Gloom & Doom, with full-color plates

United Nations publishes World Atlas of Great Apes and their Conservation. Makes a great gift.

"small, worn and stained"

California Academy of Sciences anthropologist finds oldest first-ever chimpanzee fossil teeth: 500,000 years old.

DisasterWatch

Libertarian blogger tjic.com has all the latest on looting in the aftermath of Katrina.

Not monkey-related

You thought it'd be romantic, right?

"the monkey was damp and hungry when found"

Dillion, Ohio's blue-pants-clad monkey no longer missing.

"she noticed her number plate was gone"

Bridgetown, Barbados plagued by monkey destroying license plates.

All Singing! All Dancing! All Humming!

Monica! The Musical! to premiere Sept 21 at the New York Musical Theatre Festival.

That sounds about right

Researchers at UC Berkeley and Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory say various bits of your brain age differently. Lately my short-term memory part seems exceptionally old.

“named Chanee meaning 'Gibbon' in Thai”

Australia's Western Plains Zoo displays four-week-old siamang.

Update: More, with photo.

DisasterWatch

Many good Katrina links at Alpaca Burger Forum.

"an urgent appeal to the international community"

Primatologists worked hard to develop the Regional Action Plan for Conservation of Chimpanzees and Gorillas in Western Equatorial Africa. Now, who's got $30 million handy, hmmm?

"the search for a mate continues"

New digs for Honolulu Zoo's Rusti the orangutan nearing the brink of fruition. Girlfriend prospects not so hot.

That's all normal, then

Leftists in monkey masks call for impeachment of Philippines President Gloria Arroyo.

“I don’t know when it occurred”

Monkey sculpture vandalized in Loveland Colorado.

meta, meta, meta

Something's wrong at Haloscan, site loads OK once their stuff is commented out. Normalcy returns.

"We get quite a lot of monkeys"

UK's Exotic Pet Refuge, where buyer's remorse goes to live.

A sort of civet, actually, not a monkey.

Kopi Luwak is name-checked in this list that capitalizes on the "coffee is good for you" meme.

“I must admit that I cackled gleefully at some of these gibes”

The Cultured Chimpanzee: Reflections on Cultural Primatology is reviewed. Quite a read, it seems, though apparently the jokes are all academic in-jokes.

"but don’t approach him and don’t try to grab the monkey"

Capuchin monkey on the loose in Springdale, OH.

"the llamas love getting their legs hosed"

Things the zookeeper does.

Soul of brevity, he was

“It’s been said that Gibbon came along at just the right time when he wrote “The Decline and Fall…” There was just enough information, but not too much.”

fission-fusion frisson

For the past 15 years she's been pestering gorillas and, so long as the grants hold out, she'll pester them for the next 15.

"Something should be done about it"

Still beset with monkey menace, New Delhi's parliament now faces pigeon peril.

MonkeyWatch PSA

Disasterwatch:

NOLA.com rivercam

NOLA.com bridgecam

NOLA.com streetcarcam

NOLA.com beadcam

NOLA quartercam

WDSU causewaycam

"had previously robbed scientists at the gorilla research camp"

Poachers arrested at Central African Republic's Dzanga Bai preserve. Wildlife Conservation Society eager for credit.

"a professor of business management"

Then go, go squat in the mud and be superior to the rest of us.

The world isn't Takers and Leavers. It's Makers, Takers, and Fakers. The professor is no Maker.

"an escape route through a hole in the fence"

Baby chimpanzee lured back after escape from enclosure at San Antonio, TX's Primarily Primates.

"I say this as an animal rights sympathizer"

William Saletan holds nose, shuts eyes, and denies PETA loons show a racism problem. PETA loons point-counterpoint a demand for the birth of the new PETA man.

"Disgrace"

Pervert pictured on subway snapshot reminds writer of masher clobbered in 1939 by World's Fair "Gorilla Lady."

“Some of them have called him "monkey" or "negro."”

Fort Worth Star Telegram makes room for panegyric to Hugo Chávez.

"Lousy tree-huggers ruin everything"

Trunk Monkey goes national! PETA loons trumphalism premature!!

"the Crustastun, a state of the art electrical device for stunning before boiling"

UK's Sunday Herald suggests that hate mail, malicious phone calls, bomb hoaxes, arson attacks, and the odd brick through the windows, as well as grave-robbery, might compromise AR thugs claims to moral high ground.

(And, he's not making up Crustastun.)

Update: A bit further North, a little more nuance.

"the last fish and the last gorilla"

The sky is falling, falling I tells ya! Mind you don't step in the Malthus.

"thrown naked into cages with monkeys, who were trained to viciously abuse them"

There is nothing too crazy to find a home on Indymedia. Nothing.

MonkeyWatch PSA

Why there were so many kids on Metro-North Friday afternoon.

"Fibrosing Cardiomyopathy"

Akbar, 29-year-old silverback at Ohio's Toledo Zoo, diagnosed with severe progressive heart disease.

“Gorillas in captivity typically live to be 30 to 35 years old”

but still, nobody really wants to know when and how they're going. So, nobody tell Akbar. If he asks, it's the flu.

"born in October of last year"

Baby chimpanzee goes on public view at Hawaii's Honolulu Zoo.

“a mixture of baboon, monkey meat and other game”

Dire consequences foretold for Ugandans who persist in shopping at Kampala's bushmeat markets.

"Those creatures may look like elephants"

Self-proclaimed elephant expert decries zoo elephants. (Keep calling yourself “the Jane Goodall of elephants” and you'll be hearing from lawyers, I bet.)

"they're trying to give her milk instead of cigarettes"

'Cause giving her coffee just made it worse.

"also learnt how to talk like a gorilla"

Dian Fossey is eulogized.

"no noisy species like gibbons"

Shhhh! to be the word at quiet new zoo in UK's North Norfolk District. Wait'll they find out how much noise their visitors make.

"12 percent said the French were cowards"

Reuters accuses Americans of nuance.

"individual cells consistently got excited"

Researchers at Johns Hopkins University discover music appreciation center of the brain.

"to highlight the spread of man as a plague species"

London Zoo blames humans first.

"monkeys are natural biters"

Humane Society of the United States busybodies seek Illinois monkey ban.

Goodbye, Kesi

11-year-old female chimpanzee dies of cardiac arrest during veterinary procedure at North Carolina Zoo.

"tryouts will be held on Aug. 29"

Disney casting Tarzan, the musical. (It's much better than Cats! I'm going to see it again and again!)

"some of which are too graphic to print"

Photos of maltreated baboon in Saudi Arabia too graphic for Arab News. Beheaded hostages and Fallujah bridge, not so much.

“I do apes”

NPR guest doesn't answer caller's question “whether gorillas and chimpanzees have emotions”

(And I say: of course they do, all mammals do. Non-mammals, I have no opinion.)

"torn from the mother's womb during the crash"

Brazilian firemen rescue two infant monkeys after their mother is killed in traffic.

“people who think the Iraq war has something to do wth 9/11”

Clever commentary, or near as the modern left can come to it.

"a villain and a cunning monkey"

“Slipper of the Yard” snuffs it.

"bug-free and healthy with integrated pest management"

Why Johnny Can't Read: administrator's first concern is relocating the monkey pod trees.

"I would pat him and mumble little affectionate things"

Despite an early experience that should have taught him, man thinks it'd be nice to own a monkey. So long as he doesn't act on that thought, I guess his early experience did teach him just fine.

Ha! Let's see the clowns eat me now!

Scientists one step closer to eliminating need for sleep!

"Somewhere there were gorillas, the sign said so"

A kiddy birthday at the zoo is recounted. Gorillas were no-shows.

"these monkeys really liked to gamble"

Rhesus macaque monkeys not measurably smarter than average slot machine devotee, researchers say.

I'm ready for my closeup now, Mr. DeMille

Conservation superstars and eager yet unkempt self-promoters polishing their rhetoric for International Media and Environment Summit, Nov 30 – Dec 2 in Sarawak, Malaysia. (You'll want your shots, if you're going.)

"unfair suppression of an organisation’s point of view"

London Underground refuses inflammatory PETA advertising.

"funded by the National Institutes of Health"

Ground-breaking research by scientists at Yerkes National Primate Research Center of Emory University: monkey see, monkey do.

"Time is running out for the orangutans"

Jeez! I don't even watch nature documentaries anymore because it's always something with these people! It's never a small crisis, it's never manageable or looking up. It's always the end of the world, our last chance or else!

(At least Os Mosely they had the sense to lock up)

Former?

"fingers, teeth, ears and genitals of what I presume was once a gorilla"

Bits of animals and the people who love them.

"doctors did not want Davis doing any interviews"

St. James Davis, victim of California chimp attack, eager to see him chimp, Moe. (Firefox blocks the popup festival at the link, your mileage may vary.)

"the gentle giants of nature"

Cameroon and Malaysia fume as “Taiping Four” gorillas stay put in Pretoria Zoo.

"their visceral rejection of the truth PETA is laying down"

PETA racism finds an abettor.

"the case of the non-monkey"

Canada's Black & Decker monkey declared undetermined carnivore; not a monkey, not a bird.

"Her fat tongue, warm and soft like roasted squash"

"Zoo teaches perspective, and love, too" Anybody else uncomfortable?

"A baby colobus monkey was born July 27"

That's not news. "An adult colobus monkey was born July 27" would be news!

"a life-sized plaster of Paris ape"

Vignettes from the life of a makeup brush tycoon.

"there are more than 10, 000 monkeys in the Capital"

New Delhi officials powerless in the face of growing monkey menace.

"I woke up and he was swinging in the closet. I didn't sleep for 48 hours."

Alanis Morissette tries out a pygmy loris.

You realize, of course, This. Means. War.

PETA loons gloat over termination of Trunk Monkey ads.

"Lemur is Latin for ghost"

Auckland Zoo's ring-tailed lemurs, unable to follow the sun across hemispheres, make do in wintry New Zealand.

Once you can fake that you've got it made

Clean for Sheehan, now with improved head-tilt!

"It would be great for a first date"

Iowa's Blank Park Zoo fills the summer evening with cries of "watch this!" at their “Zoo Brew” Thursdays, where you can booze it up at the zoo.

Hide the soapbox!

Queen of the Chimps to harangue crowd at South Dakota's Watertown Event Center.

"send some spare chimps to the Delhi Zoo"

After fruitless attempts to breed up some of their own, Delhi Zoo forced to resort to Stuttgart Zoo to get some chimpanzees.

"forcing the authorities to shut down the microphones"

Chimpanzees at the India's Zoological Gardens in Alipur screech truth to power at tortoise-christening ceremony.

"a long way from complying with international standards"

"We don't really like to be called a zoo, but rather a reserve," says Lebanon's Animal City, which gets an average of 500 visitors per day, and is, it seems, well-intentioned and better than nothing at all.

"a recent paint job covered it up"

NCAA reign of terror spreads.

"there are no other chimps at the Wichita Zoo who would be suitable for raising her"

Asali, four month old chimpanzee from Wichita Zoo, moves to Maryland Zoo following her mother's fatal heart attack.

"this is a hot, yucky, stinky job"

Vacationing Virginians can board animals at Pet House Suites, if they think that'll assuage their guilt.

"My girlfriend sent me an e-mail with videos, and it made me sick"

PETA loons continue pestering Covance.

"Moe was not involved in the attack"

Celebrity attorney Gloria Allred to announce release from hospital of St. James Davis, victim of California chimp attack.

Update: St. James Davis is home.

Inducted, indicted, it's all good

Phoenix Suns' Gorilla among the first inductees in Mascot Hall of Fame.

"The monkeys at Monkey Jungle rub them on their skin to get high"

Hog on Ice reports on the disturbing wildlife of Southern Florida.

University of Wisconsin monkey deaths

"He went to lunch and he came back and the monkey was dead in a chair," said Jean Barnes, a leader in the group, referring to one of the incidents described in the records. "That's a terrible way to treat a creature that has the same feelings that we do. It's horrible."

Someone's never seen a research assistant eat. (Research assistants linked on the right excepted, of course.)

Roll that Counter!

www.stopcindysheehan.org

Headline-o-rama!

Study: Most wild chimps are southpaws

Some chimps 'left-handed'

Wild chimps gather termites left-handed for meals

Left-handed chimpanzees found in the wild

Tool-using chimps mostly lefties, study finds

Wild chimps prefer to use left hand when collecting termites to eat

Chimps shed light on 'handedness'

Sinister little bastards.

Won't you buy him, take him home and try him?

International Fund for Animal Welfare finds gorillas and other endangered animals for sale on the Internet, calls for government interference.

"the Big Bang of the next information revolution"

MonkeyWatch linkee Recess Monkey gets mentioned (and linked) by BBC.

"impossible without some kind of abuse"

Great Ape Trust of Iowa opposes apes in ads. Lot of free time on their hands, these guys.

"apes may be wiser than their upright relative"

Our Inner Ape, Frans De Waal's latest book, openly sides with our most dangerous competition, non-human primates.

"I packed a gun all day long"

Otter Tail County, MN feels over-run with exotic animals. City folk move to the country and demand that it conform to their expectations.

"jungles filled with jaguars and monkeys"

French Guiana: come for the hellish penal colony, stay for the tropical tourist paradise.

"This is kind of payback for docents"

Acara, cæsarian-born orangutan at Utah's Hogle Zoo, still being fostered.

"It's big. It's hairy. It stinks"

Florida's mangrove swamps: where they can't.

"all but impossible for a man in a gorilla suit"

Felton, CA's Bigfoot Discovery Museum, where they can tell a hippie from a yeti.

"some old or rare sets fetch up to $1,000"

Collectors of “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil” monkeys confer in Kansas City.

"People aren't allowed to gawk at him, either"

Indiana State Fair plays host to Whiplash the Rodeo Monkey and his hair-trigger temper.

"the 25-year-old Bornean Orangutan Christine looks after, is ill"

The Zoo: Auckland Zoo's try for TV fame.

"the pleasure of dodging gibbon-pee"

One night in Bangkok, monkey style.

"leopards, hyenas, eagles, 50 kites, 60 monkeys and 25 owls"

India's Rajiv Gandhi Zoological Park kept busy with waterlogged animals.

"celebrity status doesn't give her a pass for inappropriate behavior"

Court TV reviews the lawsuits in the case of Koko, the Peeping Gorilla.

"a little above average for the species"

Q. If I, or a person like myself, wanted to see a baby colobus monkey while I (or a person &c) was in the Pacific Northwest, where might I (or &c) go?

A. As of August 9, Portland's Oregon Zoo.

Support Our Troops

Via Homercles, Objective Justice points to the reprehensible Fred Phelps, who's celebrating the death of American soldiers.

Tragedy at Edinburgh Zoo predicted

You fools, they can climb!

"The status quo isn't working"

"Cousteau sits on rain forest board." Rain forest board thankful it wasn't Michael Moore.

"some tests will have to be done in the U.S."

Black and Decker dead monkey* to receive free Canadian health care.

"a Robstown woman who gave him up after he bit her"

Wild Animal Orphanage in San Antonio, TX gains a white-collared mangabey.

A reward is offered

Tennessee man searches for his monkey.

“If you see Ernie, be careful and do not make eye contact. Chady says the monkey will bite.”

So, you know, forewarned is forearmed and such.

Special delivery!

Canadian Black and Decker plant receives one dead monkey in a crate from Thailand.

"Bushman, a Lincoln Park Zoo gorilla who died in 1951, is the most famous"

Deceased animals from Chicago's Brookfield and Lincoln Park zoos go to the Field Museum and

flesh-eating beetles that clean the carcass down to the bones

Keep your distance, bucko!

Researchers warn against close contact with monkeys. So, consider yourself warned.

"No. They don't eat pretzels"

Man and his son visit Omaha's Henry Doorly Zoo. Orangutan Forest not a hit with either.

"I feed the ants in the morning. I feed the monkeys"

Former Netherlands PM Ruud Lubbers, aka "Meinherr Gropey," blames CIA for Pakistani nukes.

"They stand here and throw stones, shoes, and even their hats"

Bad behavior from Kabul zoo-goers.

"simply grown beyond our capacity"

Mountain Gorilla Veterinary Project to relocate from Englewood, CO to Maryland Zoo. No gorillas are moving, as I read it.

"charged with Theft of Property"

"The same rope that hangs monkey is likely to also hang bamboo," says here. How that relates to the Liberian Commissioner of Customs being charged with misappropriating money from sales of elephant tusks isn't clear to me.

"Friday August 12, 2005"

Erie, PA SeaWolves to give away 2,000 Rudy the Gorilla Bobblehead dolls.

"they are quick to attack"

Monkey menace plagues Giddha Pahar, India.

Mirza zaza & Microcebus lehilahytsara

Two new lemur species discovered.

And Vince Foster isn't shown on Hillary's site, nyahh!

Associated Press article expresses outrage! that Jeanine Pirro's site has a picture of a monkey but no picture her tax-cheat husband.

"Gorilla permits fetch US$360"

Additional opportunities to track gorillas in Uganda.

"a handful of complaints each year"

Monkeys added to vicious dog statutes in Glendale, AZ.

"doubled in the past 15 years"

Some day in the near future, when the whole planet's knee-deep in golden monkeys, and golden-monkey byproducts, then you'll remember this story.

But it'll be too late then, won't it?

"he's not happy about it"

Red-ruffed lemur at Pittsburgh Zoo and PPG Aquarium gets his annual checkup.

"the gorilla exhibit met industry standards"

Dallas sued over March 2004 escape of Jabari the gorilla.

"they are sick and need personalized care"

Wild Animal Orphanage, in San Antonio, Texas, adds four more monkeys.

"I'm trying a little bit of everything"

Utica Zoo's annual Brewfest: so much that could go wrong.

"and skull fragments from Abraham Lincoln"

Skeleton of Able, first space-monkey, on display at National Museum of Health and Medicine in Washington, D.C.

"without obvious side effects"

China's Quarantine Bureau approves human trials of SARS vaccine.

"police are hunting the killer"

Bangladeshi monkeys that witnessed killing of one of their troop on hunger strike, reports China's Xinhuanet.

"They get all excited and come at you"

Arizona's Wildlife World Zoo celebrates 20th anniversary with animal encounters and feeding opportunities.

"In the extravagent homes of the notoriously corrupt elite"

Owners of Indonesia's private zoos mad for orangutans.

"he claimed it followed him into his car"

Bahraini court acquits monkey-knapper.

“what he dubbed the "velcro effect"”

A chimpanzee who medicates himself has a fool for a patient.

"Well I did see a monkey... I did, I did!"

Contestant on some horrible game show with a story arc mentions a monkey.

"a shameful disregard for the Cites' regulations"

Repatriation of "Taiping Four" gorillas to Cameroon not quite the done deal it had seemed a few weeks ago.

"Mom, I just seen a monkey"

Chicago-area monkey hunt continues, fruitlessly.

"a dead monkey was later found nearby"

Hong Kong monkeys vainly attempt rescue of one of their fellows injured in traffic, relays Australia's ABC News.

"you can get into trouble"

Ohio politician concerned about propriety of free tickets to Akron Zoo.

"Now Hwang has surmounted the dog"

Cloned monkeys next on the agenda.

"it could be someone dressed up in a monkey suit"

Monkey sightings reported in Elgin, IL.

"About 4 inches with tail"

Florida's monkey population increases.

"could not be reconciled"

Mojo the colobus monkey, erstwhile escapee from Belfast Zoo, to be shipped to South Africa's Induna Primate and Parrot Park with six of his brothers.

"The 3-year-old chimpanzee"

Officials at Japanese zoo "Aso Cuddly Dominion" questioned over failing to properly help celebrity chimpanzee Pan-kun breed.

"with donations being accepted"

Queen of the Chimps to speak at South Dakota's Watertown Event Center.

"I didn't like the snakes"

Peoria Public Library summer reading program graduates invited to nearby Glen Oak Zoo.

"we are going to be a very cool and different experience"

Complete rebuild of Michigan's John Ball Zoo planned.

"Suitable for ages 5 and up"

Zookeeper for gorillas at Boston's Franklin Park Zoo will show slides and answer questions at Winchester Public Library, August 25, at 11am.

"Garbage, dogs, monkeys"

Add "railroad station" to your list of things to avoid in New Delhi.

(and seeing what happens)

Howard Hughes Medical Institute international research scholar makes a living touching monkeys with vibrating objects.

"pieces of art created by creatures great and small"

Kentucky's Louisville Zoo tries a novelty act.

"it would pave the way for other types of exotic animal sanctuaries"

South Africa's National Council of SPCAs unhappy with Jane Goodall's plans for abused chimpanzee theme park.

"a new approach to entertaining and educating zoo visitors"

Cincinnati Zoo works on a cunning plan: You go inside the cage, cage goes in the enclosure, you go in the enclosure, gorilla's in the enclosure...