Tuesday, December 30, 2003

“They are just trying to get by"

Conservation biologist Michael Gavin documents (and makes excuses for) chimpanzees in Uganda and Tanzania eating human children. (Times link, requires registration, or use laexaminer/laexaminer)

Update: Here it is, without the registration hassle.

And, Rowland must go.

"You've got to see the monkey. I love the monkey"

Dallas-area man puts up Christmas decorations, local paper covers it on 12/26.

And, Rowland must go.

"they catch on quickly to most anything so don’t plot to steal their banana cake"

An astrological discourse on the nature of those born in the Year of the Monkey, from the Philippines.

And, Rowland must go.

"All of this is very feng shui, very logical things"

Guam gets hosed down to ring in the Year of the Monkey.

And, Rowland must go.

"Siswi, a dominant female, stole their soap"

UK couple find love among the orangutans.

And, Rowland must go.

"They can disembowel you if you're not careful"

Frisky's Wildlife and Primate Sanctuary helps capture run-away emu in Maryland.

And, Rowland must go.

Monday, December 29, 2003

"She is doing fine now"

Gorilla Glue neither food nor dog food.

And, Rowland must go.

"The farmers attacked police with rocks and hit police buses with metal"

South Korean communists treated to enforced bathing. Lop buri monkey hospital mentioned in an unrelated story later on the page.

And, Rowland must go.

"smell the kangaroo that smells like maple syrup"

The wonders of Florida's "Monkey Jungle" and various other roadside animal parks and wildlife sanctuaries.

And, Rowland must go.

"This does not sound like the Ebola virus"

Zimbabwe has requested South African help with suspected ebola case, meanwhile insisting that it's not ebola, probably.

And, Rowland must go.

Sunday, December 28, 2003

meta, meta, meta

I've noted many Hartford Courant articles while looking for Rowland links, but haven't used any of them. Someone else explains why.

And, Rowland must go.

"A polished silver fork dangled from Adams’ right ear"

Hateful dwarf Kucinich gets endorsement from socialist clown Patch Adams who touts his friendship with the UN-appointed Queen of the Chimps.

And, Rowland must go.

"life goes on inside"

North Dakota's Roosevelt Park Zoo closed for the winter.

And, Rowland must go.

"not only in case of dog bites, but also to patients bitten by jackals, monkeys, foxes, cats and even for rat and bat bites"

Hindu Rao Hospital's rabies clinic posts "anti-rabies vaccine is not available here" sign.

And, Rowland must go.

"the only zoo in the world set in redwoods"

California's Sequoia Park Zoo, home of 58-year-old Bill the chimpanzee (a serial feces-flinger), losing zookeeper to retirement.

And, Rowland must go.

"Beck isn't sure how she caught the bug from her chimp pal"

Meanwhile, also at Victoria Falls, cross-species susceptability is played as a human interest filler.

And, Rowland must go.

"the case was still only suspected, not confirmed"

Possible ebola case at Victoria Falls.

And, Rowland must go.

"the review of the zoo's animal care now being carried out by the National Academy of Sciences"

Senator and physician Bill Frist defends the National Zoo.

And, Rowland must go.

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

...and Bruce here teaches logical positivism. And is also in charge of the sheep dip.

Paarl, Australia's Tygerberg Zoo celebrates the first anniversary of the arrival of Emma, the chimpanzee and today's arrival of Emma, the baby kookaburra.

And, Rowland must go.

"South Africa has no native gorillas"

National Council of Societies for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals denies asylum for refugee 'Taiping Four', demands they be deported back to Cameroon.

And, Rowland must go.

Sunday, December 21, 2003

Check your Amish Tech Support Dead Pool picks

Harold von Braunhut, marketer of Amazing Sea Monkeys, dead at 77.

And, Rowland must go.

"It was blond"

Himalayan hike story enhanced with tale of Yeti.

And, Rowland must go.

Friday, December 19, 2003

Thursday, December 18, 2003

"which give off a slight odour"

Elephant dung Christmas cards. Don't tell Rudy!

And, Rowland must go.

"rich, multi-cultural heritage"

USPS to complete Lunar New Year series with release of Year of the Monkey stamp.

And, Rowland must go.

Surrender Monkeys: "Nix to Nazo"

France bans stuffed monkey: offensive to schizophrenics.

Via LGF, Saudi Arabia bans all stuffed toys.

And, Rowland must go.

PETA's not going to like this

Ghana takes an interest in "Sustainable Bushmeat Trade".

And, Rowland must go.

"Ugandans are famous for being very friendly and hospitable"

Uganda should emphasise gorilla tracking, other features to attract more tourists.

And, Rowland must go.

"Ouch"

The Economist says: a chimpanzee wouldn't yank out the hair from its genital regions, and neither should you.

And, Rowland must go.

"shots of him wearing a diaper and sleeping in a crib"

PETA mad at Hugh Hefner over macaque.

And, Rowland must go.

"Houses would become more affordable as fewer people bid on them"

Providence Journal columnist Froma Harrop calls for human extinction.

And, Rowland must go.

"Temperatures are expected to hover in the 50s and low 60s for the next few days"

Florida temperatures plummet, heaters deployed for monkeys, other zoo inmates.

And, Rowland must go.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Like coals to Newcastle

Delhi Zoo to get new female lion-tailed macaque. "Found primarily in the evergreen forests of the Western Ghats they feed on banana, gram, green leaves and seasonal fruits." Just a homonym, I guess.

"the two paintings have not been recovered"

Dutch prosecutors announce the detention of "The Monkey"'s (or "ape"'s) accomplice, who apparently hasn't earned a colorful moniker yet.

"There are now no active cases of Ebola in the Congo Republic"

WHO says nobody's died in two weeks, ebola outbreak's done, nothing to see here, move along. But warned the deadly virus could return, perhaps striking a major city.

it's a boy

Louisville Zoo sexes their new gorilla.

"Activities include special feedings of the Komodo dragon"

From December 20, 2003 through January 2, 2004, free admission for anyone 13 and younger to Pittsburgh Zoo & PPG Aquarium, thanks to Citizens Bank of Pennsylvania & Giant Eagle. Kids can help Zoo employees wrap the gorilla gift boxes.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

"dangerous international delinquent"

International art thief "The Monkey" nabbed in Spain.

Update: or else he's called the ape, and also Octave D. They're not making international thieves the way they used to.

"Who's going to pay for it?''

Fast-growing, more accurate, flu vaccine techniques, including growing the vaccine on African green monkey kidney cells said to be hampered by regulatory, financial hurdles.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

Zoning commission must be real pushovers

Florida's Center for Captive Chimpanzee Care, a pie well-fingered by the Queen of the Chimps, to open doors to another 266 former research chimps, begin building invincible chimp army.

"Some scientists have questioned their work"

Sympathetic Telegraph article on the eccentric Siddles and their Chimfunshi Wildlife Orphanage, home to 100 chimps. "there is a 98 per cent match between the genes of humans and chimps"

Friday, December 12, 2003

Year of the Monkey tchotchkes

Hong Kong offers philatelists "a propitious souvenir for the Lunar New Year".

"We all want to see safe drugs and cures to human diseases, but"

Now the anti-vivisectionists point the finger at Germany. Queen of the Chimps muscles in to have her say.

"Criticism of the theory of evolution does not translate into another theory"

Intellegent Design advocates use statistics. charts, and graphs to try to lull Montanans into believing their big lie with mixed success.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Us, but not necessarily the French

"Hearing and smell may separate us from chimps".

Queen of the Chimps enslaves little school kids

Wilsonville OR elementary students make compost. "Kennedy will probably discuss the remaining issues after the holidays with a group of six fourth-graders from three classes who attended the Roots and Shoots Conference in October with chimpanzee researcher Jane Goodall."

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

"They kind of laughed and said that's just the way it is"

More trouble at National Zoo: colobus dead, cheetah infected, vermin run rampant. Leptospirosis.

Operation Give news

Scripps Howard moves Chief Wiggles story along with others. Starting to show up in your local newspaper.

He'll feel right at home, I'm sure

Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund to award Ted Turner at the UN.

Now we can build our own from scratch!

NIH releases initial draft of chimpanzee genome.

"leaving a fecal deposit on her head"

Monkeys make bad pets.

"a dubious and illogical offer from South Africa was apparently accepted"

International intrigue in the disposition of four western lowland gorillas.

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

Saturday, December 06, 2003

"You know, I may have said her liver looks funny to me."

Washington Post alleges pattern of mistakes, altered veterinary records in deaths of 23 animals at the National Zoo in the past six years.

"Do you think that humans are more brutal than chimps?"

Fawning Japan Times interview for latest idoru, Queen of the Chimps.

Disturbing referrers

Not disturbing, unless it's a motto.

Disturbing referrers

You don't want one.

"At the premiere of King Kong I wasn't too impressed"

Behind-the-screen details on 1933 King Kong.

Ask them when they're not hungry, and be ready to duck

Food handouts at Hanuman festival attract locals regardless of religion. Says temple priest Avadhbihari, "ask any poor Muslim or a poor Hindu and he would say that god is the same despite his many names."

“The Human Rights Declaration of 1948 says the same thing which we had centuries before”

Similarities and differences between modern and mythological justice systems in Bhutan. Difference one: nowadays the weights of good and bad deeds aren't balanced by a monkey.

Friday, December 05, 2003

"Coming soon: Refrigeration!"

Via /., the Bar Monkey.

Update: GPL'd alternative.

Boh Ada Ummph!

Malaysia's Boh Plantations tea company sponsors www.orangutan.com.

“The whole thing was geared toward developing knowledge of Japanese culture”

Air Force dependants at Yokota West Elementary School watch performing monkey troupe.

OK, we got the barn door locked good now

Franklin Park Zoo to reopen gorilla exhibit, minus Little Joe and cohort Okie.

Congratulations JoJo and Makari!

Louisville gets a new gorilla.

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

"As serious as Baeckler's claims are, there is no video, audiotape or witnesses to support them"

Malibu's Amazing Animal Actors alleged to engage in monkey abuse.

"heredity has a surprisingly important impact"

“Similarities in Affiliation and Aggression Between Cross-Fostered Rhesus Macaque Females and Their Biological Mothers” published.

Your tax dollars at work

Looking to get in the news, Putnam Co., NY went on record supporting a section of the Americans with Disabilities Act, even if it means monkeys in supermarkets. "Putnam Legislator Sam Oliverio doesn't know of any disabled person in Putnam having a service monkey. But he wants the county's laws to be ready in case someone goes into a store with a monkey."

Isn't this, umm, already the law?

"traditional holiday scenes"

Palm Springs conservation park "holiday" display includes a gorilla family as part of 250,000 twinkling lights.

Festive.

"they're harder to catch than your regular domesticated pets"

Lop Buri Zoo opens Thailand's first monkey hospital.

Update: more.

"But not everyone is happy"

Pretoria Zoo to get four western lowland gorillas who've done some travelling.

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

"There will be no roof, no walls, no ceiling"

Australia's Mogo Zoo to give two new chimps "a 9,000 square metre home, surrounded by a moat rather than a cage."

Life after monkeys

From "High Fashion Week in Moscow", the ass bra.

Year of the Monkey starts Jan 22

Don't forget to stock up on festive Communist ingots. "They didn't rule out the possibility that some people would maliciously rush to buy the gold bars for investment purposes. To prevent from this situation, the officials said their company has required the gold bar producer to increase the supply."

Of Interest to Online Monkeys

Chiquita Brands International (one of the largest banana producers in the world) will hold its second annual analyst and investor day on Tuesday, Dec. 16, 2003. The presentation will be accessible remotely by telephone or over the Internet.

I admit it, it's been a couple of slow monkey news days

Surrender monkeys in the news.