"They’re like people"

3-month-old orangutan at Gladys Porter Zoo in Texas gets a name: Kumar.

"I could talk about arias forever"

Kentucky teenagers to create opera based on the life of gorilla researcher Dian Fossey.

"the males are all given vasectomies before they arrive"

Meet Rita & Teresa, former NASA chimpanzees now retired to Louisiana's Chimp Haven.

"hordes that had accompanied Genghis Khan"

My guess: resentment about a parking ticket.

"Bye-bye to the endangered frog"

Even if we kill every single rat and monkey on Earth in the process of getting a cure for AIDS, it is definitely worth it

Common sense from Moscow, well, until the global warming part.

"indigenous only to Viet Nam"

Tonkin snubnose monkey suffers increasing habitat loss.

"the opportunity to do some natural behavior"

Gibbons go on display at Niabi Zoo in Illinois.

"we apply all available vaccinations"

Red wolf dead at Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo, apparently of parvo.

"they get annoyed when you take off their clothes!"

Orangutan golf, in Malaysia.

"escapees from defunct medical research laboratories"

Capital of Puerto Rico imperiled by hordes of feral monkeys.

It would be very bad if these monkeys got to San Juan
 --Jose Chalbert, director, Department of Natural Resources

"it was not being treated for any particular disease"

14-year-old Sulawesi macaque dead of unknown causes at D.C.'s National Zoo.

"chronic cocaine exposure"

Mad scientists coke up monkeys.

"the animals are most active during cooler times of the day"

Primates play second fiddle to pandas in this Washington Post quick look at zoos in San Diego, Atlanta, and Memphis.

"smuggled out and found in petshop in Riyadh"

Saudi Arabia major market for smuggled orangutans, charge conservation groups.

"I can’t sell something I don’t believe in"

Retired South Carolina man spends a lot of time at the zoo.

"for those wishing to avoid any potential damage to their vehicle"

UK's Knowsley Safari Park offers drivers optional route that skips monkey jungle.

"When I was 5 years old, I was just a little monkey"

Phoenix Suns Gorilla to be inducted into Mascot Hall of Fame.

"They call it the monkey incident"

Conference call disrupted.

"he seems to get attacked everywhere he goes"

Australian orienteer savaged by Hong Kong monkey.

"sentenced Thursday to five years"

It's prison for Maryland prison thief.

"North American bison"

Canadian Sasquatch hair not. Search for bipedal buffalo begins.

Pan troglodytes marungensis

Fifth subspecies of chimpanzee declared, but New Scientist want money to let you read the whole thing.

"said the water had been used only for toilets and cleaning purposes"

Foul-smelling water at Indian office complex traced to 25 dead monkeys in the water tank.

"made from parts of dead apes, such as scalps"

Austrian branch of the WWF decries Austrian taste in African souvenirs.

"honest and trustworthy"

Never believe political predictions from a monkey, or a watcher thereof.

"barefoot over and through bark, pine cones, gravel, sand, grass and mud"

And, when you're done, 140 Barbary Macaques in a 60-acre Monkey Forest (2-1/3 macaques / acre) at UK's Trentham Gardens.

"showcase this national disgrace"

Unemployed middle school teacher takes a bold stand against medicine. Also hygiene, I bet.

"For Sherry Simms, that limit is fish slurry"

Zookeeping not for the squeamish.

"They didn't even realise she was pregnant"

Marmoset triplets born at UK's Tropical Butterfly House.

"maybe there would be special privileges"

Letter to editor: I'd adopt a zoo monkey if I had any money, and wanted my name on a monkey plaque.

"facing criminal charges"

Saving South Africa's baboons, even if South Africa would rather not.

"powerful, horn-like whooping"

Visiting the primates at London Zoo.

"sometime between 5 p.m. Monday and 7 a.m. today"

Western lowland gorilla born at Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo.

"a groundhog and racoon took the bait"

Pennsylvania mystery monkey continues to evade capture.

"Visitors can't help but give Sabu sweets"

Sabu, orangutan at Japan's Tennoji Zoo, rotting every tooth out of his head.

"viruses carried by primates jumping the species barrier"

When visiting monkey temples in Asia, don't feed the monkeys, say scientists.

Goodbye, Bosondjo

Bosondjo, 34-year-old bonobo, dead in his sleep at Florida's Jacksonville Zoo and Gardens.

"indomitable human spirit"

Queen of the chimps to mapmaker convention: gimme!

"monkeys vanished at Aix-en-Provence"

Surrender monkeys gone off cheese?

"days and hours are not exceptional"

Well, so much for reading the newspaper as a family activity.

"He just didn't want to comply"

Oklahoma City superintendent of animal welfare denies wrong-doing in enforcing exotic animal ordinance against service animals, a policy since banned by the state law.

"Niko sleeps attached to my head"

Zoo Director at North Dakota's Chahinkapa Zoo (and his wife) foster abused spider monkey.

Shenanigans! This isn't news: it was news a month ago!

"18”x12” bronze sculpture"

Uganda suffers Spinal Tap-like sculpture misunderstanding, or so www.newvision.co.ug would have you believe.

"North America's oldest one in captivity"

Mumba, gorilla at Canada's Granby Zoo, turns 45 (that's 50 "années" in Quebecois.)

"free with zoo admission of $15/$10.75"

Learn about Helping Hands, which trains helper monkeys for quadriplegics, today at Southwick's Zoo, in Mendon, MA.

"Don't handle monkeys"

Tips for the globe-trotter.

"squirted a painkiller gel into a banana to help a gorilla"

Animal Pharm in Scituate Harbor, MA compounds flavored pet medications.

"spotted swinging from trees"

Monkey or monkeys unknown continue to elude dragnet in Turtle Creek, PA.

(Wildlife conservation officer Beth) Fife said she doubts Buddy (the Ohio bitey monkey) is the monkey in Turtle Creek.

I'm thinking there are drawbacks to being "Officer Fife".

"Kalim's been a wonderful mother from the very beginning"

Berani, Bornean orangutan born in February at Los Angeles Zoo, flourishing.

"I'll leave up to the buyers"

Does Canadian door hold the image of Mother Teresa or a knot in the wood that looks like a monkey? Let the market decide!

"This is amazing!"

Tom Harkin (D-Iowa) caucuses with Primate-Americans at Great Ape Trust of Iowa.

"let orangutans use sticks to dig mustard or barbecue sauce"

Behavioral enrichment this year's black, zoo directors say.

"disoriented and hungry"

Allegheny County vigilantes take up search for escaped Ohio bitey monkey.

"He was spotted above the carousel"

Escaped dutch ape darted, captured unharmed. No truth to rumors of hashish-bar visits.

"more than 750 oral presentations"

2,000 of the world's leading environmental scientists take Brazilian adventure.

"an orange ape"

Dutch authorities urge calm after ape escapes at Apeldoorn.

"grabbed a sandwhich out of the hands of a Chinese lady tourist"

What to expect when a troop of baboons descend on your tour group.

"three claws to the cheek"

Whiplash, the cowboy monkey goes for the eyes.

"the monkey got away"

Monkey, presumably Max (the biter) eludes Ohio police.

"somehow escaped from his cage"

Max, 19-year-old orangutan at WI's Racine Zoo, lured back to cage with treats.

"Monkeys are a lot of work"

Man and his monkey lose another job, thanks to PETA loons.

"We'll see what they'll do"

Kansan citizen panel calls for barrier upgrades at Topeka Zoo's Discovering Apes exhibit to better protect discovered & exhibited apes from sniffly zoo-goers and, uhh. What'd she say?

"Whether that is a metal barrier, or a moat, or things so birds can't drop these type of dangerous dead animals into these exhibits," Panel chairperson Megan Mosack said.

careless vultures, that's it — sniffly zoo-goers and careless vultures: hazards to Man's closest relatives.

Update: This may be the quoted Megan Mosack, at some time when she wasn't "up high on to[p] of the exhibit."

"We do not have the infrastructure to deal with this kind of a problem"

In New Delhi, monkey menace turns to "simian terror".

"be on the lookout"

Buddy, the escaped Ohio bitey monkey, spotted heading for the border.

"unlawful restraint, breach of peace and interfering with an officer"

Owner of Connecticut's "Action Wildlife" charged after locking non-paying customers in.

“belly fat”

Monkey studies prove you're not big-boned, you're stressed.

"the honey-dipping skill"

Sugary treats for chimpanzees at Japan's Tennoji Zoo.

"it's pure hell"

Dogs kill deer at ME's Zoo in Indiana, birds at Indianapolis Zoo.

"examining different options"

India's Byculla Zoo looks to outsource, concentrate on core competencies.

"monkeys' level of self-awareness somewhere between that of dogs and orangutans"

National Academy of Sciences researchers outsmart monkeys, National Geographic reports.

"inadequate promotion of this Mgahinga forest specie"

Uganda does poorly promoting itself to gorilla-gaga Japanese, says head of Uganda Export Promotion Board.

"Minneapolis FM community radio station KFAI"

Ape-tending zookeeper at St. Paul's Como Zoo has a life outside of work, too.

"someone chopped the locks off his monkey cage"

Someone in New Zealand is interfering with Whirling Brothers' Circus.

"by Christmas 2006, your children will want a big, plush monkey named Oka"

You gotta start young if you're gonna stick it out!

"he's doing pretty well for himself"

"The other night I took an 80-year-old taxidermied monkey, set it on fire in the pool and filmed it from beneath with an underwater camera..."

What-ever.

spell-checkers seen as harmful

"Columbus monkey"

"asking people not to feed the animals"

One-armed gibbon at Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo to serve as object lesson for visitors.

"willowy beauty and fair complexion"

Queen of the Chimps fits right in at Aspen Ideas Festival.

"help the zoo become a better zoo than it is today"

Sioux Falls, SD mayor argues for $2 million improvements to Great Plains Zoo.

"lions, tigers and gorillas will get a measure of liberty"

London Zoo to go cageless.

"steel, chicken wire and paper towels, dipped in wax"

Sculptor ready for foundry to cast statue of Bill, world's oldest chimpanzee.

"watch out for the monkeys"

Things to do in and around Washington, D.C.

"a spider monkey climbed on Farmer's back"

Photographer practices animal portraiture at Springfield IL's Henson Robinson Zoo.

"Wearing body screen TVs,,,"

PETA loons electrify their freak show.

"He is fed on Amul milk"

Chief vet's wife fosters orphaned stump-tailed Macaque at India's Assam Zoo.

"he might be guilty of a serious drug trafficking crime"

No bail for "The Monkey", says Bulgarian court.

"Endangered ape delivers child"

Story not as dramatic as headline.

"a taste of how the affluent live"

Kenyan journalist goes bush with unusual, ummm, enthusiasm:

As I shower, monkeys jump from one tree to the other and chat happily , enjoying a rare sight.

Nakedness, in the bush is no big deal and I soon get used to the prying monkeys' eyes.

"neglecting to report the monkey's escape within one hour"

Owner of Ohio bitey monkey arraigned.

"a primate cycle of family violence"

Rhesus monkeys abused when young become abusive parents, says University of Chicago primatologist.

"a never-published study involving 11 green monkeys"

Vioxx "victim" sees animal rights as ticket to gravy train.

"An investigation has been launched"

UK woman waits to see if Caribbean holiday monkey bite infected her with rabies. Also, the food was poison. (And such small portions!)

"things have changed after the movie"

Singapore Zoo bullish on lemurs.

"I had 14 stitches with one bite"

Nobody else should have monkeys, says founder of Jungle Friends Primate Sanctuary.

"a special house for him in her backyard"

Blaine, MN woman seeks to keep illegal monkey.

Ketjak this, sucker!

Primate-to-human transmission of simian foamy virus at Balinese monkey temple.

"odds are we're going to shoot it"

Noble County, OH Sheriff's Office not sanguine about taking bitey monkey alive.

Update: "he is small, he is very strong and is considered dangerous".

"terrible noises in the night"

Bigfoot cognoscenti hold Oregon jamboree.

"The case is closed"

Mount Holly, PA's long-lost Historic Mount Holly Monkey statue returned safely. Town may sell it.

"Shoot him"

Zeerust baboons still up to didoes.

"2005 International Gorilla Studbook"

Taiping four determined to be from Cameroon, will be returned.

"My client is innocent unless convicted"

Via The Colossus, white-collar crime in Connecticut just ain't what it used to be.

"be wary of the monkey"

Bitey monkey on the loose in Caldwell, OH.

"Where funding and resources are scarce"

Anyone finding 1,000 orangutans is asked to contact ProFauna Indonesia.

"The IOC are 'see no evil, hear no evil,' the three little monkeys"

Parisians all sniffy about losing 2012 Olympics bid, not trying for 2016.

So there!

"this is the first time they've ever had any problem of this nature"

Gorilla vs. chimpanzee in Jacksonville, FL. As expected, gorilla won.

"will be covered in jet-black fur"

Siamang born at Fort Wayne (IN) Children’s Zoo. (scroll down)

"Shrub poisoned zoo monkeys"

Karl Rove's attorney mum.

“the distinguishable "hooti-hoo-hoo" squeaks of the ring-tailed lemurs”

Valley Children's Zoo at California's Oakland Zoo nearly ready.

"old age, accidents or unavoidable"

American Zoo and Aquarium Association issues audit of Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo animal deaths.

"injected human brain cells into monkey fetuses to study the effects"

One day closer to Planet of the Apes, scientists worry.

"Never Go Against the Llamas"

Stunning new design at The LLama Butchers.

"in possession of a monkey"

Bentonville, AR police report includes hotel monkey investigation.

"how long an orangutan can hang by one arm"

Wisconsin's Vilas Zoo touts learning opportunities.

"(22) Monkeys Free"

Hoax 'for sale' ad for animals from petting zoo draws ire of farmer whose phone it lists.

"good for the vast majority of citizens"

MuD & PHuD is all over Connecticut politicians who hear opportunity calling in the Kelo decision.

"Monkeys are terrifying"

Jessica Alba no monkey fan, says contactmusic.com.

Also, glass-diver Iggy Pop terrified by Elton John in gorilla suit.

"performing silly tricks for cheap laughs"

Men’s Wearhouse ads will continue to suck, but will henceforth be ape-free and PETA-approved.

Monkeys love baskets, it seems

South Bend, IN firefighters help Boys and Girls Club to build baskets and toys for monkeys

The baskets help enrich the lives of the animals by giving them something to do. They also encourage natural behavior.

"The product itself is awesome"

Influential catblogger Sissy Willis goes Mac.

"over-tweezed"

More Taco John's ads for Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey

"teaching the primates to enter transfer carriers on cue"

Florida's Caribbean Gardens: The Zoo in Naples battens down hatches as hurricane approaches.

"at this point, we are having no loose monkeys"

Ceremony honoring Minnesota farm unmarred, nay, unattended by monkeys.

"Webcams at different zoos require different software"

Zoo webcams, coast to coast.

"the list is pretty comprehensive"

Via cinematical, National Primate Research Center at the University of Wisconsin publishes "Motion Pictures Featuring Monkeys and Apes."

"informing them that a bomb had been placed in the monkey enclosure"

Bomb scare at India's Byculla Zoo.

"within a decade"

Orangutan extinction warnings from ProFauna Indonesia.

"There will be a lot of grooming later"

Apemaster Frans de Waal is briefly profiled.

"influenza and other viruses"

Respiratory disease major killer of wild gorillas. Sniffly ecotourists blamed.

Wonder if Cisco's in on this, too

China to GPS collar black snub-nose monkeys.

"they received the first batch of 20 monkeys in the last week of June"

Scientists at India's National Institute of Virology able to resume vaccine research after four-year obstruction by Central Committee for Purpose of Control and Supervision on Experimental Animals ends.

"The main snake I wanted to see was the Gaboon viper"

Western Kentucky University faculty, staff to tackle bushmeat problem. Cafeteria concessionaire non-committal.

"to clearly illustrate his dominance"

Lincoln Park Zoo gorilla attack described as "not aggressive" and gorilla as "friendly". Nobody describes OSHA as "friendly".

"The locals clearly thought we were no-hopers"

When in Holland, be sure to visit Apenheul gorilla and monkey reserve in Apeldoorn:

It is home to more than 30 species of primates, many of them free to confront you as you walk through the park

So, you know, check your valuables.

And wear a cup.

"it is nothing compared to what the animals go through"

Philippine PETA loons pester Covance workers in Singapore.

"Kyle Petty has been in contact with LaDonna Davis many times offering her words of encouragement"

St James Davis, victim of California chimp attack continues to recuperate.

"The Nyakagezi group"

Uganda loses money after peripatetic gorillas head back to Rwanda.

"the woman is in good condition"

Gorilla bites keeper at Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo.

Update: Zookeeper released from hospital, zoo blames keeper not Kwan, the gorilla.

"One protester wearing a monkey mask climbed on to a traffic light to view the spectacle"

A few bad anarchists spoil the whole Carnival for all the more laid-back anti-capitalists. Sod off, swampy! explained.

"we can confirm that the elephant will not appear again"

UK's Captive Animals' Protection Society gloats after getting another animal fired.

"we are sending the wrong message"

Nothern Ireland member of Parliament more concerned about the appearances part than the dirty, vicious, bitey part of monkey ownership.

"The bills are modeled after successful legislation"

“Great Ape Conservation and Reauthorization Act” to throw more monkey down Democratic Republic of Congo rathole.

"I just wanted a place to chill out"

UK veterinary surgeon's shed design put to use in Bwindi Impenetrable Forest gorilla conservation work.

"I was very proud to have gone and done what I could"

Veteran of Iraq to head security for Great Ape Trust of Iowa.

"How ghastly is this?"

Animal Crackers is on top of the eagerness of PETA loons to kill animals (over 10,000 between 1998 and 2003) and ugly related topics.

"squealing and leaping about"

Nicole Kidman spotted loitering about the ape house, acting like a chimpanzee, says Irish ExaminerThomas Crosbie Media.

"officials said they do not get rid of their aging animals"

Animal Rights Foundation of Florida blame Florida's Metro Zoo for what others do. They are handy, though.

"John wasn’t any bigger than a pint of pee"

Game wardening in Maine.

"I want a monkey"

Babylonandon thinks about the children.

"an ongoing federal investigation"

Penny the polar bear dead at Missouri's St. Louis Zoo.

"INDANGANGAGI!"

Rwanda Parks and Tourism Board gets a taker on adopt-a-gorilla plan: telecom company MTN Rwandacell.

"What no one knew, however, was the female ring-tailed lemur was pregnant"

North Carolina's Schiele Museum of Natural History surprised, pleased with lemur births.