African baboon bides his time after almost giving the game away.

“monkeys would be given wine three times day”

Russian zoos to take extreme measures as cold wave continues.

Update: Circus elephants, too, alas.

“just like any other baby”

Fostering an orphaned squirrel monkey not for the faint of heart.

Infinite Monkeys has the same story.

“The coat will now be tested to determine its origin”

UK police seize “gorilla coat” from reality show “Big Brother” star Pete Burns, mollifying PETA.

“a science documentary that was a musical wasn't my idea”

First as farce, then as pedagogy.

“the condition of six was said to be critica”

Via Monkeys in the News, nearly 30 people are suspected to be suffering from ‘monkey fever’ in Sullia, India.

“procreating enough rabbits, mice, and chicks for nourishing flesh-eaters”

Should you find yourself in Yemen, you can take in the Sana’a Zoo.

Turtles, all the way down

Utah ID'ers feeling their oats.

“a grip three times the strength of the strongest man on earth”

Fun facts: Given it's druthers (and who'd gainsay it it's druthers?) the Philippine Eagle (formerly the Monkey-eating Eagle) Pithecophaga jefferyi will eat flying lemurs, squirrels, snakes, civets, hornbills, rodents, and bats before it goes after any musty-tasting monkey.

“altered the basic understanding of apes and humans”

While standing in Paris around waiting for her Legion of Honor, Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall picks up a UNESCO medal for lifetime achievement.

“a two-month-old infant”

Fatal attack by monkey in Orissa, India.

Update: Maybe three months. Also:

Someone from the crowd then threw some banana hoping that the monkey would leave the baby. As the monkey tried to pick up the banana, the baby slipped from its lap and fell down sustaining serious injures.

“the monkeys attacked lawyers, their clients and court staff”

Municipal Corporation of Delhi unresponsive to monkey menace in courts, judges get strict.

“cash in on the craze just as Scotland does with its Loch Ness monster”

Malaysia's Johor National Parks Corporation banking on big influx of bigfoot seekers. Bigfoot Field Research Organization, from the US, counsels patience.

“a convicted felon and an expensive advertising campaign”

G. Gordon Liddy comes out for PETA.

“several apes developed serious sunburn”

Extra rations of sunscreen for chimpanzees at New Zealand's Wellington Zoo.

“the woman sustained minor injuries”

Overeducated research chimpanzee at Ohio State University bites student.

“smugglers use monkeys as camouflage”

Indonesian animal smugglers devilish clever, says ProFauna.

“helping to keep the peace between people and baboons”

Re-funded, South Africa's Baboon Management Teams return to the field.

“two soldiers died and five villagers injured”

Gorilla trekkers at Uganda's Bwindi Impenetrable National Park panicked as soldier runs amok.

“bonobos offer genital handshakes”

Maybe just wave when introduced to a bonobo.

“Sock monkey dolls make everyone smile”

Commercial success blossoms for Wisconsin woman who sells sock monkeys and sock-monkey-related items.

“We're kind of limited by what the bonobos will let us do,”

Scientists study bonobos at Milwaukee County Zoo for signs or heart disease, “one of the leading causes of death among captive bonobos”.

“a private ceremony with French Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin”

France to award Officier de l'Ordre de la Légion d'Honneur to Queen of the Chimps.

Death from above!

Our australopethicine ancestors were preyed on by big eagles. The National Aviary doesn't seem like such a good idea now, does it?

“like a really badly written Greek tragedy”

Embryonic stem cell boosters concerned that fraudulent actions of South Korean would-be mad scientist will show up all of them.

“the monkey did not glow”

Jan. 12, 2001: rhesus monkey genetically engineered with gene that causes jellyfish to glow. Monkey does not glow. Back to the old drawing board.

“a translucent, non-perforated housewrap”

Gorilla Wrap, suitable for wrapping houses and, presumably, gorillas.

"gangster monkeys"

Via Monkeys In The News, Cambodia terrorized by glue-sniffing monkey punks!

“The zoo's tigers, baboons and chimpanzees were the same”

Wellington zookeeper survives misadventure with a two lions.

Hey! You can't bring that monkey in here!

a rigid orthodoxy

“In November, a 26-year-old male chimpanzee died after having a tooth pulled”

No immediate plans to replace tiger that died suddenly at Michigan's John Ball Zoo. Necropsy planned.

“his every need is catered for,”

South Africa's Billy the chimpanzee, TV commercial star, cared for by Animal Anti-Cruelty League.

“climb in the ape hierarchy of their corner pub”

Gloomy Finns become violent in hunt for Xanax.

“renowned for building a baby monkey robot”

Head of the UK's Royal College of Art surprised to learn that the children asked to sketch a scientist usually draw a mad one. Mad? You call me mad? Mu-wa-ha-ha!

$11,000

Mystery bidder pays $11,000 for former Red Sox General Manager Theo Epstein's gorilla suit. Money to go to charity.

synchronicity

Scopes ‘monkey trial’ viewed as a reassuring festival of smug or a juvie romance.

“inability to do anything in the matter”

Villagers in India evacuate monkey-menaced homes as government does not help.

“the perfect Christmas gift”

Man pleased by gift of robotic monkey head. Some people are easily amused.

“for medicinal purposes”

Australian Quarantine and Inspection Service nabs monkey scrotum shipment.

What have they been feeding them?

Giraffe dies suddenly of apparent digestive problem at Little Rock Zoo, where “A Damara zebra, a kudu, a spider monkey, a maned wolf and the zoo’s entire anteater population died last year.”

“home to lemurs”

A million hectares under protection in Madagascar. What's a hectare?

Can't make an omelette, period

PETA awards Vegan World Fusion Cuisine cookbook (with forward by chimpanzee queen Jane Goodall).

“we’re going to auction it off”

Fleet-footed former Red Sox GM Theo Epstein reveals plans for gorilla suit.

“Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey”

Barry Cowsill body identified, dead “in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina”.

“our facility has the same standards as everybody else”

Via Monkey Day News, Zoo Nebraska's gone off chimpanzees after September's abortive breakout.

“It definitely looks like someone knew what they were doing”

Rings stolen from playground monkey bars in Longview, WA. Police hope to nip it in the bud, alert recycling companies to be on the lookout.

It's Your Choice!

September 19: Hong Kong monkey god festival or Talk Like A Pirate Day. Choose wisely.

“Monkey Trails is one killer example of a much overdue expansion”

San Diego Zoo wants your money.

“There's the XXX-rated Monkey's Paw, the world's most powerful lucky charm”

Australia's Herald Sun mocks American purchases of assorted crap, ignores our resistance to the dubious charms of vegemite.

I predict Infernal cooling

Indonesian “Forestry Minister Predicts End To Illegal Logging”.

Unfathomable UKoGBaNI awards

OBE for orangutan lady overshadowed by MBE for first first responder.

“Speakers were instructed not to speak toward visitors”

Indiana exotic animal hoarder finds nearby (but not neighboring!) supporters.

19 Bengal tigers, five white tigers, three spotted leopards, three black leopards, four black bears, a mountain lion and a ringtail lemur

That's quite a haul!

“cooperative during questioning”

Trial opens for gorilla-masked prankster.

Update: acquitted.

“1.78%”

The human Y chromosome, it seems, is less like the chimpanzee Y chromosome than previously thought.

“The largest group of bonobos in captivity”

Things to do at WI's Milwaukee County Zoo in the Winter.

“It seemed a solemn occasion”

Orangutans wed in East Java safari park.

“South Africa‘s noseless do-gooder”

Remember: red in tooth and claw.

No Bigfoot victims listed

“Cryptozoologists Who Died in 2005”