"I'm from the government and I'm here to help"

Infinite Monkeys puts words to something that's been on my mind for a few days now.

"a human bone was found that revealed a 100-year-old cemetery underneath the zoo"

Alabama's Birmingham Zoo reinvents self, raises funds.

"a scattering of faintly menacing monkeys"

Visit Sri Lanka, see the sights. Forget that you ever heard of Tamil separatists, apparently.

"the controversial "orang-utan boxing show" would most likely be axed"

Safari World retains their 110 orangutans pending government findings, emoluments. (I think "axed" is used figuratively.)

"When we heard them calling, we came running over"

Animal planet films lesser apes at Nashville Zoo's Gibbon Islands habitat.

"in front of the open bedroom window armed with a long stick"

Yet another story of monkey home invasions in India.

"the zoo provides televisions so the gorillas have something to watch"

Gorillas at Nebraska's Henry Doorly Zoo said to enjoy watching humans.

"He also straps macaque monkeys to their backs and has them race around a tiny track"

Proprietors of PA Lebanon Area Fair reluctant to deep-six mule high-diving act. Humane Society of Lebanon County, "activists", complain.

"officials attended an ape fight on Wednesday"

Thai forestry officials visit Safari World, announce plans to DNA test boxing orangutans, to demonstrate that they were smuggled from Indonesia.

No word on whether somebody else is getting a DNA test.

"I don't want it to be trivial"

ex-Sex Pistol gives over €150,000 to chimpanzees.

"These animals could be fitted with detonators or similar devices"

India's presidential palace, Parliament House, government offices and ministerial bungalows infested with monkeys.

We cannot even take any drastic steps against them. Then animal rights activists will be after our lives

Ready to nuke Islamabad on short notice, but scared of monkeys and treehuggers.

"Sapporo District Court turned down the suit filed by the Japan Anti-Vivisection Association"

Japanese court OKs transfer of Maruyama Zoo monkeys to Primate Research Institute of Kyoto University.

"first born son of mother Maimunah and father Santan"

Orangutan's first birthday celebrated at Melbourne Zoo.

"called for a tourist boycott of the park"

International Primate Protection League demands an end to mock boxing matches for orangutans in Thailand.

"Our vote: Mary-Kate and Ashley"

Florida's Parrot Jungle Island to introduce and name female fraternal twin orangutans on Saturday.

"The area near the children’s playground was cleared to make room for the activities"

Marketing.

"Monkeys are to be shooed away by the forest department"

Taj Mahal to be tidied in preparation for 350th anniversary celebration.

"Mr. Zubler however did not give any promise"

Swiss Ambassador to Ghana inspects Boabeing-Fiema Monkey Sanctuary, expresses approval.

"not only in case of dog bites, but also to patients bitten by monkeys, foxes, jackals, cats and even rats and bats"

India's Guru Tegh Bahadur Hospital runs out of rabies vaccine, other area hospitals nearly out, too.

Update: Just a coincidence, really.

"an experienced monkey minder is assigned"

Indonesian monkeys nutmeg fiends.

"volunteers at the center looked on in horror"

Thai Forestry Department raids Wildlife Friends of Thailand rescue center, seizes animals.

"accused of buying 1,587 of the animals"

11 charged with monkey trading in China.

"Are they the rantings of Bigfoot-crazed Oklahomans?"

"A lot of big foot in here" says Oklahoma believer.

"combined monkey and human studies with an evolving science called proteomics"

Researchers identify protein markers for uterine infection that can lead to premature birth.

Lifesaving tuck & lift experiments OK, though, apparently

PETA presser: Has-been wannabe Ally Sheedy demands Columbia University stop monkey-harming medical experiments.

"a combined value of $2.2 million"

Would-be master criminal "The Monkey" convicted in 2002 Van Gogh Museum thefts.

"includes a circular viewing room where visitors can watch the gorillas"

Wichita's Sedgwick County Zoo claims 15,000 visitors for opening weekend of Downing Gorilla Exhibit.

"was told he and his two "wards" would only be provided food"

Guardian monkeys and trainer from this post are now on strike for money.

"Experience in Early Infancy Is Indispensable for Color Perception"

Japanese researcher raises monkeys in monochromatic light, gets monkeys with "severe deficits in color constancy".

"Hello, I'd like to switch to Dialog"

Telephone service ad to feature baboon.

"perverse, unreasonable and unfair"

UK anti-human activists head to court to protest not getting their own way.

"Some are cute and cuddly"

Things to do and see at the San Diego Zoo

"I have been training monkeys for since I was about 12 years old"

Bailey Brothers Circus trainers say activist charges untrue.

"cages have been replaced by natural wildlife habitats"

A day at Audubon Zoo, in New Orleans.

Refreshments were served

Gotrocks private viewing of gorillas at Downing Gorilla Forest at the Sedgwick County Zoo, considered as a society page item.

"and it smelled bad"

When parents don't know enough to keep their kids away from elitists who know what's best for all of us.

"a plan to convert almost the entire 20 hectare complex into an open zoo"

India's Trivandrum Zoo trading crowded cages for spacious enclosures.

"there was a complex community of primates living in Asia"

Report claims evidence of Asian origins for humans.

"the new chimpanzee enclosure is almost complete"

Major facelift at Johannesburg Zoo.

"the monkeys can attack any time of the day"

Open warfare between people and marauding monkeys in Lucknow, India.

"they brandished banners with slogans"

Idiots protest medical experiments that haven't happened in research facility that hasn't been built.

"Monkeys are good at choosing only the best cocoa pods"

Apparently monkeys like chocolate.

"Blumenthal is trying to turn this into a communist country"

Blumenthal hates free enterprise.

"the Howler Monkey Species Survival Plan"

Howler monkey born at Pittsburgh Zoo.

"famous in his village and surrounding areas for his hairy tail"

Indian man says he has tail, wants to be in Guinness Book of World Records.

"As a child, David Attenborough was my god"

A monkey tourist speaks.

"gorilla breath on a window"

Otherwise breathless puff on opening day at the Downing Gorilla Forest at the Sedgwick County Zoo, in Wichita.

Update: Another one.

Even National Geographic has an agenda

Pervy penguins, bonobos, macaques, and others are documented.

"there is at least one very sick chimpanzee"

South Africa sends veterinary tiger team to assist Ivory Coast's Abidjan national zoo, which needs the help.

"the work can get a bit hairy -- and smelly"

Meet the gorilla keeper at Sedgwick County Zoo's new Downing Gorilla Forest, in Kansas, which is opening today.

"part of the radar set-up which identifies seedable clouds"

Indian authorities employ two large, aggressive, male rhesus macaques to scare away annoying troupe of little monkeys.

"I had my first monkey when I was 8"

Ring-tailed lemur among the attractions at Hartford, MI's Van Buren County Youth Fair.

"Winston Churchill was moved to consider their condition at the height of the Second World War"

British government has long history of attending to the health, welfare and sex lives of Gibraltar’s Barbary Apes, say recently declassified documents.

"They were kinda weird, but cute"

Arkansas day-campers entertained by monkeys.

"the school has three monkeys, an aardvark and several mice"

Mukilteo WA High School's science lab threatened by city council, all animal-haters.

"they have to swallow"

Madagascar trees said to suffer from dwindling lemur population.

"langur babies are orange in color"

Francois' Langur monkey born at Toledo Zoo.

"a social cue to synchronise sleep amongst a group"

Chimpanzee yawning is "contagious".

They walk among us!

Natasha, a five-year-old black macaque monkey at Tel Aviv's Safari Park, adopts upright posture after near-fatal bout of stomach flu.

Updated link to a version of the story with a photo.

"researchers admit they are flummoxed as to the source of the bug"

Uncertain source of anthrax bacilli killing West African chimps.

"Shetty appears in the ad dressed in a skintight, tiger -striped body suit"

Indian actress speaks out against competing forms of entertainment.

Today in history

July 21, 1925: Jury returns a guilty verdict in 'Scopes Monkey Trial.'

"visitors never top more than a few hundred a day"

Baghdad Zoo update. Nuanced.

"plagued by monkey menace"

At some point it has to be said: if you don't want to be bitten by monkeys, consider not living in India.

"Babec's teeth were much cleaner than expected"

Alabama gorilla's cardiovascular exam results not better tnan expected.

"the United Nations-sponsored Tunza International Children's Conference on the Environment"

Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall lines up her young minions.

"I know a woman who once raised a chimp alongside her own kids"

Chimpanzees considered as exemplars of "closure."

"I just hope he comes back next year"

Animal lovers raise funds to pay for rabies shots for victims of monkey attack earlier this month.

"This is not to say he was a nice character, because we know he wasn't"

July 20's the 200th anniversary of the birth of Richard Owen, "one of Charles Darwin's most ferocious opponents."

"it's difficult to decide who the real chimpanzee is"

A tour of the Delhi zoo.

"We need your help"

Help find a killer.
Via Michele at A Small Victory

Oxford University biomedical research set back again

Walter Lilly and Co Ltd: appeasers.

"people can call PETA for tips on what signs of trouble to look for at the local zoo"

If you're in India, and you like to poke your nose into things, PETA wants you to volunteer.

"Gene scientists plan aggression drug"

To produce less aggression, it says.

"He rode his motorcycle to the hospital to seek treatment"

Malaysian man needs 57 stitches after monkey attack.

"temporary restrictions"

Fearful of plague, Russia bans import of monkeys, various other animals and foodstuffs, from Turkmenistan.

"transesophageal echocardiogram"

Cardio procedure scheduled for sick gorilla in Alabama's Birmingham Zoo.

"Peaceable Kingdom is a masterpiece." -Jane Goodall, U.N. Messenger of Peace

Documentary with attitude gets nice blurb from Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall, who elsewhere said...

"I think that breaking into labs and taking secret footage and that sort of thing is perfectly fine, but not risking people's lives or threatening them. That only drives things deeper and deeper underground."

"Mountain Gorillas under Threat"

Gorillas in Virunga, Lloyd, Barunga's for, like, kangaroos.

"visitors must cross a 50-foot suspension bridge that will bounce and sway"

Sedgwick County Zoo newsflood continues: Downing Gorilla Forest, mix of theme park and primate enclosure, to open to public this week.

"rectal probe electrostimulation"

Gorilla reproduction experiments at Texas's Gladys Porter Zoo.

"Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't"

Behind the scenes, after-hours look at Texas's Caldwell Zoo.

"Tommy and Billy are teenage brothers with issues"

It's a flood the zone weekend for the Downing Gorilla Forest at Wichita's Sedgwick County Zoo this weekend: all the notes that didn't fit elsewhere.

"Testosterone is the major issue"

Downing Gorilla Forest will work the gorillas in shifts.

"We wouldn't be letting people in the zoo if it wasn't a safe place"

Director of Wichita's Sedgwick County Zoo plays down fears of gorilla escape, beefs up electric wires atop walls.

My god, it's full of bubbles!

Global warming, collapsing magnetic fields, and now oceans slated to turn to salty seltzer.

"Excitement was evident"

Wichita's Sedgwick County Zoo opens new Downing Gorilla Forest a week early, for those that already have membership cards.

"We realize the enemy is within us"

Appeasers meet in Barcelona to view terrorism, religion, in an especially multilateral sort of way. Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall scored free tickets. Root causes were discussed.

"He’s a talkative monkey"

"Valvo to sue AMI’s Pecker for breach-of-contract".

Heh-heh, heh-heh. That's this AMI.

"the vast potential of Brunei as an exciting holiday destination"

Proboscis monkey tour among the attractions Sultanate of Brunei hopes will attract Japanese custom.

"Its weapon of choice is flung poo"

Black Howler Monkey: threat or menace, at the Munuvian Frank J. Fan Club.

"imagine what it would be like if women were on the F1 grid"

Singapore F1 pundit writes off nookie for foreseeable future.

Oh, and Max has been talked out of leaving.

"We were told that he (Allen) was going to bring a live monkey just like Boots"

I can't help but think that there's more to this story than they're telling.

"his pup was almost chased to death by the monkeys"

India's petroleum minister abandons government-provided bungalow after "about 200 monkeys" move in.

"Also present at the reception was Attorney General Blumenthal"

Friday up-to-the-minute newsflash: Howard Dean was in the state last weekend. Doesn't say whether refreshments were served.

"the husband could wear an ape costume when he did the killing"

Attempt to blame gorilla for killing foiled in PA.

Also, <./b> isn't a valid tag.

"farmers, fighters and refugees"

Squatters illegally on gorilla land in Virunga may issue strongly-worded response to UN memo.

Update: International Gorilla Conservation Program to build 1-meter wall as a "symbol to show the limit of the forest." UN doubtless will approve a wall that won't actually stop anyone.

"a restaurant that planned to sell slices of the animal's brain while he was alive"

Tourist in Taiwan claims to have rescued monkey from brain-hungry gourmets.

"the state-owned home Senick had rented for $1 a year"

Hey! It's in a bad neighborhood!!

"attacked her without provocation and dug its teeth into her scalp"

As Shimla, in India, talks about 5-year plans, monkey marauding continues unabated.

"freed from a metal ring that had been fastened around its waist for three years"

Injured temple monkey gets veterinary attention in Thailand.

"We were almost surprised at how calm they were"

Philadelphia Zoo welcomes their new gorilla family.

"cutting $100 million in annual government subsidies to the timber industry"

Via The Command Post, where there's trees, there's tree huggers!

"Last fall, a 10-year-old boy was killed by a tiger at his uncle’s home"

Watauga, NC commissioners consider requiring federal licenses for live monkeys, nonhuman primates, other wild animals.

"probably wasn't a good idea"

I'm not sure anything in Connecticut really counts as a mountain, but I can't find the elevation listed anywhere, so maybe it squeaks by the hill/mountain test.

Refreshments were served

Apes feted in tents at Lincoln Park Zoo Ball.

"Bobo had a heart of gold"

Tarzan's escaped tiger killed in Florida.

"officials say they're on track for completion"

Great Ape Trust Of Iowa so very, very, nearly ready for Great Apes. You're not invited.

'modern humans are the ''out-group.'''

Science Blog reports that Homo erectus may have been more like Pan troglodytes than either of them are like us.

"Two monkeys, oblivious to their audience, were at it"

Australian journalist approves of zoos.

"The zoo hopes to make a family group out of the single males"

Former Kansas City gorillas on the truck to Philadelphia to breed.

"humans showed the highest number of genes with increased copy numbers"

Scientists compare primate genomes.

"Its frozen zoo will also set the center apart from similar facilities"

San Diego Wild Animal Park nears completion of Center for Reproduction of Endangered Species.

"Max was a folk hero"

Johannesburg Zoo holds memorial service for Max the crimefighting gorilla.

"the Palarivattom Forest Flying Squad"

Indian Forest officials do poor job in dealing with monkey.

"the animals appeared to be enjoying themselves"

Yesterday was "Ice Block Day" at Utah's Hogle Zoo.

"It's education through entertainment"

The new zoo paradigm: more infotainment, fewer bad smells.

"they might bite the tourists"

Ocean City, MD Town Council says "No!" to chimpanzees on the Boardwalk.

"giant monkey men of Chilton County"

Alabama paper promotes Bigfoot as "one of those great stories that was just too outlandish to have made up."

"Attorney General Richard Blumenthal is concerned"

Blumenthal shocked, shocked! to find that gambling is going on in here.

Bwindi, again

Getting good help while gorilla touristing.

"unfounded and frivolous"

Blumenthal dismisses concerns of bar owners, other bourgeoisie.

"This is a deceptive book"

Felipe Fernández-Armesto's Humankind: A Brief History wants us to add great apes to the definition. Social scientists who think they're scientists, even more fun than physicists who thought they were psychologists.

"21 cultivars of native banana"

New Scientist article includes photos of the vitamin-rich banana that's orange.

"Their passion compensates for the lack of money"

Indian film-makers compete for nature documentary prize. Sir David Attenborough, Richard Leakey, and Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall plan to attract attention.

"the public can watch zoo veterinarian Jeff Wyatt treat animals"

Rochester, NY's Seneca Park Zoo adds Animal Health and Education Complex. Their health, your education.

"cages and peculiar chirping and squeaking sounds"

Cheryl Ullrich is Iowa's only licensed USDA monkey breeder, probably.

It's mandatory

How the space laser works.

"Menopause, the journal of the North American Menopause Society"

Wake Forest researchers say stress bad for female monkeys, maybe for women.

"We're the first to read out the goal of the movement"

Scientists (non-mad) can read monkey's minds.

"I think it's a better product"

Baltimore Zoo to reduce animal headcount, concentrate on building maintenance and salaries.

"$360 for foreign tourists"

Ekimansulo must not be working out: Uganda to raise gorilla-viewing fee for foreigners, effective August 1.

"Far more research is needed"

Monkey trials on new Merck HIV drug look promising.

"Macaques flee the place at the sight of the fierce-looking langur"

India's Finance Minister, P. Chidambaram, has langur bodyguard to protect against pesky monkeys in parliament.

"an unidentified boy who let a monkey loose Tuesday"

Monkey runs amok in Minnesota's Winona County Fair.

"A bright orange banana that looks like a carrot"

Micronesian banana rich in beta-carotene, say experts. Don't try hiding from Micronesian monkeys at night.

"there are no restrictions in the state against owning a monkey"

Michigan authorities capture stray macaque in Bruce Township.

Update: Owner shows up, authorities make it stink.

"Charcoal-dextran stripped fetal bovine serum"

I haven't got a clue, but apparently scientists learned something, and used monkey kidney cells to do it.

"It's hard to explain how it happened"

SV40-contaminated polio vaccine produced in Soviet Union after 1963, New Scientist reports.

"This report does not necessarily reflect the views of the United Nations"

One-third of Rwanda's Kagera National Park destroyed by fire.

Fidel Ruzinganekwe, executive director of the Rwanda Wildlife Agency, attributed the cause of the fires to the dry season and poachers, who, after killing wild animals, roast them within the park

"Ascending the hill is not for the feeble minded"

Nigeria's Obudu Mountain touted as a land of nature's wonders, gorillas, and other primates.

through Aug. 29

Dian Fossey gorilla photos on display at Walnut Creek CA's Lindsay Wildlife Museum.

"the third bonobo born at the zoo since December"

Randy little baby bonobo born at Ohio's Columbus Zoo and Aquarium.

"a semi-true movie called The Legend of Boggy Creek"

Texas cryptozoology buff doesn't call it Bigfoot. He calls it Boggy.

meta, meta, meta

Blogger's been a bit temperamental the last few days, I think I've cleaned up the duplicate posts.

"leave leftover fruit like watermelon, mashed banana, or jelly in a prominent place in the yard"

Newspaper's butterfly-attraction recipe inadvisable in monkey country. Details on attracting cabbage whites inadvisable in any country.

"letters to the environment ministers of the three countries"

UN urges that something be done. Sternly-worded General Assembly resolution next, probably.

"if the animals die it will be natural death, we wont be responsible for it"

Bangladesh's Dhaka National Zoo home to geriatric animals, and provides only minimal veterinary care.

"head injuries and a possible broken leg"

Most monkeys are, I think, smart enough to stay out of Ape Cave.

"he beat up fleeing thief Isaac Mofokeng who had jumped into his enclosure"

Johannesburg Zoo to erect memorial to Max, the late crime-fighting gorilla.

"Sometimes I think you just have to stick by what you believe"

St. Louis Zoo to send gorilla family to Philadelphia Zoo.

"some of the troops have learnt how to smash windows and lift sliding doors off their rails"

Baboons implicated in Cape Town crimewave.

"It's easy to collect"

University of Illinois professor to specialize in monkey dung.

"catch the monkey or we will bring traffic to a halt"

Himachal Pradesh villagers threaten roadblocks if government doesn't put an end to monkey rampage.

"scurrying to the wildlife authorities"

India's Himachal Pradesh unveils five-year plan to control monkeys by increasing supply of natural feed, educating the public, and sterilizing every male monkey they can get hold of.

"the forest provides many ecological and economical services"

Despite increasing mountain gorilla population, WWF declares disaster, denounces agriculture.

"The closest, she said, is probably the monkey mountain in France"

So-called animal lovers seek to strand Singapore monkeys on coral reef, establish tourist attraction.

"it trapped 26 mice in one night in the saki monkey and tamandua anteater exhibit"

If you build a better mousetrap, the National Zoo will beat a path to your door.

"Gorillas in the Virungas and Bwindi"

I'm starting to think that the Bwindi Impenetrable Forest may, in fact, be penetrable and, further, that it may be being penetrated on a fairly regular basis.

"the SimEx Reactor ride simulator theater"

North Carolina's N.C. Zoo plays down bad-smelling animals, adds amusement park features, animitronics, to boost attendance.

"We're going to eventually inherit the world"

Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall has minions do her bidding.

state-level decisions should be run through a grid that considers the environment and the decisions' effect on the environment, that she help lead the state to a culture where environmental awareness is necessary and that all decisions are made considering the future generations' quality of life instead of just the current economy.

"Daddy's Little Princess"

California quadriplegic depends on helper monkey.

"secretly cheating on the alpha male"

Female gorillas are sneaky sluts, say Scottish scientists.

"the gorillas were coaxed back into their outdoor habitat"

Seven gorillas wandered Ohio's Columbus Zoo last night after closing time.

"we decided to get a model that the monkeys couldn't grip with their hands"

India police surveilance cameras in India must be protected against anarchists and monkeys.

"I think these kids _ their heads will be spinning"

Queen of the Chimps Jane Goodall to unveil Pied Piper routine, rats already in the bag.

When the environmentalists, age 10 to 13, finish talking about water pollution, energy conservation, needs of indigenous people and other issues, their resolutions will be passed along to the United Nations for debate.

"violation of the state's environmental laws"

Blumenthal takes toys away from CT children.

Update: Connecticut children flee to Maine.

More: Westchester County Executive Andrew Spano wants a piece of headliney goodness.

"Grey-shanked Douc Langur and the Cat Ba Langur"

Vietnam to issue gold & silver rounds featuring local monkeys, made in Singapore.

If you are, or will be, in New Zealand...

Peter Jackson seeks men and women aged 17 years and over to be extras in King Kong.

"They're stronger than us and they're just as smart"

Rock climber at the primate enclosure.

"Rell is sworn into office"

And at last, Rowland's actually gone.

Update: California Yankee points out that the fun's not over yet, it's just gone federal.

"Monkey Business stock-picking contest"

Even the Chicago Sun-Times stock-picking monkey is a winner in this economy.

"At yearend, the person whose stock has appreciated the most will win an Australian gold coin commemorating 2004, Year of the Monkey, from Harlan J. Berk Ltd., 31 N. Clark."

The other other operation

India's Mysore Zoo convinces Bank of Maharashtra to adopt a chimpanzee.

"This is the second consecutive year the Bank has adopted the Chimpanzee."

"renewed interest for studying the parasitic fungus, Pneumocystis, responsible for an opportunist mycosis which infects humans"

Every mammal has its own pneumocyst parasite, says Institut de Recherche Pour le Développement press release.

"She was born May 2 at the Denver Zoo"

Baby gorilla moves to New Mexico's Rio Grande Zoo.

"we compete against places like Great Adventure"

Philadelphia Zoo, America's first zoo, raises funds to make improvements.