“The Gorilla is very selective”

Campbell, CA plagued by gorilla-impersonating burglar.

Outsourcing nightmare!

Duke University neuroscientists teaching monkeys to count!

“reducing the number of plasmids”

US & Japanese scientists devise faster production of bird flu vaccine.

Not a post

Well, I see working a gag around “Libby, Libby, Libby on the label, label, label” is not a fresh idea, so the heck with that!

“Conan's afraid of wide open spaces”

Associated Press loves Chimp Haven:

They are at the home courtesy of Congress, which in 200(sic) passed the Chimp Act, providing up to $30 million to care for animals that were used as test animals in federal labs.

Which was damned big of them, eh?

“isn't some Halloween prankster wearing a gorilla suit”

Bib overalls still popular with old coots claiming bigfoot sightings.

“my feet are so cold and burning”

Utah's Hogle Zoo hosts "Boo at the Zoo".

“bananas, boiled sweet potatoes and other solid food”

Keeper at Japan's Utsunomiya Zoo fosters blind squirrel monkey.

“biopiracy”

Medical research in the Amazon stymied by Brazilian government.

“I am appalled”

Animal welfare whiners distressed by Edible Ltd's product line.

CT's faux Republicans test the wind

Gov. M. Jodi Rell said the governor had never met Libby or ridden a scooter.

“blood can be a highly nutritious drink”

More news from gmail: Australian scientist discovers spider that feeds on recently-engorged mosquitoes.

“the first biologist to study seahorses under water ”

Chevron Conservation Awards to environmentalists. Neither gills nor failed policies need be a barrier to award it seems:

Liza Gadsby and Peter Jenkins. The duo founded the Pandrillus organization in 1988 to protect the endangered drill monkey and other primates from extinction. As few as 3,000 drills remain worldwide.

“DISORDERLY CONDUCT CHARGES”

Pennsylvania gorilla-boy to face trial and all-caps.

OK everybody, get in a pile!

Stupid hippies celebrate the randy bonobo at the Bonobo Peace Forest.

“delay is unacceptable”

Cameroon demands South Africa pay reverse ransom for holding “Taipeng Four” gorillas.

“being paid to feed the animals”

Out-of-court settlement in Arkansas bitey chimp case.

Damned if you do...

Twisted weasel Richard Nixon criticized for not saving the world from Ugandan dictator Idi Amin.

“we will face opposition from wildlife activists”

India's elections may hinge on reaction to growing monkey menace.

“It's not all feeding them bananas”

Missouri chimpanzee to guest on TV's ER.

“A cow represents capital investment here”

Africa's cows threaten elephants, paleoanthropology, says Richard Leakey.

“a rate of 50km a year,”

Ebola getting closer to you, say scientists at Max Planck Institute.

“wondered who would want to buy that”

Sharper Image to vend lifelike robotic chimpanzee head.

“these conservationists can then come and take the bodies away”

South African man says “baboons are a pest”.

Could do worse

Julius Caesar You scored 59 Wisdom, 65 Tactics, 58 Guts, and 49 Ruthlessness!

Roman military and political leader. He was instrumental in the transformation of the Roman Republic into the Roman Empire. His conquest of Gallia Comata extended the Roman world all the way to the Atlantic Ocean, introducing Roman influence into what has become modern France, an accomplishment of which direct consequences are visible to this day. In 55 BC Caesar launched the first Roman invasion of Britain. Caesar fought and won a civil war which left him undisputed master of the Roman world, and began extensive reforms of Roman society and government. He was proclaimed dictator for life, and heavily centralized the already faltering government of the weak Republic. Caesar's friend Marcus Brutus conspired with others to assassinate Caesar in hopes of saving the Republic. The dramatic assassination on the Ides of March was the catalyst for a second set of civil wars, which marked the end of the Roman Republic and the beginning of the Roman Empire under Caesar's grand-nephew and adopted son Octavian, later known as Caesar Augustus. Caesar's military campaigns are known in detail from his own written Commentaries (Commentarii), and many details of his life are recorded by later historians such as Suetonius, Plutarch, and Cassius Dio.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 18% on Unorthodox You scored higher than 26% on Tactics You scored higher than 68% on Guts You scored higher than 33% on Ruthlessness

Link: The Which Historic General Are You Test written by dasnyds on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

“surely it would be kinder to just kill them”

Chimpanzee in Cameroon fostered by Scot.

“MobilePet Monkey”

Those with a cell and too much time on their hands may enjoy paying for a virtual monkey.

“man needs vast quantities of palm oil to fry his greasy foods”

You feel guilty about everything or you're part of the problem.

Lese Majeste!

October 25. 1920: King Alexander of Greece dies after bite from pet monkey.

“Marmosets waited almost twice as long as tamarins”

Harvard scientists study different sorts of monkeys to learn details of immediate vs. delayed gratification. Don't snicker, you paid for it.

“Ghouls at Grassmere”

Tennessee's Nashville Zoo goes all Halloween. Boo.

“please don’t worry this baby orangutan might fall from the rope”

Modern zoo-keeping a hit with Japanese crowds.

“From mealworms and yabbies to maggots and mangoes”

Given a choice of nummies, your orangutan'll choose rhubarb.

“16 species have disappeared in the 2,000 or so years since man arrived here”

At this rate, we'll soon run out of lemurs, say career conservationists

“The next coconut you eat might have been picked by a monkey!”

Monkeys find work in Thailand.

“free and open to the public”

Louisiana's Chimp Haven to open next weekend.

“made partly of elephant dung”

13 pictures of monkeys at center of £700,000 Tate Gallery scandal.

“a very mysterious skin condition”

“I am not a chimpanzee,” insists Nobel-winner Harold Pinter, unconvincingly.

First they must agree on the shape of the table

"Taiping Four" gorillas still mired in diplomacy.

“The whole lot were put on antibiotics”

More chimpanzees sick with flu at New Zealand's Wellington Zoo.

Goodbye, Bahati

Four-year-old chimpanzee at New Zealand's Wellington Zoo euthanized after severe brain damage because of cardiac arrest in case of flu, pneumonia, despite best efforts of intensive care staff from Wellington Hospital.

“a viral infection”

Allie, Denver Zoo's ill orangutan, to get rehab at Iowa's Great Ape Trust.

“dumber than a tamarin or a marmoset”

Even stupid leftists agree: stoners are dumb as rocks.

PETA or PETA symps, I betcha!

USDA finds California's Sequoia Park Zoo not to blame in recent escape of Bill the chimpanzee after person or persons unknown vandalized his enclosure.

“an unlicensed exhibitor whose monkey bit two preschoolers”

Dodgy zoos prosper more in the Eastern United States than in the rest of the country, say Agriculture Department investigators.

“This is like fighting a 1,000-pound gorilla”

Philadelphia councilman under federal investigation essays suicide attempt.

No Way Out

Uganda's Bwindi Impenetrable National Park gets Wi-Fi "telecentre."

“Two activists chained themselves to the plywood”

“rainforest rimber”? Ruh-roh!

“Nearly two decades after portraying Dian Fossey”

Animal Planet's Gorillas Revisited With Sigourney Weaver garners not a word from the apes.

“chimpanzees who have served humankind in medical research”

Chimp Haven, chimpanzee retirement community in Louisiana, opens.

“improving the quality of life for chimps in captivity ”

Salina, KS due for a visit from Jane Goodall.

“borrowed by a Japanese researcher 10 years ago”

Monkey fossils returned to Bolivia with ceremony.

“It was awful”

Birthday gorilla-gram for Robert Downey.

“friendly, dignified and not troublesome”

Whiskey-sipping monkey in India a local attraction.

Planet of the Apes, here we come!

Tool-using baby gorilla studied in the Congo.

Update: Cats comment.

“and hunted the packs of pygmy elephants”

Hook, line, and shrinker.

“agreed to stop trying to infiltrate”

“PETA research and investigation director Mary Beth Sweetland calls it "a complete victory."” Cause they intend to be back in there next week?

“vice president of the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund International”

Gorilla researcher inspired by King Kong, hoping for a ride on Peter Jackson's coattails.

“the chimps beat and often kill their neighbors”

Chimpanzees: watching the borders.

“after the Maoists looted the guns, the farmers have nothing to deal with them”

Disarmed Nepalese farmers terrorized by monkey menace

“enormous troops of monkeys”

Expect the illnesses to be minor on your Peru vacation.

“a delicacy in some Asian countries”

Don't try to smuggle monkey intestines into New Zealand. They have rules about that sort of thing.

“the monkeys will often wake you up in the morning, especially the howlers”

Things to look forward to on your Costa Rica vacation.

“flummoxed by the simian intruder”

Monkey menaces Mumbai apartment complex. Police officials agree: not a criminal situation, go call a forest ranger.

“it changes your whole perception of reality”

Bigfoot believers convene in Texas.

“I think they miss the people”

Still cleaning up in New Orleans at Audubon Zoo.

“the governor did not appear to be pleased with the accord”

Sore losers get Argentine government to cancel results of auction of part of former Pizarro nature reserve

“The Gorilla Pumpkin Hunt”

At the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden animals and pumpkins: box-office gold.

Biretia fayumensis, Biretia megalopsis

Anthropoid origin pendulum said to swing back to Africa as fossils of two 37-million-year-old parapithecoid species discovered in Egyptian desert.

“to take home four of their gorillas”

Saga of Taiping 4 drags on.

Haven't these people suffered enough?

Jane Goodall jets to Brownsville, TX.

“Am I over-reacting? I don’t know, I would like to think not. ”

Outrage! Monkeys not treated like dogs in Mauritius!!

“did not prevent the alleged entry of vandals onto zoo grounds”

PETA loons blame California's Sequoia Park Zoo for vandalism of Bill the Chimpanzee's enclosure. I know who I'm blaming!

“Traveling more than 300 days a year”

Jane Goodall's globetrotting knows no bounds. Today, Oakland.

“dressed up as gorillas”

Greenpeace interferes with lumber trade in Italy. A ship was boarded, activists chained themselves to things, a spokesman spoke, the lumber got where it was going.

“to revive the interest and knowledge about Albert Schweitzer ”

Jane Goodall's coming to Quinnipiac.

“in collaboration with the Harvard Peabody Museum and the Max Plank Institute”

Woods Hole Research Center goes ape to stave off extinction.

“Hey, mom. I saw a penguin”

Jack Hanna favors zoos.

“one of the best he's seen”

World Society for the Protection of Animals reviews zoos in Canada's Alberta province. Big thumbs up for Calgary Zoo.

“they have to be put into quarantine”

UK's Cefn-yr-Erw Primate Sanctuary seeks money to pay for a place to put baboons. And a green monkey.

“even an orangutan”

Philippine Animal Welfare Society demeans animals with Manila fashion show.

“Our resident chimpanzee population has grown from three to 48”

That's not conserving, that's hoarding!

“63 clues had been received”

Chinese government seeks long-lost Peking Man fragments.

“Some people can help with money, others can help by informing young people”

Jane Goodall has plans for your money and her mouth.

“panic gripped the entire area”

Part of India little affected by the recent earthquake still found it unsettling. By way of example:

The pet monkey of Ompal Samyal flattened his arms and legs and caught hold of the ground

“almost 3 million people have touched Mr. H”

Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall packs Chico, CA's 1200-seat Laxson Auditorium.

“They often push knives into my tires”

Congolese bushmeat sellers unhappy being called cannibals by hectoring French bonobo fancier.

Goodbye, Anuhea

Juvenile chimpanzee dead of pneumonia at Hawaii's Honolulu Zoo.

“you can help by not purchasing a certain type of wood”

Baby orangutan Baji a big hit at Ohio's Toledo Zoo.

“there was a short circuit”

Monkey rescued after becoming entangled in the wires of a transformer in India's National Institute for Training in Industrial Engineering.

“The person who let him out probably thought he was freeing him”

59-year-old Bill the chimpanzee coaxed from area home after escape from vandalized enclosure at California's Sequoia Park Zoo.

“Mylo is living at the Scranton zoo”

Pennsylvania monkeynaps woman's rhesus.

Bring opera glasses!

Oregon Zoo adds second pygmy marmoset, “the world's smallest monkey”.

More news from GMail

If the bird flu don't get ya the creeping crud from space will!

“semi-wild orang-utans roaming the protected Semenggoh forest”

Given a choice of foods, orangutans will choose durian, among others.

“somatic chimeras of cells derived from two products of conception”

Marmoset facts, on Gene Expression.

“studies with monkeys”

Researchers at Missouri's Washington University School of Medicine say middle ear a vital part of depth perception.

Top News from GMail

Bush Derangement Syndrome, thy name is Crock.

“at least five fatal cases of monkey bites in India every day”

India's Primate Research Centre emphasises that monkey menace must be addressed effectively.

I say, "Don't relay Chinese propaganda!"

&ldquo'The China Daily is reporting”... Which is why I chose to wait for someone else to touch it.

“colony's first baby in 15 years”

Macaque born at Delhi, India's State University College of Technology. Damned handy if India ever runs short of monkeys!

“more likely to survive and pass on their genes”

Scientists say human ancestors used tubers to survive. I know mine did!

“nature has its little way of dealing with that”

Mojo, Belfast Zoo monkey runaway, sent to South Africa's Induna Primate and Parrot Park.

“the importance of reporting suspicious activities with wildlife to the authorities”

Malaysia unable to protect its wildlife.

“said to have furthered general knowledge of evolution”

Jane Goodall performances much in the news of late.

“some chimps actually tiptoe over rocks”

Jane Goodall Institute says chimpanzees stay quiet when scared after experimentally frightening chimpanzees.

“We're doing it just in case”

Mothering lessons for Bess, pregnant orangutan at Arizona's Phoenix Zoo.

“on loan from two different owners”

Miami Metrozoo responds to Animal Rights Foundation of Florida accusations.

“By banning deforestation, burning of dry leaves and use of chemical fertilisers”

India's teachers set the agenda for another generation of hunger, poverty, and hopelessness.

“a major fundraiser for the President’s Circle”

Jane Goodall roadshow to visit University of Texas at Brownsville and Texas Southmost College.

“the longer it goes, it's probably a good thing”

USDA still mulls chimpanzee shootings, Zoo Nebraska still awaits results.

“Catching them all is the hardest part”

They're bringing the animals into heated Winter barns at the Dakota Zoo.

“a parody of themselves”

Consistently kowtowing to leftists harmful to environmentalists? Ya think?

I adopted a penguin and all I got was this stupid card

Found via Tim Blair, it seems that Australia's Penguin Foundation wants you to adopt a penguin, but you don't get to keep it or anything.

“Electron powder and vitamins”

Despite ever-increasing threat of “monkey menace,” Indian zoo obtains additional chimpanzees from Singapore.

“Some consider the pine-resin accent an acquired taste”

Greek wine is reviewed. Retsina is dismissed with a shudder, which'll happen.

“they want food from us, not sexual favours”

India's The Hindu calls for monkey menace to be addressed with “a realistic plan that is also humane.”

“I like to think outside the box”

Alabama Gulf Coast Zoo to be the subject of 13-episode Animal Planet series.

“women have wings that are the same size as men's”

Brazil's Minister of the Environment hobnobs with Jane Goodall as both are feted at Jackson Hole Wildlife Film Festival.

“She was really cute about it”

Jane Goodall brings Roots & Shoots indoctrination tour to Alhambra, CA.

“prosimians, a division of primates”

New director of Duke University Primate Center to spend money on lemurs, the forgotten primate.

But the lemur's gotta go

Indiana Department of Natural Resources allows man with just a touch of animal hoarding to keep a mountain lion and two white tigers (who will eventually kill and partially consume him, but that'll be a story for another day.)