“recuperated miraculously”

South African William Tell wanna-be angers neighbors.

“grabbed my hand and bit down on it like a sandwich”

Victimized by Bubbles, Michael Jackson's pet chimpanzee.

MonkeyWatch says:

Burning food for fuel is like eating seed corn: an intellectual and moral failure.

“Curtis and his little brother, Charlie”

Denver Zoo increases their gorilla-count.

“choked to death on fairy cakes”

Why not cake and death?

“name on the ballot in Florida”

Michelle Obama bites head off Ralph Nader.

“smallest of the tiger subspecies”

No monkeys injured in Honolulu Zoo tiger escape.

Propithecus verreauxi coronatus

Kibongo, a recently-born crowned sifaka at Paris zoo is pictured.

“Button was another suggested name”

Central Florida Zoo flooded with names for baby Lesser-spot nosed guenon.

“the largest collection of penis bones in Northern California”

Whenever something dead washes ashore in San Mateo county, Ray Bandar is there and, voila, art happens!

“leveraging our products”

Google has a deep memory hole, it seems.

Via Moonbattery.

“each weekend the little monkey goes home with a different child”

It's only a hand-puppet, not a real monkey, and let's see it stays that way.

“I’d cancel my account today”

Boycott TMobile.

“thousands of miles of wall”

Non-existant wall across southern border said harmful to jaguars.

“extraordinary behaviour”

Scientists surprised by sex secrets of the gorillas.

“beta blockers or ACE inhibitors”

Two gorillas at Cleveland Metroparks Zoo, suffer from heart disease and benefit from the efforts of big pharma.

“its first public appearance today”

London Zoo celebrates their first birth of a red titi monkey.

Smirking costs extra

The Green Monkey, Britain's $16-million win-shy thoroughbred, to be marketed to gawkers, price per peek not stated.

“pimped out in some weird sort of way”

NBC tells hires Chris Crocker to tell David Shuster to leave Chelsea alone!

“Eight monkeys were shaken up”

Another senseless highway monkey accident, this time in Maryland.

Goodbye, Ah Meng

48-year-old orangutan Ah Meng dead at Singapore Zoo. “The world's most famous orangutan”, it says.

“because of snow havoc”

Your China trip to see bigfoot is cancelled.

“regrettable situation”

Errant monkey at Scotland's Edinburgh Zoo shot dead while attempting to escape rabies quarantine.

“BPA”

I don't know why there's so much sullen whimpering about nanny government.

“conservation of orangutans”

Malaysia's Sepilok Orang Utan Conservation Centre hopes to soon provide live streaming views of orangutan feeding time.

Science!

How the flying lemur flies, (It doesn't fly and it isn't a lemur. Go figure.)

“the Gorilla Prize”

Recyclable trash thefts loom as colleges compete nationwide in accumulation of reeking piles of recyclable trash. Market for most recyclables still lacking, sadly.

Goodbye, Tunuka

45-year-old Western lowland gorilla at KY's Louisville Zoo, dead of peritonitis. Not to minimize the gorilla's death, but "peritonitis" makes for the perfect Cary Grant impression.

“Botak, the Indonesian word for bald”

Melbourne Zoo's little orangutan gets a name.

“such as tuberculosis, malaria, hepatitis and AIDS”

Those monkeys you ordered from Malaysia won't be coming. They're defective, apparently.